


i can feel your nature rising

by hanareader



Category: Naruto
Genre: Amateurs, BDSM, Complete, Daddy Kink, Explicit Language, Fist Fights, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Sub!Sasuke, read second to last author's note, switch!Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:25:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 81,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanareader/pseuds/hanareader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When one of their many school fights turns into something like this... they can't exactly be 'rivals' anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Breaking Point](https://archiveofourown.org/works/281443) by [Darkprism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkprism/pseuds/Darkprism). 



Blocking the fist aimed at his side, Naruto spins himself away from his opponent and the prickly tree at his back. He steps back enough to make room for acceleration then charges at his enemy.

Miss. Immediately he panics and can only watch as his friend/rival dodges and sweeps in with a roundhouse kick. Naruto’s too late to duck and dimly he can hear his jaw crack. He hits the ground with a hard _thunk_.

“Get up.”

 _Asshole_. “Do you- mmrph,” Naruto’s lips kiss dirt and it leaves a metallic taste in his mouth. Great, he just bit his cheek.

Sasuke grinds his foot into Naruto’s skull even harder. It takes Naruto only a few seconds to hear past his growing ire.

“-waste of my time. I could’ve long since finished my homework, unlike some morons I know, instead of playing loser with you.”

Naruto pushes up against a heavy shoe. “What the hell! If I didn’t have-,” he struggles on his forearms, then butts his head out from under Sasuke’s foot. He quickly jumps to his feet. “Besides who’s waiting for you to dinner? Do your homework in the morning – no one cares.”

If Naruto could see the effect he was having on his rival he’d be cackling with glee. But he was too busy blinking out the swirling colors in his eyes to note how Sasuke flinched.

“If you’d just give me a minute, I’ll come back around and beat your ass.” Naruto wobbles as he shoves Sasuke mildly.

Sasuke scoffs. “How? And when?”

Naruto recovers with a snap. With a sharp yell he completes his fist’s wide arc into Sasuke’s left eye, throwing in a weak kick to the knee for good measure. As he watches his opponent stumble, he hesitates.

Too late. Sasuke trips his foot out from under him and he goes down yet again, landing hard on his ass. Belatedly he sees déjà vu as the pale teen nears and grabs at his shirt collar. His eyes shift to meet cold, dark irises and he notes a blur to his right. All he thinks however, before Sasuke’s fist connects, is how he wished he had more time with this black-haired enigma.

Too bad Sasuke’s not one to stay at the scene of the crime.

...

With a start Naruto’s eyes snap open. _Gone already_ , he thinks, having surveyed the clearing empty of a certain Uchiha. His internal clock, other than his absolute faith in recovery abilities, knows he hasn’t been unconscious long and so he can’t help but search for a head of dark hair. This isn’t his first loss, much less is this disappearance anything new, however Sasuke could still be here for another round.

His heart beats faster in hope. If only Sasuke would stay for a little longer, maybe hear him out. He never means to piss him off and away but the bastard doesn’t see him otherwise. At school there’s plenty a glare and a sniff, or a turn of the head and Naruto is so not one for being a doormat - especially after repeatedly putting his hand out in comradeship to the bastard’s pale, lonely ass. His tolerance for stranded students like him only goes so far.

 _My parents are never home too,_ he thinks as he stretches wide along the grass against his back. _Doesn’t make me a dick._ A sensitive bruise makes Naruto wince and an uncomfortable feeling is already settling familiar in his stomach. Sasuke always liked to aim where it counted, predicting that his ramen lunch would taste spicy bile in the aftermath. He’s a right-bastard, Naruto knows well enough, but he can’t help but give props, along with realize how stupid he is to keep coming back.

For years they’ve been at odds, having occasional fistfights at school to lessen the tension before it escalates. Naruto can’t deny having enjoyed those fights: sometimes he’d catch the bastard off guard and whoop his ass well in the eyes of his peers as payback for all the times he’s been under fist-fire. It was tradition between them and he long figured they both understood there was no mal-intent behind it.

But only recently had the fights gotten more frequent, personal and isolated, the reasoning behind them unclear. Naruto recognizes he’s someone with a lot of steam to blow and he’s never said no to a challenge yet but even he can understand when things are going too far. He sometimes says too much and ends up pushing Sasuke away again, straining the already delicate relationship they have. And exposing the bastard’s non-existent parents really wasn’t going to win brownie points with the boy he was planning on finally befriending this year.

Naruto thumps his head against the ground in tandem with his thoughts, _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ he chants and thinks back along his entire interaction with Sasuke today. The clouds drift by slowly across the clearing of the canopy overhead and Naruto sighs as he closes his eyes. His body still hurts and there’s nothing else he can do and he doesn’t know of a better solution. Fuck it.

He’s going to fight him tomorrow. Again.

...

Naruto grumbles under his breath as he nears his bathroom mirror, turning his cheek to see the darkening bruise on his face in better light. His jaw looks sound but his right eye is mottled pink, deep enough to incite doubt of his healing in time for school tomorrow. He should call Sakura but it’s late and he doesn’t want her to see him at his worst. _It’ll lighten up_ , he hopes and he tenderly pulls off his shirt to take his shower. _‘Though she might give it to me worse for hurting her precious Sasuke,_ he smiles grimly and kicks off his shoes.

Naruto’s headed straight for the bathroom the moment he’d come home, feeling sweaty and dirty and exhausted after his bout with Sasuke. He knew he’d have to ice the bruises quick and maybe take some painkillers but at the moment he doesn’t care. The sound of shower water is deafening to his ears and he forgets his losing the fight. He breathes the steam in deeply and runs his fingers through his hair, massaging until leaves and twigs and dirt stream away from his scalp. Naruto closes his eyes for a moment then uncaps his body wash. He’s almost through with his routine when his phone rings.

“Kiddo, you’re still up?”

Jiraiya’s voice is full and airy, like a slice of fresh bread. Naruto grins despite himself, his jaw still stinging.

“Who do you take me for?”

His uncle, his guardian and his parent all in one laughs and he can feel that it’s been a while since he’s got to do so with sincerity. It isn’t much of a joke but it’s been months since they’ve talked and more since they’ve seen each other. Naruto’s simply relieved to hear his family once again and he laughs along.

“Naruto, how’s life going for ya? How’s the house?”

Naruto’s only happy to bullshit, though the throbbing’s never stopped in his eye since coming from the fight. He tells all, he spins stories, he keeps talking because he’s long figured there is a 50-50 chance of Jiraiya informing him of his arrival or yet another journalism endeavor. He’s praying for the former. He wonders if Jiraiya can tell that he’s fibbing but Naruto can’t help but grip onto his parent’s attention when he’s finally got the chance. A good story might bring him home and Naruto misses the days when they could get by on erotic literature.

“And then this girl totally got down on me and I could see her cleavage smoosh against my thigh-”

“No way! What size?!”

“Huge! As big as the old hag’s, heavy on her back too. Yeah, I was so worried for her being hunched over on her knees, like what if she keeled over?”

“Ah, Naruto-”

“But she was like, ~ _Oh Naruto, please, let me_ ~ and it was pretty hot.”

Unfortunately, Jiraiya’s chuckles begin to die down and Naruto squeezes his eyes shut. He knows what’s happening, what his father’s going to say next but now there is no more he can do to put off the inevitable. He hears his dad take a deep breath.

“I’m not coming home.”

Just his luck. Of course. Naruto clenches the phone tighter, his case’s indentations sear red into his palm.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. There’s no excuses for me to say, you already know the rest.”

That he did. Naruto abruptly shuts off the water, letting droplets still foaming of soap fall to the tiles. He tugs back the shower curtains but doesn’t move for his towel. The cold hits him and he waits.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’ve transferred some money to your account and that should cover any expenses, huh? As usual if there isn’t enough, you can tell old Tsunade, but don’t let her know I called her that.” Jiraiya chuckles to himself but Naruto isn’t listening much anymore. A breeze through his window makes his body shiver, yet his eyes still stare at the bathroom tiles detachedly.

“Naruto?”

He can hear a note of worry and confusion through his speakers, so he responds.

“Sure! Same amount, right? I don’t think I’ll need more than that. I mean, I like eating ramen,” Naruto forces a laugh. “And...” He sighs deeply. He’s too tired to be depressed from Jiraiya’s absence, too old to cry over spilt milk. Especially so when he never had any of said milk to begin with. Normally he’d beg his parent home but Naruto’s fully worn out and he doesn’t want to lose a second time in one day.

Instead, he laughs. “And I’ll keep it quiet that you secretly like old women instead of all the prostitutes you follow around.”

“Haha, true enough, just like your mother, you are- Hey! Except for those last words, you little upstart! Call her old, don’t tell her I still l-like her, chickenshit brat!”

Naruto can’t help the small smile growing on his face and he reaches for his towel. “I’ll remember that you stuttered too. Nothing like a grown man still in _l-l-like_ with his old lady crush. Naa, how come you didn’t write erotica about that? I’d read it.”

There’s a squawk and a resounding bang and the conversation is back on.

...

“Wow. You’re ugly.”

Kiba stares at his face shamelessly, portraying his disgust with a small grimace. He steps through his doorway and pokes at his bad eye. Rude.

“Screw you.” Naruto rolls his eyes and slaps the poking finger away. He scowls and shoves his dog-lover friend out of his house, grabbing his keys and backpack on the way out. Today he just wants to hurry into Kiba’s truck, get to class and finish his day at school without a hitch. That is, excluding his confrontation with Sasuke. He slams loud the car door after seating with a plomp and taps his fingers rough on the window-armrest. The blue in Naruto’s eyes glints and his face sets in determination. Oh, he’s definitely fixing for a fight with that bastard, as dirty as it can be.

“Who?” There is a click and the rap music that had been previously blaring from the truck’s speakers’ cuts off.

Naruto looks away from the green light and stares pointedly at Kiba.

“Yeah, we’re in the suburbs and there’s no one behind us. Stop stalling.” The other teen reclines his chair, pulls his hands from the steering wheel and then folds them behind his head. “Well?”

Naruto sighs. Knowing his friend he truly wouldn’t drive until he told him the truth. He might as well. “Sasuke.”

“Ah, so I thought." Satisfied with an answer, Kiba sits up and begins driving again.

Way too easy. “What, is that it?”

“You know,” Kiba smoothly turns the steering wheel, and the vehicle follows. He’s too calm, too weirdly silent, Naruto notes with sense of foreboding. “I mean it when I say you're ugly. You should break this up.”

Naruto growls. “We’re not dating, ass.”

“Ha. Yeah, and you look like shit for the third time this week.” Kiba stares intently at the road before him and Naruto notes the red triangle tattoos stretch taut when his lips tighten. But he doesn’t add any more to say even as they stop at the next light.

The ride to school is unbearably quiet and along the way Naruto fidgets in his seat. He’s never known what to do with silence and the urge to laugh obnoxiously or holler nearly escapes him. But no. He settles for entertaining that thought and patiently waits for Kiba to say his fill.

They park in a near empty lot, not to be filled with passing high school students for yet another hour. They’re early as always, and for once Naruto wished that wasn’t the truth. Now he really can’t avoid a “serious” discussion with one of his buddies. He groans inwardly.

As if in tune with his thoughts, Kiba turns in his seat and fixes an intense look on his person. Naruto bristles, self-conscious.

“What?” he says brusquely.

“What’s going on between you and Sasuke?” Kiba asks. He’s not one for subtlety, which on better days Naruto appreciates and has in common but a little consideration and stalling would be very welcome now. Unfortunately, Naruto doesn’t really know what to respond.

“Nothing, man, nothi-”

“Nothing?" Kiba’s finger flicks his swollen eye and Naruto scrunches his nose in pain. “Mr. Umino’s going to flip shit when he sees your face! I’m already flipping shit and it’s taking all that I have not to break into Uchiha’s place and fuck him up.” Kiba’s eyes look to the ceiling of his car and his palms face up as if begging for divine intervention. “Oh my God, Naruto, you dumbnut, how hard is it to keep your hands off one guy?”

Naruto’s lips immediately curls in disgust. “Don’t say shit like that, you know that’s not how it is. And you also know the Uchiha would fuck you up if you ever happened to get into his house.”

Kiba resolutely ignores those last words, rolling his eyes. “Then how is it? Talk to me, ‘Ruto, explain why I’m seeing this wounded soldier shit again? And it’s only been like, what, a few months into the school year? Not to mention summer break?”

“I-” Naruto doesn’t know what to say. He could try to explain that when Sasuke’s in the immediate vicinity his brain goes on standby and all he can focus on is the sound of his voice. That when he moves to leave, Naruto can’t react fast enough to catch the bastard’s attention. That he lives for those rare moments they’re face-to-face, almost only fighting, he holds his gaze and Naruto’s so ecstatic that if he had a tail he’d wag it. … _Wag it?_ His brows scrunch in confusion. _Sounds like a bad rap song._

“Hello?” Kiba waves a hand in front of his face and Naruto snaps back to the present.

Naruto realizes his thoughts won’t translate well, not that he knew the right words to explain his relationship with Sasuke anyway. All he knows is that these past weeks they’ve just been in a rut and given a good talk/beating they’ll be back to normal again. _Which isn’t really any different,_ Naruto snorts. Still, he’d settle for anything with Sasuke even if it ends with a bad eye.

“Everything’s fine, really. We’re just fighting more often but I don’t know why. I’m finding out today though… After school.”

Kiba sighs and shakes his head. He removes his keys and unbuckles his seat belt. “I’m not trying to hound on you, dude, for real, 'cuz that’s not my thing.” He reaches over to the back seat and grabs his school bag. “But one day you can really get hurt and no one’s gonna be there to help you. Both of you.”

He puts his hands up in surrender and cuts off Naruto’s protests. “I’m just saying; it’s not normal, man. We rarely fight and when we do it’s not gonna be with hard fists. Maybe you two…” Kiba makes a face and shivers.

_What?_

“Whatever happens tonight I’ll still be your friend, okay?” Naruto feels a hard slap on his shoulders. That, along with the sudden urge to bite the hand off.

“But you’re still super ugly though so I texted the girls to bring some makeup for you.”

Oh no. Naruto can feel as his stomach sinks. “Oi, you can’t call them behind my back, Sakura will kill me once she’s figured out it’s from Sasuke!”

Kiba, that asshole, simply laughs as he exits the truck and his laughter booms across the empty lot. Naruto’s pissed but dog-boy is quick to shut the door and speed-walk away. And soon before he can give him a piece of his mind, he’s gone.

Naruto thumps his head against his seat’s headrest.

"Shit."

...

“Uzumaki! Learn to put a cap on your stupid, wannabe male posturing-"

Naruto cringes at the sheer volume that his smaller in stature, seemingly frail friend can produce at will. He can see short pink hair whip wild as Sakura furiously searches her bag for some makeup. Ino, her accomplice simply nods in agreement, intervening at choice intervals.

“I mean this is like, getting old. Naruto, don’t you have anything better to do than bait Sasuke?”

Naruto would definitely begin to defend his position. He’s positive that it’s Sasuke who baits him but he knows to say otherwise, to say anything really, is suicidal at this time. Not that Sakura would even believe him or listen. So his mouth remains shut.

He flinches when Sakura finds some foundation and brandishes it as a weapon against him.

“And the nerve to ask for my help! This isn’t the first time and makeup is expensive-”

Naruto scrunches his eyes and exhales deeply. She’s right that this isn’t his first time in the girl’s bathroom getting his ‘makeup’ done. And it’s certainly not going to be his last. But it’s not like he plans to get hit or wants to bother her needlessly. He just needs a cover-up just so that Iruka doesn’t notice. God, he hopes he doesn’t notice. This is the last time in his day that he’s gonna be pestered about fighting with Sasuke; he’s not hearing a third lecture. Not to mention, this is the last time he’s gonna think about that bastard, too. Somebody help him, if even Sakura gets the wrong idea.

But still, the girl in question isn’t holding back. She’s beautiful even as she’s biting him with her words but Naruto can’t help that her comments are getting to him, that his body begins hunching in on itself in the already small, class chair. He knows logically that she doesn’t mean it and that she’s only making strong her point so that he doesn’t pick a fight again. Still, he winces at a particularly sharp barb.

When will she finally learn that Naruto can’t stop these fights from happening? That he can’t stop anything?

He scuffs his foot against the blue, bathroom tiles and he lets her rant on. Somehow over the noise, he can hear yet another student walk into the restroom and he notes through the many mirrors that they’re not even fazed over the fact that there’s a boy in the girl’s bathroom. Damn. Of course, he’s already been familiar to the female student body, but it still gets to his masculinity that not one is even remotely surprised by him. Naruto figures that by now he can even use the girl’s restroom later by himself and no one would blink an eye. He sighs.

“Look up.” Sakura demands and Naruto slowly raises his head.

Concern. Green eyes rove over his face, shifting focus between his purpling jaw and swollen eye. He watches as Sakura frowns and feels her brush her fingers along his cheek gently. He closes his eyes, already tired of seeing her worry.

“Oh, Naruto, look at what you’ve done to yourself.” She grips his chin and slowly turns his face right. Ino hands her a foundation brush. There’s a squelch of concealer cream and a prodding to his jaw.

“Don’t move.” Sakura rubs the cream into his bruise and Naruto shoulders instantly slump, relaxed. Although he’s never liked being the one who always gets hurt or having to put makeup on, he can’t deny that he loves getting pampered with a face massage by his middle school crush. It’s almost worth getting hit.

When he feels her hand smoothing his hair back, he jerks in the relocated school seat and his eyes blink awake. Sakura smiles morose at him, and Naruto raises his eyebrows in question.

Sakura shakes her head but for what, he doesn’t know. She runs her fingers through his hair one more time. “You can stop now, Naruto.”

He flinches away from the hand on his scalp and stares at her without reserve.

She only sighs sadly. “You don’t have to keep getting Sasuke’s attention for me, you know. I’m over him and it’s only hurting you and it’s not working…”

His lips tighten. And like he had said, he can’t stopanything.

He’s long fighting with Sasuke since they were in Konoha Middle and all three of them happened to be paired up for a year-long school project. They were young, still tiny and such little riots; always fighting with the loudest words moreso than their fists. But he remembers that year fondly, as fun, since it was the first time things started looking up for him. Sasuke as his friend, both Tsunade and Jiraiya together living with him...

Naruto ignores her as he gets up from his seat, sidesteps around her in order to get a better look of himself in the mirror.

Hm. He’s looking… good. Naruto angles his face in many directions, trying to catch any hint of his bruises in the poor lighting of the girl’s restroom. He’s smoothing a finger over his cheeks, around his eye and jawline, tracing the edges of his face. It’s not a seamless run and he can feel a few ridges but overall his countenance appears the same as usual. His grin returns in confidence. This is the face that’ll get back Sasuke.

Naruto turns back to Sakura, acknowledging her once again.

“Don’t worry about me, worry about Sasuke-bastard," he says. “Naruto Uzumaki doesn’t back down from a fight and he doesn’t give up neither. Before you know it, we’ll be back to ‘Team 7’ again.” Naruto gives her a sunny thumbs up.

“I just needed to look pretty in time for class. Who knows how loud Iruka will yell at me for having bruises on my face. Can you makeup blown ears? I didn’t want to get hurt worse.” Sakura giggles. What a pretty sound. He feels a surge of assurance bind him and his smile regains faith.

“Good luck on fooling Mr. Umino,” Ino chides in and begins packing up all the makeup tools and products used.

Sakura swiftly rounds on her. “You don’t believe in my beautification skills?”

The long-haired girl waves a foundation brush at her. “Hmph, I could totally do better.”

“The hell!"

Naruto guesses that it’s his cue to leave. He promptly walks out the girl’s bathroom, an easy, unblemished grin in his arsenal. Nothing could bring him down today, he’s sure of it.

...

Iruka looks like he’s about to cry.

It’s the end of the school day, the bell having rung long ago and the halls are silent since all the students have gone. Naruto can’t hear a shoe squeak or even random chatter nearby. All the focus in his head is hurting. He can only stare at his teacher.

The two of them are the only people left in the classroom, this classroom of grouped tables and blue, empty chairs. The class is hardly put together, desks crooked, chairs not pushed in, test papers still out. Usually he would, always, unfailing, help clean after class - Iruka is his number one mentor. But now Naruto feels an itch in his legs and his eyes dart to and from the exit.

The one day he’s asked to stay after class leaves him anxious and on edge. He knows in his gut that it’s gonna be bad news but he’s stuck between running away and torment from the various scenarios he’s conjectured. _Is Jiraiya okay? Is Tsunade fine?_ he wants to demand but he doesn’t want to know the truth.

Iruka gives him a pitying look, his eyebrows bent, thick ponytail wilted, a sad, small smile on his face. Naruto, for once in his life, wants to punch his teacher in the nose. He hates when people pity him.

“Naruto, I really tried my best and I’ve talked to everyone I could-”

_Oh, so it’s not about my parents,_

“And I really didn’t want this to happen to you, you of all people,” Iruka’s voice is cracking, but the man doesn’t stop.

“Because I don’t think it’s fair, and I know you’ve been working hard-”

Naruto scratches the back of his head, good-natured. “It’s okay, teach; just say it. I won’t be mad.”

His favorite teacher sighs, long. “They can’t approve of your makeup classes, Naruto. You’re going to have to repeat senior year.”

 _ **Repeat**_. Naruto doesn’t breathe for a moment and he feels as if the gears in his brain are slowing down to a crawl, that with just a sentence he is going to power-off and die. His heartbeat pauses, time has slowed for him. In the fog of his mind he can see how Iruka blubbers, his pitch rising higher in the cold of the moment, trying his best to restore animation in his icicle of a student. Naruto’s really pulling out all the allaying stops this week because too quickly, he smiles.

“Na, I guess we’ll be seeing each other again next year, huh? And to think you were just about to get rid of me: well, I caught you!” Naruto points a finger and laughs.

Iruka, pressured teacher as he is, confused and relieved and not really listening; he laughs too.

“I know you were hoping to make up more classes this summer, after official graduation, and still get your degree, albeit late, but they…” Iruka snorts half-heartedly but at least he isn’t going to cry. “School regulations wouldn’t allow it. And I promised you! I said, you could do half now and half later, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t even keep my promise.”

Naruto puts his hands up in a placating gesture. “Teach, it’s okay; it’s okay!” and he chuckles with his eyes closed. His blue eyes were always too telling and too clear, like water. Or maybe it’s that Iruka can read him so easily and Naruto’s already exhausted of talking. He wants to leave. Like, now. “I kinda expected that to happen, so no biggie, really. I’ll be cool with another year, I mean, I still haven’t figured out what I wanted to do with my life anyway, so more time, ya’know?”

Iruka is muted and he only nods gratefully.

Naruto takes the silence to adjust his backpack. He rolls one shoulder, cracks his neck and grins at his teacher.

“Thanks for telling me, no need to waste my time, right? Well, I guess I’ll see you later, teach.” Naruto swiftly leaves, his last quip a reminder of what he always says after clean-up; Iruka snaps out of his stasis.

“Wait! Naruto-”

Only Iruka is calling to an empty room because the only response he gets is the groan-flutter of the class door closing.

...

It is a testament to their violent natures, Sasuke, leaning against the school building, hands in his pockets, waiting for him. Naruto wonders when had they become literal appointments, so in tune, mature and ironically peaceful in light of their purpose.

Sasuke doesn’t appear to have any of the same thoughts and Naruto watches as the other boy picks himself off the wall and walks away, silently expecting Naruto to follow. And like death after life, Naruto does.

...

They are heading to the same clearing again, an odd circle of old trees in a forest that has been growing on the Uchiha grounds for generations. Naruto remembers the first time he came here, awed, and frankly honored, he had asked his rival what were those line-scratch markings rising up the bark of these oaks.

_“Nah, what happened there?”_

_“My ancestors were a clan of ninja, they would practice tree-climbing and mark their progress.”_

Sasuke had spoken so nonchalantly, not even addressing him with his eyes but Naruto could tell that the trees fascinated him just as much, if not more than was said. He smiles at the memory and stares at the back facing him.

The other boy, he’s cool with his hands still in his pockets, while he walks with a swagger that easily navigates through the thick wood. Naruto can see the relaxed posture of his back, the way the white shirt conforms to smoothed shoulders, and is creaseless-ly tucked in gray jeans. This is how he always looks before a fight, calm and ready, and maybe a little happy? Naruto can’t tell for sure, much of his facial expressions remain stoic but that doesn’t stop him from following along.

They reach their destination. It’s a far off group of trees, although a tranquil stretch, highly unlikely to be found by other Uchihas. He figures that’s why Sasuke likes it so much; the teen could fight him full-power without it being reported back to his family. And Naruto could admit it was better here than at school. The air smells sharp of wood, the sun shines sparingly, the falls onto this grass feel better (not wonderful, but not painful either), and it’s so silent aside from their trash talk, Naruto can sometimes hear how Sasuke curses under his breath and maybe if they’re close, his thumping heart. Not to mention that they’re completely alone.

Sasuke spins to face him in the clearing and Naruto witnesses the happiest look he’s seen on the bastard. He has the dark, assessing eyes that rove over his person for “weak points” (hah!) and a small, almost unnoticeable smirk on his face that grows wider when he notes Naruto turn in the meager sunlight… and his make-up is showing through.

“You look beautiful,” Sasuke quips and Naruto rolls his eyes. What a prick.

“Hell yeah, I do. Just for you, baby.”

Naruto grins at the narrowed gaze he gets for his efforts. Score one for him.

Sasuke doesn’t say anything for a moment and Naruto considers that as another point for his team. Although after a minute of staring at each other and no response, he wonders if he should beware.

To be honest, their rebounding talk is useless. They are both here now, in spite of any later plans, and have no need for verbal sparring as encouragement to their physical violence. They are going to fight; it’s why they’re here. But if only he could be here for other reasons, Naruto thinks, and his body waits in a slight defensive stance.

On second thought, nah.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Naruto taunts and he cocks his head and leans back. This is all the invitation he needs.

Sasuke, in a burst of speed is upon him, a left jab following closely behind. Naruto, adrenaline surging, his feet long itching to move, surprises himself with the ease that which he dodges. With enough time for a harrowing kick, Naruto is for once ahead of the fray.

They fight not for long, half-an-hour tops, before the placing's reveal themselves.

Sasuke, his shirt torn, looks like he went into a hostile chicken coup and barely got out. Naruto can see the splinters stuck in the openings of his dress, from when he got the jump on him and shoved him _hard_ into a tree. _Progress scratch mark for that,_ Naruto thinks proudly and he watches as the boy limp-hobbles forward, catching himself on a root.

The teen is wearing some red on his person today - as of now, Naruto preens - his cut lip colors rouge, dripping bright onto his shirt. Unfortunately for him, the color doesn’t mix well with the grass stains and dirt skid marks. Then again, his overall color looks unfortunate. Sasuke looks to him like a zombie, and the swollen eye Naruto’s gifted isn’t helping much in that regard.

He’s panting harshly now, his breath is coming in strong gulps and gusts of air, his lungs fluctuating in contraction-distention. It’s surreal and a little nauseating. Naruto can’t believe his eyes how bloated Sasuke’s lungs become in a panic.

And as for Naruto? Well, he’s been worse. Naruto’s regaining some feeling in his right middle finger, even though Sasuke – that bitch – bent it back on itself, the tip of his nail nearly touching his wrist. He’s got an idea of where things are and still remain, so his vision’s keeping strong despite the straight punch to his already injured eye. But Naruto reluctantly admits to himself that his side isn’t doing too good, and his heaving for breath is slowing, only because it hurts more _to_ breathe.

Nevertheless, he’s loads better off than the bastard. He has more energy and more than enough stamina to keep him going like a back-up battery. Sasuke doesn’t stand a chance.

“How are you feeling?” Naruto asks cheekily. He knows from experience that his rival’s eye feels like utter shit and by extension so does the rest of his body, but he can’t help to rub in his advantage when he so rarely gets it. “Can you even feel?”

Sasuke doesn’t answer yet again and he watches as the paling teen struggles to stay standing: still, unsuccessfully, catching his breath.

Naruto finds himself in a predicament. He could go on and attack him again, bring him down for keeps but as he watches when Sasuke licks his lips (pointless, now there’s more blood flowing and Naruto’s eyes continue to follow the trickle) he can’t muster the vengeance in him to do it. Naruto settles for trash talk.

Naruto lips curl into a filthy smile. And to think that just an hour ago he was feeling the worse! From his absentee father (surprise) to the shitty turn of his day finding out that he’s gonna repeat a year… Senior year. The year that everyone takes easy since it’s their last. Naruto can’t believe his shit luck. However as he watches Sasuke heave, he can damn well put his money and his faith, in karma. What else would have had his rival serve himself up to him as an emotional punching bag at such a perfect time?

It was no wonder he won today, of all days. Jiraiya used to say that he had no control over his emotions but that didn’t mean he couldn’t direct them well. He didn’t pull a Sakura, who enraged, would set herself on friend and foe. But neither did he act like Sasuke, who’d silently stew in his anger until exacting revenge. No; Naruto took his anger out destructively, usually on inanimate objects or exercise equipment.

But nothing, he snorts, beats beating his rival.

Naruto’s baiting when he easily moves out of danger, when Sasuke tries to get the jump on him. He’s smiling because there’s no need to back up, Sasuke can’t reach him anyhow. He’s laughing since that's such a pitiful hit, please, really? Naruto stops laughing; he’s bored, it’s time to end this. A morbid voice in his head goes, _Finish him_ , street fighter style and he laughs. Naruto goes through the motions, dodging strategically, moving Sasuke the way he wants him best before finally taking him out.

He trips him into the dirt face down, a position Naruto’s been in too many times for comfort. Sasuke’s shoes fight for traction but before they can Naruto locks his knees half-over the instep of Sasuke’s, twine-ing his feet with his rival’s. The body under him is forced to accommodate. The Uchiha bows low, Naruto holds down his long arms with a hand against the small of his back, deftly driving Sasuke deeper into the grass.

They tense. It’s quiet with only the sound of harsh breathing interrupting the air between them, and a rapid heartbeat. Naruto can see the pulse in Sasuke’s neck, he watches it thrum and he doesn’t notice his mouth salivate. His fingers pinch into the boy’s wrists while his free hand seems to move in slow motion to grasp at oily, black hair…

Sasuke coughs.

 _Shit!_ Air. Naruto’s weight only lets up a little for the teen but for some reason Sasuke isn’t taking advantage of the freed space. He doesn’t even adjust slightly. All Naruto can see is him, who continues to eat dirt and grass ripples as he exhales.

Strange. There’s a distinct lack of struggling and Naruto can’t help being suspicious. For sure by now something would happen, he would garner some sort of reaction, words, body, anything. But Sasuke’s silent, too silent and Naruto is getting pissed. He doesn’t like being ignored.

Nails scratch at scalp, he gathers a large chunk of inky strands and yanks. Sasuke gasps, aloud.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Naruto breathes down his shoulder. There’s only a racking shudder in response. Not enough.

“Talk to me, you bastard. Why so quiet?” He twists his hand and pulls up. Sasuke’s long, white neck reveals and he scents his sweat.

He nears Sasuke’s ear and his nose brushes the teen’s temple. This is some real ASMR shit, he thinks, and in a low voice he asks. “…are you even listening?”

If there was ever a time when shit goes down so fast, so sudden - like the crashing wave of a tsunami - and the only thing left to do is react, to reflex before chaos, that time is _now_.

Sasuke groans, long and low, and the heavy sound is so jarring Naruto yanks the hair tighter, taut. This only makes things worse; his voice heightens and instantly, a sick satisfaction settles in his gut. Finally, _something_. Naruto’s heartbeat begins to race, his nose blows air in and out in large gusts, his mouth floods with spit; he swallows it down slowly. But he doesn’t stop the hand that stretches higher, that tugs.

Time catches up to them. The moment is cut, Sasuke only breathes silently, open-mouthed and rough against the dirt, his eyes closed. Naruto watches the transgression of color changing on his face, first a lovely pink before blanching to stark white then shadowing into gray. Sasuke’s eyes snap open. Fear.

In a blink, Naruto understands. Oh, does he get it. Never in a million years would he have suspected, would he have thought it, but all the evidence is here right under him. In addition to the stricken look on Sasuke’s face and Naruto grins with a feeling like never before. Sudden relief.

…It’s something.

Before he can even open his mouth to say anything, obviously tactless and detrimental, Sasuke bucks him with the strength of a convicted criminal. He’s running away. Naruto lands back and can only watch as the Uchiha gathers himself in a flurry and escapes but both of them knows he can’t run away for long. The steps against the forest floor are the last things he hears of Sasuke before he’s alone in the clearing. Completely alone.

Naruto laughs until he cries.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my betareader, Jaye, or 1hit1der Story Teller on fanfiction.net for beta-reading this for me.

Maybe it’s the abnormal rush beating of his heart which pounds in his ears or the way the grass beneath his feet swirl like a whirlpool, but Sasuke stops running before he surely falls. He’s breathing hard, spittle colored pink coughs out his throat and clogs up his airways, he needs to lean on this tree before he throws up, passes out or both. With bark against his back and feet stable under him, Sasuke sinks to a slump and closes his eyes.

He doesn’t know what he’s feeling, his genius mind is quiet, empty like tranquil water about to go stale any moment. His face feels numb, his muscles only move to stiffen and he knows if he sits here any longer he’ll fall asleep. Hopefully to wake up to a better dream, or better yet, never wake up at all.

It’s shocking, for him. Rare even that he loses control like… like this. And so easily, too. His heart is still thrumming over his undeniable shock, Sasuke feels a sudden apprehension of the dumbass but it’s not like Naruto knew what he was doing. No; Naruto couldn’t see his actions, even if he’s done so a million times with a million eyes. Sasuke refuses to play the blame game especially when he will surely lose. He can feel the jolt of fear shudder through his veins with every rapid heartbeat and his stomach churns. It’s just scary to actually think that he…

Sasuke’s hands grip his knees and squeezes hard. He really needs to get a hold of himself, these feelings aren’t like him. So dizzying and weird, he needs to stop feeling so he scrunches his eyes shut tight. Because Mr. Umino was fucking right - he should’ve long stopped fighting with Naruto.

Not that today was a fight. As his butt turns numb and prickles with needles, he replays the last ten minutes in his mind. He doesn’t know what today is, all he knows is that he’s still breathing hard like he can’t get enough of something and his legs are bound to give out to the floor. He’s slumping lower against this tree and he moves his hands and fingers to clench-relax-splay along this grass that feels incredibly cool against his burning skin. It’s tempting to place himself stretched along this green ground and revel and squirm: he wants to get caught when Naruto eventually heads home.

He freezes at the thought.

_What the fuck-_

He’s in a still panic and the only thing moving is the dirty gears in his mind that think unsavory thoughts. He feels sick to his stomach and weak at his knees, he needs to think else other than the bittersweet taste in his mouth. He needs to leave. Now.

Sasuke gets up too fast that his vision blurs but he can’t rest here any longer. He leaves. He gets the impression that he’s running away but from what, he doesn’t know. All that he knows is he’s not running fast enough.

He’s finally home and his slamming of the door alerts his father to his presence. Fugaku Uchiha, with reading glasses perched on his nose settled comfortable at the kitchen table only glances up once before silently returning to his papers. _Not this again,_ Sasuke thinks and rolls his eyes. He doesn’t hesitate to make a ruckus of going to his room, stomps up the stairs and he knows his feet thunders from the upper floor exactly over his father. But what he also knows is that his dad won’t say a word about it.

In his room of strewn dirty clothes, he kicks off his shoes to the existing pile of footwear and he throws his backpack… someplace. He doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. The only thing untouched is his perfectly-made bed that he promptly falls upon, head first. Already he’s feeling this sense of foreboding, his leg twitches and he glances obsessively at his door. But this isn't enough of a distraction from Naruto. Sasuke’s mind promptly, unhelpfully provides visuals. Already, he can feel his skin burning and...

That’s it, he’s going to sleep.

...

Sasuke shifts uncomfortably on his bed ruffling his comforter. Time hasn’t passed him, it’s only been five minutes of laying in quiet and already his brain is going crazy. Fuckin’ Kakashi. The man gives him one damned erotica novel, his eyes crinkling and Sasuke knows that under his mask he’s grinning. Sometimes he wishes that his homeroom teacher wasn’t such a family friend of Obito, he can’t get away from him in or out of school. All he can do is take the stupid porno book to make him leave him alone: he’s bored anyway and he needs to kill time.

Because over the years he’s read many of Kakashi’s books - not one particularly special - yet Sasuke can’t help but to remember how his teacher implored him to read _this_ one, that it’ll appeal to his 'daddy issues and his sense of duty,' and here Sasuke rolls his eyes, 'the way you obsess over power.'

So annoying. Sasuke had taken the book with healthy amount of skepticism, he'd given a noncommittal grunt and Kakashi perks up like it’s the most overflowing praise. If Sasuke knew what he was getting into he would’ve closed the book on Kakashi’s face and stuffed its pages down his stupid mask. Instead, he flips a page indifferently, _whatever_ , he expects for it to end on a happy but predictable note, and ‘Mr. Hatake’ sashays back to his desk.

To this day he never gave that book back.

Stupid, smug Kakashi, he swaggers to his desk every Tuesday morning with a new dark erotica, only the good ones because he knows Sasuke doesn’t have the patience to sift through the rest. Like a damn book club meet, he can see eyes crinkling as Sasuke immediately cracks open the cover and digs right in. He wants to shoo his teacher away but he’s not going to bite the hand that feeds him, he answers every amused question and _“Good, isn’t it?”_

Kakashi, who thinks (knows) he’s Sasuke’s only lifeline to things he will never admit to his family about; Sasuke, who’s too paranoid for anything more than vanilla porn videos off wifi at home, accepts them like the exotic treasures they are and disperses what he can amongst his school books. If his father ever found out…

_“It’s child abuse, the way you’re so repressed. You poor boy.”_

_“Shut up, Kakashi, and give me the damn book.”_

Sasuke really can’t get enough reading BDSM but he never thought in a million years that he’d want to _live it_.

And Naruto. Sasuke intakes a breath.

Some days he’d win a fight with him and fulfill his need to make a comeback, he’d harm like no other. Other days he’d lose and lose bad, and like a phoenix the process would both start and end all over again. But if only he didn’t lose today. He would woe over this loss: Naruto will never refuse a fight and he likes that of his personal stress-reliever. What a true friend, he thinks sadly and it’s his fault that he can’t depend on him anymore. Sasuke cringes. Remembering how loud he moaned, how the fast the blood rushed to his cheeks, _just like right now,_ and damn that he doesn’t feel sick enough of himself. There’s only this swirling lightness that’s pulling him forward by the collar, he needs to _see_.

Sasuke grits his teeth and clenches his pillow in fists, turning his head stiffly to the side. He’s lost already.

Dammit, he’s curious.

...

Sasuke doesn’t sleep well, he weakly greets his mother good morning while he rubs at his swollen eye. He can't see her pout when she places his breakfast on the table but he feels her staring so he uses his whole palm, he rubs his eye harder. If the dishware clangs louder than appropriate then that’s too bad.

He’s slept on it. Somewhat, a yawn breaks out as he slowly forks eggs. He can’t ask his parents what’s up with him and Naruto, not that he wants to hear their opinion anyway, and he’s not on speaking terms with his brother for hopefully an indefinite amount of time. No; he’s going to ask stupid Kakashi the one who started it all, because he knows that this wasn’t some one time mistake. Sasuke doesn’t have lapses in judgement to warrant any mistake. He also knows that he can’t avoid Naruto forever though he’s tempted. Sasuke’s not one for running, Naruto will never let this down, and he’s not one to stall.

Kakashi. Today, for sure.

Sasuke sips his juice. He just needs to figure out the best way to ask without asking…


	3. Chapter 3

His chuckles die down into little embers, he thinks another glimpse of Sasuke would cause them to fire up all over again. He’s smiling, a full grin as he leans back on his hands in the dirt and doesn’t notice a bug crawl over his thigh. Naruto is filled with relief, his form relaxes, he needn’t rush to get up any time soon and he’s already forgotten about Iruka. He’s only about Sasuke.

He’s human; Sasuke, that is. Naruto nearly lost faith, so many times he fought him over not giving Sakura the attention she deserves, not giving anyone attention (himself included), that he was secretly considering Sasuke to be a robot. That monotone voice with no inflection, the way he stays stoic all the damn time with his stare dead. It’s surprising that he’s got a “thing” - Naruto isn’t too sure what yet but it’s something all the same because his body buzzes with feeling, his grin stretches, he wants to clap Sasuke across his back and guffaw. He thinks he’s pleased but it’s so much more than that. He’s tickled pink.

To think, all that time he was fighting Sasuke the other boy was enjoying it.

Naruto doesn’t know exactly what that entails because despite all their fighting he doesn't know much about the other boy. That is, except that he's a grade-A asshole; other than that there isn't much else to know. Sasuke is quiet, but loud, keeps to himself except when they fight because then is when he gives his all. Who knew the real reason why though, that Uchiha Sasuke likes...There’s a rush of giddiness again, chuckles are bubbling, Naruto’s going to kill himself over this.

Sasuke, that sly bastard, even when he’s losing he’s winning and getting what he wants.

Naruto barks a laugh, _just like him,_ and he feels a warm weight settling across his shoulders like a blanket of nostalgia. Fighting may be the only thing they experience together, with Sasuke almost always winning (and subsequently smirking over him), but he’s glad it wasn’t for naught.  

This is what he was waiting for. He could never get a clue on Sasuke, that stoic face of his hid like a blank wall and Naruto is a curious individual. Not to mention persistent. He’d keep chipping against said wall (literally) until it finally breaks and uncover the treasure inside. If pain was the answer to this problem well, he’d choose friendship over it any day but apparently Sasuke doesn’t respond to friendship…

Hah. Interesting.

He intends to fully find out.

…

“Ah, Sasuke, back again, are you?”

Kakashi sits on his desk, his legs askew and shoulders hunched, his eyes focusing on a small, orange novel with drawings of crude shadowed sex positions on the cover. He doesn’t look up from his book when he’s talking to Sasuke but that doesn’t mean that he’s not intently aware.

This is going to be hard, Sasuke slips his backpack off his shoulder, and unfazed by his homeroom teacher sitting on his desk, he pulls out his chair. The pale teen watches the side profile of his teacher, muscled thighs in khakis, plaid shirt and face-covering scarf much the same as yesterday. Kakashi is the most cunning individual he knows and he doesn’t want the man on to him. Sometimes he can become even more annoying than Naruto.

He sits. “I come to school every day; I’m not a late truant like you are.” Sasuke leans back and folds his hands onto his lap.

Kakashi snaps his book shut, _clap_ , loud enough that the sparse amount of students around them look up. Damn, he’s on to him already. His teacher turns to him and desk legs squeak - he’s grinning with that eye crinkle again. “A response? This must be my lucky day.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitches. “I say that line every time.”

“Mmm, yes, you do.”

… _Why the hell does he have to be so cryptic?_

There’s a waiting silence. Sasuke, his asking time is limited, fifteen minutes until the school bell rings and Naruto is here. He knows Naruto comes to school early, they had many a fight in the cold air of the morning (two weeks ago, in fact) but the dumbass only freeloads in the teacher’s lounge with Mr. Umino or play sports with his friends before school. Again, Sasuke looks up at the clock.

Although there is no guarantee Naruto won’t make a big deal of this… Sasuke’s mouth purses and he doesn’t notice Kakashi watching him intently. It’d be just like him to come barging into class blond hair wild, pointing fingers. What a dumbass.

Sasuke huffs. “So?”

“So what do you want to ask, my favorite little student?”

He growls low. “Stop calling me that. I’m not little. And I didn’t even ask anything.”

Kakashi nods sagely. “Mm, no, you didn’t.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrow, his forehead wrinkles and his body spasms. Here, the riddle-like nondescript answers that only regurgitates everything he says. It’s only been a minute and Sasuke’s already irritated. He always baits him like this. Fuck Kakashi.

He needs to dive deep. His voice is curt when he asks. “Why are girls submissive?”

This, isn’t an out-of-park question for them. Although, it is usually his teacher who tries (fails) to initiate conversation, they always talk something to do with sex. Or S&M. Kakashi says he’s duty-bound to fulfil the adult-male figure in his life, give him “the talk” and provide him with condoms, however Sasuke’s rarely embarrassed much to the disappoint of his teacher. He won’t let him have that satisfaction.

Kakashi only shakes his head in disappointment. “Now, now, Sasuke, you shouldn’t generalize like that; there are male submissives, you know.”

“Then stop giving me one sided books-”

“Oh? Is this a request? No longer to your tastes, is it?” Kakashi grins, a cat that’s got the cream.

Sasuke’s cheeks set aflame and he grits his teeth, his fists clench. One day, he’s really going to murder this man.

“No...” he bites out and Kakashi’s scarf-mask shifts at the mouth some more. “I was just asking a question.”

“Oh, that’s too bad." He seriously sounds hurt. "In that case I apologize, favorite student.”

He groans internally. His eyes look up to the heavens for patience but all he can see is dotted, public school ceiling. Sasuke hates to admit it but he needs to give a little to get what he wants. Sacrifice.

“Sakura came up to me the other day.” Sasuke looks away from his homeroom teacher. He hears as some other students chat and his eyes focus upon penciled graffiti on the desk next to his.

He’s got Kakashi’s interest. The man’s visible eye glints and he opens his book again, having won. Fuck him, but Sasuke keeps talking.

“I told her to pick up my pencil that I had purposefully dropped on the floor. She did.” He returns to stare earnestly at the side of his face. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s really interested in the answer. His heart skips rhythm.

Kakashi sighs dejectedly. “Well, it’s just a pencil, not everything is Dominance-related. This isn’t indicative of submissiveness, half the girls and boys in this school will publicly strip if you asked them to.”

“I did it again right after.”

“Now that wasn’t very nice.”

His leg bounces under his desk and the sound of his heel tapping against the floor accelerates. So does his heartbeat. “She even crawled.”

“Hmm, that sounds nice. Did you watch?” Kakashi returns calmly to his book.

His lip curls. “Don’t be disgusting. What does that mean?” Sasuke’s too impatient. He’s going to tear that book to shreds.

His teacher flips a page. “She likes you and wants to show off her butt? What does what mean?” and Sasuke glares, his ire bubbling like magma.

He watches as Kakashi fingers the corner pages, the sound of paper wrinkling grating to his ears. “You heard me.”

“Heard what, Sasuke?” and the Uchiha stops listening.

It's interesting, Sasuke feels his breath deepen but his heartbeat doesn’t slow in the slightest. He’s remembering too well, he was always able to copy memories into his psyche too easily and yesterday’s not the exception. And yet it is. Naruto is going to be here any minute and he needs answers before he does something incredibly stupid: like talk to him, look at him, run away again, think. There’s an unknown safety mechanism that snaps his mouth open and the words tumble out of his lips.

“Why didn’t she fight back?”

Kakashi’s rarely gets surprised, Sasuke never seen him so but he can’t deny that the way his visible eye widens and the orange book slips and hangs loosely in his palm - that it looks like shock. His voice must have come out too weak and undeniably true. Fuck, he’s said too much.

The scarf moves but the only thing he hears is,

“Sasuke.”

...

Naruto watches as the teen before him freezes in his seat, white shoulders stiffened at the ready. He smiles. He walks the two steps it takes to stand adjacent to the Uchiha’s seat and addresses his teacher.

“Hey, Mr. Hatake, what’s up?” he says, staring out the corner of his eye at Sasuke.

The boy in question isn’t looking too well, his face blanches and he’s too still. Black bangs shadow his face, contouring the length of his nose and drawing in deep frown lines. He’s the epitome of “why the long face?” Naruto wants to ask but he doesn’t want to embarrass him. (Yet.)

“Still reading those books?” He gestures to the orange novel that has regained notice in Kakashi’s hands. “I bet you already read them all, huh?”

His teacher gives an affirming grunt and with a smooth grace he slides off Sasuke’s desk to his feet. Naruto understands Kakashi is just reading the atmosphere, the ritual questioning that they both know he already has the answer to - he just doesn’t want to make Kakashi feel left out and his teacher initiates his leave. This is on top of the fact that Kakashi always likes when Sasuke plays with boys his age. Naruto is well aware of that fact. He was banking on it.

The sound of light footsteps drifting away makes Sasuke look up and Naruto catches a glimpse of the stricken look hiding beneath those bangs. It makes him grin obnoxiously.

“Sasuke.” he calls his name out again, just to see how the boy grits his teeth, lips strung in a tight line, brows deeply furrowed but still not making eye-contact with him. He turns to face him, steps clicking as he closes to the desk standing where Kakashi stood, he leans on the table. “Sasuke,” the word is addictive.

He wonders how far he can go before his classmate snaps.

“What.” The question if it can even be called such, comes out sharp like a needle and stings cold. Naruto feels like he’s rubbed wrong the fur of jungle cat, a tiger by the look of that dark piercing glare, and if he hadn’t did his homework he would’ve backed away from Sasuke and come back another time. Now he knows better. The other boy’s just defensive.

Naruto makes himself comfortable on Uchiha desk and swivels in his new seat to face the Uchiha with legs spread open, smirk playing on his lips. Sasuke doesn’t make a move to shove him off, he notes smugly; there’s only this incessant spasm in the other’s eyebrow that Naruto takes pride in and he wiggles in his seat. Naruto settles. He waits for Sasuke to ask why he’s here, that’s the first rule.

Until then, it’s going to be an uncomfortable silence for the Uchiha. The bell rings in the background, a shrill alarm that doesn’t hide the fact that Naruto’s staring, sitting all in his space and using his desk. Naruto makes sure Sasuke knows he’s here, he heels against the table legs with a rhythmic metallic clang, _du-dun_ , and purposefully mis-beats to get at the other’s nerves. And after a particularly loud, unfortunate note, Sasuke speaks up.

“Uzumaki, what do you want?” and he hears the quiet frustration in his tone. It’s minutes, and before Sasuke can open his mouth, Naruto interjects.

“I think I know what you want.”

He can see how Sasuke pauses. His eyes blink in rapid succession and his mouth cracks open only to close for a quick swallow that Naruto traces with his eyes. He’s never once confirmed the accuracy of porn but damn, he will never doubt again.

Sasuke scoffs. “No, you don’t. Why don’t you go back to your seat, class is starting.”

Naruto takes a glance at the classroom. Kakashi is a lax homeroom teacher, if he even comes in early enough to teach them something, so practically every student uses this time to their advantage. There are some who sit and read quietly, others who are writing frantically catching up on the day’s homework, and most who stand around and chat with their friends while finishing their breakfast. No one’s paying any attention to them. He’s got Sasuke to himself for another 20 minutes. Blue eyes return to the pale face before him.

“No,” he says.

Sasuke only swallows and looks away from his gaze, his overall stance uncomfortable. That makes Naruto happy, he’s winning this game.

“Go awa-”

“I have a proposition for you.” Sasuke stops mid-word and Naruto smiles. He can tell that he’s got an Uchiha in the bag, shocked dark eyes are back on his person, roving his face with incredulity. Wow, this actually works.

“What if me and you ‘fight’ again?” Naruto waits and watches. Sasuke doesn’t disappoint. If there was ever a time he’s caught the bastard off guard, now would be it. The moment is sweet, Sasuke’s cheeks splotches a beet red and his eyes widen, eyebrows lift in innocent confusion.

He clears his throat. His voice is a barely above a whisper, airy and breathless, but it doesn’t crack like the girl in the porno. “What? I don’t think I heard you right.”

Naruto promptly leans in, like he’s seen the guy do before. He's hunching closer to Sasuke until he can see the healing scar of yesterday’s cut lip, pink and tight skin, smell the aroma of mint ointment on the other boy’s eye. It's sharp, and invigorating. He inhales deeply.

“It feels good to you, right? I mean, I looked it up online, what’s the name again, ‘masichism’ or something?”

“And I wanna try it. I think it looks cool.”

To be fair he does look it up, search engine ‘likes pain’ and he gets definitions and articles he isn’t so interested in reading. Although informative, it was quick, only a quarter hour that he gives up and inevitably returns to browsing his favorite porn sites. There, he finds that same term pop up again, ‘masochism’, and Naruto definitely clicks upon it. ‘Cool’ isn’t the word he would use but…

Naruto was hoping for more blushing embarrassment, that he had the gall to call him out, but Sasuke only gives him this deadpan look and a scowl.

“You know, I-”

“Fine.” Sasuke says curtly.

Now it’s Naruto’s turn to be flabbergasted. “Wait, what?”

“I said ‘fine’ I want to try this thing too,” he gushes his words out fast and so quietly, that Naruto has a hard time deciphering and he takes a moment to sit in shock. _Sasuke said ‘yes’?_ He thinks with no little incredulity, eyes wide, he’s going to eat his words right here and now because Sasuke was not supposed to be okay with this. The Uchiha says no to everything and to everyone, he only likes to sit next to Juugo during lunch if not alone. He’s stiff ass, ice-cold, honor student Sasuke. He's not supposed to be interested.

“Are you sure?” he says in a shaky breath. Because _holy shit._ Sasuke gives him an insulted look, he must think that Naruto is only dragging words out to embarrass him. To be honest he was, but not anymore.

“Yes, I’m sure. Whatever, I guess.” Sasuke shrugs. Naruto would be more appreciating of the fact that Sasuke’s rambling, his face turned away and with reddened ears, but now he’s got a problem.

He hasn’t thought anything of it. The fact that Sasuke moaned was surprising and weird, but it wasn’t that weird. Not in any way sexual because it was a fight between the two of them and there was no room for extracurricular thoughts. And throughout the BDSM porno he found, he was half laughing his ass off ( _Sasuke, really?_ ) and half very turned on, to which he resolutely jerked off for the evening. No problem. That’s a perfectly normal conclusion and he was going to do so anyway. It is today though, that he finally makes the connection. Many people over the years have pointed out how thick he is, how he couldn’t put a plug into a socket even if it killed him, but now’s the first time he realizes his stupidity.

Sasuke really means this. Like, truly. He wouldn’t have reacted, have agreed had he not thought it over, and Naruto feels like such an asshole because he was laughing, he was just teasing him, he was joking around - he doesn’t really mean it. There’s no way in hell he’d actually do that shit, that’s way too much and goes way too far. He couldn’t. Not that he’d know how to anyway.

This is on top of the sinking gut realization that this whole conversation was essentially flirting.

“Sasuke, I-”

“Yes.” Naruto watches the pale kid in front of him. He doesn’t look like he’s paying any attention to him. Sasuke stares off-center, mouth slightly open, his mind far into his own little world. 

Naruto clears his throat uncomfortably. “We’re not dating.”

In an affronted snap, the Uchiha comes to his senses. “Of course not, don’t be stupid.”

Naruto doesn’t mask the flicker of annoyance that appears on his face but he moves on. “Anyway, we don’t even like each other.”

Sasuke stares at him as if so-where-are-you-going-with-this?

Fuck this. He imagines this is what Sakura feels when explaining things to him, it’s like talking to a brick wall. Unfortunately, Naruto doesn’t want to admit to Sasuke what he’s finally seeing for himself, he scoots a little further back on the desk because he was way too close to begin with, he wipes his sweaty palms onto his pants. He doesn’t want to do this. It was, and still is, such a ridiculous idea to think that Sasuke would be agreeing for the first time ever… over BDSM? Is this shit real?

Still, it’d be best to nip this talk in the bud even though that’d make Naruto a cop out and he’s not, but the bastard would laugh. Naruto’d protest his upset and stalk off to his desk in a flurry to cool down, and then class would start. In an hour they’d be over this and in a few days forget this conversation ever happened. In a week fight again as usual: Naruto would beat him, Sasuke’d return the favor and then everything would be back to normal. Naruto imagines this momentarily until he catches a dark gaze, Sasuke, who's questioning him with his eyes. He hesitates. Maybe Naruto’s just missing out on all the crucial details again as usual, maybe for once he’s reading things too deeply… The look Sasuke gives him fills him with this familiar sense of competitiveness and he instinctively bristles.

_If he’s not bothered by this, then I’m not going to be either!_

“Fine." Bastard. "Same place.”

As he steps off the desk, Naruto feels this need to bash his head against something hard and he desperately wishes he didn’t come to school today. He thinks that sinking feeling is regret, that yet again his mouth ran faster than his brain and he’s said something he shouldn’t have. The fuck does he know about BDSM, he scolds himself and he shakes his head in shame.

Even so, he’s made a promise and he can’t take it back. That’s not how he works. Naruto’s face sets in determination, his steps sound surer and his positive thoughts begin to placate the uncomfortable emptiness in his stomach. Really, he’s not the masochist here, he nods emphatically to himself. It can’t hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke lets out the breath he’s been holding in an audible whoosh. His heart finally settles down once Naruto’s return to his seat and he’s alone again. Fuck. This is utterly ridiculous.

He never thought he’d identify so closely with the subs in his stories but he’s been sweating his palms. He rubs them covertly under his desk and his thighs feel too warm. Sasuke feels out of control like a puppet on a string, he was made to say things he didn’t want to admit, and even when he was given an out…

_“Are you sure?”_

He hates that his mouth was too quick to confirm.

He’s beyond pissed at that question and his palms sear as he rubs harder against corduroy. Why did Naruto have to sound so unsteady? His eyebrows furrow because he’s never heard Uzumaki stammer like that. So hesitant and uncomfortable that the other notably backs away, and Sasuke can’t deal with such palpable doubt because it only makes him think. He refuses to think, least of all of what all of this implies.

“Fine.” _Yes._

He just wants to try this once so that his leg can stop it’s nervous bouncing, and then he can sleep without thinking of Kakashi’s books for the whole night. So that he can stop being utterly ridiculous. Just a little because Sasuke doesn’t expect Naruto to get anywhere, and then he can be disappointed, and then they can go back to normal. It can’t hurt.

…

Naruto easily notes how his feet move of their own volition, how they turn opposite from the Uchiha grounds to head home with earnest. His two feet clad in obnoxiously neon orange sneakers, squeak happy sounds on familiar sidewalk and seem to accelerate of their own accord. Naruto tries to comfort himself: _it’s power walking, not running away._

Well, he never said today, did he?

…

When they meet again at school the next morning Naruto doesn’t attempt to catch the other’s eye. He slinks to his seat taking silent steps and avoids eye contact with everyone, simultaneously sneaking glances at Sasuke. So far, so good. The other teen is preoccupied with some book and doesn’t seem to have noticed him come in yet. He looks like normal-Sasuke, bored and unfazed, his head held by a loose fist. Naruto can fool himself into thinking that nothing has happened between them, that the Uchiha has already forgotten or changed his mind.

Sasuke flips a page disinterestedly.

At the sight, Naruto pouts. He feels a little cheated for over-thinking this shit, Sasuke, obviously doesn’t give a damn. He feels stupid for nearly missing school today (and he’s totally _not_ running). When Sasuke continues reading and doesn’t notice him, doesn’t acknowledge anyone like the distant way he always does, Naruto’s stomach calms its churning, the bridge between his neck and shoulders loosens, and he sighs in relief. No longer worried, he leans in his seat. Everything’s back to normal.

…

Wrong. He should’ve expected that Sasuke was simply biding his time.

Sasuke’s creepy enough without having to stalk him everywhere he goes, yet here he is again waiting outside Iruka’s classroom. Probably since the bell has signaled the end of the school day. Since, Naruto takes a quick glance at his watch and calculates, almost an hour ago. His stomach sinks further but he doesn’t let any of the itching awkwardness he feels show on his face. He walks the few steps across the hall to get to the waiting teen, who he sees wearing headphones that swamp his skull like military gear, eyes softly closed, intent on listening to the music. He stops arms-length away from him with no reaction. Naruto thinks for a moment that maybe he can sneak past undetected. Go home again free.

Sasuke’s eyes snap open.

“Uzumaki.” Crap. Naruto’s heart thumps louder and the ugly churning returns with a vengeance. He forces his smile wider and performs a mock salute.

“Heya, Sasuke, what’s up?”

The other boy is not impressed by his overly cheerful voice and dark eyes narrow onto his person. Naruto shuffles uncomfortably but he refuses to step back. “Where were you?” he hears.

He’s not going to analyze too deeply into how despondent Sasuke sounds right now, especially when he needs to come up with an answer that doesn’t seem too much like a lie. He turns his face away from searching eyes and clears his throat. “I had things to do,” he says and stuffs clenched fists into his pockets. Simple, but easy.

Sasuke’s still looking at him, baiting him like a hunter and he, the prey. He runs some kind of assessment with his eyes and then makes a laughing scoff. “If you’re scared all you had to do was say so.”

“The hell I’m scared!”

Sasuke doesn’t even flinch at the deafening outburst. “Could’ve fooled me,” he says and turns to his phone to hike the volume higher, signaling the end of their conversation. Naruto growls because damn does he hate when people ignore him.

“I’m serious, Sasuke. I was busy,” he fibs, his voice rising in pitch while fists dig grooves into his upper thighs. He’s lying, trying to defend himself as if he cared about Sasuke’s opinion anyway. Naruto should take the opportunity for what it is: stop this before something happens. But he speaks before he thinks, like always.

The Uchiha is suspicious, the way he looks up from his device and his mouth sets into a thin, unbending line. He doesn’t even spare him an amused snort. Sasuke returns his phone and gracefully pushes off the hall lockers, stepping around him. Naruto freezes when he feels a cold shoulder brush past his.

He turns abruptly. “Sasuke, wait!” he says before he could think. What a pointless request. Sasuke’s steps continue to echo about the empty hall. But this time Naruto doesn’t second-guess himself when he jogs after him.

“I’m not scared, bastard, I promised.” Naruto intercepts the other’s path with a jump, he leans in threateningly before Sasuke can side-step him again. “I always keep my promises.”

The other teen gives him a long and full once-over before passing him by anyway. Naruto opens his mouth about to protest when he hears:

“Hurry up then.”

…

The same clearing, the same leaf-filtered light, the same marked trees with grooves from ancient ninjas and for once Naruto doesn’t want to be here. Though his eyes rove the green surroundings because he’s pointedly not focusing his attention on the pale teen before him. He definitely doesn’t wilt when he un-sees Sasuke stop and he most assuredly doesn’t flinch when the other turns to face him.

(He isn’t scared, okay?)

Sasuke doesn’t say a word. He just removes his backpack gently, placing his electronics inside. The high-pitched hiss of a zipper jolts Naruto from his not-reverie, and to make himself do something he promptly removes his backpack too. However, his hands fumble, and it drops hard onto his foot.

Sasuke looks up when he yelps and Naruto feels caught in headlights. His face is stuck stupid in a half-grimace/half-smile and wow, he really doesn’t want to be here. But there’s nothing he can do, he’s made a promise so he’s going to perform. He just doesn’t know what.

Naruto gulps audibly. “So…”

“I’m going to take off my shirt.” Sasuke says, his hands move in crossed position, they grip the bottom seam of blue dress shirt. At first Naruto nods, silent and complacent until his brain catches up to speed.

“Wait, what?” he kicks off his bag and hurries to the undressing Uchiha. “No, no, don’t take off your shirt-” His hands flail in indecision over touching him or watching in horror as the scene finalizes.

And Sasuke’s wearing an undershirt.

The other boy stares at him funny and Naruto falters a little. He's never good with open disappointment, it makes him feel stupid just when he thinks too much. He can tell he’s going to make a complete fool out of himself soon… Naruto can feel it in his sinking gut, and when Sasuke hands him his shirt he takes it in morose silence. Fuck.

“What do you want me to do?” he asks awkwardly and he’s never felt so nail-biting nervous in his life. Naruto fingers the blue cloth with fervor: it’s cool, smooth texture is comforting in the face of Sasuke’s dead stare. He’s already stressed so please, can he stop staring?

“Fight me.”

Huh? Naruto looks up from cloth in time to see a black shoe heading towards him. It connects and he stumbles a few steps back, clutching his nose. “What the hell was that for?!”

“You ask too many stupid questions,” Sasuke says, his legs in a flurry of motion. “Fight me!”

Naruto quickly puts up a flimsy blocking stance, arms in bad X formation with a shirt hanging, but he’s swirling in confusion so it holds strong.

“Calm down! Wait, wait, wait, Sasuke!” he says each word followed by a hit. He doesn’t know what he’s done to make the other teen so mad, but by the furious pounding he’s currently receiving and the focused danger in the other’s eyes, he’s guessing it’s something big. It takes longer than it should to grab at white wrists, but he’s got the advantage of a calm, clear head.

Maybe a bit too clear.

“What’s up with you?” he feels Sasuke struggle in his hands, pulling at them harshly like its tug-of-war. But when Naruto is confused, he’s a rock, and he won’t budge until he understands. “Why are you attacking me, I thought we weren’t…” he slips and his hands loosen while his face burns red. Sasuke yanks his wrists free and folds his arms, the shirt drops, but the Uchiha’s got a pissed scowl in place and a dark glare onto him. “I mean, I don’t want to fight you.”

Sasuke seems to settle down at that statement, his body relaxes if only a little. He looks away from him, eyes off-focus when he asks in a quiet voice. “Then what do you want to do?”

Naruto chuckles, nervously. “I thought, uh, ahaha,” _…that we were going to play_. His lips twitch in what would resemble a smile if he could remember what that is. He can feel the undulations of his throat when he gulps, and the bitter taste goes away for a second until his mouth floods again with spit. He’s just not good with words.

Naruto hesitates for a long moment, Sasuke’s back to staring, waiting, and his fingers spasm in their places to _dosomething_. Without thinking any further, he closes his eyes and lets them go. Digits move, they quickly unfasten at his belt buckle and the clinks echo in the dead silence of the clearing. He can feel Sasuke’s curiosity at his every motion, right down to when the belt is freed and it dangles heavy in his palm.

Naruto wavers closer, his hands tentative when they reach out to tap a pale shoulder. “I,” he stutters, his voice is not working, fuck. He’s never done this before. The strap in his hand and Sasuke expecting from him drops stones in his stomach, like he’s the strict dad, like he’s about to punish- Naruto clears his throat. “I need you to face your back at me.”

And Sasuke silently turns in place, and it’s so fucking surreal when he shuts up like this. Naruto’s adapted to the Uchiha fighting back at every moment he can and he’s not good at the little details. He doesn’t know what to make of all these sudden changes.

Fuck it.

Naruto grabs at cold limbs and pulls them around. Sasuke himself folds at the elbow so his arms lock crossed at his upper back and Naruto pauses, because initiative is damn disconcerting. Sasuke’s way too silent, like he’s hypnotized. This weird Uchiha trance has Naruto’s belly flopping, his gut reads “interest” but what the hell is he supposed to do with that information?

He coils the belt around soft wrists, loops the length in once and pulls tight. The black leather gleams prettily but looks like it cinches at such a sensitive body area. Naruto doesn’t know what to do about that, the girl in the porno seemed okay, no red marks and besides, Sasuke would let him know if it hurt. Naruto’s heart beats faster.

“I need your belt too,” he says in a rush and he coughs. Black hair shifts in a quick nod, still quiet and this time Naruto doesn’t hesitate. It’s an awkward reach, his arms around Uchiha torso and he can feel the heat coming from the other’s belly. With a deep breath inhaling fresh scent ( _peppermint_ ), Naruto hastily unbuckles Sasuke’s belt. He really should’ve thought this through because for some reason his hands can’t get a stable grip on leather. He’s hugging from the back, touching, jittery hands and the belt clinks ring jarring in his ears, incriminating in this empty forest until the sweet zip of leather-pulled-free sounds. He would sigh in relief if this wasn’t the hard part.

A clammy hand pushes down on Sasuke’s shoulder, as if indicating to bend over. Naruto’s intentions haven’t gone through because the Uchiha is stiff as a statue and now, Naruto will regret his next words. “I need you on the ground,” he stammers, awkward and uncomfortable embarrassment flushing across his cheeks, his heart rate racing, speeding, when Sasuke drops before him like it’s his job.

Fuckin’ initiative. Does this guy have no shame?

Sasuke is on his knees dirt grass crumpled under, head cocked back with his hands tied, legs spread and then he asks him, unabashed. “Like this?”

“Y-yeah," Naruto fiddles with the belt in his hands until he too goes to ground, kneeling behind the waiting teen. His voice cracks. “Like that.”

He doesn’t move for the longest time, an extended minute in his isolated zone of what-the-hell-do-I-do? He’s staring at an expanse of textured tan and white and _that black_ and panic floods through his limbs. Instead of telling him to get the hell out of here, he’s frozen in his place. This is crazy.

“Naruto.” Sasuke shifts his body and he’ll be damned if that wasn’t suggestive. “What the hell are you doing?”

Good question. Naruto takes a moment to process the fact that they’re on a first-name basis now and then he attempts to stall some more. “I’m just trying to remember how this goes…” he trails, his voice wavering. _And how this got so gay._

“Remember faster.”

“Duly noted,” he agrees because his attention is on vacation at the moment.

Sasuke throws a look over his shoulder. “Don’t think too much, or we’ll be here forever.”

 _Bastard._ Naruto moves slow, cautiously, and he directs at a nude shoulder to fall. Sasuke’s skin is smooth but cold, and Naruto gets the sudden urge to rub warmth into it. Instead he forces the Uchiha to the dirt, apologizing under his breath, because there’s nothing holding the other up.

Just days ago he would give anything to have the Uchiha like this, bent over, ass-up and immobile, neck-straining to the side for air. The epitome of a win.

He never knew that all he had to do was ask.

“Lift up your leg,” Naruto says with no little incredulity.

He hears a labored, “Which one?” and he stops breathing.

Naruto taps at the Uchiha’s right leg in hesitant, curious reverence as he attempts to fathom this infinite trust Sasuke’s giving him right now. He’s touching him with the same hands that beat him up the other day. He’s tracing both familiar and unfamiliar thigh, body muscle that has kicked him and been kicked and all Naruto can do is revel at this new atmosphere of non-violence.

Naruto wraps the belt around the one thigh, sandwiched against leg and ankle, and Sasuke has to fall further to accommodate.

_What in the hell are you thinking?_

A full loop and insert of the length into the buckle and Naruto yanks hard, driving Sasuke into dirt and grass and solid ground.

_Why are you letting me do this?_

He locks in the leather tight and final, the black band set and unable to budge. Naruto watches as Sasuke struggles in his binds to appear proper, but his own free leg can’t make up for the core strength to stand.

_Shit..._

“Let me help you.” Please. His hands begin to motion towards the bound teen. Sasuke stops moving, he freezes and Naruto takes that as permission. He pulls him up by the arms, simultaneously as Naruto himself moves to a stand. Sasuke bends his other leg and straightens in a seiza, looking ever graceful still, he leans back and looks up at Naruto.

“Is that it?” and he sounds so detached.

“No,” Naruto says and his eyes focus on the dirt caked on Sasuke’s face, how it sticks on one cheek and a little at the corner of Sasuke’s lips. It’s distracting. He trails soft skin until opposing eyes connect, and he promptly looks away. “One more thing,” and he coughs awkwardly.

He turns to the dropped shirt, it relatively un-trampled, the navy blue a dark contrast with the grass. Slowly, he walks over and picks the shirt up. He can’t help his stalling, this is so unnatural and he still doesn’t know what in the world he’s doing – he tests cloth with rubbing fingertips.

It’ll be fine. Right.

He comes back and squats in front of Sasuke while he unbuttons piece by piece, watching the Uchiha switch eyes from the shirt to his face, back and forth, wary and apprehensive.

“Stop. Don’t blind me,” Sasuke says.

Naruto moves closer, his hand reaches out and Sasuke averts away from cloth, but there’s only so far he can go before he loses his balance. He’s struggling in his position and Naruto grabs onto inky hair.

“Wait.” Naruto’s hand moves out of his control, it bothers him this much he guesses, to gently brush at caked soil. There. “I’m not going to blind you, bastard,” he says and the Uchiha’s wiggling comes to a halt. Naruto uses the opportunity to pick up at the other sleeve, measures the shirt even and rolls width-wise.

“I, uh, I need you to open your mouth,” he says with a scorching blush. His stomach is doing triple backflips because of what he just said or the likelihood that Sasuke will refuse, he can’t tell but…

Sasuke gets it. He’s not running from him anymore (or scooting), and Naruto considers that a win. The other boy’s not scared of him. Naruto’s eyes narrow onto pale lips and he swallows in anticipation. The Uchiha doesn’t disappoint, he cracks open his mouth in eager silence, Naruto’s eyes widen in disbelief when he sees tongue.

His heart beats the fastest it ever has, thumping in his chest like a drum, accelerating, and pumping blood into places he’s not going to think about.

Naruto hastily stuffs the majority of cloth into Sasuke’s mouth, his finger and thumb touching the lining of lips and hitting against teeth through blue. Sasuke grunts in response. A large part of the shirt is hanging out; it falls indecently against white skin and Naruto struggles to tie sleeves in a knot. His hands are too unstable and the cloth keeps slipping.

All he can think is nothing, panic, his stomach jumping to his throat only to freefall into infinity and the block, wanting feeling is insane. This is insane. He’s actually doing it, he’s actually doing this, fuck, what are you thinking, Sasuke?

Sasuke’s hair is thick, _feels coarse_ , he notes, and he runs his fingers through stopping at the now secure knot near the base of the skull. He pulls at sleeves further, not too much to give the Uchiha a headache and makes a double knot. He’s set. Naruto falls back onto his heels to admire the work he’s done.

Sasuke stares, unperturbed by the fact that he’s half hog-tied and gagged, casual in the seiza he’s been forced to endure, and kingly in the upturned chin he gives him. Naruto straightens in response.

“Now what?” he asks and looks pointedly at the bound Uchiha. Sasuke’s eyes narrow at him dangerously and Naruto falters, he thinks for once, and _oh shit, yeah, he can’t speak._

He doesn’t know how or why or what, but right then Naruto starts _laughing_.

Maybe it’s because he’s so fucking out of his comfort zone, and he’s feeling so confused and sick and turned on. Maybe because his stomach is flipping it’s shit in awkwardness and he’s not even the one incapacitated. Maybe it’s because Sasuke is glaring at him right now through a makeshift gag, furious and _he can’t speak_ , and that’s absolutely hilarious to him. He’s laughing hysterically, dying in gulping gasps until tears appear at the corner of his eyes and his chuckles pater out in small bursts, and finally he exhales a deep breath. He’s on his back on cool grass, a pleased warmth settled in him after his bout of laughter. He feels much better now overall, and he turns to the only other person here.  

Sasuke is giving him this look, a pointed scorn with furrowed eyebrows and his nose is upturned in a belittling shadow. Or maybe he’s just reading into things too much.

“What, you wanna talk?”

Sasuke glares at him for still asking questions in spite of his muteness, but Naruto shrugs.

“It’s not like you can’t nod or shake your head.”

It’s amazing the variety of disapproving expressions Sasuke can show with just his eyes. Naruto's impressed. He gets the feeling from the averted face and muffled harrumph that Sasuke wouldn’t debase himself to such mere motions, and he rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Naruto sits up and crawls over, he reaches the seated Uchiha and begins untying the knot. The shirt sleeves fall and Sasuke’s lips helpfully stretch open wider (which Naruto pointedly doesn’t acknowledge) and he pulls at leftover cloth. The shirt comes out slowly, dampened to a darker hue that Naruto can’t keep his eyes off of. Attached to it is a string of saliva that Sasuke cruelly cuts with a sweeping lick across reddened lips.

Naruto hopes Sasuke doesn’t notice that he’s staring. The depressed marks imprinted at the corners of his mouth are hypnotizing and he knows they’re going to fade away soon. He needs to look now. Plus, the other boy’s breathing’s kind of harsh, his stomach inflates and deflates with an abnormal rush and his cheeks are ruddy. Naruto chalks that up to the gag, though. Sasuke’s turned away now, his face in an opposing direction from his line of sight when he asks, in a bored voice. “Is that it?”

Pissed, Naruto snaps. He moves in threateningly and grasps thin undershirt, forcing Sasuke’s attention back on him by pushing him out of the seiza and onto his butt. He shakes once. “What the hell is your problem?”

Naruto has no idea why but Sasuke smirks. He’s irritatingly defiant in his body language – one leg may be indeterminably stuck to his thigh but the other is spread out, grounded, revealing his cock on display. Some stupid kind of unspoken challenge. One that Naruto easily answers to. He growls and shakes again, Sasuke leans back and cocks his head in appraisal.

“Nothing, I’m just not all that impressed.” Naruto bristles.

“I mean, here I was thinking that you could actually get somewhere but I’m disappointed. Belts, Naruto? Is that all you got?” Sasuke shifts in his binds, better accommodating him. Naruto just tightens his grip on thin, white cloth.

He doesn’t say anything for the longest moment, his stare is silent, blue eyes contemplating and mouth thinly pursed. Then, Naruto says, “No.” He lets go of the undershirt and backs out of spread legs. Naruto gets up from his crouch and heads over to his backpack.

“Something more? What, a pencil?” Sasuke taunts. Naruto simply picks up his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. “Running away, Naruto?”

He whips his head, angry. “You know what, Sasuke?” _I don’t want to give a shit about this. And I don’t actually want to be here, especially if you’re just going to fuck with me_. He swallows down his bitter thoughts. “I think you should shut up before I do something.”

Sasuke makes a skeptical noise. It takes all his patience not to punch his face.

“Like what, dumbass?”

Naruto has to walk away.


	5. Chapter 5

Twenty-minutes, he promises. Because that’s just enough time to take a walk and calm down, Sasuke to shut up, come back and untie the ungrateful bastard. After that… never have to do this again, Naruto sighs resigned. Twenty-minutes, he nods to himself and he treads past the Uchiha trees.

…

Naruto is at home in the comfort of his dark room, pants unzipped and empty ramen cup on his computer desk. He isn’t jerking off, no, only the usual cupping of his ballsack and making sure that it’s there. Plus, his hands feel cold. There is an itching feeling at the back of his mind, bothering and waiting, like he’s forgotten a major school project. It’s urgent. The movie he’s watching blurs to the side, moving pictures empty and voiceless as he attempts to remember.

 _Homework?_ He thinks aloud, his mind fingers already counting off each of the classes he’s had and what they’ve assigned. No, he assures, because never has his heart beat so swiftly, desperately, for school. Naruto’s tipping on the edge of a cliff.

It is incredible coincidence when his eyes trace back to the movie, unfocused yet churning, and he realizes with such a crashing clarity in one glance of the time on bright screen.

 **10:00 PM**.

Sasuke.

“Shit!”

He falls in a flurry out of his chair, ramen cup crashing, his school papers sent flying and _he can’t care_. Naruto flounders to a stand, eyes wide with horror, his body freezes with indecision and oh-my-god-I-left-him-there. A divine signal, he catches onto the orange of his shoes and finally, blood rushes back to his brain. This, he has to go back.

It takes him a matter of minutes to get ready, his heart pounding, internal clock ticking and it taunts at his sanity because _fuck_ , he left him there, fuck. Soon he’s done struggling with his shoes (Hurry up, faster!) throws on a jacket, and clumsily grabs his keys on the way out.

The sick, panicky tension he’s been feeling only jack-knifes when he sees how dark it is. How cold. He falters. Naruto doesn’t allow himself the luxury to zip up his jacket, despite the wind ruffling his hair, cutting and chilly. He hardens his eyes and tightens his grip on his keys.

He runs.

…

The nauseating churning returns to his gut when he sees and kills that hope of a miracle, that, no-Sasuke-hasn’t-magically-left.

Because the boy's never _needed_ him before.

Crumpling under the weight of his guilt, Naruto stops and watches in dismay because Sasuke’s back is facing him, curled on his side and he looks so alone. Naruto prays with fervor that he’s asleep at least, but he knows he doesn’t even remotely deserve the chance to escape retribution.

“Sasuke?” he says, his voice cracks and the wind whistles loudly through the air. Naruto stumbles closer, his knees weak and barely supportive and the horror is only just beginning to creep up on him. “Sasuke.” he tries again.

“…'m cold.” Sasuke mumbles, voice tired and defeated, and Naruto has to manually crush the spark of warmth he feels at the sound of his voice. He shouldn’t be happy.

He left him there.

Naruto’s face slowly crumbles, his eyes shut in regret and he doesn’t think he can look at him anymore. But he has to. Sasuke is cold; he can see him shivering silently, his arms convulse in their binds and they color a pale, ashy gray. Suddenly, there’s a lot of things that he wants to confess _I’m stupid, I’m an asshole, Sasuke, I’m so, so sorry_ but the only thing he does is collapse to his knees on cold, night grass.

“Let me get you out of there,” he says and he has to force his hands to move from their frozen positions. Sasuke makes a soft noise in agreement and Naruto sinks further in on himself.

It hurts to touch the other boy. He’s bloodless and silent, blue veins are visible and incriminating on his skin. Naruto gulps down the bile in his throat, looks down because his hands are no longer trustworthy, _they did this_ , and he’s afraid.

He’s afraid, and his heart pounds frantically of himself and the foreboding knowledge of what this all means. He knows Sasuke will kill him once he comes to, give him a day or two to recover and by all rights he should get his revenge… Naruto wouldn't even bother fighting back. He knows he really shouldn’t have joked around earlier, Sasuke shouldn’t have said “yes” because Naruto is no professional, not an expert, and apparently the biggest idiot, fucked up human being in the whole world. What kind of monster would leave someone like this?

He doesn’t know, ( _me_ ) but when he watches as Sasuke twitch slightly in the cold, his body frozen in this awkward position and forced to wait for his help, Naruto feels as if he could cry. He shouldn’t have gotten pissed and walked away because Sasuke trusted him, needed him and he should’ve been the bigger man. God, he’s such an idiot.

Naruto sniffs wetly and coughs. His hands may be shaky as they untie the belt, but he makes a point to grip on cold leather tight, and soon Sasuke’s arms are free. Pale wrists are now marked red, still unmoving, and feel so frail.

“Can you move your hands?” he asks hopefully and prays there’s no permanent damage. It takes Sasuke a moment. Naruto figures his entire body is numb and not just because of the cold. One of Sasuke’s finger twitches and Naruto slumps in utter relief. He steels himself for the next bind: now the leg.

Naruto’s ire swarms in a flood and it burns, because damn did he already know he was going to do something stupid, and damn him for forgetting that Sasuke was fucking tied up! He grapples with the second belt frantically because how could he forget that Sasuke can’t walk, how his leg is bent so _wrong_. Sasuke struggles to make things easier for him but he can’t even move to help him help himself. A wild twitch, a hiss, and Naruto intercedes.

“Stop.” He can’t let things get worse.

The body before him stops moving, Sasuke freezes and doesn’t argue when Naruto manhandles him over into a better position. Naruto unbuckles the belt and finally Sasuke’s completely free. At least, from the binds. The other boy hadn’t moved his limbs, Naruto’s brain clicks, _they’re stuck_ , and now he knows what he has to do. Doesn’t mean he won’t regret it.

“Sorry about this,” he says as if that makes anything better, as he grabs at a cold ankle and slowly, ever so slowly, pulls the limb apart from its bent position.

“Naruto, wait, no wait…” he can hear Sasuke say, squirming as violent as he could despite the numbness of his body, and his free leg nearly kicks him in a spasm. Naruto tries his absolute best to ignore him.

“It's stuck,” he argues weakly and he’s saddened because _your arms are next_. Naruto stretches the leg even more, his hands are shaking and Sasuke coughs sharp breaths, struggling as if he could worm away from him.

Naruto shuts his eyes. Pointless; he can visualize Sasuke gritting his teeth, scrunching his brows and feeling all sorts of unwanted pain right now. Fuck. It hurts him as much as it hurts the Uchiha, and his stomach churns sick when Sasuke cries out.

(Finally.)

He works his fingers into corded muscle and veins, molding, massaging, and testing the circulation until he feels satisfied that Sasuke’s leg is relatively back to normal. Now the arms.

He hesitates, he really doesn’t want to do this, but he refuses to look away. Not to mention that he can’t leave Sasuke now. He’s already failed in his responsibility once - he realizes this and he can’t afford to be any less conscientious. (Why the fuck did Sasuke even trust _him_?)

He moves up to long arms cautiously before he sets Sasuke off, holding him to prevent any shifting. One arm at a time, he dislodges. Sasuke’s shaking, he can feel him vibrate through cold elbow joints that which he gives a firm, acknowledging squeeze. That doesn’t stop the involuntary tremor, but Naruto doesn’t let that get to him. He whisper-chants ( _sorrysorrysorry_ ) more for himself than anything, until both arms make a piercing _crack_. It isn't long until warmth is returning to the Uchiha’s body. Sasuke breathes harshly, sharp breaths that warm the air with condensation, color slowly returning to his skin by the second. He remains immobile.

“Home,” he says and Naruto’s heart breaks.

How else can he respond? “Okay.” and he helps Sasuke up to a stand, waiting for the other to collect his bearings. He pulls a long arm and wraps it around his neck and props unstable legs with a knee.

“Ready?” he asks, and Sasuke quietly nods.

Naruto takes him home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Don't try any of this at home. It goes without saying but this is fiction, and I'm no expert (hahaha, LOL) so please read with caution.  
>  And. If y'all have experience and think I've written something off please do hold me accountable. I love this story, I love writing it, and I want it to be the best it can be. But I know my limitations. Let me know what I don't know, and only then I can learn.
> 
> I just wanted to say thanks for reading, really. Puts a big, goofy smile on my face :D

Sasuke twirls the pencil in his hands in controlled flicks, as he tries to keep his eyes off his blank wrist. Unsurprisingly, he can’t. It’s an ensnaring piece of skin, a memory unforgotten even though it’s been five days since what he’s dubbed “the mistake” ( _left behind_ ). His body recovered well and fast the following morning, and one could say that nothing ever really happened. His mom, dad, and brother surely were never the wiser. And Kakashi. Kakashi seems to quiet; now he sits at his own desk entirely focused in his orange book, not even sparing him a glance. Sasuke’s grateful for the annoyance reprieve but too many good things make him suspicious...

That leaves Naruto.

Naruto’s gone. He hasn’t seen him since that night when he took him home, never even heard his voice in school. No loud demands, no pestering, no stupid questions, no obnoxious laughing, and when he looks in his direction he finds his face cast in shadow. Sasuke doesn’t know how to respond to that. He’s at a loss.

Not that he thinks on that night too much. He’s moved on from being tied up (and left behind). He’s angry, yes, if Naruto did talk to him he’d beat the shit out of him, but he’s been validated and there’s nothing more to say. He knew something would go wrong; it doesn’t take a genius to make that conclusion. Naruto and him don’t mix, don’t know one another like that, and Naruto’s too much of an idiot. A fail, just what he ordered, so that he wouldn’t think anymore. And he hasn’t. Really.

…

“Sasuke.”

The Uchiha turns quickly in his school chair, surprised and intrigued because what will he say? He raises an eyebrow in question. “Yes?”

Naruto, orange clothes seemingly dimmer than usual, stance drooping like a wilted flower, actually fidgets before his gaze. He fingers his shirt and looks away from eye contact. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry,” his Adam’s apple bobs. “I shouldn’t have forgotten, it was stupid of me and I feel like an idiot. I’m really, really sorry Sasuke.” Hn. He waits for him to finish.

“Ar-” Naruto clears his throat. “Are your hands okay? Your leg?”

Sasuke’s jaw immediately twitches in irritation. “It’s been a week Uzumaki, what do you think?” Naruto only nods in relief mindlessly, and he says: “good, good…”

There is an awkward silence while he waits for Naruto to do something other than observe his person unsubtly. His wrists and his leg. Sasuke adjusts in his seat, he doesn’t like that look, he doesn’t like where this is going and he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. It won’t change anything. “Are you done yet? I got it, you can go back now,” he says quickly.

Unfortunately, he always seems to accomplish the exact opposite of his intentions.

“What the hell is your problem?” an irate Naruto barks in his face, ruffled blond hair and eyes wild. Other students in class turn to the commotion; Kakashi of course, looks up and smiles. He calms his initial shock, slack face falls to mask. This is so annoying.

Sasuke meets him eye for eye. “You’ve said your piece. You’re done.”

“I’m trying to apologize here.”

“You already did. Now go away.”

Naruto makes a frustrated sound. “Why can’t you accept an apology like a normal person!” He paces before his desk, uncharacteristically irritated and he seems to grapple with himself. Well, fuck him. He stops and leans closer. Sasuke involuntary flinches, bracing himself for the next words; Naruto whispers, low. “I _left_ you there.”

There’s a warmth creeping up his neck and ears and cheeks and he can’t let it get too far. Sasuke turns away from a whiskered face. “No need to state the obvious.” _Don’t say it out loud_. “I would know.”

“Then why are you so…” Naruto gestures wildly at his person. “Ugh!”

He narrows his eyes at him. “Don’t underestimate me, I’m furious.”

“Yeah, right.” The other snorts in derision.

“And? What would you want me to say?”

Naruto steps in closer and gives him a blue-eyed glare. “I accept your apology? _I don’t accept your apology?_ ” he points a finger accusing, punctuating each of his words with a hard poke to the chest. His voice is cutting. “Stop writing me off like I did nothing, you couldn’t even walk without help.”

A thin, dark eyebrow twitches. “Shut up.”

“M’ yeah, did you forget that by any chance?” Naruto grits his teeth and pulls back. His body strains to be still, his fists clench and his mouth is pinched. His face is turned away and eyes off focus, and suddenly… he looks hurt. “’Cuz’ I sure fucking didn’t. I spent all week trying to figure out how to approach you and you don’t even give a damn.” The sudden skip of his heart isn’t guilt. Really.

“You shouldn’t have.” _Nothing’s going to change_.

There must be something that he says or implies, something that gives his thoughts away because Naruto closes off his face, his expression suddenly cold. “You’re right. I shouldn’t,” and again like deja vu, he walks away.

…

Statement retracted. He should’ve known Naruto Uzumaki wasn’t one to let things go. Sasuke is in his bedroom when the doorbell unexpectedly rings.

“Who could that be?” he hears his mother muse aloud, her answering footsteps sounding despite being a floor below, and her opening the door with a momentary struggle. It is the pleasantly surprised, “ _Oh,_ ” however, that sparks a jolt of dread in his gut.

“Are you a friend of Sasuke’s?”

…and Sasuke himself gets to his feet. He rushes his way down the stairs, the thumping commotion halts conversation as well as announces his presence. He knew it.

“Uzumaki,” he says. Inwardly, the name tastes sour, old, and very annoying on his tongue. The blonde’s grin widens.

“Yes.” “No.”

His mother’s smile turns even warmer and she looks between the two of them. “Alright,” she says, amused. “I’ll leave you both to it.” She pads away, abandoning her son to the cool breeze coming through the open door and determined blue eyes.

“Well? Aren’t you going to let me in?” Sasuke glares.

“Sasuke...” Naruto shifts in his stance, arms crossed and back straight he stands, a rigid wall at the door frame. There is disappointment in his eyes. Sasuke doesn’t let that sway him. “I’m not giving up.”

“Fine,” he rolls his eyes. Of course. “I accept your apology. Now get away from my house.”

“You’re lying.” Naruto’s arms loosen and he leans closer, but he doesn’t take a step. “Come on, please?” His body twitches, and a leg slowly motions forward.

“Don’t.”

Naruto’s face appears hurt and his eyes plead but the Uchiha ignores it all. He promptly moves to close the door in the other’s face.

“Wait, Sasuke.” Naruto intercepts with a foot, the door shuts hard against an orange sneaker, producing a sharp hiss. “We have to talk. Just... ouch!” Sasuke huffs. “Just hear me out! I can’t stop thinking about it, can we please fix things back again?”

 _You’ve gotta be kidding me._ There’s a bitter-tasting disgust settling in the back of his mind that spawns a growing curl to his lip. It itches like regret. He doesn’t even attempt to lash back the red rush of anger. “There is nothing to _fix_ , you _idiot_ ,” he bites, louder than he intended but maybe that’ll be more fruitful. He can hear his mother abruptly stop whatever she was doing. Naruto silences for a moment, staring at what is sure to be an angry flush across his face and the dark, dangerous “V” of his eyebrows. Sasuke breathes and tries to get back his composure. In. Out. In.

This is bigger than he realized.

When Sasuke opens his eyes (when did they close?) he finds himself looking into blue. Naruto stands annoyingly pitying, having taken a step back he gives wide berth and waits with an obvious hope.

Well, fuck him. He knows intrinsically that Naruto won’t leave; he’ll come back tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that until he gets what he wants. Sasuke doesn’t want to stand here anymore arguing, especially in front of his family. He snorts, _smart of the idiot to corner him_ , and the sound inspires the blond, who misguidedly read that as a ‘yes’.

When Naruto takes a step forward, Sasuke immediately tightens his grip on the doorknob. “No. I don’t forgive you.” _…and I don’t trust you_.

Naruto flinches, his face paling in abject horror, and Sasuke belatedly realizes that he’s spoken his thoughts aloud. Whatever.

He says, more subdued. “There’s nothing to fix, go home.”

“Sasuke, I didn’t mean it like tha-”

The door slams.

…

Knowing that Naruto would return is one thing. Seeing it happen before him is another.

Naruto stands at his doorstep, orange shirt and blue shorts ( _what an eyesore_ ), waiting like some staunch, protesting activist. Civil, but still trespassing. Sasuke is a little surprised at his tenacity; the fact that he hasn’t shoved his way in yet…

“Predictable,” he says with an amused snort. He leans against the doorframe with a pronounced slouch, crosses his arms over his shirt and peruses the blonde’s person lazily. Waiting. Today, he’s in a good mood, he can screw with Naruto at his leisure. Today, nobody’s home. He still won’t let him in, however.

Naruto says. “I read up on it.”

Sasuke freezes. The nail he was inspecting is summarily forgotten and his heart begins beating rapidly. His head whips upward to meet whiskered and tanned face and for the first time in a long time, his mouth falls open in shock.

Naruto continues. “Like, instead of watching shitty porn, you know. Read what and how and why and a lot of things…” he shifts in place, shaking his head awkwardly before he seems to come to terms with himself. He openly stares back. “Sasuke, I made a mistake. We gotta talk.”

With a blink of his eyes the Uchiha recovers from his temporary shock. “Why?” _Why do you want to apologize so badly?_

Indignant, Naruto scoffs. “Why not?”

Sasuke sighs deeply. “If you were to thinking that we’re going to try that again, you’re mistaken. Stop being a kiss-ass. It’s disgusting.”

Naruto’s face swells purple. “Screw you! I’m really trying to apologize here!”

“I said I accepted your apology.”

“You were lying!” Tan hands wave in a flurry.

Sasuke rolls his eyes _hard_. “I also said I don’t accept your apology.” The Uchiha watches as Naruto seems to deflate on himself, momentarily speechless and caught in his own trap. “Again.” _For the last time._ “What would you want me to say?”

Naruto seems to think for a moment, his eyes moving frantic as if searching Sasuke’s face for a pity clue. Sasuke almost laughs. He won’t find one. “I,” The blond regains his confidence and straightens, his voice loud and clear. “I just want the truth.” Sasuke pauses, holding his breath. “I want you to tell me the truth.” Naruto breathes, nostrils flaring. “Cuz’ I’m going to be honest with you, I was shit terrified when I just remembered. The question is what were you?”

“What the fuck? What a stupid-”

“Were you turned on?” Naruto intercepts boldly without a lick of shame. _Of all the things..._ Sasuke’s face flames in response, still, whether in anger or embarrassment he can’t decide.

His lip curls in disgust. “Hell no.”

“Really?” Sasuke twitches, insulted by the tone and the question but Naruto continues to press his advantage, unabashed. He carries no restraint. “Then what?” he asks, earnestly curious.

“I was-” Sasuke inhales a sharp breath, and Naruto visibly rises in anticipation. He narrows his eyes in realization. “This isn’t any of your business.”

“What?” Naruto puffs angrily, offended, and he makes his point by crowding his face, getting under his skin. “Like you were the only one there; I was affected too, okay?”

“You weren’t tied up.”

“You asked me to!”

“I didn’t actually ask.”

“You said ‘yes’!”

“You could’ve refused.” Their eyes clash.

A shocked silence. “Y-you-” Naruto bristles, he rises in anger, blue eyes hard with his mouth snarled, and his whiskers… they darken. “You wouldn’t even let me, every single time I’d do something you don’t like you’d say some bullshit, some insult, like some fucked up way to control me,” Sasuke snorts in amusement, and Naruto growls. “-to tell me what you want without admitting it because you’re a dick and a coward, and now pissed because you didn’t account for everything.”

“Heh. Don’t assume. That really only makes an ass out of you, Uzumaki.”

“I could say differently. Do I look like I can read your mind?” Naruto stares. “And now you want out because things didn’t go your way…”

Sasuke’s mouth tightens. “I want out because you’re an idiot.”

Naruto’s eyes flash fiercely. “I’m human! I make mistakes. And I don’t know what the fuck this is, this bondage, what you even wanted from me.” He points in accusation. "You, asked _me._ ”

He can't _believe_ this conceited fuck.

Sasuke twitches once. Words were shooting out before he could stop them. “You _left me there_ ,” he snaps, and the silence that follows is loud.

Sasuke breathes in deeply, reigning the flood of hate coursing through his body, and his hands and eyes itch with effort. He emotionally retreats, like the stung animal backing to its corner, all out of bites and hisses and claws. He’s angry, yes, but underneath the underneath he’s surprised. There were many other things he’d say and thought to say, least of which being the obvious. Sasuke resolutely keeps a firm pressure to his lips, his interpretation to slapping hands over his mouth before he admits to any more.

“Finally.” Naruto stretches the word and throws up his hands in exasperation. “Tell me how you really feel.”

Sasuke turns his face away, belatedly hiding his flinch and affected expression. He doesn’t like to talk about his feelings because- “This isn’t a joke,” he says, tiredly.

Naruto moves into his line of sight and forces Sasuke to catch his eye. “Yeah. And now I’m not joking.”

They are quiet for a moment, too many words needing settling into their brains before any chance to speak: a digesting of honest, ugly feelings that had lay dormant for almost too long. Sasuke feels exhausted, his store of tolerance has depleted and he’s running, still standing here on this doorstep with Naruto on mere willpower. Granted however, there’s a lightness to his body that wasn’t there before, he leans on the frame more eagerly and rests his head. Already, his headache is waning.

“‘Now'?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Naruto scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, painfully shy and a little regretful? Sasuke raises an eyebrow for him to continue. “I was kinda kidding earlier and I didn’t know what I was talking about. I just didn’t expect you to agree, really.”

“Hn.” Sasuke ignores the exaggerated display of penitence, he returns his attention to his nails. It is a long pause before he asks. “And now?”

Naruto looks back and forth in confusion. “‘Now’ what?”

“That’s my question. You got the truth, Naruto. Yes, that night bothered me because I hate being left alone in a completely disadvantaged position without warning. Just like everybody else,” he says robotically, bored, and barely refraining from rolling his eyes. “So, now what? There’s nothing you can do with this information – it’s not going to change anything.” It is long, drawn moments that the blond before him stills at his words and then swiftly hides revealing eyes – but not fast enough.

Hn.

“I’m getting the impression,” Sasuke muses aloud, idly enjoying as Naruto further curls in on himself. Serves him right, the moron. “That you thought this was going somewhere?” Naruto gulps audibly, deafening, and Sasuke grows curious.

“W-well, isn’t it?” he says with an obvious reluctance, eyes avoiding contact.

“No.”

Naruto coughs sharply to cover his embarrassment and he taps his foot in nervous rhythm.

A belated response. “…why not?” There is a pause and in the background a truck putts and grumbles by with a plume of exhaust. A crow ca-caws loudly.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Sasuke asks, he examines Naruto’s person with a judging look. His mouth purses as the projected image of his hog-tied self appears. “You know why not.” Naruto’s shoulders slump in dejection, the weight of his mistake visibly wearing him down, leaving a morose crease of his eyebrows and the rare lack of a smile on his face. He toes (kicks) the welcome mat beneath him, and Sasuke sighs.

“I understand that you didn’t leave me on purpose,” he says and the other looks up in surprise, waiting in hope. “But you did. And nothing’s going to change that fact.”

Naruto nods emphatically. “I get that.”

“Do you?”

Curiously enough, the blond doesn’t back down from his question. He straightens tall and says with conviction. “Yeah. I do.” Sasuke’s breath hitches and he coolly averts his gaze.

“And I get that _that_ wasn’t right… that you should ignore me and I shouldn’t be here, bothering you,” Naruto fiddles with his hands while he scuffles in his stance, and despite being uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, he continues. “And I read up, and you know that I know, that it’s your choice anyway and you can say 'no' anytime.”

While he’s talking the sun shines brighter upon them, highlighting the fact that he’s tightly gripping to his shirt. And his hair, Sasuke belatedly notes, to which he promptly deletes from his mind. “But that was last week when I didn’t know shit what I was doing...” Naruto ceases hiding, and looks him in the eye.

“What do you think you’d stand to gain now?”


	7. Chapter 7

The die clicks in step, landing on a three and a one.

“Landed on the Income Tax again, Sasuke.” Sasuke nods mindlessly, and he hands back the 200 he’s only just received to his mother. Upon Itachi’s words, she smiles softly at him.

“Don’t look so sad, sweetheart, you’ll make a comeback.” He nods again and his eyes return their attention to the game board.

Ever since Naruto has left his mind has been in a state of flurry. The severity of what he’s agreed to try only just begun to dawn on him and in a single tick – _‘What do you think you’d stand to gain now?’_ – the gears of his mind begin to move. He’s thinking that despite the fact he made the loudest scoff, nearly laughed after hearing that (always the big talker) the dumbass could be… scarily right. But about what?

 _‘I wouldn’t know.’_ He had said aloud but his mind betrayed him, betrays him even unto now. He dreams.

He pictures a dungeon, red and dark and colorful with tortures of choice spread ominously. There’s just enough light to make an outline of things but it’s dim, as if this were a dark room to develop photos. The air is still. Quiet. A woman is tied up in a complex knot, hanging weakly, and the braided texture of rope is particularly vivid in his mind. He sees yellow-brown, crisp, frayed strands, stiffened up like dry grass. The rope slithers and cinches somehow at the same time, and he feels it’s red-rough, itchy tightness. He gasps and the scent of salt, oil, and hemp slams into him, swarms his nose. In a blink, he sees himself.

With Naruto.

He doesn’t want to focus on that too much.

 _‘Me neither,’_ Naruto had laughed too loudly and shrugged and Sasuke’s thoughts always derail him at the worst of times. _‘But I do know one thing…’_

_‘I think I’d stand to gain a lot with you.’_

Sasuke mouth thins. What could have possessed him to say that? Weirdly phrased, and not in the least romantic, it does nothing to convince him to agree to another whatever-thing-it-is-that-they-have. Nothing. Not to mention, its Naruto’s opinion, one of many of which he never valued. He would’ve trashed those words like usual, call him stupid and maybe punch him in the throat for good measure. Naruto would punch back…

Except it’s exactly what Sasuke wants to hear.

Naruto spoke the truth, or what he believed to be true. He meant it, determined blue eyes and everything. But more importantly he was just that, determined, stubborn to get the most out of his BDSM fix as much as Sasuke himself. Given the sprouted opportunity between them, (and what a coincidence) he’s just as determined not to let things go. _Like business_ , Sasuke thinks, nodding minutely. Just two guys, prospectively interested in tying each other up, in a purely clinical fashion.

Right.

Sasuke swells with a rush of anticipation and despite himself, a little hope. It’s the same feeling he gets with another of Kakashi’s books except stronger, headier. Through his throat he can feel his heart beat harder, and it thumps in waves. Maybe-

“-you’re going to be left behind!”

He blinks dumbly. He’s sitting with his family around the living room table, with the sound of distant cheering, his dad’s half-hearted grumbles, his mother’s quick condolences. Nothing registers. Panic slowly creeps up his legs, and his muscles freeze under his skin.

Something could go wrong.

Again.

The thought is consuming and it cruelly stomps the sharp excitement he’s felt only moments before.

He doubts Naruto (as he doubts everyone) but this is the first he’s wanted to be wrong. To be stuck out in the cold isn’t his idea of “fun”... neither is it how he wants to spend his future whatever-it-is-things with Naruto. Waiting to be saved. Just the thought itches under his skin, and he scratches against his inner wrist. This isn’t how he wanted things to be like. At least, not so extreme.

 _Yet-_ When the die appear in his line of vision, all white and black and no grey, Sasuke blinks rapidly in his surprise.

“Sasuke?” Itachi says. He doesn’t respond when he takes the dice offered to him, dropping them immediately after transfer. Again. A three and a one.

“Is there something wrong?” his brother inspects him closely, zooming his eyes all over until focusing in on his hands. “Something wrong with your wrist?” he asks and Sasuke freezes.

Without even realizing, Sasuke continued thumbing his inner wrist, pushing at the blue-green vein and rubbing over the bone from side to side. He hasn’t stopped. With a guilty aversion of his eyes he drops his hands, belatedly gathering the money to buy the property he’s landed upon.

“No, nothing,” he says.

_-what if something goes **right**?_

His hands fumble. He’s frantic, thumbing at the ends of colored paper money, minutely shaking, and his eyes widen.

Sasuke doesn’t know which is worse: another massive fuckup or the fact that after tomorrow he doesn’t know what’s going to happen between them… Won’t know. Kakashi’s books are not even close to a precedent. This though, is distressingly real, enough to make Sasuke sweat in apprehension. It could go wrong and then he could dismiss Naruto permanently or, (and he hesitates to think this) it could… work. It could hurt.

(It’ll _hurt_ something interesting and then his breath will come sharper with every exhale and then-)

 _A full-on relationship,_ his mind unhelpfully supplies.

When his father clears his throat, Sasuke crashes out of his reverie. Quickly. “I don’t want it anymore, not worth it.” He returns his hands to his lap.

It’s a little awkward of a game after that, but Sasuke doesn’t care. If his brother looks at him every few seconds then that’s entirely his prerogative, but he won’t get anything out of him (and he’ll lose the game for once). Sasuke resolutely focuses on not touching his wrist and keeping his mind blank. Until tomorrow. No dark room dungeon, no forests, no belted wrists, and no Naruto. Definitely, no Naruto.

…

He can’t sleep.

He falls asleep in class. The teacher finds out after twenty minutes. Now his mind is too preoccupied to fall asleep again. Naruto naps at his desk too, crusty drool and everything, but that’s probably to be expected.

…

It’s too quiet. They are on opposite sides of Naruto’s bed, sitting stiffly and without eye contact. Neither of them have spoken and neither have left. Sasuke can hear Naruto’s long, drawn breaths, as if the dumbass were manually forcing air into his lungs, as if he were reminding himself to breathe. He can feel the bed frame and mattress shaking – Naruto, who bounces his leg in palpable nervousness. Sasuke sighs.

In spite of the muddy tension in the air, Sasuke resolutely grips at orange comforter, grounding himself - or keeping from running away. He capitalizes on the silence (because he’s definitely open to distractions) to observe Naruto’s room.

First to note it’s messy, much like his own. Wild. Haphazard. Only here, there’s too much crap. With hastily stacked cds and games, comics and magazines, funny articles and rocks, all on the floor no less, Sasuke gets the feeling that Naruto is a bit of a pack rat. Memorabilia swarms in color, (mostly orange) and assaults his eyes. He blinks and commits the room to memory.

But the random artifacts aren’t what truly hold his focus. In every corner of the room, fastened to their posts at the doorway or plugged in the nearest open outlets, are all manners of exercise equipment. There’s a treadmill and a pull-up bar, weights and its supplementary bench, jumping rope, and one neon-bright yoga mat. There are actual loud speakers. Looming, the dark, metallic machinery dominate the room space, blocking easy escape. Sasuke shifts away from the bench frame digging into his knee, unknowingly placing himself closer to Naruto. The room however, seems to follow. It contracts into focus, twist and locks, until all he can distinguish is the stink of rubber and aged sweat.

This isn’t what Sasuke had in mind when he thought of a dungeon. Far from it, in fact. It seems like a poor man’s substitute, a weak attack to his fear sensors. He still doesn’t know if it has anything to do with anything, a workout plus BDSM seems so farfetched and he furrows his brow in confusion. In actuality, Naruto could’ve just forgotten to clear the space. Or that this is just a trick.

Still. He can’t deny the uncanny parallel. Exercise does hurt.

“Impressive,” he says because he is officially tired of silence, especially coming from one certain Uzumaki. It disturbs him more than the random shit in the room. “Aren’t you going to put them back?”

“No,” Naruto says.

Sasuke’s stomach flips, and he looks at the equipment again. His gaze is devouring, curious, and earnestly intrigued. His knee raps against the bench. He clears his throat.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Silence. Irritating. Naruto only stops bouncing his leg and turns to face him, but he doesn’t act the way Sasuke wants.

“Nothing, Sasuke. Just prepping myself.”

“Are you done?” The Uchiha huffs and crosses his arms. He glares at Naruto. “I could go if you’ve got nothing to show for me.” Tch. Sasuke twists his mouth and internally berates himself. He doesn’t want to leave yet, at least not until this is officially over.

Naruto coughs awkwardly. “I do actually,” and he pulls his back pack from under his bed. He whips out crumpled notebook paper. “Here.”

Sasuke doesn’t need to hold the paper to see what it says, even with Naruto’s horrid handwriting. “A contract? Really?”

“I had to! We were supposed to since the beginning!”

“But handwritten? Lined paper?” Despite himself, Sasuke could feel his lips twitch. How quaint. “Way to not be sexy,” he quips and promptly accepts the contract.

Naruto flushes to his ears and pushes a pencil in his face. “Shut up, Sasuke.” He snorts and skims the page:

"

Chosen safeword:

Name/title of top in scene: Naruto Uzumaki

Name/title of bottom in scene:

Scene/play: Exercise

Limits?: Blindfolds

"

“You didn’t write in my name.” Sasuke looks up at Naruto.

“No,” he responds with a cool shrug. “I thought you could do that yourself.”

Pause.

_What._

Sasuke’s mouth parts ready to say something, but the dumbass interrupts. “Did you want to switch?” he asks casually; Sasuke’s eyes widen. He blatantly gapes. Naruto continues. “You could be the dom or top or whatever… and I could be the sub instead.” A tan hand slowly moves to take the paper away.

The page crinkles under his grip. “No.”

“Then write your name.”

His heart pounds against his chest, Sasuke snatches the stupid pencil. Harshly. Naruto doesn’t comment.

Instead, all he does is stare. Like a slip under the microscope, two focused blues flit over his face closely studying at his lips, his nose, his hair, his neck. Lingering on his eyes. Sasuke pretends that he doesn’t notice, pretends that he’s re-reading the contract, and in his defense his hand twirls the pencil as if in thought. He swallows and fills in the blank.

 _‘Name/title of bottom in scene:’_ he reads internally, _‘Sasuke Uchiha’_.

Sasuke shoves back the paper. “I don’t care what the safeword is,” he says. Stupid power plays. Where does Naruto get to ordering him around already when they’re still discussing the contract?

( _Why did it take him a full minute to write his own name?_ )

That says a lot. Too much. And it rankles. He’s mostly miffed, however, that Naruto noticed that he needed it.

“Okay,” Naruto scribbles in something. “Any other limits?”

Sasuke glares. “Tell me exactly what we’re doing.”

Naruto calmly nods as if he expected his response. He waves a hand at all the surrounding equipment. “Nothing more than plain ol’ exercise. Is that okay?”

Sasuke’s incredulous. His eyes narrow in suspicion between Naruto and the paper. “That’s it?” he looks at the equipment again, this time with heavy skepticism and (maybe) a tinge of disappointment.

“You really trust me to do more?”

“No.”

“Then, yup, that’s it.” Naruto says cheerfully, his tone final. “Limits, Sasuke?” He shakes his head silently. The blond hums.

“The safeword is ‘Mandarin’.” Sasuke rolls his eyes. Another orange, really?

“Huh?” Ignoring him, Sasuke huffs his amusement and moves to stand up.

“Well?” he stares at the other, who remains seated and unmoved on the bed, who stares quietly back. “Let’s get this over with.”

…

Naruto’s been gone for over ten minutes.

After he had told him to take off his shoes and jacket Sasuke stood focused with an impatient glare, his heart hammering beneath his clammy skin. No backing down. It was all for naught however, Naruto hadn’t even been looking. He gestured where to put his things and stammered a quick excuse, tacking on an _‘I’ll be right back~’_.

Now, it’s 20 minutes. Bored, Sasuke seats himself, legs astride on the bench. He folds his elbows against the metal framing. It feels nicely cool along his underarms and he hunches at the back, resting his head on his hands.

The smell of Naruto’s room is heady. It’s old paper work and junk food, if the ramen-cups littered all over the computer desk are any indication, if the way he can see a couple of empty bottles and cans in a corner spells anything. It smells like boy(s). Plus now that he notices, it feels a little too warm. He scoots uncomfortably in his makeshift seat, itchy, and tempted to sit on the opposite, cooler end of the bench. His head is feeling heavy, he doesn’t move…

“-sleepy?”

Sasuke hears and he startles himself awake. Alarmed, his back straightens like a rod and his eyes close in on Naruto.

“No.” _Yes. I couldn’t fall asleep last night, no thanks to you._

Naruto nods in stride and motions Sasuke to a stand. Sasuke climbs over the bench and waits. They’re standing face to face when he says, “I almost forgot to ask: any health issues?”

“I would’ve said so,” Sasuke says while Naruto checks out his face, leaning back only to peruse the rest of his body. Blue eyes pause and backtrack, focusing on choice body parts. His muscles, his arms and thighs. Double-checking him like a piece of meat, or at least as if he were lying. Sasuke crosses his arms at the chest, a little ticked.

“Good.”

Sasuke can’t help the wash of sensation that passes through him at the word. It’s weird. “You?” he manages to blurt out.

Naruto gives him a familiar look of scrunched-eyebrow confusion, so he elaborates. “You have any health issues? Limits?” Already, he regrets asking.

Because Naruto’s smile is annoying, stupid and ridiculously bright. White teeth grin so wide Sasuke could roll his eyes. The blond scratches the back of his neck. “Well, not now, because I don’t know yet, but when we get there,” Sasuke’s brows raise but he doesn’t interrupt. “-there’ll probably be some things I can’t handle, yeah. And no, I don’t have any health issues… but thanks for asking!” Sasuke rolls his eyes.

Sometimes – he studiously follows the trail of blond hair, the mysterious scarred whiskers – he really can’t get a hold on Naruto and what he’s thinking. He always does the weirdest shit that both surprises and bothers him, like the staring (which he’s still doing now).

And, well, the contract. Which was a smart idea, if a little obvious.

But then to imply, no, the sound belief that they’re going to do this again… Sasuke really doesn’t know what to think of that. There’s a moment of companionable silence, where they’re both watching each other, and before it stretches into uncomfortable territory Naruto speaks.

“Sasuke. Take off your shirt.”

“Is that an order?”

Naruto pauses for what seems to be the longest time. “If you’ll let it be.”

Sasuke nods to himself and slowly peels his shirt. He wonders momentarily why Naruto hadn’t asked him to do this earlier, but judging from the tense atmosphere that instantly thickened, stifling his breath and weighing him down, he realizes that that would’ve been too much too soon. Already, things feel… intimate. Awkward. Hot. His muscles stiffen and the room gets smaller. Sasuke doesn’t know where to place himself, his hands. Though that may be in part how much Naruto is staring, just as befuddled as he.

This is probably the time when Sasuke should reassure him with his words, be honest and ease things, point for him as a top. The right thing. His brain however, is flailing, short-circuiting at the intimacy and he’s desperate for something familiar.

“Are we going to stand here forever?” he says curtly, his voice rushed. A successful icebreaker, already the tension dissipates into something recognizable and frankly, much more comforting. Anger.

Naruto visibly frowns before taking a deep breath. Or multiple deep breaths. “Stretching,” he bites out, more force than enthusiasm.

“Already did,” Sasuke lies.

Naruto stares at him then and his eyes harden. “Do them again.”

Sasuke’s lip curls but he doesn’t say a word. He bends at the waist and palms the floor. Mocking him. Seconds later he straightens, stretching high on his toes when he hangs his elbow above his head. Two perfunctory holds onto his ankles behind his back and then he’s pulling a white arm to opposite sides, the entire while his eyes on Naruto. Naruto’s eyes are on him too, not appearing the least bit inflamed. Which is unnerving. He needs him to get-

“Mandarin.”

As always the idiot surprises him. Sasuke immediately drops his arms, tucking his hands into his pant pockets, and he waits. Naruto appears to think before he speaks, his mouth twists as if he’s struggling to place his words. “You don’t have to be here,” he says.

He could laugh. “No shit.”

Naruto sighs loudly. “I’m serious, Sasuke, you don’t have to be here, if you don’t want to be here. If you don’t like to be here. No one’s making you stay.”

Sasuke glares. “I know that.”

Frustrated, Naruto grips at his hair. “Yeah, well if you knew that then you should know you can’t bait my emotions like this! That you can’t- We haven’t even started yet, it’s only been a minute in! Stop, alright. You shouldn’t make me mad.” His breathing is loud and wet-warm in his face. And his cheeks are flushed. Sasuke averts his eyes.

“…not when I’m in a position to hurt you,” Naruto deflates, his words muted, his shoulders slumped. The Uzumaki looks away from him then, hiding his face to no effect. The desolation in his voice is tangible, and it seeps into the air between them. Sasuke’s wrist tingles. “And I’m not going to punish you; it’s too soon.”

_Punish him?_

_‘Soon’?_

Naruto recovers. “Sasuke, if you have a problem you have to use your words here, you know, speak?” he mockingly points to his mouth. He mimes lips smacking with a hand. “Passive aggressive stretching does not work.”

Hn.

“Seriously. I want - no; I need you to tell me what feels weird or what you’re uncomfortable with, Sasuke. Or even what I’m doing wrong.” Uzumaki nears closer, face-to-face, toe-to-toe. Without much space between them, Sasuke can see the whisker-marks for what they really are: off-tan tattoos. Naruto’s eyes are seeking, deep, dark blue, flitting under blond lashes. They close in on his lips. He murmurs. “You could tell me what you don’t like… and maybe what you do like?”

Sasuke’s stomach constricts.

The idiot’s mouth splits in a grin and his eyes crinkle. “Seriously, though, don’t hold back, huh? Like you usually do with your words, the ones that always hurt and cut deep?” Sasuke nods mutely.

“So unless you have something to add… do them again.”

…

Sasuke has his hands set and gripped onto the steel bar. His feet are fully planted on the ground on both sides of the bench. His body’s level. His knuckles whiten. With a slow lift and lower, his shoulders and upper back muscles bunch up, and he starts his third set of 10. Bench-press. Naruto’s carefully watching, hands close and at the ready to catch any mishap. It’s annoying because the weights are much too light.

Sasuke strains a little (in his defense, it was his third set) and Naruto latches onto the bar. Sasuke glares. “I’m fine, stupid, let go.” With a deep breath, he continues. Naruto hovers.

…

His eyes burn when the sweat gets too much. It runs in rivulets, down the sides of his cheeks, the bridge of his nose. It pools into the dips in his face, the inner corners of his eyes, and into his mouth. He tastes his salt. It’s clean (for now) but pungent and powerful, and it starbursts onto his drying tongue. His fingers tighten on the steel bar above his head, but he can feel them steadily slipping. Still, he’s not too tired - the room is just uncomfortably hot.

Sasuke hangs deadweight while Naruto mops the sweat away from his eyes. The idiot is grinning.

“Did you turn the heater on earlier? When you left?” Naruto’s grin widens and Sasuke wants to knee him in the face. He’s close enough to do so; they’re only a step apart.

“Are you tired?” the idiot asks.

“Fuck you.”

Naruto laughs, bright and delighted and it’s not the reaction Sasuke was going for. He flings the dampened towel away from them.

“Can I take that as a ‘no’?” he says cheekily, grinning at him like they’re familiar. Sasuke’s mouth thins.

Indicating with his chin towards the steel bar, Naruto meets his eyes before he says. “One more pullup, Sasuke.”

The Uchiha doesn’t move. His breath calms, and air puffs through his nose. His arms are weakening, yes, but he’s not near the threshold where his form becomes sloppy: where he cheats, using a forced momentum of kicking legs that makes him look like a fish flopping from a hook. He’s (fortunately) not at that point yet. He hangs resolute.

 _Just one more._ He doesn’t remember the last time he’s done pullups but they’ve never been this hard.

Up.

-down.

Sasuke wants to let go of the sweaty bar, finally kiss his feet to the ground, but he hasn’t gotten the permission.

“Again,” Naruto says, aware of his predicament.

Sasuke pauses. His brow furrows. Granted, his arms may not be completely tired and his body still in peak shape, but he’s irritated. It’s been an hour following the rules – every miniscule, tiny little exercise Naruto makes him do on his orders - to no end. His mind is fed up. He’s done trying to compute whatever stupid game Naruto thinks he’s playing.

“What is the point of this?” he asks rudely, and Sasuke refuses to do another pull-up until he gets his answer. There’s no way he’s doing just a workout. There’s got to be more. Using his hanging position, he stares Naruto down.

“Does it really matter?”

 _That I could have been wasting my time doing exercise for nothing? Are you kidding me?_ He wants to scream. “Yes, you dumbass.”

Naruto doesn’t appear the least offended, he takes the insult in stride. He smiles softly, placating like he’s talking to a small child. Immediately Sasuke can tell that he’s not going to like what he hears. “I mean, does it really matter for _you_ to know?” He looks up, curious. “Sasuke,” he adds, belatedly.

As if that’d mollify him. Sasuke twitches but he remains hanging.

“I told you what we’re doing. I gave you a contract. You signed it.” Naruto tucks his hands in his pockets calmly, and he shrugs. As if to finish the look of complete ease, he begins rocking back and forth on his heels. “You don’t need to know why.”

Outwardly, Sasuke bristles. Internally, he’s panicking. His heart speeds, there’s a sinking feeling in the back of his mind that he doesn’t want to acknowledge as fear. Not that Naruto hasn’t made explicit his intentions or done anything abnormal, no, Sasuke’s not wary of another “mistake” again. He’s fine, Naruto’s proven himself learning, and he can speak up or actually kick him.

(But.)

Sasuke’s heart constricts, tighter, harder in his chest, and it’s getting difficult to swallow.

He’s never had anything to do today, despite his earlier thought of wasting time. If he were to be honest with himself he had embarrassingly made time in order to be here. He came prepared and god forbid, looking forward to this if only because despite him being _Naruto_ , despite what happened _~~I think I’d stand to gain a lot with you too.~~ _ He doesn’t want to find out that he’s been exercising needlessly, the brunt of a joke.

So Sasuke says. “These exercises are stupid.”

“And? You don’t want to do them anymore?”

“Not unless you have a good reason.”

Naruto shrugs. “There is no point,” and Sasuke’s stomach drops. Naruto crosses his hands behind his head, looking up at him. “I’ve been making you do useless shit for – what is it now? – two hours. And it was completely for my amusement.” Staring at him blue eyes piercing, he asks with intent. “Do you want to leave?”

His voice is louder than usual, the tone or the silence after, or the way it rings and makes itself known about his head. Naruto’s expecting, he’s different when he’s being this fake-ass casual, asking as if he didn’t care either way. When the boy only leans more relaxed, fingers linked and body open, Sasuke frowns. Out of the both of them it’s he supposed to care. He’s _Naruto_.

This thing between them is weighted, only getting heavier by the second; Sasuke blinks.

“No,” the strength of his voice surprises him. It’s forceful and loud and a scary, bad word but he won’t take it back, he can’t.

“Then what do you want?” Sasuke averts his eyes from Naruto’s. When he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to say, the other huffs in empty amusement. “More?” Naruto scoffs.

Silence. Sasuke stills in his position, and his prior dangling feet freeze as if the lack of motion would afford him invisibility from Naruto’s gaze. His brain halts in its tracks, and he can’t think of a single thing to say in response. The only thought lingering in his mind, clear and coherent, sings strong: _hang-hang-hang!_

Naruto cocks his head. “Another pull-up, Sasuke. Go.”

Sasuke swallows and clenches, the metal under his hands is unbelievably wet and sticky warm. He tests his grip, twisting his fists like revving a motorcycle and he takes a deep breath.

Up-

“Hold it.”

His muscles bunch, elbows pulled back, trapezoids flex under flushed skin. His mind only notices now, the shiver-inducing, tickle of perspiration, how it runs with gravity and dips into his navel, how it parts through his small back hairs. It’s only a murmur of a distraction.

His arms _screech_.

If he doesn’t say the word… Sasuke trembles, an earthquake as his biceps and triceps and every damn muscle in his body tries to keep his chin above the bar. His neck is stretched long straining, and his feet struggle. Sasuke’s holding his breath, he knows he shouldn’t and that’s bad form but it’s hard to keep from this drowning. He faces the ceiling and he’s about to drop but he fucking can’t until-

“…hold it,” Naruto says, stretching the word out.

“I am!” Sasuke barks and his face reddens even further, over-exerted and blotchy. “ _Naruto-_ ” he gasps, and his body shakes.

“Stop.”

Sasuke drops. Hunched, hands on bent knees, he has to wait to get his strength back; Naruto has to watch while he pants desperately. Blood rushes into his limbs, flooding his arms with pin-pricks... And then that _relief_ spans his body in waves like coming at the end of a finish line, Sasuke wants to hold and feel until it fades. He tensed his muscles for so long they involuntarily tremble; shit, he needs to stop vibrating.

Sasuke locks his sweat-slicked knees, or at least he tries to with difficulty: he can’t control his arms.

“I got you,” Naruto says right in his ear. He pulls him by the hand, hot wet and post-exercise shakes; Sasuke let him. And then he walks him to his bed. Sasuke could be pissed when he’s just shoved into the mattress like some throwaway thing but his throat is thick and his head is heavy, and he doesn’t care what it looks like Naruto coming after him, _yes_ , fuck, he’s been waiting for this. He groans, appropriate protest and his back kinks melding and the smell of salt potato chips, he’s lax and pliant against Naruto’s pillow. Naruto snorts in humor and Sasuke’s too tired to tell him to shove it, he flips him the finger (but he doesn’t really mean it.)

It’s minutes and right before he's about to pass out, the idiot.

“-more?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my lateness.
> 
> This is not a "sexy" chapter, and that's the route I plan to take when concerning most future bdsm scenes throughout this story. Basically, no hardcore toys. Hopefully still some fun though ;)
> 
> [I practically copied and pasted the contract from here, nsfw ads](http://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-contract)


	8. Chapter 8

“We can continue with pushups. On the floor, hands and feet,” Naruto orders and the niggling notion that Sasuke could refuse blares for the nth time today. In truth, he should.

Silently, Sasuke complies. Naruto doesn’t know how much faster his heart can speed up. “We’re going to do a set count of 30 pushups, and this time you’re going to count off the numbers. But you stop when I tell you to, got it?” He squats before him, watching as his breath blows against Uchiha bangs, lightly ruffling the dark strands. So much thick hair. He kinda wants to do it again.

When it’s been too long and quiet (and he knows Sasuke’s arms are tired, even if only because they haven’t moved yet) the teen before him gets twitchy. “What kind of confirmation are you waiting for?” Sasuke says, raising his head to aim his patent glare. It’s an innocent question if a little rude, but Naruto nearly freezes in his tracks.

_I’m not waiting for a confirmation._

“Nothing,” Naruto lifts his mouth a little, but it stretches thin on his face. Less of a smile, more of a grimace. He tries to get his voice back. “Go.” Sasuke counts.

“-stop,” he says and is listened to. It’s addictive. Naruto milks in the way Sasuke pauses mid bent and looks up at – him, just him – in expectation. “Slower,” he says.

_Don’t leave just yet._

The Uchiha nods stiffly. “Three… Four…” Naruto watches and listens to the inevitable count towards his end. His eyes track the other’s motions; how Sasuke exhales sharply at the floor, his long fingers adjusting themselves at every bend of the elbow. How he cheats a little in the exercise and tries to widen the space between his hands.

Damn, he’s already gonna miss this. “Diamond pushups, Sasuke, keep it together.”

“Shut up. Sixteen… Seven-teen…” Naruto smiles at the waver in his voice.

If this is the only scene he’ll have before Sasuke leaves, then he’s going to take as much as he can. At the very least the last thing the other will be thinking of won’t be _then_ … and hopefully instead something more successful. Hopefully. Though he wishes that that was enough for him to stay and maybe come back again. Soon.

(Dammit.)

“Thirty.” Sasuke says pointedly, loud and clear just for his ears. In his crouch, Naruto notes his face – what used to be pale and composed is now bright pink with exertion, ruddy and sweat-slicked. His black hair now sticks to his forehead, his eyes glare at him (nothing new there) but his mouth... Naruto can’t help but zero in on thin lips, forced open to a crack. He watches as Sasuke’s lungs breathe in quick succession and he listens to light, airy panting.

He swallows. The Uchiha doesn’t move out of his pushup-ready position: his arms hold, waiting. Meanwhile, Naruto’s gut flips.

“How do you feel about another break?” he says quickly.

Sasuke frowns. “I’m not tired.”

Laughing nervously Naruto scratches the back of his neck, thinking how best he can excuse himself and the beginning heat in his tummy. He prays he’s not blushing.

“Well,” he says with his eyes averted. He can’t stare for too long, not when he’s so obviously looking at parted lips. “That’s weird.”

In a flash, black eyebrows furrow dangerously. Naruto braces (berates) himself. “Is there something I should be rested for?” Sasuke snaps irritated, and he shuffles on his palms.

... It’s amazing that he’s still doing that.

“No.” Yes! “Maybe. Depends. There’s just one more exercise after this, but it’s not that hard.” Naruto shifts uncomfortably. His thighs burn, itching with the need to stand already. Sasuke’s look however, keeps him in his place.

“What, then?” he asks, and if Naruto didn't know any better then his voice sounds:

Curious.

Naruto turns his neck and meets dark eyes. He takes in Sasuke’s stance, poised despite holding himself with only his hands and feet, calm and detached. Indifferent. At least, that’s what Naruto would first think. As he looks more closely, the Uchiha remains sweaty and still pinked at some places, his long arm muscles bunch and strain with his weight, having worked themselves for at least a combined half hour.

Yet those black eyes follow him, focus on him, waiting besides themselves for more information.

Yeah, Sasuke’s no average bottom in the familiar sense. The Uchiha’s got not an ounce of feelings for him whatsoever – love, lust, trust, respect, not one – and Sasuke repeatedly makes sure that he knows it. Not that it isn’t warranted; Naruto doesn’t deserve anything, least of all from him.

Yet. That doesn’t mean Sasuke doesn’t care. He’s at least, curious. And at the very, very least, vaguely interested. He’ll stay a little longer; he won't walk way just yet.

Naruto can work with that.

Unable to help himself, his lips stretch into a grin. “How do you feel about ice?”

…

Naruto forages his freezer for one ice cube tray. He knows he had one, he had thrown it in the back only last night. His fingers are numb from the fumbling, paling in color, and he’s wasted enough time. One by one, he removes every food item in his freezer, stacking leftovers he’s never eaten in months. He finally finds the tray and stares at it.

This isn’t going to work.

The word just tumbled out of his mouth. Ice. Yesterday, he had dismissed it as a play option as quickly as he thought it; Sasuke surely would’ve bolted. The mere thought still gives Naruto a punch in the gut.

In fact, he still could.

Now he’s cornered himself big time. He has no idea what to do when he gets back to his room but he can’t go back empty (and hopefully not to find it empty either). And the contract, the same contract that they're intending to walk away from. Naruto doesn't know what about that because he's the last person that should be allowed to try new things... not like last time. But fuck, does he ever want to. Especially with-

Well; he shouldn't. And yet, he is. The Uchiha agreed and at this point Naruto’s desperate. Desperate and clawing to keep Sasuke’s curiosity from waning, from getting even the least bit bored. Because he doesn’t want to lose this only chance with Sasuke, not when they’re so close like this.

(Because his mind’s running races ahead of him, thinking, planning that flushed body in real time, fitting the pieces have never felt so right, they hadn’t even finished yet and he wants another.)

Too late, anyhow. Naruto’s almost assured Sasuke has made his decision and no matter how many times he projects his wants he doesn’t think anything could sway the other. With or without ice. He had done screwed up, and he should be grateful for whatever-reason-it-is that Sasuke’s even here.

The tray meets countertop in rhythm, loud reverberating hits: _clang-clang-clang._

What is he supposed to do now? _Clang._

...

When he gets back to his room he nearly drops the bowl of ice in his hands.

“Sasuke, you don’t… you were supposed to be taking a break,” Naruto’s gut twists itself, his throat is tight and this time he intentionally places the bowl down before it falls. “Why are you still-?”

The teen flushes bright red and Naruto can’t determine if he’s blushing, or if his body is exerted. He doesn’t know which is worse ( ~~better~~ ).

Dammit, now he's red too.

Slowly, as if conscious of the scrutiny of blue eyes, Sasuke bends at the knees and finally relieves his weight off his hands. He promptly rubs his palms against his pant-thighs and his face pinkens even further.

“Why didn’t you say so? Dumbass." Naruto would bristle at the jab but even he can hear how empty the insult was. Sasuke has his face turned away from him, and his voice is stilted.

“I guess I forgot.” _Bullshit._ “Do you wanna take your break now?”

“Fine.” Naruto sits himself down. He pulls the bowl closer with his fingers. Pushes it back. Pulls. It jumbles and bumps as he rolls the bowl over his carpet, outlining a path of fibers from the friction. He doesn’t look up at Sasuke and currently he’s sorely tempted to dump his face in the ice. Maybe that’ll shove his own blush down.

They’re just sitting here in silence. Again. It makes him nervous, makes him think, and the thoughts he has can’t possibly help him now. Naruto has to try to be friendly. “You’re pretty fit, Sasuke,” he blurts.

The statement is the one thing to break the awkwardness. Sasuke raises his head suddenly and gives him a look.

“Is this a ‘do you lift’ question?”

“No way," Naruto laughs. His eyes skim over long torso: lithe and trim and pink around the chest. A runner’s physique. “It’s a what-do-you-do question, because I’m curious.”

He wasn’t lying. Sasuke is fit and it shows. He just wants to know. Naruto himself lifts a lot and could argue that his arms and chest area are bulkier than the Uchiha’s… it doesn’t look as if that’ll be too much of a contest. But then again, he peruses the kneel the other sits in. He can see how dark pants strain and stretch at the seams, hiding what he believes to be powerful thighs. And calves. No wonder his kicks hurt.

“-think maybe you should ask my fitness capabilities before we got started?” Sasuke accuses, arms crossed along his front. Naruto winces visibly. He’s right. “I don’t ‘lift’ or ‘do’ much of anything, if you were really interested. I walk.”

“Oh.” Naruto says lamely. He doesn’t want to admit that he had thought otherwise, at least after examining his body so closely. That wouldn’t pan out so well.

“I’m done,” Sasuke announces with a crack of his arms and neck. He’s looking intently at the bowl of ice and only at the ice. If Naruto didn't know any better... “What’s next?”

He replies. "I’m going to need you on your hands and feet again.”

Sasuke moves _fast_.

He notes how dark eyes glance up at him once before side-eyeing the ice. And Naruto, if only to test reality and what he’s seeing… he plucks up a cube with his forefinger and thumb, squeezes it until his skin whites.

Holy shit, he’s actually following.

With a shaky breath, Naruto turns away from Sasuke’s gaze and folds over the ice with his fingers. The block had already been melting, the heat of the room has assured of that. It’s slick inside his fist. And cold.

“Bend your elbows to the ground.”

Sasuke drops. He figures a plank position is much easier for him than holding himself on his hands. “Now wait.”

“For what, idiot?” Sasuke taunts, but his eyes never meet his face.

Naruto keeps silent. They wait. In the palm of his hand, the ice cube melts. Water drips, and the carpet below darkens in color. He lets the liquid trickle and fall, lets the water travel down his arms only to gather in a droplet on his elbow. He opens his fist and presents the melted water to Sasuke’s eyes. With the cube disintegrated and nothing left, the water in his hand dries. Then, Naruto picks up another cube and starts again.

“What the fuck?” Sasuke cuts.

His fist crunches. The ice inside makes a thick sound – walnuts grinding, cracking – and he tightens his hand even further, straining his knuckle tendons. Sasuke jumps at the initial crunch, and his body tenses. This time Naruto flicks the ice pieces on to the floor, almost distastefully. He picks another cube, and Sasuke keeps silent.

Naruto needs to kill his time, make him wait it out a little.

“This is kinda going off-contract, you know that?” Naruto asks casually, though his pulse picks up speed.

“I think I’m aware,” the Uchiha’s fists tighten. The tendons in his hands bulge out, blue-green veins against white. His hair hangs past his chin, black tips brushing his arms. A shake. “If I didn’t want something I’d say so.”

“Okay,” Naruto says as his chest fills without his permission. He promptly stomps his growing hope. “And if you did?” He’s aware that it’s been over a minute. Sasuke’s shoulders vibrate, a full body tremor as he tries to keeps his hips level.

“Oi, you’re doing a downward dog.”

Sasuke growls. “Then would you hurry up and get on with it!”

“Get on with what?” Naruto pushes, and with a cold hand he covers a shaking fist. Sasuke gasps loudly. “Where do you want ice?”

When Sasuke remains silent if only for his heavy breathing, Naruto’s fingers tap freely, brushing against and playing with the ends of Uchiha hair. He pinches at strands, ringing clumps of black like a bell while Sasuke’s head bobs in tandem.

“C’mon, the ice is melting.”

“Just,” He only pants louder. Naruto can hear the intake and outtakes of breath, and forgive him that he responds in kind. It’s kind of hot. Too bad it’s from the exercise. “It doesn’t matter anywhere I don’t care,” he says in a rush.

“Sasuke-” Naruto wants to be kind, really, he does, but his heart is accelerating, faster, faster and he doesn’t want to end whatever this is.

“Fuck!” Naruto watches him struggle, his fists curling–uncurling under his dark gaze, slowly, consciously. They shiver. His whole body shivers. “On,” A sharp gasp. “-on my neck.”

It’s crazy how Naruto can feel scared and happy at the same time.

His gut begins flipping its shit in a way that hurts only too good, he picks up another cube. The Uchiha can’t look up, he’s too focused on his plank. Naruto doesn’t mean to drag things out but he moves slowly, swiping away sweaty hair from Sasuke’s nape. He hesitates. The last time he touched him-

No. No, no, no. He knows logically that it’s just an ice cube and there’s only so much you can do with an ice cube, but then again it’s _his_ hand. And Naruto… he doesn’t want to do something stupid twice, he doesn’t want to hurt Sasuke like _then_. He wants to do better, the best by him.

It’s a scary thought.

(Or it’s either for Naruto to watch again Sasuke in a precarious position and he won’t get out, for the boy himself to shake and curse his name, and groan like he did the first time-)

Sasuke sinks in his hips and strains. Naruto makes a decision.

“Right here?” He knowingly places the ice at the nape, an inch below the hairline. He covers it with his hand, holding it there. Sasuke’s neck is unbelievably hot and sweaty and his fingers pinch skin.

Quietly, the Uchiha’s breath hitches. Sasuke bends at the neck, his head bows as if it wasn’t low enough, forehead meeting hands. He hisses between his teeth like a snake, un-curled.

“ _Yes_ ,” The other teen shivers his approval, and somewhere deep in Naruto’s abdomen it burns. His groin gets heavy and heavier, his hands warm even though they’re supposed to be cold, his grip of ice and Sasuke’s neck relaxes. At least, he tries to. He only succeeds in rubbing into pink skin a dwindling block – and maybe his nails.

Fuck, fuck, shit. Three minutes.

“-lower,” Sasuke groans out in a strained voice. He’s shaking violently now: Naruto can see and feel it. Naruto removes his hand from wet neck, the last of the ice falls. The Uchiha’s breath hitches louder.

“Here?” He trails a cube along shoulder blades only to remove it immediately afterward.

“No! wait, yes – there.” Sasuke undulates in his limited position, his spine moves in such a way that Naruto’s glad he’s so focused on his plank. Sitting cross-legged isn’t doing him any favors. ( ~~He takes a moment to adjust himself.~~ )

“The middle,” Sasuke says. Naruto does. He starts from the bone jutting out of the nape of the neck and follows down, slowly down the length of spine. And then up.

Sasuke jolts. “It’s fucking cold!” His whole body jerks, electrified. Legs nearly slip and give out, socked feet scrambling to catch onto carpet.

Naruto barks a laugh. “That’s kinda the point.” He rubs what’s left of the ice into the dip of smooth back. It melts fast, and the sweat and water pools underneath his hand. When Naruto lightly leans into the dampness, Sasuke’s skin molds along his palm like plush – easily, obediently sinking at the touch of his fingertips.

 _He’s exhausted,_ Naruto reasons desperately, his inner voice is loud. Sasuke who let him touch him here, trail his fingers across his back, put him down a little. Who let him make him _bow_ , black strands hanging forward until the boy is kissing at his dirty, orange shoes, inhaling the cracked material and sweat-salt. The thought couldn’t detract any of the power he feels in his hand.

“-don’t let yourself hit the floor.”

“You’re pushing me!” Sasuke fights to regain height. His body’s definitely not in proper plank form any longer. He bows further, black hair shifts, his forehead digging into his fists as if he could force against the very Earth itself for balance again. He’s distinctly not winning.

Naruto can’t contain the humor growing, showing on his face. Even though Sasuke can’t see, he holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey. If you drop – well, the ice has almost melted anyway.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Sasuke whines, his voice cracking on a high note; Naruto smirks. The Uchiha’s close to ground, his stomach hovering by a mere inch. He struggles like a magnet, vibrating and sinking as he nears the carpet. Naruto wishes he could laugh at the face that Sasuke’s making, red and pinched and constipated. He can only peek at a half, the rest hidden in hands, but Naruto bets it would’ve been funny.

Except for the fact that it’s not.

Sasuke stretches long on his toes and _squirms_ – actually, Naruto doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing but his eyes help themselves and catch every violent, sudden movement. The easy smile on his face falls as he watches Sasuke take an ungodly amount of time to recover. It isn’t fair, but thank Jesus-finally, he’s done.

He’s in a proper plank position again even if a little tenuous. Panting the life out of him, the Uchiha somehow manages to lift his head. Instead of facing carpet, he gives him a victorious look. He cants his neck to the bowl and stares at him expectantly.

Naruto plays dumb. “What?”

It has the desired effect. “Oh, f-uck you,” Sasuke wheezes to the blond’s delight. It takes him effort to regain some composure. “My hair.”

-and he lowers his head asking, earning, and fuck, Naruto can’t name how he feels right now. His heart races, rhythmically calms at the same-damn-time like he’s superhuman. Or just an animal, he can’t tell anymore. He feels able; Naruto literally has Sasuke at his fingertips and his disposal and he knows exactly what he’s going to do.

“Your scalp, you mean.” His fingers play with threads from his carpet.

“M’scalp,” Sasuke says quietly.

It’s amazing how he’s still holding. Naruto, he doesn’t know how long it’s been he’s stopped counting, but he knows that had it been anyone else they would have flopped. Given up. What a testament for a piece of frozen water.

_That's why you_

He runs his fingers through Uchiha hair dry. Naruto, he doesn’t know how close they are or should be but he figures this is okay, this can’t possibly be more intimate than trailing ice all over Sasuke’s body. He lets himself play with sweaty, thick strands as he’s been thinking to do since the start and it feels... nice, it feels really relaxing. Like petting a dog. He’s glad he’s finally got the go ahead. Well, sort of.

“I-ice,” Sasuke asks/deserves/demands because that’s what Sasuke does. That’s all he can do, he’s struggling to breathe as it is.

Naruto grips onto hair tightly, his fingers pinching scalp. Without another thought, he pushes down.

“Haa-!” Sasuke’s head meets his tensed fists for the nth time. His arms tighten and lock themselves with the floor as sturdy as they could, even as the rest of his body quakes. Carding his hands lower, down the neck and past the nape, Naruto stops on bare shoulders. He pats the quivering skin under him once, and presses.

“-aruto,” Sasuke warns brokenly.

… Naruto ignores him and presses harder.

“the fuck- _oh_ ,” Sasuke moans when he finally meets the floor, waist first. He doesn’t restrain himself any longer, the Uchiha falls to the floor in exhaustion. His limbs spread and his head lolls, squishing a cheek to the carpet. His arms refuse to carry themselves much less his body. Naruto lowers him down, holds him down, until he remembers where he has his hands.

“That’s it, that’s it,” He pulls away, reluctantly. His fingers itch to rub at exhausted shoulders but he doesn’t stop speaking. “That’s good, Sasuke.”

“Mmm,” he replies, close-lipped and low. The Uchiha doesn’t really acknowledge him much, too relaxed to look up.

“Seriously, that was amazing,” _More than amazing..._ "I didn't know you could plank for that long."

Sasuke makes a muffled sound into the crease of his elbow. Naruto smiles.

"Hold still," he says, grabbing one of the many towels he’s brought and placing it on the tired Uchiha. "-though I don't think you'd move anyway."

He starts wiping. There’s a ridiculous amount of sweat dampening the towel, warm and sopping wet on smooth back; Naruto swallows. He never gave credit to the rumor of Uchiha’s and temperature sensitivity until now. Pink skin is burning to the touch, thrumming with blood, though already it's beginning to cool. Once he's done towel-drying in the coldest, most clinical manner he could manage, Naruto promptly digs under his bed, scrounging for a water bottle. Sasuke's gonna need it.

"-couldn't."

"Huh?" The boy in question turns his face towards him, watching him in his awkward position of a tipped cow as he reaches for the package of bottles he knows he keeps in his room. Naruto, he fishes a bottle from the plastic and proudly presents it to Sasuke.

"So..." _Do you wanna do this again?_ "How do you feel?"

"I couldn't." Sasuke states though he sounds more curious than accusatory. His voice turns lower, self-reflective. "Did I do something wrong?"

Naruto frowns. _Something wrong?_ it’s such a preposterous suggestion. He tries to focus on the question instead of how the teen before him struggles to open the water bottle, getting frustrated. He knows if he offered his help he’d be shot down mercilessly.

…though it feels kind of satisfying to see the effects he has on him, that the Uchiha can’t even open a little plastic.

Naruto shakes his head. Sasuke struggles to sit up.

“Hey, don’t move so soon,” his hands act of their own volition, holding and helping Sasuke off his stomach. He sits him against the side of his bed and the other bends his knees.

“Naruto.” The tone of his voice makes him halt, always that voice. Smooth, deep – now cracked, weighted, Sasuke needs only to say his name like that once to tell him everything. It’s a question and answer all the same, and Naruto, he hesitates to talk to him now that everything is done and there’s nothing else... This is the first they’ve been alone together in the same room without some undercurrent of aggression. He never thought he’d be so grateful of their fights, but at least it helped them “communicate”. Now, all he can do is panic and doubt, it’s just his name yet,

Maybe this wasn’t good enough.

Maybe… but hell, it _was_. He can’t recognize what Sasuke could be thinking, feeling, but he knows damn well this was one of the hottest, intense, craziest, and most terrifying shit he has ever done. Like all the good parts in their fights rolled up into one mere exercise session – it felt honest. It feels like for once he’s actually getting through to Sasuke, and although even that’s still difficult, he’s never experienced being as close to the Uchiha as he is now: sitting next to him, just as sweaty and tired and spent. And maybe, hopefully, happy. There’s so many things he’s feeling right now, but doubt is the last he wants to acknowledge. How could he doubt, he thinks as he looks at the only other person in his room, when he feels like this?

“Yeah,” Naruto says, focusing his eyes away from the Uchiha and onto his ceiling. He prays this is mercifully quick.

“We can’t kiss.”

 _What?_ He whips to Sasuke in shock.

“And since you’re an idiot and can’t make connections I’ll also state that we can’t have sex.” Naruto flushes violently, his eyes wide as he takes in Sasuke, who continues on like nothing happened.

“This isn’t a relationship,” he says pointedly, side-glaring at him with earnest eyes.

“Okay…”

“And I can’t do this all the time, I have after-school tutoring.” Sasuke, with a bit of his strength returned, moves to face him. After running assessing dark eyes along his body, raising goosebumps on his skin, he says. “You really did read up, didn’t you?”

Finally, Naruto has his chance to respond. “Yup! I-”

“Good.” More goosebumps. That voice, fuck. “Do some more.” And with that statement, Sasuke proceeds to a stand.

“Sas-”

“The ice melted?” He asks curious, as he stares at the bowl of water near him.

Naruto takes a glance. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve explained earlier but…” _I wanted to touch you, to be the one to give you…_ his heart swells, he swallows but his throat is dry. He doesn’t know how to speak.

“Hn,” Sasuke muses aloud standing tall: looking, staring, contemplating him. His tone is ominous. Naruto feels like he’s taking an important final test, on the edge of being judged. The wait is killing him. He desperately wants to pass.

“Let me know when you’re ready,” Sasuke says, gathering his things before he walks himself out of the room. Naruto sits, stupefied.

_What in the hell is that supposed to mean?_

...

There’s a knock on his door. Surprised, Naruto looks up from his near-permanent position on the floor. _Did Sasuke forget something?_ he thinks, looking around for what it could be, and the door opens to reveal...

_Dad?!!_

“Hey kiddo!” Jiraiya booms and the smile on his face only grows. White hair ruffled, he’s still carries his things, overstuffed travelling backpack filled with books (porn). Jiraiya raises his hands out wide in expectation of a hug. Or maybe to present himself larger. “Bet you didn’t expect to see me!” Naruto gapes.

“…why do you have all this equipment out anyway?”


	9. Chapter 9

It’s not like anything is too different. He sees Sasuke in school just like any other day, alone or with his weird posse of Juugo, Karin, and Suigetsu, but he doesn’t talk to him. He glances the few times they intersect, long, heavy glances, one-sided. When school is over they don’t speak or even look at one another, to the point where Naruto thinks he’s imagined everything - he gets a sharp pang of doubt in his chest. Until Thursday again, of all the days, when Sasuke comes over and they _play_.

He could cringe and shrivel at the word, but there’s no other way to explain it. They play (he can’t wait to admit that to someone) and then he tries to keep his distance. Sasuke doesn’t need help in that department, the boy leaves early, but they don’t fight. They _argue_ , and it feels as if inch by inch something crazy is happening, something is moving alive, but the Uzumaki doesn’t have the hindsight to see what.

Because Naruto - he can’t believe his luck, he can’t fathom how stupid, and he can’t help but notice how much longer the aftercare out of all things, gets. He touches Sasuke, Sasuke touches him… if he’s pleased, Naruto learns he makes a hum low in pitch and grates the sound of his name. A huff of a laugh like he’s making a mockery – or surprised every time, dark lashes fluttering closed at the suddenly gentle touch. Aftercare. Sasuke lets him have this, keep this close to his heart and forever in the back of his mind.

And then it’s over. Until next week. 5’oclock after school at his place and Naruto gets why Sasuke would refuse to go to the grounds. He doesn’t know how long this partnership-not-relationship of theirs will last but he hopes it does for a long time. He can only hope he doesn’t fuck this up.

…

Naruto comes home from school and he expects the house to be empty.

“You’re still here?” he exclaims and his dad winces visibly. Sometimes he really does need to invest in a mouth filter.

Jiraiya sits at the kitchen table with a pen in his hand. His white hair is free from its usual ponytail relaxed, yet he smiles grimly.

“Ah, latent animosity, though I think you get that from your father.”

Naruto snorts and throws his backpack to the floor. The table and couch are overflowing with stuff. “You mean ‘you’?”

“Hah! I’m where you get all your smarts and charm!” He points a pen at him.

“Sure, old man, I’ll believe it when I see it,” he says with a small smile. This is nice, he thinks, and he’s actually really glad his pops is still here. The man is usually waiting for him after a long day of school, and the act is refreshing. Naruto likes that much more than finding the house empty and dead silent. It gets kinda boring alone.

Though then again, it’s only been a few weeks but even that in itself is a record. Jiraiya tends to leave right about now, Naruto knows from experience. But he doesn’t want to get too comfortable with this. It’s kind of stupid he knows, and it won’t last but he doesn’t want to tell his dad what Iruka has told him. Not just yet.

“I’ve got good news, kiddo, you’ll hopefully like this.” His interest piqued, Naruto listens with a focused ear as he putters about his kitchen cupboards for ramen. He hears as Jiraiya puts his things away and closes his laptop with a click.

“I’ve met with some editors and well, I’m finally getting my old writing job back.” Naruto turns to the only other person in his kitchen, and visually greets a wide-toothed grin. Jiraiya, he sits wide in his seat, arms lax against the height of the chair, proud of his statement. There’s written notes and papers all over the table, his laptop is in use… Jiraiya nods minutely and Naruto’s eyes widen.

“Seriously?” His dad hums. “And that means…”

“You’ll be seeing a lot more of me from now on! How’s that for a souvenir?”

Naruto’s heart thumps harder. His lips twitch to a smile and he gives up keeping it down from his face. His cheeks hurt with the stretch but they mirror the look on his dad’s. “You’re kidding!” He begins to laugh.

“Of course I believed that readers would realize my greatness and want more after my death-”

Naruto grins.

“But earlier is good too.” Jiraiya wiggles gray, furry eyebrows in joke, and it looks absolutely ridiculous. His enthusiasm is infectious though, Naruto can admit that. It is good, great even, and his mouth slips as he focuses on his ramen.

Then again. He admits the timing is inappropriate but the only thing he can think of is Sasuke. Not that he isn’t happy.

“Ah, don’t flatter yourself, I’m still upset you didn’t get actual souvenirs… I always wanted something from Suna.” Naruto averts his eyes and onto the pot on the stove. He needs to watch this water boil.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe this summer we could go there? Maybe you’d want to visit Gaara?”

Naruto tenses. He wishes it would warm faster so that he could stuff his mouth shut already. Instead, quickly he responds. “Sure, yeah,” and he turns up the temperature.

“And maybe we can visit Tsunade aft-”

“About that,” Naruto starts and he’s officially tired of hiding. He was never any good at it. Not because he couldn’t stick to a lie and laugh things off but rather he’d lose his willpower way too soon. Plus, it is kinda stupid. He’ll eventually find out the hard way. “I wanted to tell you something.”

“Yes?” Jiraiya is patient and earnest in voice as he always is, and never judging. Leaning further in his seat focused attention on him, he never forces him to say anything. Just waits when he’s ready. He’s smiling. That’s his favorite part about his dad except now it only makes him feel guilty. Like he has to apologize or something, for not passing the year. But this isn’t something Naruto can apologize for and move on; this isn’t something he can easily solve.

Kind of like Sasuke.

“I’m not graduating this year,” he says and now he’s not so hungry anymore. Naruto turns off the burner.

Jiraiya is silent, too silent for a moment and it makes his stomach roll uneasily. Naruto’s sorry for being a mood-killer, but it’s not like he could keep it a secret for long. He forces himself to wait for a response. “I know,” his uncle says simply.

Naruto whips his head to face him. “What?”

“Iruka called me a month ago, since I couldn’t make it to any teacher conferences.”

Dammit. “You knew this whole time?” And to think he tried to go weeks without saying anything…

“I know, it was wrong of me to have played you for a fool. I didn’t want to force you if you were uncomfortable,” Jiraiya scratches a cheek with a finger, his tone subdued. “I was actually waiting for a chance for us to talk.”

Naruto pauses. He guesses that’s fair. It’s been a long time since he’s seen his dad and their last interaction. And Naruto, he was only too used to being alone, he’d forgotten how it was like before. Back when Jiraiya was always here. Because his dad was always ready to listen to whatever he had to say, and Naruto was always open to tell…

Now, however. “Okay,” Naruto says hesitantly and cautions closer. He stands at the opposite end of the table close to the kitchen exit. They have only one chair. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I just wanted to say that I’m here for you – and that I apologize if my absences had anything to do with-”

“No!” Naruto shouts, hands out as if to stop the conversation air itself. He surprises the both of them. “I mean, what the hell?”

“Well, it’d be understandable-”

“Dad, that’s not… it was probably going to happen like this anyway,” Naruto flounders and his hands grip the table cloth, twisting the fabric ends.

“Alright.”

“Okay.”

Naruto bites his inner cheek. “-is that all?”

“Well, is it?” Jiraiya asks with an eyebrow raised. Naruto nods wildly. It’s silent for a moment. Jiraiya, he stares at him waiting for him to spill his thoughts. That trick used to work back when he was a kid, but now Naruto knows better. All he has to do is just don’t look away…

“Oh-kay!” His dad says and the abrupt volume jolts him out of his skin. Naruto, his heart thunders in his chest, heavy and painful because holy shit, that was _loud_. “It’s just, it’s kind of nice to see you’re doing okay, especially with that Uchiha kid.”

His body goes cold. Naruto stills.

“What was his name again, ‘Satoshi’, ‘Sasore’, ‘Sa-’”

“Sasuke.”

“Yeah, him,” Jiraiya strokes his chin slowly, contemplating, and the motion makes him wary. He always does that before saying something big. “I knew him when he was a baby, though I knew his brother more.”

Naruto gulps. This is…

“So, I didn’t know you gotten back to being friends, huh?”

“We’re not-!” Naruto freezes mid-speak while images flash through his mind. He doesn’t know what he’d call him because he wants to be friends, always did and always will but… what they do isn’t particularly 'friendly'. “Sasuke’s only sort of my friend,” he settles though his mind runs frantic. A lie if he ever knew it.

“It’s complicated.”

Only too true. Jiraiya gives him a considering stare, watching closely his face for the tell-tale giveaways he’d always catch before. Naruto doesn’t have any now. It is true.

“Well, I just thought you should know that it’s fine to introduce me. I always catch him leaving though I remember those Uchihas being busy things,” Jiraiya chuckles and shakes his head of the memories. Naruto sighs in relief. “But I seriously want to learn more about you, I’m ashamed that-”

“Dad!”

“I guess memories got to me. Did you know your mother was friends with his?” Naruto’s eyes widen. Jiraiya nods knowingly with a smile. “Mm, they were close and it’s amazing to see that you two are much the same.” Naruto quickly looks away. “Plus, I imagine he’s a refreshing break from Kiba, you know, that kid’s dog chased me the other day-”

Naruto responds on rote. “Akamaru just wants to love you.”

“If it was any smaller I’d gladly let him – especially for pretty girls on the street!” Naruto laughs with force.

…

“It’s been a full month. Congratulations!”

“Oh, shut up, Kiba.”

“It’s a record. We should celebrate: ‘I haven’t fought-argued-or-talked about Uchiha Sasuke for the month of November’.” Kiba spreads his hands, visualizing the banner.

“You just brought it up.”

“I did because now I’m curious. What did you do?”

…

Naruto pulls the body under him closer, moves heavy arms across his shoulders. It’s awkward, it’s close, it smells like salty sweat and the teenage musk he gets when he sniffs his fingers. It’s heady. The room is hot and this time he didn’t turn on the heater. His mouth is flooded with spit, and his tongue swipes at cracked lips. Sasuke’s eyes remain closed, chest breathing in and out, and his arms tighten.

“Sasuke.”

“Mm.”

“Do you… would you...” _Just say it!_ “You wanna sleep over?”

The face before him frowns darkly. “Fuck no. No sex.”

“I didn't mean it like that!” Naruto shakes his head frantically, and the movement makes Sasuke twitch and grumble. He promptly stops. “I meant just for a little while. You know, so you can cool down.”

“Mmm,” Sasuke hums from the chest and shuffles closer. His skin is sticky warm. Naruto’s heart pounds and he holds his breath.

“Bed. Blanket. Two.”

He moves.

…

When Sasuke wakes up, he finds himself under a heavy body.

It’s Naruto, whose snoring open mouth drools against the pillow beneath his neck. The blonde’s breath – loud, raspy, annoying – ruffles his hair with every exhale, hot and wet against the nape of his neck. It makes Sasuke feel a little grossed, if only because he’s sweaty under these blankets, sticky-dirty under an orange comforter. It smells of morning breath and worse, of _Naruto_ , and Sasuke can’t believe he actually agreed to this. Naruto’s clothed leg is between his, his knee bent much too high. Sasuke pushes against the hard thigh down and out because that’s too close for comfort, the drag between his legs goes slow. He picks up and transfers the heavy tan arm laying across him, returning the limb to its owner. He untangles himself from the blankets.

Dressing in the clothes from yesterday, Sasuke puts on his shirt, shoes, and jacket and gathers his backpack. Naruto stirs in the rustling when he bends to grab his phone and check the time. It’s 5:37am. A Friday. Sasuke calculates that he has plenty time to head home for a shower and dress in new clothes, a quick breakfast, and make it back in time to school. He’ll cut into Kakashi’s homeroom if he has to. But no matter what he needs to leave. When Sasuke glances a peek at the snuffling teen in bed, who moves into his left-over warm spot grinning stupidly something in his dream, he grits his teeth. Yes; he’s overstayed his welcome long enough.

Sasuke is nearly out the door when he realizes someone else is here.

“Naruto?” A voice calls out to him, older, cracked and deep. The Uchiha turns around, surprise etched along his face though it’s still too dark to tell. Maybe he should’ve asked Naruto explicitly but he _had thought no one else lived here_ …

He’s going to kill that dumbass.

“Uh, no,” Sasuke responds rather than running away. He’s embarrassed beyond all belief. Shuffling the backpack on his shoulder, he forces his feet to stay rooted. Some modicum of respect, and shock and running would definitely make this worse.

“Then who the hell… Hold on, let me turn on the light.”

Crap.

Sasuke hears the floorboards creak, as what he presumes to be a heavy body move across the living room to get at the light switch. It’s slow going, it’s morning, he’s caught and he hasn’t a clue how to explain. He’s no thief, but still. There isn’t a viable reason why he’s here – been here all night. Or better yet, why he’s leaving.

The light catches, blinding his eyes in a flood of white. He blinks and he recovers, until Sasuke finds himself staring at a tall man wearing a sleeping kimono with fuzzy slippers. White long hair hangs cranky and wild, and the man scratches at his scalp. With a yawn he leans from across the room and squints at him, completely unfazed by what is a stranger in his house.

“Uchiha?”

“Yes?” Sasuke hesitates, he doesn’t know this man but apparently the man knows him. “I mean, yes.”

“Oh, Sasuke, sorry, I couldn’t recognize you for a moment.” He scratches at his belly through the slit of his kimono and scrunches his face in confusion. “Why are you here? Did Naruto… he didn’t tell me he was inviting a friend. Are you leaving?”

Sasuke shuffles uncomfortably under the elder’s gaze. He chooses to answer the last question. “Yeah.”

“It is…” The huge man glances at his wrist, “-close to six in the morning, where are you going at this time? School doesn’t start until eight for you guys, right?” With a concerned frown, he moves closer. Sasuke cringes visibly. Responsible, _caring_ adults. “I don’t know if you know Kiba, but I’m sure he’d give you a ride to school too, Sasuke.” The Uchiha remains silent, his eyes fixed away from the man before him.

“Unless you were headed elsewhere?”

Sasuke nods. “Home.”

“Naruto could spare a pair of jeans and a shirt?” When the man reads his grimaced expression, he coughs awkwardly. “I guess not. Can I take you home?”

Dark eyes widen. The Uchiha wasn’t expecting another live-in, but neither had he expected to be offered a ride on such short early-morning notice. He wants to leave before Naruto wakes up, however…

“Who are you?”

“Oh!” He barks in response and Sasuke startles. “Sorry, my manners. My name is Jiraiya. I’m Naruto’s dad.” He holds his hand out for a shake. Sasuke shakes the hand, quickly before slipping his palm back in his pocket. He nods mutely.

“Alright, just give me a few minutes.”

Jiraiya putters about only to get his keys and wallet, apparently choosing to remain dressed in his pajamas. He leads him to the car with a grin when Sasuke lets his face twist in disapproval.

“You think this is bad, at least it’s early for no one to see my hairy old man legs,” he laughs with a boom, one that jolts the teen. “Warn Mikoto would you?”

Sasuke freezes. When he swipes at his phone his heart still, he sees what he didn’t earlier in Naruto’s room. 6 missed calls. 13 unread messages. His voice box is full, Sasuke notes belatedly, as he peruses who has been contacting him. Only his mom, dad, and brother and two calls from Karin, but he never answers to her anyway.

“Hn,” he says as he shuts off the screen with a click.

…

Sasuke walks into his house and the first thing he sees is his mom, sleeping on the family couch. She’s isolated, the furniture against the far wall, closest to the stairs. It’s the ideal vantage point to face the front door, and the back door from within the kitchen. He’s silent as he creeps past her, her slim form underneath a single blanket, her pillow being the palm of her hand. Sasuke watches intently for any sign of movement and once satisfied, he moves to climb up to his room.

“You’re late.”

 _Motherfuck-_ Sasuke whips his head around suddenly near offing himself, only to face his older brother.

“Itachi.”

His brother gestures flippantly, purple nails glint in the muted kitchen light. “As you can see from the couch, Mom has been waiting for you to come home last night.”

 _Apparently, so have you. Only creepier._ “So?” He narrows his eyes.

Itachi responds calmly. “So, I feel the need to ask: where were you?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Actually it is.” Sasuke scoffs loudly. “Especially since this isn’t the first night you’ve come home late. Where’s Naruto?”

Sasuke grinds his teeth, instantly giving himself away. Itachi’s doesn’t hold himself back, always been one to move in for the kill. And he always makes the uncomfortably right guesses. He’s referring to not long ago, when Naruto had to pull him in by the shoulder, help him into his house because his legs _still_ wouldn’t work.

Sasuke had hoped that that was a one-time deal and that his family forgot. Of course Itachi would never let things go. It’s his genius, always right, perfect older brother.

Sasuke scowls darkly. “That was a month past. Nothing happened.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I said ‘none of your business’.”

“Did you and Naruto have a fight?”

He could laugh. “No.”

“Then why do you come home hurt?” Itachi asks, and for the first, satisfying time, he sounds earnestly confused.

Sasuke turns away. It’s not that he doesn’t want to placate his brother, his family, and their (arguably, he’s been independent for so long) valid worries. Assure to them that he’s not hurting himself or doing drugs, gangs or whatever crazy idea they’ve come up with. He’s just… he can’t explain it. He couldn’t stop looking forward to every Thursday if he tried. Sasuke needs this, needs to get this kind of thing and it’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s not _sick, it doesn’t need to be fixed-_

What he thinks is too hard to breathe, hurts his brain and his hands where his fists are clenched. Too much to explain. There’s isn’t any viable reason why… so he doesn’t bother.

Sasuke shuffles his backpack that’s on his shoulder and moves to turn away from his brother, from his sleeping mother. “I have school,” he says.

“Sasuke-!” He’s already gone to his room.


	10. Chapter 10

When Sasuke arrives in class, his teacher is in his seat. Sleeping, actually. Kakashi lounges in the too-small class chair, legs crossed and long, so that if Sasuke hadn’t looked prior he’d have tripped himself. A familiar book is open over his one eye, protection from the fluorescent school lighting. He breathes and the pages flutter.

“Stop faking and get out of my seat.”

Nothing happens.

Sasuke kicks the chair, ineffective, there isn’t even a scrape. What a fatass. He promptly dumps his heavy backpack in Kakashi’s lap.

“O _h_. Sasuke. I didn’t see you there,” Kakashi says and gingerly removes the bag off him. Hmph. Serves him and the school right for so much homework. Sasuke had rushed to finish everything in time at least for the first three of his classes, until lunch where he can finish the rest. It took all his skill multitasking, breakfast and math, dressing and English, but he’d done it. He won’t let the things Naruto and him do affect his school.

On the notion of Naruto, he looks around himself for a head of blonde hair, that one cowlick but no such luck. Figures. The idiot would sleep in if he could, which is ideal for him anyway. Sasuke thinks he couldn’t face him so soon.

Kakashi scratches at his scalp, his way of gaining his attention.

“Maybe I shouldn’t ask but…” he slips the novel higher for better sight and the picture he makes is stupid. Mask, scarf, eye-patch, and now a book. The bright orange cover contrasts starkly with gray hair. “What happened?”

Sasuke raises an eyebrow, the cool reaction a front while he desperately beats down his tickling self-consciousness. His heart races in his chest. “What?” he says and wills his teacher to catch the memo.

Of course, Kakashi never once let the threat in his voice stop him. He points blatantly at his collarbone, and Sasuke stops his hand from moving on instinct to cover himself. “That.”

“Backpack strap,” he says curtly, quickly, and keeps himself still when Kakashi moves in to take a closer look. Panic crawls under his skin.

“…my books are heavy, okay?” Sasuke averts his eyes and looks bored with impatience. It is true. His fingers twitch. “So I would appreciate the chance to sit and rest.” In response Kakashi hums, and with a sprightness that betrayed his earlier sleep-slump he moves to the next class seat. Sasuke takes his place.

The book slips over an eye, signaling the end to their conversation. The muscles in Uchiha shoulders relax, finally. Sasuke waits for class to start.

…

“And the great founder Hashirama expressed his interest to protect the forests of Konoha, starting with the environmental protection act of-”

_He’s looking._

Sasuke restrains himself from turning around and confirming this fact, his back tenses imperceptibly and he doesn’t think he wants to know. Plus, reminding Naruto of how not-subtle he is wouldn’t be in his favor. The idiot would either unnecessarily panic aloud, pick a fight if he’s being especially dumb and the process would repeat itself. Sasuke doesn’t care to find out. Keeping his eyes focused on the teacher in front of him, he takes his notes.

He should’ve left a note now that he looks back, it must’ve been abrupt for Naruto to wake up without knowing. Sasuke had only thought of himself, of the homework he still needs to finish, of a hot shower and maybe breakfast. He actively tries not to think too hard, especially how the situation looks from a far perspective. Because sleeping in the same bed after… is something questionable, though Sasuke doesn’t regret it anyhow. Even having spent the whole night and getting caught the morning of. Maybe that Jiraiya won’t see nothing of it, and the Uchiha leans comfortably back in his chair.

Still. Itachi knows too much and he doesn’t like that. Both times he’s come home after a scene, it’s his brother there to greet him. It’s annoying and embarrassing, because of all people in his family he’s genius enough to guess.

Shit. He probably has.

And how incriminating, Sasuke rushing to finish his homework on time at the kitchen table. Itachi had watched with a cool look, eyes assessing his every hand movement and he feels self-conscious even now. Sasuke frowns. It’s been awhile since he’s experienced his brother’s over-protectiveness, and he thinks he doesn’t miss the feeling.

He’d rather what he had before just a few months ago, the house empty, his father, brother, and mother working. Though that’s not happening, he thinks bitterly, and tries to forget.

…

“Sasuke, we need to talk. Would you come eat dinner with us?” His father’s voice was deep and gruff, like large car engines, he has to remain talking to keep up with the traffic of Sasuke’s attention. This consideration, this pausing and option of choice was so very unlike him, and the expectant silence was like an empty highway at night. It’s eerie.

Sasuke could only nod, as he was wont to do anyway, but instead of a return acknowledgement, or even without, he found himself staring as the two male role-model figures in his life, his brother and his father, smiled. At him?

He can’t remember the last time he saw his brother smile, much less his father, and it’s comical how his eyes widened. Too weird, he thought, one eyebrow raised in question his face flinched back a little. They’re still smiling, as if waiting for him to return the favor, but by now, Sasuke is so very disturbed. This moment thing has gone on too long for comfort and he really needed them to stop. He gestured. “Go?”

His father patted him on the shoulder, twice, and those unfamiliar hands felt heavy against his shirt. Itachi did much the same, he waited for him to walk ahead and followed with a steadying palm at his center back. Frantically, Sasuke’s heart pumped, and with enough time Itachi would soon find his hand come away sweaty. He felt so trapped; there’s this cloying air of familiarity, as they all walked down the stairs together, he could smell it but he’s been out of the loop. It smelled bad.

They reached the kitchen table, his mom had been cooking while he was holed up in his room, and now the scent of baked tilapia with lemon and pepper seared sharp through his nose. This used to be his favorite dish, he could taste a tang of citrus in the air and feel the warmth of the oven but he’s lost his appetite; he felt put off. She didn’t know he’s changed, that now he’s grown to like simpler things.

Not that he won’t eat it. Since his family had come home from business for a whole week now, he could figure that his mom had the time to buy groceries, because Sasuke knew he himself didn’t keep fish, much less fresh fruit in this empty house. This was his only chance.

Mikoto, she was smiling too, her red apron fluttering, as she brought food to the table and Sasuke stared warily at the meal before him. So surreal, he thought, and his brother ushered him to seat in his father’s place, a warm hand pushed down on his shoulder and black nails pinched gently, keeping him from getting up. Alarmed, Sasuke fidgeted and struggled to stand, Itachi!, but his father simply sat himself in another chair. He stared at Fugaku. “It’s okay, Son, enjoy yourself.” Sasuke could see his father begin to gather food, his brother calmly leaving his side, his mother in the motions of placing more lemons onto his plate.

Son?

Without a second thought, Sasuke pushed his dish away and heard his mom squeak when a lemon slice dropped onto the white tablecloth. He picked it up and threw it to his plate, but he didn’t look away from his dad, casual clothes and watch-less, who continued scooping rice.

He’s respectful, he’s patient, he’s understanding, but blunt. “What is it?” Sasuke asked, there’s a note of worry in his voice. Fugaku didn’t stop filling his plate, he passed the rice to his brother. His mom sat down beside him (still smiling!) she gathered some food for herself.

Sasuke’s really disturbed. There’s something wrong here, but he couldn’t figure out what. And no one would to tell him. He found some comfort in that: no surprise there. His mother asked if he wanted some rice too; she offered this bowl that looked heavy: they don’t eat dinner together much less do they scoop from the same source. He couldn’t help but stare, and she lowered the bowl to the table.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” and she looked so concerned.

He turned his attention to his dad and cocked his head, his eyebrows furrowed, mouth pursed: he’s every bit honestly confused. There is no bitterness in his voice, he’s not intended to be rude, when he said, “Why are you even here? Don’t you have police business to do?” and he waited.

He distinctly remembered that his father was looking to expand his police force, by integrating the local sheriffs at a larger scale, something his father had been meaning to do for a decade: when Sasuke was seven, to be exact. It was a move that would place Fugaku at the forefront of national justice, and it was only a quarter of a year now before everything would be finalized. This was his father’s original purpose, his final goal, and Sasuke figured that so close to finish line, now, more than ever, his father would remain hard at work.

But here he is, shoveling a spoonful of fish and rice, his assistant detective with him, who sipped water like nothing’s wrong, and his mother who’s supposed to manage the entirety of the Uchiha grounds, here, cooking!

“…I’m not hungry.” Sasuke stood from his seat and he felt sick. But mostly he needed to hear his father demand him to ‘sit back down!’ This much visible affection was freaking him out. His heart thrummed loudly as he walked from the kitchen table, a slow, measured pace belying the fear rushing through his veins. It is queer, however, that he made it so far, he’s at the foot of the stairs before his father finally responded.

“Sasuke… we sold the agency.”

_..._

Those last words still echo in his ears, louder than the lecture from his teacher now, he can never forget. It’s a broken promise. Sasuke has been long intended to work alongside his father, cattle designed for slaughter, he depends on that future just as much as his body depends on nourishment. It was his father’s dream; therefore, it is his dream. He needs it. If he could buy the damn agency back…

The longer his family stays at home instead of working, too close, watching, _knowing_ , the more paranoid he is concerning him and Naruto. The more he hates himself. Kakashi always talks of undue shame and all, the reason why he’s ‘come out’, reading his porn in public, but Sasuke’s supposed to better than this. A cop, right? An Uchiha.

...

“We?”

Fugaku’s smile dimmed a couple tones and Sasuke belatedly realized he had spoken aloud. However, it was legitimate question, he’d never heard his father admit to having part sway in a decision, especially one like this. It was always, ‘I, I, I,’ and no one else. This selling of the company, selling of what Sasuke knew to be his father’s life-long dream, stunk of Itachi.

He looked to his brother for guidance, but for once he couldn’t find him. Not that Itachi’s eyes looked away; no, it was like seeing white in snow, all encompassing, but blank. No help there.

His father cleared his throat and started again. “Itachi and I, and your mother of course, decided that it was best for all of us,” For all of us? “-to be here for you when you graduate… and of course, college. If you want to go, that is.”

Sasuke’s ears, he’s assured, weren't functioning properly. It had been a while since he’s seen a doctor.

“And we’re swimming in money as it is,” his dad chuckled, his mom giggled, “Fugaku!” and Itachi smirked. Sasuke couldn’t believe his eyes.

They all stopped at the face he made, a contorted mix of disbelief and un-surety. “What are you talking about?” He could feel his throat close up and his voice came out small. “I don’t understand?”

“Sasuke, you don’t have to work in the force anymore. You can do what you want.”

_..._

“If you could all turn to page 431 to the right-”

Sasuke blinks. He breathes. He thumbs through his textbook, perusing among the colorful pictures and tries to distract himself.

...

It’s the end of the school day, final class being Iruka’s, who luckily hadn’t noticed him writing in the last few homework answers underneath a propped book. Good. The man has eyes of a hawk, disturbingly sharp, and his voice near-screeches when he’s upset. Not that Sasuke disagrees, their views on teaching a classroom of senior high school teenagers coincide - he’s always been second-handedly wary of students and their homework excuses. Suigetsu likes to call him an old man, but it’s really only because he’s their age. And apparently a procrastinator himself.

The boy in question leans on the table next to him as they wait for Juugo to finish talking to the teacher. Karin’s in the bathroom. Sasuke packs his backpack to the ready. “Hang out tomorrow?” Suigetsu asks.

“Maybe,” he says indifferent to the idea but more interested in doing something. Sasuke checks his mental calendar and his errands this weekend. Aside from his tutoring, he’s free. “I don’t want to get high.”

Suigetsu laughs showing off his sharp teeth. “So you do like us as people. I didn’t know if we were that good company.” Sasuke rolls his eyes, humor at the curl of his mouth. “Cigarettes, then?”

He shrugs noncommittally, swings the bag strap on. He steps to follow Juugo out the door.

“Your Xbox fixed?”

“Yes! This time I swear, Sasuke, if you screen-hop one more time-”

“You’ll do what?”

“Fuck you, I’ll play with Karin.” Suigetsu pauses to actually process what he’s said. “Okay, nevermind, I won’t do that. We’ll play FIFA where your bitch-ass can’t cheat.” He grumbles to himself, pouting. Sasuke smirks.

He’s pleasantly cool, walk slowing to an easy pace having reached Juugo. His self-proclaimed, number-one fangirl is still preoccupied. He’s actually finished his homework, and yesterday was _good_ ; Sasuke’s relaxed. That is, until Naruto calls out his name.

Sasuke closes his eyes.

“I’ll catch up,” he says, and Suigetsu isn’t listening still occupied by his muttering. Juugo inclines his head in acknowledgement, and steers his friend to leave. Leaving him here with Naruto.

“Yeah?” Sasuke says coolly and adjusts his backpack, hand grasping at the strap. If his palm happens to cover a little to the left of his collar, a little over the ‘mark’ then that’s just mere coincidence.

Naruto’s eyes draw to the area. “Uh,” the other stalls, hand scratching at the back of his head, annoying, twitching smile on his face. Sasuke grips his knuckles taut, he tries to keep the red he can feel growing along his ears _down_. It’s _him_ who put the mark there, who made it known to Kakashi, and maybe Sakura by the look of her face at lunch, pink brows openly raised. It’s not hidden. It’s not quiet. Given time maybe somebody will put two and two together, Sasuke and Naruto…

Because now is one of the few times they’re not fighting, not arguing, and the air between them moves slow and peaceful. Unnatural. Sasuke itches to leave, he’s got places to be, but he remains rooted where he stands. He’s curious despite the undeniable, ever-reminding fact that he did _sleep with him_ and...

Well, Naruto called his name.

The idiot in question recovers with a familiar sounding laugh. “So I guess you got home okay.”

“Your dad dropped me off,” Sasuke confesses to him. His hand loosens its hold. “He must’ve came back recently?” he guesses, voice ending on a confused up-inflection. It’s not fake interest and he’s still irritated he didn’t know sooner. Talk about walk of shame.

“Yeah, he can write porn again!” Sasuke can see the cogs in Naruto’s brain creak as they falter, stop and then whir-spin rapidly. “I mean, he writes erotica and,” Naruto bites his inner cheek, a valiant attempt to keep his voice down in a crowded school setting. “Anyway, yeah. Are you okay?”

Sasuke nods quietly and Naruto takes a step closer. “I’m sorry I fell asleep, I didn’t even-”

“I woke up before you. Needed to shower.” His stomach muscles jump under his skin.

“Yeah." Naruto hums, his voice thick.

Shit.

“-can I see?” he asks suddenly, loudly, and Sasuke freezes in thought. Hesitant, he peels off his hand along with the strap, dropping his backpack to the floor. Naruto takes the initiative to pull at his shirt, two fingers crook at the neck of the cloth. A calloused thumb rubs, traces something delicate – right, familiar - against his bare skin.

Incredulity. And a little disappointment? “There’s nothing there.”

“It’s been a whole day, stupid.” Desperate to counteract his growing embarrassment, Sasuke averts his eyes to the floor. His hair shields him, his hands twist the hems of his shirt awkward and he tries not to focus on the few people lingering in the school halls. Naruto’s thumbnail traces where it’d been before. A shiver.

“So it doesn’t hurt?” he asks so innocently.

“No.” Sasuke cocks his head, revealing, leaning, allowing Naruto more the space. He looks him in the eye. “Try harder, next time.”

The idiot huffs, smiling. “Is that a request?”

“Hn.”

_Yes._

Sasuke has to pluck the trailing hand off of him and drop it between them. The moment needs to end. He fixes his shirt back once more. When he bends to get his bag, Naruto’s nervous again, his emotions are contagious. The Uchiha furrows his brow as if to demand him to get on with it with his eyes. “I wanted to ask you.”

“Yes?”

Naruto shuffles, orange sneakers squeak horribly. “Me and Kiba and Lee – and a few other guys – are gonna play basketball tonight.”

He raises an eyebrow. “And I was wondering if you wanted to come with?” Naruto shrugs, and Sasuke’s eyes catch the motion. It’s exaggerated, unusual to see on the guy who is anything but casual. The question muted and too hopeful, Sasuke can hear just how young he is, like a kid. The blond gruffly stuffs his hands in his pockets. “It’s just fun, and not too many people if that’s not your thing…”

_How considerate._

Like a puppy, he perks with a start. “I can walk you home? Or call my dad to pick us up? If your brother wants-”

Sasuke jolts with a start. Itachi, he almost forgot about him. He thinks of his brother’s eyes this morning and of coming home late only to see him. Already, he can feel himself shrink away.

“-isn’t interested.”

“Oh.” his voice is small.

“Thanks.” _Really. Decent offer of friendship, Naruto._ “But I think I’ll pass.” Sasuke sacks his bag further up his shoulder and avoids too expressive blue eyes.

“Ah. Okay,” he says.

 _‘Just two guys, prospectively interested in tying each other up, in a purely clinical fashion.’_ Sasuke muses and his head shakes in disagreement. He thinks of the orange boy he walks past and he doesn’t know how long that’ll stay a truth.


	11. Chapter 11

When Sasuke arrives home, his mother opens the door. She’s quiet, still, and he doesn’t know if he’s exactly allowed to come in yet. Even though she’s shorter than him and had been for three years now, he’s always second to her presence, most times his dad is too. The generational Uchiha dark eyes are wary, but soften quickly enough.

“How was school?” she asks, she turns to curl on the couch. Sasuke shrugs and drops his bookbag at the door, toeing his shoes off on the mat because she’s watching. He’ll move them to his room later. Mikoto pats the cushion beside her, expecting, the sound is soft in the empty house excepting them. Sasuke sighs.

“It was the same as always.” He sits tentatively.

“And?”

“And Kakashi says hello.”

“Sasuke,” she says with mirth. “I was asking after you.”

“I know, Mom.” He smiles, but it’s tinged at the lip. “I’m sorry I came late.”

His mother looks at him then quietly assessing, the business stare she wears when she fazes tourists in the compound. And him – when he’s hiding something. Sometimes, Sasuke thinks she’s smarter than Itachi. His mom raises a trimmed brow.

“And?”

“And I won’t do it again.”

“I don’t mind if you come home late,” she says and stiffly adjusts herself on her seat, pulling a decorative pillow to her lap. She scavenges for the remote, finds it, and holds it out to him. Unasked, he accepts and plays her favorite channel. When the infomercial starts, this time advertising some kind of purse, Sasuke sinks in his seat. “I do mind you not telling me where you were.” Her voice is stern.

He nods guilty, his tone muted. “I know, Mom.”

“You’re watching this with me.”

“Hn.” _I know._

It’s quiet. The show (if it could even be called such) is getting to him, boring at the temples of his brain. He feels he could fall asleep. It’s an edged punishment, make him watch this bullshit while also sharing quality time. He could roll his eyes.

Instead, Sasuke leans on her shoulder, exhausted and heavy, silently pleading for her to run fingers through his hair. Apologizing. He’s too old (embarrassed) to ask.

“Was it a girl?” His mom is curious, and way too invested.

He twists at the mouth. “No.”

She chuckles a light sound and idly scratches at his scalp.

“-was it a boy?” Sasuke grumbles and burrows further into her shoulder, hiding his face. She laughs, bright.

“Okay, you can talk to your father then. ‘Man-to-man’.” He huffs, amused. Soon enough, he falls asleep.

…

Sasuke does talk, it’s exhausting and doesn’t really accomplish much besides taking away his music privileges for a week. He turns in his wide speakers and his expensive headphones, deftly promising not to use the mp3 player on his phone. It’s weird, not that he’s one to come home late, but he’s been made actively aware that people are here, expecting. A non-issue prior – reminded to be mandatory. Sasuke turns in his blankets, his eyes catching the grooves on the wall.

He needs to reassess. He’s not stopping.

…

Thursday, 4:43 PM

Sasuke: tell mom I’m at naruto’s

Thursday, 4:44 PM

Itachi: Already did.

Sasuke twitches spastically but there’s nothing he can do about it now. He clicks his phone screen shut. He lets himself in through the front door.

Naruto’s house is fuller, he should’ve realized but the idiot’s always been messy and he’s never looked too close. It’s loud, just like him ( _and his dad_ , a flash of crazy white hair reminds him). Sasuke finds himself an empty spot on the sofa next to the pile of clothes, bends over to untie his shoes. When he’s done, Naruto’s here.

“Hey.”

Sasuke frowns. Naruto squats before him only a foot away. From his lower perch he looks up at him, blonde eyebrows curl and meet just barely. There’s worry - and patience. The look pisses him off, makes him feel he’s all of six years old.

...though he figures that it isn’t Naruto’s intention to patronize him, rather to bring himself down to his level. He appreciates the thought but he’s not stupid.

“Are you ready?”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“No. Just answer me.”

“Yes,” Sasuke says, curious. “Why?” Naruto ignores the question, promptly choosing to palm his thigh with a hot hand. He’s quiet, thumbing at his knee, the motion is distracting.

(Naruto is hesitant, slow, and it’s been awhile since he’s acted such. Sasuke wonders.)

“...do you trust me?” The million dollar question. Brought up today out of all days, he’s actually surprised at the inquiry. Sasuke has half a mind to respond, _‘That’s why I’m here,’_ again, even if it is a little inappropriate. Though he doesn’t know how else to respond, how else to delete any the hesitations Naruto must have rebounded within himself.

(-unlike last week, casual, fun-even when things got progressively darker and Naruto held him down and told him to _‘hold still while I take another picture-’_ )

Now Sasuke can hear the seriousness within his tone, calm and heavy and final. He doesn’t know what has changed but he knows he’s not leaving.

“Sure,” he says and it’s not reassuring much, it’s not the perfect answer. The answer given when one is distinctly-not sure. But it is true. He does trust him, given enough time.

The thumb at his knee bone stops moving. The warmth is heavy. It taps once, his leg reflexively spasms at the tickle. Naruto’s eyes are hard, blue and blue and near, he can see the flecks of light inside. Naruto crinkles his eyes closed. A smile. “Good. Leave your shirt on,” he says and Sasuke listens.

“What are we doing?”

“The same thing that we’ve always done. Fight.”

…

“…you want to ‘wrestle’?” Sasuke is incredulous, and quite literally flustered. He stares with a raised eyebrow, skepticism etched all across his face. Naruto nods and straightens in a stand, his back cracking loudly. Tan arms cross over his head, fingers interlocked, and Naruto has never looked so relaxed and _assured_. Sasuke frowns.

_What the hell._

“Is that okay?” He responds as if they had never physically fought before. Sasuke had come here expecting something new but it looks like they’ve just reverted back to their roots: fighting. It doesn’t matter either way, he thinks, this is just as valid.

“That’s it?” Naruto hums and cracks his neck, roving his head side to side. He sniffles loudly and begins some kind of warm up.

“It’ll be enough.”

Sasuke bristles. Offended, he twitches imperceptibly. Naruto doesn’t notice too focused in his stretch. As if he could act so nonchalant with an easy kind of confidence – as if he could even win. Sasuke stands stiffly, invading in Naruto’s space. Fine. He’ll do it.

“What do I get when I win?”

“ _If_ you win,” Naruto starts, the humor in his voice is obvious and it pisses Sasuke to the core. Fuck him and whatever game he thinks he’s playing. “I don’t know, what d’ya want?” he asks with a smile. Sasuke pauses, a little surprised at the question until his eyes catch on blue.

“That,” he points on impulse to the resting necklace against a thick collar. Naruto clutches at the crystal, stares it in his palm.

“This?” he says needlessly and he sounds indifferent, not in the least worried. Sasuke doesn’t really care for the object – jewelry has never been his thing and he’s never been one for material luxuries even if it is a prize. Still. That doesn’t change the fact that he always wants for the most.

(And it’ll teach _him_ to underestimate. He won’t play easy.)

Naruto smirks, “Deal,” and Sasuke didn’t expect such a positive response.

…

“We’re going to take this outside, is that alright?” Naruto holds the screen door open, wide and inviting, until Sasuke can peek the green-rich grass of the Uzumaki backyard. He pauses, but he knows they can’t damage the inside of the house when they ‘wrestle’. Sasuke nods and walks through the doorway.

He’s never been this far into the household before. Maybe it was lack of interest, and he thinks he should’ve asked more after Naruto but their backyard is generous. With a wide assortment of potted plants everywhere, Christ, the space is practically a greenhouse. Luckily the pots have been cleared, an isolated island where Sasuke guesses they’d fight. Looks like the idiot planned this as well.

“Do you take care of all of these?” he gestures to the weird nature around them.

Embarrassed, Naruto scratches his neck. Though he has no reason to be, the dumbass. “Yeah, I kinda salvage some plants from parks and from fruit. If I’m lucky Ino and her mom have something to give me…”

“It too much?”

“Yes,” Sasuke says and he looks around, takes in the airy earth and sour-sweet smell of compost. “But that’s none of my business.” Naruto beams and there’s a blur before his eyes. Sasuke catches the water bottle and towel, looks down at the granola bar in his hand.

“Wouldn’t want you to get hungry.”

“Thanks.”

“Just so you know we won’t be breaking each other’s arms.”

“We won’t?”

“Sasuke…” Naruto rubs a hand over his face and he finds the act hilarious. “This isn’t completely an open fight. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“You’re not?” he says with fake interest.

“No.” Naruto steps faster, closer, until he stops only a breath away. Their feet touch at the tips of their shoes and his hand reaches for his. He’s _staring_. “I want you to win.”

Sasuke’s rarely surprised. He cants his neck back for space, too much hot air, it’s hard for him to think. He looks at Naruto then, eyes following from the whisker tattoos to long, blonde sideburns. He asks the important question. “And how do I win?”

Naruto grins, sly and feral and Sasuke doesn’t know how to look away. The blue in his eyes glint dark, excited. “If you pin me down for ten seconds, you’ve beat me. But if I ask you to come at me, you do it, understand?”

Hmph. “You won’t need to ask.”

Naruto’s smile widens and the look is unsettling. This is the smile he gives when he’s about to pull off one of his epic pranks, or when he’s being smart for once. Sasuke doesn’t know what the idiot is planning, but he has the uncanny feeling he isn’t going to like it.

_Then again-_

His palms are sweating, his heart rate’s accelerating, he clenches and releases the fists at his sides in an act of calming. His mind is a traitor, his body is too honest the way the red spreads down his neck and arms and all he can think is that that’s the reason he’s here, right? To be tested?

Sasuke’s a good student, he’s always passed his tests and he has a record for the best grades. He’s enjoyed every challenge in his lifetime, especially one from the Uzumaki. He’s strong. He won’t lose. Just because he’s signed the contract as bottom doesn’t mean anything.

“Safeword?”

“Mandarin,” Sasuke says on reflex and Naruto nods his approval.

“You will stop when I say so.” Naruto turns and walks himself to the cleared space, grass and dirt and leaves crunch under his feet. The space that he left behind is empty and cold; Sasuke follows.

He pencils the order in the back of his mind. “...aren’t you going to handicap me?”

As if in response Naruto pulls off his own shirt, the ugly orange thing balled up and thrown to the side. He turns to him all tan and toned and light hair, the expanse leading down to a yellow happy trail that disappears into his boxers. He’s sagging in his red shorts, and that helps for detail. Sasuke wouldn’t stare on an average day but his eyes remain transfixed, caught. He’s curious, he never knew Naruto got a belly tattoo.

The seal he guesses is, an archaic black thing, ripples and surges when he flexes. Sasuke finally returns to blue eyes.

“Nah. I don’t think I need to.”

 _Fuck you._ Sasuke glowers at the dumbass and begins moves predatory. He circles with the low-hanging sun warm at his back, the wind spreading the smell of mixed plants. The dance has partly started, him and Naruto and Naruto, who grins with earnest. Fuck him. “If it’d make you feel better-”

Sasuke growls and jumps.

…

...to no effect. Naruto side steps with a grace unbecoming of him and Sasuke quickly spins to a roundhouse kick. His heart jumps in his throat, as if the idiot’s planned this and the pieces all fell accordingly, he’s slow and measured and the fight’s already scaring him. The idiot catches his leg, grip suffocating at the ankle.

“This isn’t a fight, Sasuke,” he says as he yanks him by the limb, stretches him higher and vulnerable and wide. The stretch is more than burning it’s downright uncomfortable, his muscles freeze and tense. Naruto’s hand is the only reason he’s still balanced.

“Then what the hell is it?”

Naruto trips him, kicking from under his only supporting limb and he falls. He meets the ground, hard and _smack!_. A whip of blond hair flashes and the only other person here is upon him, on top of him. Sasuke struggles under a heavy body. “It’s about you.”

The Uchiha bark-laughs until he stops, he throws a punch to the idiot’s face. His fist is caught but the strike against palm was sharp.

“What about me?” Sasuke gasps, he bucks wildly and tries to throw off the teen in front of him. Naruto grabs both of his legs and spreads them wide. He digs a knee in, pinching at his inner thigh. Sasuke hisses at the awkward weight.

_Is he trying to-_

When he winds him in the stomach, one hit, the tattoo seal a big, open target, Naruto is off him in a grunt. Sasuke takes his chance and pins.

“ _-you should’ve got a handicap,_ ” he growls in an ear.

“No.” His knees are clasped to bare sides because those hands hold him prisoner, hot and large and locking him. Sasuke forgets that he’s on top, he panics and tries to wiggle free. “You should watch your mouth.”

Naruto flips him, but before he does he gifts an underhanded punch back. Right where he breathes; Sasuke coughs wet with spittle. A sweaty palm blocks ungainly at his lips, roughly shoving his head deeper into the grass. His eyes scrunch shut.

It’s demeaning being forced like this, he can’t see for the hand over his face and it’s already getting to him,

“Listen to me, Sasuke. You’re not going to beat me. Sorry.” He muffles and grunts against thick heat sticking to his face but not nearly strong enough, Naruto only shoves him harder.

“It’s the truth though… I can’t let you win as Top. And you may be good in class, Mr. A+, but that’s kind of it.” When Sasuke attempts to kick him out from under him, he’s stopped by a touch at his navel – the same place he’d been punched earlier. Naruto softly thumbs the spot, the sensation goes through his shirt and goes through his skin. He’s suddenly conscious of his breathing.

“So this isn’t really fair to you, huh? Maybe I should’ve went for something easier-” Sasuke bites, only a thin sliver of salty meat between his teeth but he thinks that’ll hurt even more. He hopes it does. That’s what the idiot gets for saying stupid shit. Reflexively, Naruto pulls away and Sasuke backs while he can, he kicks him from his distance and watches when Naruto takes the hit and doubles over, clutching at his abs. Sasuke hesitates: _‘we won’t be breaking each other’s arms...’_

“Hit me.” Naruto orders. He’s still hunched but his eyes are blue, his lashes blonde and narrowed to slits.

Sasuke doesn’t hesitate.

He throws himself to pin the weakened body down. Except for the fact he messes royally, Naruto hugs him from the torso and _slams_.

 _Fuck-!_ His back arches, the grass may be rich but the ground is cold and rock-hard. Grimacing, his face distorts in pain, he bites back a groan. “Thanks, Sas.”

He’s panting, “Fucking cheater-!” his mouth is slapped shut again. Sasuke glares.

“Yeah. I am," Naruto says, all the while he keeps an elbow over his face large and blinding, and slowly, ever so carefully he climbs over him. Sasuke waits to recover and for an opportunity. “What are you going to do about it?”

In response – his only response with his mouth muzzled – he bites down again. Naruto doesn’t pull away. He only digs his arm further, apparently unbothered by the pain. His other hand runs through his hair, _why_ , distracting, Sasuke has to shut his eyes.

“Open ‘em,” the idiot pulls taut at his strands.

Sasuke breathes through his nose, through the arm between his teeth, loud and wet and raw Uzumaki. The teen in question continues to caress his hair, this is worse. “That’s right. I kinda missed that glare of yours.”

He grinds his teeth.

“Why so mad, Sasuke?” Naruto breathes in his ear, timing his words with the swell of his chest. The sound itches, permeates, his skin feels of dank sweat. “Your brother isn’t here.”

The Uchiha stills, heart stopping.

“Is that it? Is that why you keep fighting me?”

“You asked me to!” Sasuke struggles for purchase, batting at the warm body on him. The action is ineffective, infantile, reminding.

“I was always wondering why you got so upset that day, that day I tried to apologize and your mom answered the door... You didn’t tell me your parents came home, Sasuke. One could wonder why you’re still such a bitch.”

With his nails, he digs and pinches at an inner thigh. Naruto twitches violently and then he has the nerve, he grins.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell them what we do.”

There’s the sound of laughing, bright and delighted to which Sasuke twists his fingers in thick muscle. He’s petty, and he’s only doing what Naruto wants of him, but he doesn’t care. The laughter gets higher, more air blowing hot against his face. “Then again, they probably already know. Did you want me to go easier on you- ah, shit!”

“ _No._ ” Sasuke slips his arms from between legs, too stung to clamp him back down. He pushes against a bare chest, one that doesn’t budge.

“But what do you say to them, Sasuke? I’m curious.” He’s humoring him. Naruto grabs at his hands, interlocking their fingers. He can’t move, Sasuke twists and tries, fuck, he has to lay here and listen to this shit. “Do you tell them that you come here early? Every week-”

The blond punctuates his words with a gust to his ear scratching the rim. It blushes deep red, Sasuke can feel his body shiver.

“That you’re here willingly, each time-”

‘Each time’ garners a small amount spittle, Sasuke turns to the side a far stretch, hiding his face and opening the vein in his neck. It thrums, nervously excited.

“That the genius Uchiha likes to get his ass hit, and isn’t that the truth.”

“You talk too much.” He spits the water pooling in his mouth but it’s not enough. He can’t stop this.

“Nah, Sasuke,” Naruto says with a smile. “I was just getting started.”

…

It’s the moments he thinks he’s got the drop on him, only to find out that the chaos is more calculated than it seems.

Sasuke braces himself, feet planted in cold dirt and the chill of the ground helps his defense. He exhales in one swoop from his lungs to take the hit, air emptied and muscles hard, his body won’t be winded a second time. However it’s when he does this, that Naruto changes course.

“Fuck,” he mutters under whatever breath he has left. Naruto grins at the curse, a wild, predatory grin. His teeth’s a rich white and he’s known in school for the brightest smiles, like the sun. Only now it looks filthy and gross, highlighting the blond at his worst. Sasuke feels like punching him.

“Hit me,” Naruto says like he can read his eyes and the words are queer coming from his mouth. He’s signed as Top, after all.

(Back when they were pre-teens and Kakashi taught middle school he was ~~is~~ like this. All talk and loud and demanding from him. Said and did the wildest things, _‘the most surprising student…’_ ).

 _Still an order,_ Sasuke reminds himself. He decides a move that won’t give Naruto the upper hand. Enough of cheating.

Sasuke slowly walks towards him, a calm, slow pace because he can be surprising too. Naruto watches him, amusement dancing in his eyes he leans back to take him in. No guard, no worries, he doesn’t move a muscle even when Sasuke stops in his face and in his air, no motion to hit him even when they’re chest-to-chest.

“Where, _sir_?”

Something grabs his arm and Sasuke nearly pullsawayattacks on reflex. He doesn’t, because the thumb at his wrist is calloused and reassuring. When Naruto pulls his hand to run along his sides, a sweaty, panting mess of muscle, Sasuke lets him.

(It’s curious, he never knew this skin could feel so soft.)

The hand stops, he’s memorized different shades of tan until he’s at Naruto’s chest under his right shoulder. The thumb taps, jolts him out of his idle thoughts.

“Here?” he asks, he curls a fist and knocks.

“Hit me.”

Sasuke pulls back his elbow and punches. The blonde inhales through his nose, takes the blow with a muffled grunt. He grins at him. “Good, Sasuke, again.”

 _Are you the masochist?_ he muses but he doesn’t speak his thoughts aloud. Instead the Uchiha listens, hitting him again. Naruto’s chest is reddening, and definitely near bruising because Sasuke never pulls back his strength concerning him. He asked for it. Interestingly, Naruto takes the pain with a smile and a small stumble backwards, the idiot.

“You… what the hell are you planning?”

“Nothing. I just like it when you to do as I say. You like it too.”

Sasuke’s face lights, oil and orange fire, he moves to grapple the man. Naruto twists away himself – and then his hands are deftly arrested behind him, driving in his spine, his weight unbalanced on his toes. Sasuke stretches taller, if only to offset the control taken from him. It doesn't help. Naruto makes him walk - slow, measured steps - either that or fall face-first. He grits his teeth.

“Good, Sasuke. Turn over there, would you?”

“Fuck _you_.”

There’s a low chuckling into his neck. “I call it ‘walking the dog’. Are you a dog?”

There's something about the question that bothers him deeply.

Sasuke fights the hands binding his wrists, sliding his own two together in desperation. That only flares his too-warm skin, chaffing the dried sweat and body hair. He flinches. “Let go!”

“Hm? Why?” Naruto bends him at the waist suddenly and a curtain of black falls in his eyes. Blades of grass zoom in hyper-detail, Sasuke blinks rapidly. “This is what you came here for.”

When he twists to look at him from the corner of his eye a harsh stretch of his neck, his glare meets Naruto’s shadowed face. Naruto holds him at the small of his back, another hand at his nape, hot and wet and trailing north to clench him by his hair.

“Are you okay? Be honest with me Sasuke, and don’t get upset. Do you need to safeword?”

He inhales deeply through his nose, his mouth speaks before he can think. “No. I’m okay.”

“Good,” Naruto says. The sound, the word, his palm is melded to his scalp like it was meant to be there, _‘dogs’_ , Sasuke manages to think aloud. “Then you won’t mind if I do this-!”

He yanks him straight by the hair the motion so fast Sasuke can’t catch his breath. He swallows thickly, lips cracked open and dry-licked. “This. Isn’t a. Pin.” He pants and he can side-see Naruto smile.

“Nope.” Sasuke has to turn away from the overly-pleased face.

“Then get-on with it,” and he can’t believe he’s actually asking.

“I have.” The finality in his tone has the Uchiha pausing to listen to this idiot explain himself. Not that he can go elsewhere.

“I don’t have to pin you, Sasuke, you know what it is. For some reason you can’t seem to see it right now for yourself…”

“See. _What._ ”

“You’re losing.”

…

Sasuke licks at his lips again for the fifth time, they keep drying so fast. His shoulders twinge, having his chest arched like this is a weird stretch, it’s unnatural. His calves, they tense if only because he’s been pushed onto his toes for so long, if only because he’s not used to this.

Sasuke takes a small step back, melding himself to Naruto, warm mouth to the back of his jaw, nose to his ear. His fingers twitch in the tight grip.

“You have to.” Breathe. “Pin me. To win.”

Sasuke can hear his grin. Shoot, he can feel it right-there. “You would like that, wouldn’t you?” he shivers and turns his neck to hide his shame. “But no; I never said that. Exactly.”

Dark eyebrows strain and meet, his mind is trying to whir-run to speed except hecan’tthink. All he can process is the feel of Naruto nosing at his jaw, sniffing?, then following down his neck. He stops at the well of his collar, then scents him deeply.

“Did you forget? You have pin me to beat me."

“Then how do I-?”

“'Win', Sasuke?” Fingers lightly scratch his scalp, the feeling sends tingles resonating down his spine. His toes involuntarily curl, damn, that feels good. “When I say you can. And right now you’re losing.”

There’s a sudden pinch in his gut that makes him want to cover his face with his hands if he could even move them. He can’t, Sasuke can feel Naruto staring and the pressure is so close he needs to check his cheek from an outburst. He’s pissed, he’s shamed, and those nails are only complicating things worse when they brush the back of his ear _justright_. His heart rate decelerates if only a little less thumping, he can finally unseal his lips. He can feel Naruto flush along his back and ass, searing him.

Sasuke bites out. “That’s… cheating," his voice sounds weak even to himself.

“Mm, no it isn’t.”

“Dammit, Naruto,” he gets the impulse-strength to struggle again and he can’t stop himself, he doesn’t want to do this but urgency is settling deep in his chest only to infect and spread. He’s already not thinking. “Enough with the mind games! Just tell me-”

“What? What I want from you?” Uzumaki speaks into his skin harshly and with bite. Sasuke struggles half-heartedly. It is a tense quiet before his hands are suddenly released, cold air between the digits and he _doesn’t want to be released._ Surprised, Sasuke stumbles away from Naruto but before he can recover on his own two feet, he drops.

-there’s a palm cupping at the back of his head, another whose fingers wrap him at the neck. A threat, or a promise. The air between them gets heavy with what this means, maybe just how far he will go... On an average Sasuke wouldn’t give Naruto the credit, the idiot is too much of a nice guy. But he guesses he’s been wrong. He swallows, his jugular rolls and he knows the other can feel the movement. Sasuke masks in his trademark glare.

“I want you to win, didn’t I say that? To be honest with me, with yourself... What does that mean for you?”

Nails scritch and the good feeling wars unpleasantly with the sounds in his ears, and he doesn’t really understand what he’s hearing. His whole body tics. “I could tell you exactly what I expect but shit, Sasuke, you’re not this stupid.”

( _!!_ )

Fury ignites, manifests in a churning pissed-off look that is no help to his current mood. Sasuke growls, he moves to _hurthim_ , but those fingers at his neck twitch in warning.

A loud hitch in breath. His skin prickles, his heart beats quicker, he’s too aware of the position he’s in. Naruto watches him knowingly, stares until Sasuke has to look away.

“Nothing to say, huh?” and his stomach flips – butterflies and granola and lukewarm water.

“Let me help you, repeat after me. ‘I like to get slapped and sometimes I like to have my control taken away-’”

He can’t seem to swallow enough _air_.

“‘-but that’s alright because only Uzumaki knows, right? Naruto, the idiot.’”

“That’s not-!”

“What? ‘true’?”

The other teen glowers and Sasuke rises to the unspoken challenge. He swings, but his left hand is caught and squeezed.

“You’re right. I do know. I get to watch you get off on this in the most interesting ways...”

 _Naruto…_ Sasuke blushes, a stark, deep red. Naruto grins.

“And I’m glad. Don’t hide from me. I’m happy to see that you trust me with you, with this-” He drops in his lap suddenly, Sasuke gasps at the grind at his dick. Naruto takes advantage to lock his arms above his head and the openness scares him.

(He can’t move, he can’t fight, he can’t win, and his body remembers every battle with him, he begs to pull his arms back and protect his sides, _please-_ )

“But I’m not your dirty little secret. I’m tired of seeing you thinking, you worrying about other people watching, Uchiha,” Naruto says in his ear darkly, with a tone of malice. “They’re not here.”

He shakes his head frantically.

“The only one you should be worried about now, is me.” Naruto pulls back, his hands still holding him down and his stare is piercing.

“ _Sasuke_ ,” he says and Sasuke shocks out of his conscious thought, of blonde locks and highlights against the setting red sun. He flutters his lashes, he glares. “Hit me.”

He swallows. His hands are arrested above him, he can’t even twitch his legs. Sasuke can only breathe and stare and dimly wonder what the other is thinking.

“It’s an order. Ten. Nine.”

The Uchiha blinks. Moving his body as he can do so in the limited mobility he has available to him, one that amounts to a squirm of his hips (shit, bad idea, _yes_ ) and a turn of his head, he stops. Sasuke exhausts himself; he’s panting. “Do you need me to repeat myself?”

“How?!” His eyes narrow onto the man.

“Do it. Seven.”

There’s something wrong. For the nth time he’s missing something and he can’t guess what. Sasuke flushes in anger, in bona fide embarrassment, in the shame that is always him guessing at Naruto’s lessons. He should know better than this by now. He tries harder because Naruto’s expecting, but he’s not going anywhere, his struggles gotten more and more difficult. Sasuke frowns, confused. He knows Naruto knows this is impossible.

But it’s _him_ asking, it’s an order, and that means the butterflies swarm up his chest, his hands thrash under lock, his body is begging, _please._ He licks at his lips. “H-ow?”

“Three.”

There’s a cold punch to his chest, stinging him: it’s painful and nerve-wrecking and hard to breathe. Sasuke doesn’t know how to fix it, he doesn’t know what it means, he hates this, stop, wait-

“ _Naruto,_ ” he’s calling, asking for help and please, don’t look like this. He has to close his eyes.

The other boy is silent. Sasuke imagines that he’s looking at him so closely and the thought makes him want to hide. He’s stuck. He’s never felt so resenting at Naruto for asking him this… at himself, for not doing it. He has to confess the truth: “I can’t.”

“What was that?”

“I can’t!” he pleads desperately and Sasuke wishes that the break in his voice never sounded. Because it's admittance. It’s a noise of weakness, disappointment laced like poison, eating away at the corners of his mouth and the crease between his eyes. He’s this, a black pit of angry confusion churning in his stomach. He's in trouble. And then he’s heating up as a flush itch-crawls up his collar, jaw, ears - cheeks, and he could never hide his redness, much less now. Intimately aware of this – of him - in a snap, the fire reignites.

Sasuke’s legs kick up a storm, teeth gritted, half-lidded dark eyes watering. “This isn’t fair, you fucking cheater, I can’t, you know I can’t!” He arches to get control of his hands back but Naruto is steadfast and that _stupid_ look on his face, hehateshim, fuck!

“ _Why would you-?_ ”

“Shh, shh,” Naruto placates him swiftly, soothing sounds in low tones, and his name over and over again. He lets him go.

Sasuke, emotionally drained and hungry for something he can’t name, comes back, moves to lock his arms around a bare neck. It’s cold to the touch without a shirt now that it’s practically evening, and the freeze permeates his skin. He doesn’t care; he needs this. Sasuke hugs him like a lifeline, takes to the sweet nothings even though he really wants to stay upset.

“Fuck _you._ ” _Fuck you, fuck you Naruto, fuck-!_

“I wasn’t going to punish you.”

He tightens in his grip.

“Sasuke…” Naruto says and the sound goes to the lump in his throat. Against tan neck, he inhales a ragged, wet breath. “It’s okay. I know you can’t. And that’s okay, you know that, right?”

There’s a hand thumbing his cheek, wiping skin and the crease of his eyes, the curve of his brows. He doesn’t ask why anymore, Sasuke lets him.

“No; this is what I wanted from you. Under me, needing, submitting… but not if you see it as a bad thing.” He’s laid into the grass so Naruto can get a better look at him, upright holding himself on his elbows. Sasuke tangles his fingers together with fine, yellow hairs. He’s not letting go.

“I went too far, didn’t I?” Naruto laughs with fake humor, a hollow sound. “I just…”

“Shut up and hold me.”

And Naruto does. The crickets start chirping. It's an annoying, grating sound now that the two of them are still, immobile enough not to have scared them off. He makes sure to breathe despite the heavy weight on him because Naruto asked him this weeks ago and he remembers. His shirt’s sticky, he’s uncomfortably warm and there’s something digging in his back now that he stops to think about it. Sasuke can ignore it; this is right, his eyes glance up and meet the waning moon.

There’s a rustle and its Naruto, who digs a hand in his pockets only to pull out the necklace from earlier. He puts it on him. Sasuke tries to pull away (except he doesn’t, because) and the idiot adjusts the crystal around his neck. It’s a cold thing, but it shines its best in the dark.

His voice is kinda rusty. The jewel, his hands, the way the thread collar of it fits with Naruto’s fingers flat along his pulse. “I don’t want your pity.”

Naruto smiles. “You could’ve won anyhow. It happened before.”

“But you said?”

“I did.”

“Then-?”

“You did exactly what I wanted, Sasuke… I’m so proud.” His heart skips and the heat flows warm under his skin, curling to his toes.

“You’re not weak for losing, for wanting this, hm?” The teen presses their foreheads together. Sasuke narrows onto his nose leaving him momentarily cross-eyed. Naruto’s eyes are dark, lidded, and close as they are, they’re all-consuming, he can’t look away. “In fact, you’re the strongest person I know. I mean, you’re here, shit, Sas, _you don’t even know._ ”

“I’m not good, Sasuke… and a beginner at this but I was too much of a coward, afraid you’ll leave if I actually hurt you. I’m still afraid,” he tells him.

_So am I._

Sasuke wets his lips. They breathe each other’s air and on the tip of his tongue he can taste what he thinks to be miso, flavor-water… Naruto. He says. “You were supposed to keep to character. Dumbass.” and he keeps the warmth he’s feeling buried deep.

Naruto blinks dumbly for a second and Sasuke makes a show of rolling his eyes. His idiot.

“Oh. Oh, shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [wrestling idea source, nsfw ads again](http://www.bdsmtrainingacademy.com/wrestling-and-bdsm-training/)  
>  Thanks for reading, people. Really. And thank you, Jaye.  
> -hanareader


	12. Chapter 12

Fuck. Oh, fuck. He's so selfish and he didn't even notice it until now. Naruto cringes his face, he shuts his eyes except all he can see is long, closed lashes, pinkening skin and that black musky, sweat-drenched hair.

_Fuck._

He shouldn't have done that. It was an impossible order and he knew it, but there was ~~is~~ a darkness in his mind curling his fingers at those wrists, at that long, white neck – tightening, and his hand ghost-twitches even unto now. He was powerful and he wanted to hurt. So he did with great pleasure. Naruto can't help but to remember because it only happened five minutes ago and it still smells of mint, of salt and earth clean sweat and that cotton laundry smell because classy Sasuke never re-wears from the hamper. Of course. But on the thought of dressing Naruto palms his clavicle, rubbing at the empty-ness. Rare is it that he takes off Tsunade's gift. Actually never. Actually once he thinks if it even counts, back when Kiba thought it was a funny prank to jack it from him. He most definitely got the dog-lover back.

And now it's gone again, it's on Sasuke, _it's on Sasuke_. He likes that thought a lot, he likes how it looks; Naruto should've dressed it on him much earlier. He hopes that after everything and despite five minutes ago, Sasuke'll keep wearing it (in school, yes, everywhere, in his home, in his room). Naruto really wants that. Though the thought is creepy to share to himself.

Scratch that. He is creepy.

Proof being that Naruto continues to sit out here in the cold, night grass like a fucking weirdo because he thinks he shouldn't stand up just yet. He knows he shouldn't. It's December, and it's not cold enough, fuck, he hopes Sasuke didn't look down at his pants.

Then again… all the focus should've been on him. He hopes.

Naruto's belly drops, heats like mine coal because he has no shame when it comes to the things he wants. To share the fucking scope of his thoughts like the loudmouth he is - Sasuke needs to understand. There is a lot more left planned to _do to him_ ; Naruto craves for another chance. Yet it's not about what he wants, is it? It's about Sasuke, it's always about Sasuke. He knows this intrinsically but Naruto didn't want him to leave. And that's where he fucked up.

(It's also where he succeeded.)

"God…" Naruto falls onto his back and the crickets stop chirping momentarily, only to chatter all the more. He's probably going to get sick the longer he stays out here. When Naruto lifts his neck to peek at his shorts, his head promptly returns itself to meet the ground. Fuck.

He was powerful and he wanted to help. He wanted him to _let go_. He was jealous of his freaking brother. Upset that Sasuke didn't fear him enough because Naruto's just the idiot, class-clown to him and not… more. Not what Sasuke-is-to-him kind of more. Naruto doesn't know how to explain the slugging, thick feeling stuck in his throat that makes him choke on his own free-flowing spit, that tells him he's hungry. It's weird, this obsession, because it's not an obsession. It's something for Sasuke rather than himself, he wants him to “win” and win well but… Naruto wants to watch when it finally happens.

Holy shit, does he want to be there, the only one there to see it-

Anyway. Selfish. He huffs amused and already thinking about it, and a plume of air condensates when he blows. It's getting that cold. Naruto half-rises and dresses in his shirt dick-be-damned, he doesn't want to get sick. Hopefully his dad won't notice, seriously.

On the notion of dads he didn't expect Sasuke to hold out so long – that his family had an influence this far. He shakes his head. Only goes to show. Sasuke, who stays even when he's really hurting and Naruto himself is a swirling mix of proud, awe, joy and gratefulness for that fact: how pathetic is that, hah.

Because it’s Sasuke, who stays even when he’s fucking crying, the collected Uchiha so emotionally distraught he scratches his nails down his arms in upset… Naruto groans thinking about it because he was shaking in his hold, and his dick shouldn’t be this hard. He couldn’t look away then and now the image is engraved behind his mind: blown eyes and dirt where he slammed him until the boy gasped with his knees spread. His back that flash-arched like he was asking for it, Naruto wanted… and the off-white handprints left on his neck. Sasuke, who’s a fighter to the end and Naruto’s definitely impressed with his drive, the same Sasuke the cold asshole, quiet, removed and never like this. Desperate. And when his rival finally gave it up begging him for reprieve, Naruto’s more than satisfied.

_Because you like to watch him cry._

The thought burns good and that’s wrong, and holds too much truth. That's where the scene got ahead of him. Where the fine line is to putting him down because he’s Uchiha Sasuke, versus the fucking way he looks gone and half-free... Naruto pushed him hard, expected and demanded, and the Uzumaki wouldn't be shocked if this time Sasuke didn't come back. It’s a shame but he'd deserve that, it's what he'd get for being so selfish and voyeuristically greedy. For not thinking of your sub first.

 _Because nobody_ likes _to cry, right?_

Naruto shrugs. He's hoping the action will remove the pounding, fear-stenched worry in him for Sasuke, and he could feel as confident-nonchalant as he pretends. That's what a real Dom is, right? Confident?

He flops tiredly back on the grass because, _Jesus_ , he doesn't fuckin' know. He has to find out.

...

"Um. Dad."

When in doubt, ask. That's what Iruka says to do, because he always gotten frustrated when Naruto never bothered, and thus missed out on the small (and big) points. Iruka's told him he's smart many times if not the most innovative person he knows. He's just lacking some motivation and basic foundational knowledge. The small points. And big points.

So Naruto gets off his warm ass and stands firm at the entryway of the kitchen. He's not letting himself get out of this. If he clutches behind his back the frame of where he stands, well, it's not like his dad can see it from his perspective. So the fact doesn't matter.

… except that it does. Sasuke'll be upset (if he's not already) that Naruto is doing this, saying this. That's if ~~when~~ he gets caught. But Naruto has to ask, he can't fuck up again. He shouldn't. Google can only help so much. "Have you ever written BDSM?" he asks, pretends confident-nonchalant and after an appropriate interval casually looks away. Jiraiya simply stops writing.

Quietly, his dad lowers his pencil in his little notebook and removes his old-man glasses. Oh, crap.

When Naruto gets the strength to look back, pink flush spread up his ears, he meets wise eyes with memorable red marks running down the corners to lower cheeks. These lines stretch and strain, move slowly and worry him… until he's facing the biggest shit-eating grin he has ever seen on another human being. He groans internally. He should've known.

"Naruto." His name is heavy and laden with mirth.

"Dad," he whines.

The man effectively loses his shit. Jiraiya giggles, the grown adult stumbles into hysterics his body shaking with mirth, vibrating, and this reaction is really starting to piss him off. When his dad slams the kitchen table with a large palm – bam! – Naruto jumps a little and then he scowls thinly. He removes his hand from the doorway, stuffing them in his sweats.

"It was just a question," he says, a little sour.

"Hahaha – it was, was it? I'm sorry, I just, hah!" Naruto's scowl deepens and he turns away from the visual of complete amusement. His dad calms if only just a little, probably because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Naruto both hates and appreciates the consideration.

"Before I answer…" Damn. "What brought this on?"

Naruto shuffles. "Nothing. Just curious."

When Jiraiya gives him that look, the waiting stare that he hates because it tests his willpower at not looking away, Naruto fake concedes. "Well, Mr. Hatake asked."

"Oh. And what did he say?"

"That he's, uh," Quick! "-happy that you got your old job back and interested in any new books around the corner. If possible, BDSM." he tacks on hopefully.

"Is that so?" Jiraiya strokes his chin. The man doesn't have a beard so the action's always confounded Naruto. Though he thinks that his dad does that when he's pleased. A good sign.

"Yeah."

"In that case, I have, actually." Naruto's heart thumps with speed, he looks at his dad with interest.

"Hm. Maybe seven or eight years ago. A little before I got custody of you." Naruto perks at the information and listens more intently. "Yes, but it's never held any literary weight to be honest. My publisher tagged it to the back of a collection of stories and well, I've forgotten about it." Jiraiya shrugs.

"What do you remember?"

When he asks this he calmly slides onto the sofa and pulls out his phone. Checking the time as if checking for texts, as if he doesn't really care to know. Naruto tries to keep the investment in his voice down, muted, and preferably fake if he can. Maybe Jiraiya will go off on one of his tangents when he's got an idea for a story, won't pay any attention to him. Naruto hopes.

"Basic romance, guy likes girl, girl likes guy. You know, the plot to Icha Icha: Oceanside?"

"Yeah."

"That, and a little S&M thrown in. I've never considered it my best but I have worked on it a long time."

"Can you tell me," How to _do this?_ "What they did?"

At the question Jiraiya raises a white brow, thick and waiting, though he can see the man's already made some connections in his mind. Dad's a wise, old man (though he'll deny that fact, the self-proclaimed super pervert) and he's known Naruto since diapers even if only by word-of-mouth. He _knows_.

Naruto regrets so fast.

"No." His face flinches and he twists at the mouth but the actions don't matter to Jiraiya. His dad's face is different, brows crumpled in concern, those red lines scrunched short. "Maybe you should tell me what you did."

"I didn't."

"Naruto."

"I can't."

"I think you can," Jiraiya says simply, shaking his head shortly.

"No, you don't understand. I _can't_." _Sasuke would kill me._

"You're right. I don't understand and that's why I'm asking you to tell me." Dad leans back in his chair and motions him to come closer. Naruto groans. He reluctantly rises from his safety net and cushions of plausible deniability, made to stand in front of his father with nothing to hide into. Nothing to catch his fall. Naruto slumps and looks down at his socked feet, stark white against the kitchen tiles.

"Kakashi didn't ask to begin with."

He's silent.

"This isn't just you stumbling on some porno, is it?"

"No," he says, dejected.

"A girlfriend asked?" Jiraiya questions, curious. If there was ever an out…

Naruto nods.

"Hm," is all that's said in response the noise neither uplifting nor abiding, neither hopeful nor ominous and the Uzumaki is forced to wait. He hates waiting. When his dad is finished contemplating or judging, or whatever he's doing that requires so much tense, utterly dead-silent time, the man starts.

"You need to stop."

...

"What?" Jiraiya shrugs as if the motion could calm him, could ease that same heart-pounding fear that grips him only to let him drop. Naruto scrubs at his face, he's confused and he doesn't know what to do about it. This is not the reaction he was expecting.

"I don't think you should do anything you don't know how. Especially for something dangerous like this." When Naruto remains frozen silent and dumbfounded, Jiraiya gives him a small smile, knowing. "I'm not saying this is bad to want: that'd be rich coming from me. But bottom line is you're seventeen, Naruto."

"That doesn't-"

He holds up a hand. "You've got plenty of time to figure out the course of your relationship, hm?"

Sure.

He would agree if this were true, if this thing/fight/need/obsession that he has with Sasuke was communicated from the start. But it wasn't. Because they jumped over a cliff edge and fell far off into the deep end, where there's no light and he has no idea where the fuck he's going. He's lost and he thinks he doesn't have the luxury of time to process. It's already started and Naruto's gotten by with half instinct, another quarter luck, guesswork and whatever he thinks feels right. It's stupid bullshit. And it's him and Sasuke, who he's luckily known for years, and now more so.

If they were really in a relationship or officially Dom/sub this could be true. They could wait. But they're not either. By the end of this year Sasuke will be off to some high-end college as was his due and Naruto will be stuck motherfucking _here_. Left-behind. The end (before it even had a chance to start.)

_No._

The scary thought makes him slip. "That doesn't mean anything, age doesn't matter!"

Jiraiya immediately narrows his eyes. "Actually, it does. This takes time to develop the skill, to know your partner well among other things. You're a teenager-"

"Fuck that!"

"And I may not know how long you've been dating but whatever it was it wasn't long enough."

"What the hell, Dad?" The man shrugs because he does this to calm him down not knowing that the action has always pissed him off even more. He does this, and then he sighs loudly and the sound of it is long and filled with exhaustion. World-weary and not-convinced, used to hearing this.

Fuck that.

"You think because I'm some kid what I feel isn't real? Like I'm too stupid to really know-"

Naruto chokes in his throat, shit, he didn't expect that to be let out, no, _wait_ ,

"I think you've been keeping something from me. But you know that's the last thing-"

He points an accusing finger. "You said it!"

"You're twisting my words, Naruto," Jiraiya says softly, looking at him with consideration. Thank God he's not smiling anymore, he couldn't stand for that.

"Then explain it to me in easy terms, _Dad_. Tell me what I'm missing." This, Naruto growls, angry and irritated and filled with a dark energy he has nowhere else to direct except for his only family left. This, he doesn't want to do. He regrets as quickly as he says it, bites his cheek and his tongue hard. The stinging pain doesn't hurt enough. He can only watch as the hole he's digging widens and deepens further because he's never learned how to shut his mouth. He really is an idiot.

Because half of this upset (all of it, all of it, every single simmering drop) Naruto feels towards himself and it feels like utter shit. Like his dad is right. He's messed up before and Sasuke's paid for his mistakes, that's not fair so he should do the right thing and stop. But he doesn't want to stop. He wants-

Something. Anything, more; he doesn't even know.

All that he knows is that he hates this feeling. Doubt. Like his gut is wrong because it's stone-cold Sasuke who loves no one and he's fighting for something that really isn't real. That he’s too idiot to know that it’s not both sides and yet he’s still fighting… Naruto hates it. That he wants to.

"I believe you."

Naruto stills, he's stopped breathing and his heart beats loud. No, no, don't say this too because then it'll be true.

"I mean, you're my kid, right? You know how I am with Tsunade. I know what this is." Jiraiya laughs empty air and he hates the sound. Don't make a joke of this, don't be so sarcastic because there's a truth in there-somewhere. Don't say this out loud.

"And you may be a teenager, but I know you. You're not fickle."

(And if that's true…)

"She 'just asked', huh?" Jiraiya smiles at him, small and weak, really. He turns away.

There's a sigh. "Well. I can't actually control what you do, I haven't been here enough," Dad's words stop, an audible swallow too heavy in weight. Naruto's silent. "To warrant that authority. Not that you'd listen to me anyway." His dad snorts to himself in light amusement. "But if you were to listen to me know that I just wanted you to take the time to really consider your options. Not because I don't think you have the maturity to actually do this. You're not dumb."

 _I am,_ Naruto thinks bitterly, desperately. They both know he’s repeating the grade, too. _That's why I'm here asking this._

When they've both run out of their individual steams and things to say, Jiraiya having explained himself, scratches at his head. Naruto shuffles awkwardly. Now it's too quiet. There's a third person with them, watching, keeping the air from flowing and the sounds to stay in his throat. Naruto huffs, damn, he has to be the one to-

"And that's why you need to stop."

"What?"

"That." His dad points to his face and the Uzumaki flinches. "You look like me. Seriously, how long has this been going on?"

"Nothing. A week, yesterday," he stumbles.

"Naruto."

"What the hell does that even have to do with anything? If you don't want to tell me, I'll-" he stumbles with his eyes desperately shut. When Jiraiya stays silent and Naruto can’t fucking articulate, the older man shrugs. He begins to explain.

"Regardless, I'll help you. And if I can't, I think I know somewhere where you can go." Naruto blinks. Stunned silent even further, he stares at his father.

"Damn," the man mutters while shaking his head, the Uzumaki could barely hear it. Then his dad stands abruptly from his seat, stretches and cracks his old man bones.

"Dad."

"Mm."

"Why?"

He looks at him. Naruto explains. "You're saying two different things."

Jiraiya sighs. "I just didn't want you to end up like me," he starts, low and casual voice unchanging. "I guess that was too much to ask, huh?"

When he glances by his face, Jiraiya shakes his head. "No, I've never done BDSM, Naruto."

Naruto frowns.

"Oh, don't look so surprised. I know that face, you little shit, I was wearing it for thirty-eight years. You couldn't stop even if your life depended on it. Some girl… why haven't I heard of her?" he grumbles to himself and begins collecting his paperwork. The papers ruffle and whip, crinkle and slip together in sound, this noise that is abnormally loud in the room. When his dad breaks even, thumps to organize the stack and then place in his folder, Naruto doesn't want him to go just yet.

"You believe me?" his voice is small.

_What do I do?_

Jiraiya bark-laughs loudly. "Mm. That's exactly why you should end this, whatever it is." He says this flippantly, then promptly goes back to collecting.

In Naruto, there's an ire growing along his throat seeping from the back of his mind. It’s cold. It's that old enemy doubt that he hates, returned with a vengeance, making him talk too damn much. "So you think I should give up? Not even try?"

The 'like you' goes unsaid but not unheard.

Jiraiya stares and speaks slowly to him. "I said I think you should wait."

He responds when he thinks, before he thinks because it's Sasuke and he never thinks when it comes to Sasuke. " _For how long?_ "

Naruto regrets it as soon as it leaves, his face scrunches tight in pain. His dad… he takes a deep breath. "Well. I think we should continue this conversation tomorrow," he says tightly.

Shit.

Naruto nods, small and quiet, he takes the words as the free dismissal it is. He'd be stupid not to, he's embarrassing himself more than enough already.

Naruto makes his trudging retreat, slumps to his room worse than before (he should've stayed on his ass, he shouldn't have asked this, believed things _more than what they are_ _._ ) The orange of his comforter is too bright for his mood. First thing, Naruto balls the cloth and throws it to the side, falling onto the cold sheets underneath. It's official; he hates himself. Fuck it.

He doesn't have school tomorrow. He's going to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

"You're quiet." This, Kakashi tells him as if he hasn't been well experienced with Sasuke's silences. It's a stupid statement. And annoying. The sentence breaks him out of his reverie so abruptly Sasuke is kicked off-guard, his face reveals in honest emotion. Cracked mouth and wide eyes rapidly blinking, dammit.

Quickly, he recedes. "No shit." Sasuke makes sure to look unconcerned out the class door, disinterestedly in the goings of students.

"Ah," his teacher 'responds'. "That is true."

Sasuke twists at the lips and rolls his eyes. But he doesn't look away from the class door - no, he doesn't - his hand itches on his thigh if only to double-check his neck.

It's heavy, the crystal, it's _obvious_.

But so far his family-friend cum teacher hasn't noticed. Or maybe doesn't care. Kakashi continues to read on his desk, idle and lazy like he does every morning. He continues to ignore that Sasuke won-this (lost; both, he feels _different_ ) and that also irritates him. The necklace is not hidden under his shirt and it's most definitely known to belong to Naruto if only because of that huge ruckus the idiot made when the other idiot stole it from him. He's wearing it. If the man doesn't notice already, then…

It's gonna drive him crazy _._

Because he needs to talk to him. Needs advice. He's too embarrassed to start. This is as good segue as any, so Sasuke waits.

"So." Sasuke's heart skips, his hand tics at his side. He keeps his breathing level. "How was 'Icha Icha: Oceanside'?"

He groans internally.

...

When the bell rings, Naruto's still not here. This is precisely when Sasuke looks at the door a little more concerned, a little more obvious that he can't tear his eyes away. Kakashi follows the line of his sight with a raised eyebrow. "Bathroom?"

"No," he says quickly, shaking his head. He tries pulls himself back to his homeroom class. _Where is he?_ Sasuke thinks with a slow pulse in his veins, loud and traitorous. The thought is violence, warring in his mind because he doesn't actually want Naruto to be here.

But it still bothers.

He needs to distract himself. "My mother talks of you."

"Ah."

"She says that Obito is really cranky."

"Probably. And what did your brother say?"

"That he doesn't think you're even remotely funny."

Kakashi smiles at that. "And what do you say?"

"Itachi's jealous he didn't think of the prank first… You challenge him, you know that?"

"And not you?"

"No." Sasuke scoffs at the notion and looks at the door again.

If there's anyone who ‘challenges’… he fears to think that it'd be the Uzumaki. That idiot had proclaimed them as rivals since seventh grade, friends just barely, and now they're something else altogether. He still doesn't know what (if there is a label for BDSM fuck-buddies?). In the end, it doesn't matter. Naruto's 'challenged' a little too well… he's done something, broke something, and Sasuke can't remember how or what or when exactly that it was; he was.

There wasn't supposed to be a lesson learned yesterday because there wasn't supposed to be _lessons_. That's not what they do, that's not casual play. He wasn't supposed to learn it and stew on it well. He's definitely not to think anymore. To be here and wait to talk to Kakashi if only to find out how change himself for the better… for Naruto. Thursday was just a day in the week.

Sasuke takes a deep breath.

This isn't even funny. Naruto's so stupid he doesn't know he's got Sasuke all wrapped up in his little finger – circling and falling and getting lost.

Fuck, that's terrifying. "If you're waiting for Naruto you might have better luck going to Mr. Umino."

"Hn." _No._

"Alright then I'll bite." Kakashi puts his book away and gives him his full attention. "What is it, Sasuke?" The Uchiha doesn't know how to start, his mouth opens but no sound comes. His teacher reads him well. "Do you want to wait until lunch?"

'Until there isn't any other students,' he means and Sasuke's mouth thins. "No," he says, he doesn't want to give himself the opportunity to chicken out because he will take that opportunity. He shouldn't have that luxury. "Do you think there's something wrong," he starts direct and his voice comes rushed and with great effort. "Wrong with those that play?"

There's a tense waiting silence where Kakashi folds his fingers. The man responds, voice empty. "Do you?"

"No," Sasuke says suddenly, abruptly because that's just rich coming from him. If there's one thing he'd emphasize he's not someone to shame - he's done those same things. Normally, Sasuke wouldn’t notice and he wouldn't give two shits. But then again.

-there's something weird when things happen so fast, so abnormally perfect and right and _threateninghim_ that he should be wary, he should be worried, he should be blind-running scared in the opposite direction. He is scared, of Naruto and whatever the fuck this is, but obviously not enough. He needs find out the source of his wrong and then fix it. Sasuke looks away.

Kakashi sighs. "Thinking something's wrong is normal, part of the process sometimes. Books Icha Icha Violence and Paradise have this as the main conflict-"

Wow. Fuck him.

"This isn't a fucking story, Kakashi!" Sasuke barks, twisting angrily at the mouth into a dark scowl. When other students turn to watch the commotion, Sasuke glares each of them.

"Hm. No, it isn't."

God, he hates him. Sasuke breathes through his nose, loud and large and obvious that he's bothered, that he's messed up. His teacher gets him to spill every fucking time. This is why he hates talking or he would, but Naruto asked him this too, 'to communicate' and he remembers. "It's the main conflict but it doesn't have to be."

Sasuke raises his eyes and he can actually look at the man. He's tired when he asks, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you can decide what you want for yourself, can't you?"

Kakashi watches as Sasuke ignores the question, he tugs the crystal: looking and confirming, letting the cold of it remind his hand. The braided nylon that holds it, thin and black and loose against his neck Sasuke plays with the string, testing its tensile stretch. It's been minutes. He's stalling, he doesn't know how to answer this. "It's not that easy."

"It is~"

Sasuke rises in frustration. "No. It's not."

"I'm telling you it is."

 _Fucking…_ "And I'm telling you it's not!"

"Do you want this?" Kakashi asks, stumbling Sasuke's thought-process.

Because ' _no,_ ' that'd be stupid of him, and wrong, he only wants for the bare minimum. When Naruto was nervous and didn't know anything, then, didn't have so much control – perfect (but he made mistakes). Sasuke hated at the same time because it's such a fine line for a fill-in top. There's only so much he'd allow Naruto, so much he himself can let go away. Whereas a book he can close, he can return, he can trust and read with ample distance.

When he's actually in that position, Naruto over him asking the impossible and his body wants to do the impossible because it's Naruto and _he asked,_

"I shouldn't." _I really shouldn't._

"So you do."

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Yes, Kakashi, if you wanted to know that bad."

"I didn't want to know at all, thank you." This, his teacher smiles amused and near-laughter, shaking his head. Sasuke blushes brightly and turns his cheek. "But maybe you needed to hear yourself, hm? You can worry about something being wrong or right and never come to the answer. No need to waste your time thinking."

Sasuke speaks slowly. "So you want me to do the wrong thing."

"Correction. You do. Isn’t that the point?" he says and folds a leg over his knee.

He sighs.

"You're not much help at all, you know that?"

"I'm a homeroom teacher."

And there's nothing Sasuke can argue to that.

When enough time has passed that students are packing their bags with morning-rushed assignments, the cacophony of the sound of organizing papers and books and empty cartons of public school breakfast, Sasuke glances at the clock. 8:24am. Looks like he wasn't going to show anyway. "Don't think so much, hm?"

Sasuke snorts. "Like you?"

"Mmm… Maybe more like Naruto." His heart jumps at the name. "He doesn't question if it's right or wrong and he chooses to trust in the feeling."

"He's a fucking idiot."

"He is." Kakashi nods sadly.

The bell rings, a shrill resounding alarm that bounces off the school walls and his ears. Students rise and move in tandem collecting what's left of their things, pushing their chairs in roughly, the squeaking of tennis balls and laminate floor stinging at his brain. The classroom is soon empty. His teacher continues to sit at his desk.

Sasuke sighs. "'But'? I'm sure you have something profound to contribute, Mr. Hatake."

"Not really actually." At this Kakashi shrugs his best indifference, he yawns underneath his mask. Yet the man still sits here. He's so irritating.

"Well, I was just going to say that maybe he has the right idea, Naruto. Your 'partner' of sorts."

Sasuke scowls darkly.

"Ah, don't look like that, nobody's here anyway. No need to look so embarrassed."

"Shut up."

Kakashi ignores him. "Maybe it's a good thing: to be young, to be wrong, to be dumb... And then again, maybe not."

"Would you pick a side already!"

"But!" and his teacher says this proudly, pointing finger raised in exclamation. The dramatic. He always loves to fake a lecture. "Trying to rationalize what you like and seeking justification… you will always fail." At this, Sasuke stops.

"It's just how it goes, Sasuke. You can never really quantify why you want this, just like I can't explain why I like-"

"No, don't tell me."

"Icha Icha. It's a part of liking things, isn't it?"

Hn. Maybe, he thinks, and the late-bell rings. After a final round of closing doors, he can hear that the halls are empty. Naruto doesn't share his first period nor his second, they both don't see each other until after lunch.

_‘Things,' huh._

When he's made silent, Kakashi continues with a smile. "And you like this. It must be worth it." Sasuke looks down at his hands at where he still holds the necklace, at where the blue is light and clear like water. His eyes avert from Kakashi. His backpack lays on the ground, slumped and heavy and it deftly reminds him.

"I'll need a late pass," he says.

Kakashi tips his head concedes, then slips off his desk.


	14. Chapter 14

Sakura did warn him from the start, though she didn’t know it. He just cannot stop.

When the bell tolls that class is over, Naruto stretches. Iruka’s class is his favorite even if he gets bored sometimes, but Iruka knows him and knows just how to keep his interest. There’s always something to do with his hands - something brought to touch or passing out papers - Naruto doesn’t care but it makes the hour go by. He’s a tactile learner, quick to immerse himself as he does now when he rearranges the rooming to what he knows his mentor’s liking. He’s practically done. Mr. Umino talks to a straggling student about their latest assignment and then the girl leaves. Now it’s just them.

“Naruto?”

“Huh?”

“You’re good, you know, I think I can handle the rest.”

Well, there goes his stalling technique. “Okay,” he says. There wasn’t much to clean anyway.

“How are things?” Iruka asks, stuffing his laptop in his messenger bag. Then the man will take the 54 bus home and Naruto himself can eat dinner and be in bed before his dad returns.

_Or._

“Good.” Naruto nods too quickly.

“Yes?” His teacher smiles. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“… noticed what?”

“That you’re on your best behavior - I haven’t heard a fight in weeks!”

“Oh. Yeah.” Feeling awkward, Naruto scratches the back of his head.

“This is good, this is really good.” Iruka ruffles a hand through his hair, the yellow wisps tickle at his nose and Naruto laughs.

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

…

It must be because either by chance or by karma or some kind of insane, knuckle-headed luck Naruto finds himself with someone he didn’t really plan to be (except that he did.)When Sasuke doesn’t keep walking home or tutoring or whatever the place he goes after school, Naruto braces himself. When Sasuke obviously waits for him, he hurries to be closer.

And the world hasn’t ended.

“Sasuke?” Black hair shifts because it’s cut too short, it’s thick and moves with his whole head. Naruto blinks. There’s a speed with which the Uchiha turns, sudden and jolting, like he’s been wanting. Dark eyes match his and then it’s silent.

Naruto thinks: it’s been three days. Maybe he’s not mad.

When that same neck turns just right, he can see black against skin. It’s loose, it’s corded, it’s familiar – and it looks better on him, he admits grudgingly. Naruto can’t help but to smile, even if his lips turn up small. “Hey. I’m sorry,” he says and he doesn’t look at the Uchiha’s eyes. He looks down at the collar and only at the collar. Sasuke says nothing so he has to continue.

“I was being weird, huh? And you didn’t ask for that.”

“What are you saying?”

The question frustrates him deeply. Or rather, he’s frustrating himself. “I shouldn’t have-” he starts in exclamation, then thinks better of it. The swell of his emotions is like air trapped in his stomach. Naruto exhales loudly. “I was fucking up, wasn’t I? I was talking too much.” He says this and then he kicks the leaves beside his shoes because it’s winter and there’s so many leaves. The crunch underneath his foot isn’t enough to satisfy him or calm his frustration.

(It’s cold despite the somewhat sunny day, where the light seeps through the clouds only to bounce off Naruto’s shoe weakly and grayly, ruin his mood even further. He’s upset, but not at Sasuke and not at himself. There’s something he’s trying to name – _Tsunade –_ Jiraiya said, but,)

“I mean, I was bringing up shit that wasn’t supposed to be there.” _Like your family._ “Right?” he pleads. Silence always makes him nervous and itchy-uncomfortable until he feels the need to fill the air. “I guess I realized too late if it hurt.” Sasuke looks at him then, enough of a glare that Naruto can feel it. He raises his eyes from white neck, from chin, from jaw, nose, ear, and then-

“Thank you,” he says.

Now it’s his turn to be silent. Not that Naruto knows any way to _respond_.

“Because you always expect my best.” Sasuke is red in the face, an easy, laughing red as if he were embarrassed at himself. As if he were realizing in real time. Slim, black brows meet and crease and twitch and now Naruto knows that the other boy is truly trying not to laugh. He’s happy, it’s contagious (it’s cute) but he doesn’t get it, _what?_

“You’re too much of an idiot.” Sasuke huffs.

This, he can understand. “Hey!”

“And for some reason I kept thinking you were thinking less… of me.” Naruto opens his mouth then closes. There’s something big here and he gets the instinct not to interrupt. “But you’re too much of an idiot for that.”

Goddammit. “Seriously, Sas.”

“So am I,” he concedes with a cool shrug. “For being paranoid.” Sasuke looks at him, his dark eyes rove and rove and match, Naruto can’t turn away. Then, the bastard smirks. “Out of all people, you.”

Naruto growls. “You should be paranoid of me.”

( _Wait,_ )

Sasuke pauses. He cocks his head softly, contemplating, he doesn’t even know how it shows his neck- “I should?” he asks, his tone high and light. Taunting him.

Naruto decides effectively he shut the fuck up.

“I guess this goes both ways.” Sasuke brushes it off too easily. The Uzumaki may not understand what he’s saying, but the hot tension is gone. “You don’t judge me. I don’t judge you... We don’t judge ourselves,” he says.

“Like a contract?”

“Mm.”

The air gets colder, the wind stronger when the time passes and they’re still not leaving. There’s few cars remaining in the blacktop for every student that knew better has left because it’s a storm night and a Monday. But Sasuke waited, he never left. He’s still here; he’s not done.

“Naruto.” He turns away from the growing gray air, dank and darkening quickly. His body doesn’t feel as cold as he expected. “I’m sorry too, for that matter.”

“What? Why?”

At this, Sasuke flushes scarlet. “Do I really have to explain myself?”

“You started it, you have to finish it.”

“You should know by now.”

“I’m not a mind-reader!”

“Definitely not,” Sasuke grunts and rolls his eyes at him, the bastard. “I just-”

Voice low and wondering, he sighs exasperated and he hides his hands in his pockets. Naruto notices because Naruto’s noticing – him, everything – how he avoids his eyes when nervous like he's shy. How he leans against the school doors, long and open and the Uzumaki can take a step closer.

“Tell me.”

“You were trying to help me forget. I was thinking too hard and you were trying to help me not… think hard.”

His breath smells like ginger, soup or tea, Naruto doesn’t know but it’s spicy warm at his lips. He’s reaching when he asks this, teasing because _now he gets it_ , but he wants to hear him, he wants more. “And?”

“And,” Sasuke breathes in quick and audibly ragged like he needs it. Naruto loses focus where it counts. He’s watching the air go down his throat, watching when his chest rises and the blue of the crystal peeks. “You were trying to teach me better. Make-me better.” This he spits harsh, Sasuke swallows, it goes down thick and slow. “And I hated that because it was _so fucking difficult_.”

“Sasuke, you-” _You did it. You’re amazing._

“But I needed it. This. I think.” Sasuke blinks. His eyes stare and with Naruto standing so close they’re huge and black, rimmed lashes and blown pupils, fuck.

“Yeah?” Naruto breathes.

“Mm.” Sasuke lets him in closer because he stretches open his neck and lets him rest his forehead. He lets him breathe him in, look down his shirt. “It was good.” The rumble of his voice lulls, Sasuke’s body is warm.

“Then we’re okay? You’re okay?” He wants to make sure so that maybe he doesn’t have to stop-

“ _Yes._ ”

…

Naruto is insane. He must be because the feeling is great and the atmosphere is right, but he doesn’t know how to sit-still grateful when it comes to Sasuke. Pliant and smooth and easy the other boy stands, he waited for him – Naruto’s ruining this. He’s an idiot that doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut and he always wants for the most. He just has to ask.

“Do you want to go to a sex shop?”

…

“Naruto. It’s Monday.”

“So?”

They’re in a crowded, public bus. Then again, it’s pouring out there. Sasuke grabs his bus hold turning him to attention, interlocking his frozen-ass fingers. Naruto hisses. “Why are you so cold?”

“You’re the one who asked to go to a se-” Sasuke looks around, thinks better of it, then lowers his voice. “On a fucking, rainy Monday?”

“But you agreed.”

“I do,” Sasuke says, bright red in the face and lingering close to him. It’s pretty cold weather though. When the bus halts they sway on their feet and they re-adjust in sync. Sasuke braids his fingers tight, Naruto braids back, they clench at the rubbery handheld. It’s not like anyone else will notice.

“Okay.”

“Hm?”

The bus floor is wet with sopping shoes, muddy and tracked with leaves. It smells like wet dog. Naruto leans into Sasuke’s space, that ginger breath and warm scent is better than anything he’ll smell here. Sasuke is eye level with him, stealing his good air and staring. Naruto stares back. “They’re probably closed, dumbass.”

Naruto grins. “Probably.”

“We couldn’t even get in. They’d I.D. us.”

“I have a gift card.”

The look on his face. “What? That doesn’t help.”

“Yeah, it does. Who else would get a gift card if you’re not an adult?”

“Why do you-? Don’t answer that.”

“ _Sasuke._ ” Naruto grips tighter the handheld and yanks them a little closer. “Come on, we’ll just try,” he’s smiling wildly now. He watches how miserably soaked the other boy is, trails drenched dark hair sticking to a red face. As the strands dry they peel with a spring, it’s fucking hilarious (and Naruto tries his best not to laugh.) “We’re already halfway, we have to try.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

In the window Naruto glances the Uchiha’s reflection, tired and cold, soft eyes closed from it all. Sasuke leans into him because it’s a crowded bus, because no one else would notice. Except for Naruto. He’s wet-warm from the heater and heavy with his long, soaked rain coat. He’s relaxed – and he’s right here. He feels good.

Naruto could barely listen, only a small sound deep against the rumble of the engine. “They’re going to kick us out and ban us. Idiot.”

He barks a laugh. “Probably.”

...

“Abandoning your backpack doesn’t change shit. You look like you’re twelve.”

“Confidence, Sasuke, believe it.”

“You are twelve.”

“Hey!”

“Stop lurking.” Naruto lets himself be dragged out into the open from the alley because his hand is cold and this is more fun than he thought. He grins at Sasuke, Sasuke looks him with disapproval, scowl and stern brows and grumpy everything. “Don’t be a fucking creep.”

“But you’re here," he says as if that solves everything.

“Unfortunately.”

Naruto thumbs the skin of those knuckles, thin and smooth and bony because Sasuke’s a lean guy with the fingers of a pianist. He wants to hold fast and not let go but they have to enter at some time. Before they are creeps. “Sas?” When the teen’s silent, he raises an eyebrow. “You’re not embarrassed, are you?”

“Not really.”

“Then?”

“Is this for me?” The Uchiha asks with focused intent. Sasuke doesn’t back down from asking questions. He doesn’t mind the squeeze of hand that Naruto gives him. Naruto scoffs at the mere notion, he pulls out the stupid purple card only to slip it into the other boy’s pocket.

“It’s yours,” he says and reluctantly pulls his hand away. “Whatever you want.”

_Anything._

After a moments pause, the rain hasn’t let up and Naruto realizes just how wet. He’s not cold, for some reason. Its then, slowly, that Sasuke smirks.

“…how much?”

Naruto begins to laugh.

…

They’re in. He doesn’t know if it says much about the place, that they’re allowed but he’s not going to question his blessings. It must be Monday or the rain that gives the two of them a pale, haggard look (on Sasuke, like he’s absolutely pissed and that must be the real reason why). Regardless, they’re here. Sasuke leads in like he knows where to go, like he knows just what he wants. Naruto follows.

When they stop at the pain & torture this small shop is really like any retail, Sasuke watches the wall and Naruto watches Sasuke. He waits as his face frowns in concentration, confusion, as those eyes move mechanically quick. He’d wait and keep waiting but he wants to make sure.

(Naruto’s feigning, he’s lying and he knows damn well.)

“You want this?” Sasuke pauses, retreats his hand Naruto watches. When the other boy turns to him, he calms himself.

“What do you mean.”

“This is for you we’re talking about… you want this?” He picks up a sample whip, turns it in his hand back and forth. Sasuke raises a brow.

“Are you sure you want to touch that?”

“Mm. Are you sure you want this or you want to _do_ this?”

“To you.”

“To me.”

Sasuke’s silent.

Naruto shrugs casually. “ _Whatever you want._ ” He puts the leather back in its proper place gently and lightly, but before he could rearrange its individual nine-tails, Sasuke stops him.

“I want it.”

“You want what?”

“ ** _I_** want it. That,” he points helpfully. The same cat-o-nine-tails. Shit.

“Uh, I don’t actually know how to use that,” Naruto blurts, flushing darkly. He speaks too fast and too soon and he didn’t think ahead enough. With quiet eyes staring him and waiting, he’s embarrassed because for once he’s got nothing to say. Him and his fucking loudmouth.

(Too awkwardly ashamed to look the Uchiha in the face. Glaring at his hands because they don’t know and Sasuke won so he deserves the best, better than )

“I-”

“If you apologize one more time.”

“ _Sas._ ”

“I changed my mind.”

“No, don’t.” Naruto doesn’t know where he’s going with this, not knowing is becoming his default, he jumps to hold fast at the tail end of Uchiha scarf. It’s long, it’s damp and it’s his fucking lifeline. He doesn’t want Sasuke to _leave_.

“Tell me more.”

…

“We’ve been here half an hour.”

“Yeah.”

“We haven’t bought anything.”

“We will. They don’t care.”

“I know. Look,” Sasuke takes the current source of Naruto’s attention from his hand, he stops his protests with a palm on his. The skin is hot, the heaters are blasting and Sasuke still hasn’t taken off his coat. Looks like he doesn’t mind. He stands close to him, shifty glances as if uncertain and the action crawls unnerving. Naruto yanks his hand to draw him back to Earth.

Patience and all that. He’s trying.

“Naruto.”

“Sasuke.”

He’s _flustered_. “I haven’t done this.”

“Me too.”

“…”

“Sasuke,” Naruto leans, nears the bridge of a nose until he can hear him slowly breathing. He tells him to his skin. “You said you weren’t embarrassed.”

A hitch.

“I’m not.”

“Good.” Naruto smiles and it’s easy to do so. “‘Cuz I am.” When the Uchiha looks him funny and expects him to explain he spills only half the truth.

“I mean, I asked you to come with me but,” _I can’t even give you what you want._ “I can’t pick for you this time,” he says lamely. It’s niggling him in the back of his mind like a distant itch and he’s bitten his nails. Dad and this gift card, Dad and what he’s said, Dad and Tsunade; there isn’t enough apologies because he can’t even give him what he wants, Sasuke.

(Because it’s his turn, his choice, his fantasy, and for some reason it frustrates Naruto that this isn’t going right. Sasuke won, Naruto is Top, but for some reason at all this isn’t going right. Naruto can’t-)

“This.” It’s heavy moments until Sasuke puts in his palm something and it’s warm, like he’s been holding it a while. Naruto folds his fingers over – or maybe Sasuke does him, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t look away from the gaze baiting him. “It’s easier?”

When Naruto glances down, he glances up, he glances back down again. Fits right in his fist, the paddle, looks easy enough. “Wood?” Naruto twirls it in hand a couple times. No, too light.

“Bamboo.”

Yes. Wide, rectangular strike zone, it’s designed a heavy hit. Thin but not flimsy, there’s traces of fibrous lines holding fast the paddle. It feels innocently light in his hands and Naruto can’t deny how his stomach clenches – this piece of wood scares him, makes his heart double-beat as if it were him bending over. A pang somewhere buried deep inside him, he instinctively knows it won’t just sting.

Fuck, Sasuke. “You really,” (This can hurt, this can bruise, maybe they should switch plastic instead.) Naruto bites his lip but the words are out. “Want me to-”

“Teach me.”

He chokes.

“You said whatever I want.”

“I did,” Naruto tells him. “I did.” With the paddle in hand he grips, he relaxes. “But you didn’t do anything wrong?”

( _I_ did. You won.)

“I know but I still want this. Trust me,” Sasuke says, before walking himself on to another part in the store. His presence and the weighted air with it – gone. And it’s so soon in less than instant that before Naruto realizes he does.

…

Practice makes perfect. Or motivation makes practice makes perfect – makes him really want to show Sasuke a good time, more than just what he needs. Makes him want to remind himself, prove to himself and his dad that this isn’t in vain. And it could never be. Because it’s Sasuke.

...

Thursday could not come fast enough. Except it could, because _holy shit_.

Naruto is there, Sasuke is here, he wishes he cleaned his room a little beforehand but Naruto forgot, so busy worried practicing. And then time flew, and Sasuke didn’t care, he doesn’t think the Uchiha even noticed. Because the moment he walks in Sasuke does _this_ and throws all the knowledge he’s planned out the window.

“Sasuke.” The boy doesn’t pause exactly but he acknowledges him, and then hurries to continue what he’s doing. Fuck.

“That’s not necessary.” Naruto stops the hand that reaches for the zipper, warm and heavy under the waist, hovering. A dry swallow. “You’re making this… harder.”

“You don’t want me to?” and he actually sounds surprised. The Uzumaki didn’t consider it a second thought really, to do this without clothes he took the safe presumption that that was a non-question. Went the extra route for less sting and more thud. Naruto didn’t expect for this.

Please.

“Do you?” he asks pseudo-casually though he fears the answer. If Sasuke strips thinking he had to… the Uzumaki doesn’t want to hear that, he wants this, he wants more-

With a flick of his fingers Sasuke pushes his hand away and Naruto is embarrassingly disappointed until he’s not, holy shit slow down, wait,

Thumbs in the elastic band. “If you want?”

 _Fuck_. “No, no.”

He leaves his boxers on.

It gets quiet. For long enough that Naruto can hear the slipping free of jeans - no belt, no socks, his underwear is too damn short all he sees is skin. Long legs that ages ago would kick the shit out of him because Sasuke’s quicker on his feet - a runner and a street fighter. But he’s not running or fighting him now.

He wants him to do this, Naruto has to remind himself. Why him, he doesn’t yet know. Luckily it’s not an awkward quiet or as hard as he thought, it’s pretty easy for Naruto to ask.

“How do you want this?” Sasuke’s in the process of removing his shirt which stumps him for a moment. White skin and dark hair and Sasuke stops, he’s looking at him, shit, Naruto tries to explain.

“Over my knee is gonna kill your stomach.” _Lie._

“I don’t want over your knee.”

“Okay. Then?” With his hands holding his shirt and wringing the material, Naruto takes a glance and Sasuke looks away.

“I don’t know where else you plan to hit…”

“You wanted somewhere specific?” Not always safe, Naruto thinks. Sasuke’s too lean of a guy to take a sting without bruising. Outside of his ass, of course.

(They fight and hit each other but not like this, never like this.)

“I want you to teach me,” Sasuke says simply.

Naruto stares... he does because the Uchiha can’t look at him now, not without betraying the honesty in his eyes, not without telling him everything. But he’s said it all, didn’t he? He’s given him reign.

“This much, huh?” Naruto says and Sasuke flinches but not painfully. It’s a conscious realization that he gets to watch all over again (and he loves to watch this, Sasuke.) He shouldn’t have poked the acknowledgement because the Uchiha scowls, lightly embarrassed he bitches.

“Shut-up.”

“Bastard.”

He scoffs.

“That’s it, is it? You don’t mind how it gets done?” Naruto watches with intent.

“I do. But you’re good at… improvising.”

 _You’re good too,_ he almost says but he doesn’t yet know what he means by that. Instead, Naruto shrugs it off, the praise warming his stomach he doesn’t show on his face when he reaches for the paddle on his bed. He has to act his role; he must do something with his hands.

“20 count.” Sasuke blinks.

“Safeword.”

“Mandarin.”

“I won’t hit that hard.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t hit other than your ass.”

“Do what you think is best.”

 _Fuck._ “I’m no teacher, Sas.” _I don’t know best._

_And that took me too long to realize._

With small hesitation, Sasuke nods. The motion is tiny, too washed out, Naruto needs to wake his attention. “I’m serious. I’m not.”

Fucking plausible deniability… ‘communication.’ Like his dad had said, this takes time and practice and he doesn’t have the perfect time to practice, _best_ , shit, he’s not even half-way for Sasuke. He’s not even half-way for himself. Naruto gets pissed easily when there’s a lot he doesn’t know, _Sasuke is here_ and he wants to be more, somehow. But how can he be more?

“You’re doing fine, you’ll do fine.” Sasuke hooks his shirt at his computer chair and he’s there, boxer-clad and necklace and it reassures Naruto. Confident Uchiha proud in his skin, trusting him out of all people with the view. He looks good.

Better than "good". Soft stance like he’s relaxed in his presence, his nipples flash brown and pink and then he fucking- _crawls_ to pick up his phone,

Naruto quickly turns away. He sits himself to the back of his bed where there’s everything he needs even a small first aid kit. Sasuke glances the white box, his hand, at him and where Naruto’s pointing him to be.

“My bed’s pretty big, Sasuke.”

“Your legs are going to fall asleep.”

This, he says before he crawls over his lap and Naruto’s most-definitely cool with the weight, his back against the headboard. Sasuke’s cold and a little bony, the dark blue boxers he wears rubs rough (hikes themselves high on his thigh, yes). But that’s all secondary: not when he’s here, not when he’s like this.

Wide back and smooth skin, and those long legs at his disposal Naruto gets the itch to touch elsewhere, his hair, everywhere. He’d love to take his time. But Sasuke wants to play hard, wants him to teach and to spank, and Naruto wants whatever Sasuke wants.

He also wants what he wants. They can’t start hard.

It’s this that persuades Naruto to move his hand, to actually squeeze those legs by the girth and run through thick hair. When Sasuke gasps, he doesn’t say anything further and Naruto gets excited.

“Sasuke. What am I supposed to teach you anyway?” His hands easily ride up thigh, his fingers slip under boxers. And he let him.

It’s like magic.

“I don’t know.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” This time Naruto hooks pale torso closer because he wants to see him. He wants to look at his face, catch an eye in his periphery, wants him to know he’s watching. This makes it better and worse, the honesty sometimes gets too much.

“But you were wrong earlier.” Sasuke gasps sharply and Naruto doesn’t want him to misunderstand. “I can’t make you better.”

When he sees a frown, Naruto lets up on the massage. For a reason he can’t name, he thumbs away at the ridge of a brow. Sasuke blinks, tries to retreat but Naruto holds him locked by the side. “Only you can do that.”

“What do you mea- _nn_ ,” he yanks him up, and pushes _down_ , until Sasuke’s cheek meshes deep into the mattress, his knees bent and his ass raised high. He looks good like this, inky hair spilling and the necklace ridden up, getting tangled. He’s his best like this because he doesn’t change a single muscle.

His voice is a little muffled and trying, weakly cracked and difficult. “I’m not Top. You taught me that.” Naruto can hear him breathing harshly.

“You’re not. Is that a bad thing?”

“No?”

“That day was about you... but I didn’t teach you anything.” When there’s no response, Naruto pulls his body close. “Hm, Sasuke?”

“I don’t know.” He breathes slow and heavy through his nose and Naruto can see his chest move. His voice is lost. “I don’t understand?”

“You do.” Sasuke folds an arm around his head, grounding like he’s hiding his face from him, like he’s thinking. Naruto pulls the arm away. “You came to the conclusion yourself.”

“ _I can’t._ ”

“Yes, I can’t. You’re a quick learner, you know that?” He nods as minute as the motion is, he does, Naruto’s awed. And then his hand itches. “But I can’t teach you about yourself, I can only teach you me.”

_And you might not like what you learn._

“One.” His left flies until it hits directly under the butt muscle where it’s warm by his earlier touch, peeking from underneath his boxers ready and waiting. Sasuke jolts forward and he shuts his eyes. “Come on, you have to count with me.”

“Two,” Sasuke coughs, and as if the words were the keys he comes unlocked. “Th-ree.” That slap went a tad light.

But damn, it looks good on him and his body is flushed pink.

“Maybe you came in here thinking that I would hurt you to help you,” _that I would, that I would._ “But you’re not in good luck, Sasuke. I’m sorry.”

“ _Four._ ”

Naruto keeps the paddle locked in his corner of sight. But he doesn’t use it yet. Because Sasuke needs a warm up and he needs the pain, the sting that makes his palm: it’s actually helping.

(Easing at the knot in his chest that formed starting _he left him there_ , tightening unbelievably tightening at his dad’s words, no wonder the Uchiha wants of this.)

“Five!”

“My dad… he told me this was dangerous.”

 _Smack._ And Sasuke begins to blink rapidly arching inward, sink and meld and breathe. He shudders. He turns his face away from him, fingers gripping his sheets. “-six.”

“That’s not fair to you, Sasuke. Are you sure you want me to do this?”

“Seven! Yes-eight!” Naruto cups his hand. His fingers join stiff and he knows his own callouses, he aims. Sasuke hiccups. His body’s pushed forward but champ that he is he digs his elbows and takes the pain – he doesn’t fall.

He’s good at that.

“Nine. Naruto.”

“Mm.” Naruto holds him near, the body trembles under his hands. He’s getting hot and red, beading with sweat but for some reason it’s not enough. So Naruto trails fingernails up long legs and he doesn’t stop at blue boxers. Sasuke hitches his breath, he bends and he damn well waits to see what Naruto will do, open mouthed against his bed.

(Naruto wonders a sudden blip in his thoughts, if he’ll wait forever. If that's what this is. Twists in his gut, hope, please, this hurts good and he doesn’t want it to stop.)

When he slips his right middle finger in an open mouth Sasuke doesn’t bite, fuck, his tongue curls and laps and rests slick hot under. And then dark eyes flutter closed because Naruto grips his face roughly, motions him with the digit to suck-

“Count.”

This time when he cracks him on the ass, Sasuke moans. It doesn’t even sound like a ‘ten’.

“Again.”

“T- _en._ ” And Naruto thrusts his finger in and out. Sasuke can’t breathe.

He just lets him mess his face. Lets him spread his lips long enough that he drools, weak fingers grasp his wrist when he hollows his throat,

“Elle-haah,” Naruto doesn’t stop when Sasuke can’t count, doesn’t stop his fucking finger nor his left hand. He imagines this only a little differently, hitting him from the back while he pistons through pink lips, fast and rude because this is it, this is what he asked for.

“Do you feel like you owe me? Eleven, Sasuke.”

He bats at his wrist, he sucks and swallows.

“I’m the one supposed to take care of you.” Smack. Smack. His hand hurts and Sasuke’s crying. It’s true. He’s the Top and he provides. Scrunched lashes, pretty and dark with wet, Naruto gently thumbs the line of his jaw. “I haven’t done a very good job of it, huh?”

“Eleven!”

“Yes.” Teeth scrape the length of his finger, he return-scratches the roof of a hot mouth. The Uchiha coats him generous and he wishes for his whole hand, more fucking fingers, he wishes he could choke him dry, flip this around and slap him wet- (on his bare ass and his hand could get dirty and sticky, and the spit would turn cold before he could get out the paddle.)

“Twelfth. Twelve,” Sasuke croaks.

“Good job,” his voice is suddenly loud. “You do a good job. You’re so good, Sasuke.” He stretches a weak smile. Naruto hooks a-jaw his teeth and Sasuke shivers, he lolls his tongue. And it’s insane, the way the man gets to him when he’s supposed to be sub. When his boy leaves his mouth open for his use, cracked wide and hanging and Sasuke pants breathlessly, this is his secret power.

“I’m sorry for not being the best Dom I could be. You deserve better.”

 _Crack!_ His name goes repeated even when he’s reaching for the bamboo, rushed whisper chanting. It eggs him on. He removes his finger, Sasuke blinks-open his eyes lidded and glassy as they are, fuck. Naruto steadies the Uchiha at the waist and rubs his bottom in a circular motion.

“It’s just not fair,” he says softly, reverently and the magic is coming unveiled. “You keep getting hurt for the things I’ve done.”

A slick guilt trembles in his voice, a shamed keen low into the mattress elbows hiding his face. Shit, he wishes he could say nice things, wholesome things. But all he knows is the truth. He figures now if ever he should begin being honest. It's about time he tell him the truth of what he's been thinking. All of it. Even the things no one should know. Naruto slaps him once, slaps him twice and then he drags him bodily until he can smell him near - no ginger, only sex and boy and cool mint like he got ready just for him.

“And then I do it again. Fucked up, right? I feel shitty and stupid and unworthy, you know. Like I should be better than this. Do you?” Sasuke sobs, half-broken. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make it better.”

He doesn’t. He really doesn't. He wishes he could do more but all he has is himself, and not the best parts of himself at that. The parts that are questionable. The parts that are... problematic. The parts that he never knew he had before, parts that he's never even seen. Where Sasuke has brought out and groomed the worst in him and Naruto must return the favor. It's only fair, right? Punish him for being bad, for even liking this.

Not that Naruto feels that sorry. Isn't that the best? He's not sorry, not in the way his pants begin to feel too tight and he can watch the boy heave.

“Well, I can only hope.” Thud. Thud. Sweet spot, equal cheeks, red and redder. He stares unashamed when a back folds into the mattress... boxers stretch shorter and his ass peeks, waiting. The white ripples prettily from every strike in rhythm, two-beats a pause until the blood rushes back in and Sasuke moans. Knotted open and willing and loud, the boy isn’t even paying attention. He slips, swearing, and Naruto catches him – puts him back, lets him go.

 _Beautiful._ “Sas.”

“Thir-teen, thirteen.” He tries to clear his throat. He’s always been good at looking like he's under control. He's perfect.

But sometimes, times that Naruto only admits to himself in the long nights when he's staring up at the ceiling after one of his dreams... sometimes he likes him out of it too. No control. Nothing to his name. Nothing but his body, and even that he thinks about. The Uchiha not so smart... not so perfect. Out of his mind and the rest of his clothes too while he's at it, and those quick sharp words of his. Out of it all.

Would he be happy? Naruto wonders.

“That’s right. Breathe.”

“I can’t?"

“You can, you’re doing fine.” _You’re amazing._ His words take effort to leave his lips, his throat is dry and the lump is thick, _what is he doing to him?_ “I can only hope you enjoy yourself.”

Sasuke makes an absolutely wrecked sound, guilty had got'em, raw from his lungs and the sound of his name, ‘please-’

“I’m sorry I left you there.”

 _Dammit._ Dammit. The effort must be painful, worse than his own he feels knifed in his gut, slowly fucking him dry. Something he shouldn’t have brought up now in this context. But at the same time it makes perfect sense, fuck, _why does it hurt so good?_

_Why is it like this, Sasuke?_

Fuck it, Naruto doesn’t want to think anymore not when this is driving him insane, making him bad, leading his hand. Like the plants he has to trim in their pots before they can grow because split pottery is dangerous and can cut sharp until you bleed. It fucking sucks, his dad said to stop this now, he doesn’t want to really hurt him but they’re so damn close-

He was letting go too. Why does he have to end it?

“Four-teen.” Sasuke gets it. He knows what he's thinking. He sucks his stomach in as if he can escape from him, from this, Naruto cracks his ass with the paddle. “Fif-teen.”

“I’m sorry I fucked up. That I’m not good enough.” Thwack.

He _whines._

“I’m sorry that I think my dad was right.”

“Sixth-six, six, wait,”

“Sixteen, Sasuke.”

“ _Oh…_ fuck, please-”

“At least you get off on my pain.” Sasuke chokes and panics, his protests hoarse-ineffective and he scrambles on his elbows and knees but he can’t escape this sweet hell. Naruto hugs him, the paddle abandoned when he slips an arm between heated thighs, keeps this close. He brushes a matching tent, he grins, ‘ _good job_ ’. His lips meet skin and it convulses like fear, a pulse races frantic underneath. Naruto trails where the ribs stem and squeezes him steady, he whispers. “Because the truth of the matter is, I get off on yours.”

“Mmph-!” Close-mouthed and scrunched eyes, Sasuke grounds himself to catch the bare-handed slap. _Clap!_ the sharpness echoes, the sounds sends shivering tingles out his fingertips down his spine - shot up his dick, throbbing. That's loud. Sasuke bites his lip quiet Naruto watches, _clap!_ , he does it again because he wants to make it known, hear blushed skin and Sasuke, who muffles his noise into the mattress.

Again. His boy spreads so quick like reflex, fuck, that’s so hot. His ass is red; Naruto’s palm is too, and it feels bad and good and the fucked-up mix of the both of them.

“Seventeen, baby.” Three more. “You can take this.”

“…ow shit, shit,” When he hits him again, Sasuke seizes, his body twitches and squirms like a child. Like he's trying to escape. Naruto has to restrain him from moving. He has to manhandle him down, hand on his neck like some kind of animal – because the boy is cracking at the seams.

(Naruto doesn’t know what’s striking the flare in his dick, in his belly and mind, the fact he’s forcing him or that he’s made him need his force, both.)

“Breathe. I need you to breathe.” Sasuke groans and he doesn’t _stop_. The sound goes straight to his dick, it hurts to hear him like this – low and throaty and begging-him dangerous. Fuck, baby, sing.

“It’s okay, you know. I figure we’re both fucked up.”

“Eighteen-nineteen, fuck!”

It’s just too bad.

“And I’m sorry if I made you like this.”

_Crack!_

…

“Twenty, twenty, twenty…” Sasuke tears at his sheets and he breathes like he’s drowning. Naruto feels guilty at the sight of him, feels sick to his stomach made worse that _he doesn’t feel sick at all_ – Sasuke’s beautiful. He’s hyperaware, how his body bows in a cat stretch, his ass sticking out beacon red and hot. How he doesn’t move a fucking muscle, and he’s still counting.

“Twenty-one, Naruto, one.”

_Sas, no._

“I take care of you, Sasuke, not the other way around.”

His voice is slurred and weak. “Fuck you. Twenty-one.”

 _Oh, shit._ Naruto smiles, powerful and quavering. “Your ass will turn purple.” _I don’t want to hurt you._

(You’re so good, you’re so willing, waiting for me but that’s not _why_.)

“Teach me,” he says.

“Sasuke.”

"Trust me! You're hurting, aren't you?” Dark eyes demand and glare. Naruto blinks slowly and Sasuke bends, he grits his teeth and prepares for the pain. It’s a distracting motion, simple in execution but great, niggling the back of his mind until he finally processes the words.

_Is he...?_

Fuck!

“Oh, you sweet _bitch-_ "

His hand whips in spite of himself because he always does what Sasuke wants. Who’s who, and what’s Top isn’t strictly defined anymore… because they’re both letting go. The fine line where their fantasies lie are blending, mixing until unrecognizable, until he finally knows what Sasuke needs and Sasuke does what he needs and Naruto could never, ever refuse him.

(The favorite, the lovely, the fucking- _bastard_.)

“Twenty-two!”

“Is this what you wanted to learn?”

“ _Ah_ -three, please.”

“Or maybe you hadn’t finished yourself off?” Sasuke nods and laughs-high and yes, he moans his answer, folds on his knees if only to present beneath his underwear, his bright pink ass-

“Twenty-four, ow shit.”

“Your shorts.” He doesn’t know how else to say this. “They’re wet.”

“ _Yes._ ” And his brutal honesty. Sasuke’s voice is heady, slick like the pre-come thinning back his balls and Naruto wasn’t looking too close until he was. He could smell the sex in the air but he thought it was him, an increasingly common result of Sasuke. And now he can’t look away, fuck.

( _But that’s not why._ )

“Sas,” he says softly and his mind screams at him: _shut-up, shut-up, shut-up!_ It’s the words that he forgets the meaning of, he’s always a loudmouth and he’s not one to listen to his brain anyway. Naruto frowns, his brows crease even as he smiles because his boy wiggles his ass in response without knowing, funny is what it is.

But everything here is a little funny. Too perfect, too fast, too good and wrong, and it's confusing his hands to the point where they shake, holding Sasuke. It’s downright scary to his gut making him near lose his lunch, making him keep-watching. But for some fucking reason _now he gets it,_ it's clearing his head for the first time.

38 years, Dad said, Naruto remembers. And he’s a cold bastard.

God, he’s so stupid.

“Hey.” Naruto hits him once on the left upper thigh, he cups the limb hot and close. The Uchiha shuffles a little wider and bows deep for him. It hurts to breathe. He’s an idiot but he guesses it really couldn’t be helped… it’s always gotta be this same asshole.

“You’re a jewel, Sasuke.”

“Naruto?”

 _How did I miss this?_ “Thanks for being here...” _With me._ He starts, fingers in dark hair and he tries not to lose countenance like the dom he pretends. Supposed to order him with a deep voice and be in control, be serious and be better. Damn. What a joke. “You wanted to learn that bad.”

Sasuke raises his head, red-bleary open and confused. Naruto figures he has to explain. Sasuke deserves that much. He readies his hand and shrugs. “I guess I’m sorry for loving you.”

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spent a good three days trying to find THE perfect paddle. Described this in detail and they barely even used it, lmao… If y’all wanted to know what it looks like, nsfw just to be safe.](http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=33999&ReviewPage=1)


	15. Chapter 15

“I guess I’m sorry for loving you,” he says.

Sasuke chokes horribly. His legs feel weak where Naruto hugs him and his cock gushes in a sudden jolt, as bent as he is (helpless, he thinks with sudden clarity, what does that even mean?) he can’t help himself the wet. The trickle runs wrong, sucks its way down until the liquid makes him shudder because he can feel the slow, thick drip of it move alive and move real. It’s _there_. It’s obvious. He bows his shame and hides his face into the mattress; Naruto can hear him and can smell him where he leaks but _he doesn’t_ _have an answer yet_ , please, wait, he can’t-

Too bad it seems his body’s doing the “talking” for him. Loudly. “Twenty-five, Sasuke, twenty – shit, Sas, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Yeah. You shouldn’t.

When Naruto spanks him again, Sasuke didn’t prepare for it because his brain is still reeling… his lips open that he exhales puffing wet, and for all the localized humidity he can’t breathe. He’s breathing where he folds, eating this orange cloth while he mouths his name - fishcakes - and empty words that aren’t in language, formless and air and a lot of _fuck, fuck, wait-_ It tastes like boy and his wet spot of drool, his tongue flutters because he’s trying to talk to him, tell him, but what the fuck can he say? Stop? That he’s wrong? Who’s going to listen to his ‘words’? Going out of control, he thinks and he flushes, because this, Naruto can see.

He doesn’t want Naruto to see him like this.

He knows he’s making a spectacle of himself, red-faced and groaning his pain. He knows he’s looking crazy, and nothing like the Uchiha he’s supposed to be. But he doesn’t care. Half the act it began until it stopped being an act… until there’s something missing that only Naruto can provide but Sasuke doesn’t even know what he’s begging for. A trickle of sweat draws up his spine that knots his ass tight, makes him this – slutty. There’s no _reason_. Naruto works him again and again, and the hits don’t even fucking count, fuck.

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

 _Don’t, don’t…_ Sasuke can feel the wet on his face and it’s gross, but knowing only making things run wetter. He moans in a broken-sob and Sasuke rubs his face into the mattress as if he can hide from Uzumaki witnessing him like this. He can’t; he just can’t and it’s not fair, he’s breaking down and Naruto will watch him fall. “Twen-ty. Naruto. _Naruto._ My-” this is supposed to be freeing, he didn’t think he’d cry?

He didn’t think he’d love him too.

“Breathe, Sas.”

Sasuke tries to inhale but the oxygen is poisonous and not near enough when his chest swells. Not when he’s still hurting him. Curious, knuckleheaded Naruto, no boundaries, no proper common sense _idiot,_ and no goddamn hesitation… He trails a finger in his sweat.

Dark eyes go from wide to scrunched shut. He’s trying to gain control of his voice, teeth grinding wetly at the sheets. His back bends honest as if he could open himself any more naked the view, but there’s nothing left of his body he can offer. Nothing more than himself that he can give. His body is all he has. And Naruto can see all, the scarlet of his ass and where he’s clear, cracked legs and cum and a long, languid roll of heat across his skin… until Sasuke twitches spastically.

He jump-rocks the bed once, scaring the shit out of himself. And then he _flick_ -does it again. And then he’s slowly losing himself… a painful clawing to fall in rhythm but no spanks, _there’s no excuse why you should be moving, you slut_ -

“Is it – _fuuck_ – is it the same?” Sasuke shakes his head rapidly, emphatically, and he whines.

He doesn’t fucking love him! He doesn’t need him! He doesn’t _need_ ; he’s not, he’s not-

“I’m putting you on the spot, huh?” Yes. His breathing seems to raise the room temperature. He can’t stop because there’s no pain, no friction, and the sting of his ass is lessening, giving rise to something he doesn’t want to feel. A spark of dreaded conscious thought, but it’s too late. Sasuke’s far gone where the growing shame of knowing Naruto’s watching only makes it hotter, sorrow makes him shake on his knees, rock – and he groans to himself. It’s humiliating like an animal in heat... because he can’t fucking articulate what he wants and Naruto’s too _stupid_ to get it.

“Shut up, just shut-up.” He hides his face.

“Sasuke,” The Uzumaki says pulling him closer and he didn’t know such an action possible. He tries to clear his throat but it sounds dirty, a graveled hum of pleasure dragged out the depths of him, leaking from the other end. Naruto hugs him tighter and it only makes things worse because he’s slick all over and that makes the both of them-

Something. That makes the both of them _something_. Something he doesn’t recognize… and one that’s alien. Something’s wrong. They weren’t supposed to be anything.

Naruto bypasses all his warnings so fast he can’t keep up.

“I think I?”

“Would you shut up already!” Sasuke can’t help himself but to overthink when Naruto chooses this moment to rub his hand over his ass, two fingers slipping underneath his shorts to press against his taint. They stay there those fingers, tipping him close to the edge and hovering like a magnet to his balls. Sasuke shudders a heavy breath. It’s poor-timing Naruto, who waits to play him like this and logically he knows, yet he’s still drowning hook, line, and sinker. He _hates_ this. “Stop… just stop talking.”

“Sasuke.”

“Don’t.” He breathes and he’s finally gaining a handle on himself – speaking. The fingers give him a thread to narrow focus on, jumpstart the use of his mind with what will Naruto do next? Nothing, if he knows what’s good for him, their no-sex agreement and Sasuke fully trusts he intends to keep good on his side of the contract. Earnest, annoyingly loyal, Uzumaki Naruto… and yet his stomach muscles clench all the same. A fearful kind of anticipation hangs its head because it’s those fingers that press him forward ever so lightly – rock, and his ass clenches. Those fingers rub in and only make themselves known, inches away and he breathes harsher. But he’s never wanted this… No, not this. “You’re a fucking cheater,” he spits.

He is silent.

The words come stronger, loud in this quiet until they begin to make sense coming out of his mouth. “Shut up Naruto, okay, this isn’t a joke. This isn’t, you can’t bring this up now.”

“You think I’m joking?” Sasuke flushes darkly to his ankles when Naruto spanks him, the first he’s deserved. Its sharp sounding and he can hear Naruto hiss between teeth, his hand is probably as red as his ass and just as stinging. Shocked, Sasuke hiccups, _slap!_ again, and his ass has been through so much that it fucking hurts. Stacks of pain on old pain that sparks new pleasure because Naruto said that _he loves him-_

And that makes things different. Makes him feel, everything aligning to fucked sense that Sasuke closes his eyes. It’s so good like this because it’s this hand that loves him that spanks him, until his toes curl at the tingling of pain. It’s so much better, it can be even more-

But he just threw it back in his face.

A small pang of guilt builds up that the Uchiha hacks a cough. It hurts to think and to hear this, to be the one at fault and Naruto hurt because of _him_. A familiar feeling he thinks he’s beginning to comprehend, a little the lesson and he breathes. Because it’s not as if Sasuke were any better. Not as if this were a one-way street. He fears… he’s not speaking only of himself. Naruto pinches the skin of his inner thigh and twists, Sasuke jolts and lets it happen. “How the fuck can I be joking now, huh?” he demands.

Sasuke begins to bury his head in his arms and shakes at the terrifying accusation, _no, no_ – but Naruto quickly thumbs the bruised skin. An apology. A delicate massage right where it counts, that his spoken suspicions have been learned and forgiven.

Sasuke’s so tired of his apologies.

His voice grows softer, something he thinks just for him because the child-like rasp evens out, lowers like the tone of when he says his name. Naruto always goes easy on him now he learns, quick to forgive and still as patronizing as before. “I mean, you’re just so… I don’t know, something? Good at this.” Sasuke could laugh at the fucking irony. “I can’t be lying to you, Sas, I can’t even lie to myself. How could I be joking now?” he asks so earnestly.

He can hear the wonder in his voice, something that reflects in the mirror and spikes when Naruto fits a hand right- _there_ between his legs, hot on his skin. The question is right, but wrong, and it’s not fair that it’s his body that has to be honest like this. Fuck him... _Sasuke’s_ the one face-down in the sheets, ass-up and dick wet – not Naruto. It’s him who has to spread his legs when a hand grips the flesh of his thigh pulling him wide open all the information that could be revealed, no lies where he’s bent over. Sasuke doesn’t have a choice. He can’t be his normal self, tall, and coolly removed from the situation and distant that he can fucking think first, dammit. All he can feel is the fear rising where his spine tapers, but it’s not enough: he’s still hard and shivering hot all over thanks to this idiot. When his mind begins to spin in panic - too many emotions and still the anticipation licks up the hair on his skin - it rakes.

Naruto can see him like this but Sasuke can’t see Naruto so how the fuck can he possibly trust these words through a moment they contracted in advance? How _couldn’t_ he be ‘joking’ now?

Even though his logic is a little skewed, even though he knows this idiot doesn’t have the mal-intentional foresight… his mind runs with it. It’s too good to be true. Top and bottom are labels and roles and Naruto is just supposed to be fill-in Top, not Naruto, not someone more than the name itself. He’s not supposed to learn this.

(Sasuke doesn’t even know where it first fell apart, the chicken or the egg, before or after this scene that maybe he-)

Well. It shouldn’t matter. He’s always worked pretty decent under pressure and he’s not to fall for stupid, no more if he already has. Naruto can have him like this, whipped and fucked well, but he can’t really hurt him. Sasuke hasn’t so much as said it. He’ll concede that the idiot has power, dare he say enough to make him feel something good… but not enough that he could have him. Naruto won’t actually get him.

Not if he gets him first.

Sasuke laughs. It’s a sound that sputters out of him in bursts like a dying car, breathless and airy high-pitched horror, and he moans in sync with the deep scratch down his leg but that only further proves his point. “You are a cheater. Shit.” Sasuke shifts until the hand brushes the delicate back of his knee. “Making sure your confession “lesson” sticks while you can get the most. And then what?”

He’s not surprised when he’s spanked. Hard.

In the corner of his eye he can see a flash of clear, blue eyes wide with hurt but he doesn’t stop his mouth from talking. He can’t, not if he wants to snatch control of this power back – his. “ _Mmm_ , fuck, are you gonna be an actor when you grow up?”

“Enough, Sasuke,” Naruto says in a voice that makes him tremble, deep and growling and nothing in the way of lovesick. He likes it. It’s dark with restrained anger and Sasuke preens, because finally he’s not the only one struggling with fucking emotions. And the fear in his legs reside by the second. “I’m not playing this with you.”

Oh, yes you are.

“You just had to open your big, fat mouth-mmph!”

“Yeah, and you have to close yours.” Naruto shoves his face down in the mattress and keeps him there, hand in his hair gripping his scalp. Sasuke’s fire to his ears and tries to grasp at a thick wrist to fight him, to win. But the Uzumaki doesn’t care when he’s feeling, instead it’s this idiot who’s calmly collected with a back to the head rest, quiet when he says. “I get that you’re upset.”

Bitch. Sasuke folds him the finger.

“That’s what you do every time, isn’t it? Talk me shit when you have a problem. Some kind of default defense, one that you just can’t help yourself. That you want me to spank you harder, do you good until you can’t think, especially about the words coming out of my mouth. But I love to make you think, Sasuke. I know that’s what gets you hot in the end.”

His breath catches and he _knows_. His cock leaks damning at the words.

“You get me without trying; I can see it. Maybe you get it too well.” And here Sasuke protests until Naruto scratches nails down his scalp, mmm, ohkay, there. “I’m not gonna apologize for teaching you me like you asked, Sasuke. I’m just sad for not getting why you’re so mad right now.”

To his surprise, Naruto lets him go. He releases him and Sasuke feels the weight on his body lighten suddenly. He could breathe little through the mattress only to get a full shock of air. He blinks when he’s moved into a new position turned onto his back. His knees are made to fold, he rests and regains some needed bearings. Sasuke stares and waits for where he’s going with this.

Looking at him from his position, his face is so caring. Concerned. But shouldn’t he hate him by now?

Naruto speaks. “But you’re right. Time and place, huh? I must’ve been an idiot.”

He has to turn his face away.

“Calling it, Sas.” The Uchiha moves to escape but he’s roughly pulled back down. He hisses, his ass stings something electric that he has to take a moment to stop and breathe. Something desperate, and guilty, very guilty where the pain isn’t entirely from the spanking. He hasn’t figured why… why he has to do this every time. Push those closest to him. A hand holds him still at his chest, and he tries to let it. “Wait, don’t run away yet. I promise I won’t let things get too awkward for you.” The voice is almost pleading.

He says nothing.

Taking his silence as a go-ahead, it’s quick. Naruto keeps to his promise. The boy pulls him up by the underarms steadily hefting him enough that when he lowers him back down Sasuke splits his knees, straddling him. The Uchiha grumbles his protest, “I’m not weak,” until there’s movement to the left of him, a snap of a lid that he flinches; he already wants to hide.

“I can do it myself,” he says.

“Please.”

Naruto retracts, though his hands are tight on him. “I mean, if you’ll let me.”

Sasuke stares. It’s not hard to look down from his straight perch on lap, to watch when he blinks blue eyes away from him and neck stiffly turned to the side. The tattoos on his cheeks strike low on cheekbones and tapering to his jawline. The Uchiha waits until he knows Naruto’s aware of his eyes, until he’s flushed nervous and must face him back. Hands slacken gripping his legs, blond brows are high and open in hope – so annoying, he tells himself - and he chews his lip like Sasuke can’t notice. As if he can’t notice him. “You’re _stupid_.” _You’re so utterly stupid._

He can’t tell who exactly he’s speaking this to.

Squeeze. Naruto huffs a small, hollow laugh. “Kinda yeah.”

And that’s all he has to say for himself. Resigned with the words, his agreement is deep and rough and not something Sasuke wants to hear. Naruto really doesn’t know what to do with rejection, doesn’t know how to give up and that it’s already useless to look so damn accepting: to meekly ask for this. It won’t change anything. One last time won’t make this feel any better. Sasuke can only stare when Naruto’s not even looking him in the eyes, just where he’s distractedly thumbing his skin and Sasuke thinks that maybe he doesn’t sound sorry at all.

(This scene is over and yet the game they’re playing is still turning, pulling them together with some kind of magnetism, and this is what he’s always feared. Too bad that fear isn’t enough.)

Even though it scares him a little to do this, he makes himself fall forward until their faces are close. It is one last time. Sasuke tucks his head into the juncture of Naruto’s neck, light hair and sweat and the smell of desert summer, like he took a hot shower just before they started. The Uzumaki audibly gasps, and it’s not guilt or pity for Naruto that makes him do this, makes him spread his thighs waiting.

He’s still figuring out just what is. “Sasuke-”

“Don’t make me change my mind. It’ll be good for you,” he whispers angrily. It’ll be good for him too. He can’t believe he’s doing this. He grips where Naruto’s shorts waistband is and snaps it with vehemence, though the idiot doesn’t even act hurt, fuck him. “Because you don’t know what’s good at all, you just go with the first thing that’s on your mind without question, don’t you?”

“I don’t.”

“God, I could-” _hate you._ Sasuke shuts his eyes and his nails bite into tan skin. Scratches underneath his shirt in raw lines, Naruto hitches a breath. Fucking deserves it. “Just hurry up.”

“You don’t have to feel sorry for me.”

Sasuke shifts in his lap. “Good, cause I don’t.”

“Hey.” He holds his breath as Naruto slips down his underwear. When the first touch of cold crème meets his ass, he seizes at the freeze. Sasuke could flinch at the action if it didn’t feel so _coolreliefgood_ , tingling minty and wicking the heat from the sting, he hates this… he needs it. Slow, circular motions, he hisses when the cold sinks deep, numbing him while sweetly relaxing, fucking his thoughts up. “I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh – so now you ask.”

“ _Sasuke._ ”

“Go fuck yourself, hm?” It’s a new experience to be slowly groped. Like he’s waiting for something to happen, hands to slip into where he’s still hard and yes, really make this worth their while. A quick one like a treat, like a sweet kiss.

And then-

The thought is a punch to the gut, sharp heat and air down his neck, cooling his hair sweat. Naruto breathes heavy as he keeps at it because he’s already imagining the same, he bets. They’re always on the same page. The lotion is warming at his touch, and Sasuke, whose ass fires with nerves that are driving him antsy in a way that has nothing to do with what they’ve done. Because his skin itches something burning, throat tight and body hot – fucking, indeed.

Then it must be the physical confliction... the words out of his mouth with the way his hips open, something about the irony of it all has him overthinking. His brain works overtime, ineffectively pounding beneath scrunched eyes because he could kill at the answers he’s getting in return, at Uzumaki for ruining them; him. It’s not fair that Sasuke doesn’t even have to confess it back and the damning flutter in his chest has him pissed at himself. When his body’s speaks loud and rings true, he can’t figure how this idiot’s ever learned to play; how is it that out of all people Naruto has this kind of power over him when he didn’t plan him to have a damn thing. Anyone, to have anything. Was this what Kakashi meant, being dumb and liking? If so, it’s stupid scary. It’s too fast even when it’s slow and even when it’s over, and he’s not ready for this, for better, for something together. Not in the way he buries his face into hot, tan skin and Naruto reverently oils him like a painting, not in the way Sasuke keeps _thinking_ – of a future crawling to Master on his knees, collared and playing bitch. This kind of stroking there where his ass meets thigh, his weak spot, really, this kind of “petting”… it can’t just be a teenage boy’s thirsty, virgin hands; no.

It feels like something more. Sweatier. Dangerous. Naruto squeezes – fuck, something real. And that’s what really scares. Pisses him off the most.

He thinks ~~knows~~ he could do whatever he says next...

Sasuke twitches, “Relax, relax, I swear, I'm not gonna do anything,” Naruto says huskily, voice wrought dark and it sounds just the way he likes. Slow, weighted breathing mirrors his own, heady with their proximity and how the idiot can look where he touches at his leisure. Like he owns it. Like it’s his. It’s different, it’s not a scene and it’s definitely not normal aftercare, not the way he makes sure to rub him good, cup his flesh and play with him.

_-the fuck are you doing?_

When Naruto pulls apart his ass cheeks Sasuke seizes and reddens brightly, and he doesn’t know if he’s angry or fucked or worried, or ready. He’s exposed, that he’s made well aware of intimately in the way Naruto thumbs him wide, his fingers dug deep and shifting him on his lap one more space close. For the view.

And he can’t look at Naruto like Naruto is looking at him, he will never know what the other boy is thinking, seeing behind those blue eyes.

“Sas. Why are you letting me do this?”

Neck strained to the left, Sasuke tries to ignore the hot air brushing his ear. “I don’t like you.” Hands leave his waistband to trail his thighs. Heat and curiosity, and something in how Naruto nods into his skin quietly, listening to him. They feel in sync. Like it’s so easy. “It’s just physically easier on me. If you want to torture yourself that’s your problem.”

“I don’t want to.”

He mouths this with meaning, tone gravel and caressing the length of his spine. “Shut the hell up,” Sasuke says quickly with less bite than he prefers. He prefers to be collected, in control. His legs cinch. “You should learn to keep your feelings to yourself.”

“You asked me to teach you.”

“ _Discretion_ , you fucking idiot.” When Naruto taps him once he understands, he raises his behind for him to slip fingers in his inner thighs. “You – mmm – you and your stupid honesty.”

It goes silent. Naruto’s done massaging him in and he doesn’t feel as much burn in his ass as he did, the crème’s done its job. His skin has cooled down to bearable and idly noticeable, disappearing by the second. There’s leftover residual sting right where he plants himself face-to-face-hip-to-hip, where he can feel something fire and solid matching under him. It’s stiffly teasing, reminding him just what he’s missing, where he’s so _empty_ , what he needs. Naruto, who still feels him up even though they’re done.

(He almost forgets what this really is. They’re done.)

Blue eyes match his, flitting and searching for something Sasuke hopes he can’t find. He hopes not so obvious in the way he looks back because he doesn’t want to share just how deep this goes. It’s different when you want for more than the pain, when you can look beyond hot hands and sky eyes and the act of it all. Because it’s scary, the abyss, when he’s asked _ ~~ordered~~_ to jump. If Naruto confesses one more time… he doesn’t know what he’d say. Those blue eyes down to a half-mast in a blink, lashes lowered, darkly gazing him. “I don’t get you,” he asks him softly.

_And I’m terrified of you._

The four words of open question… his kicked-puppy look of utter lost makes Sasuke want to throw up a little or sweep him close and kiss him. He could do it now, their eyes are locked together and the air between them has gone wet. Naruto’s mouth falls open like he could read his mind, but that’s impossible, right? He’s not that good, his _Dom_ , Sasuke can’t have fallen so deep. And if he knew any better, Sasuke won’t.

Yes. Yes. Right. He promptly peels himself off the other boy’s lap and pulls on his pants.

…

“Hey, anything you want to make for dinner?”

“No.”

Naruto turns in his bed, face away from the door where his dad stands. The sheets are up and they smell like _him_ , the paddle is tucked underneath his pillow. His hands clasp under his neck but blue eyes are open and have been so for a long time. Naruto stares at nothing, his room through blonde strands and where the window is cracked, letting the heat slip and the gust wreck all his papers. His shatters flutter and chitter in applause when Dad shuts the door; Naruto takes a deep breath when the lights flicker on. He’s knows his dad won’t let this down.

“Kiddo. What happened?”

Naruto buries his face into his pillow and the cotton muffles his words. “Nothing.”

“Naruto.”

“Okay; something did happen, but nothing came of it and it was my fault for fuckin’… casting my bets, or whatever. I don’t know. I don’t even care anymore,” his voice trails and he makes a protective wall of his arms. His dad promptly sits on the mattress next to him, with the heavy weight difference it bounces and Naruto groans.

He’s not gonna give up, is he? Too bad Jiraiya is just like him. It’s not like Naruto can escape in his own room.

“Ohhh, I see. Nothing happened. Mmhmm.”

“Dad.”

“Nothing, as in ‘nothing’ or nothing as in waiting, or never...?"

“ _Dad._ ”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean because you haven’t told _me_ anything.”

Naruto flips suddenly. “There’s nothing to tell! Nothing.” He squishes the pillow in his grip until his knuckles whiten. Jiraiya, his face open and nowhere near close to understanding him, looks on patiently. He slackens his hands because it’s not worth it to get so upset. Not at his dad again. Just as suddenly the thought comes is the fire snuffed out of him, and Naruto’s somehow even more despondent than he began. Weak at the joints of his elbows he’s too tired to hold up his neck, Naruto slumps on his bed and plants face-first in the fluff. He lays heavy on his stomach with sneakers still on his feet because he was going to chase after Sasuke if he could. He was going to try and catch him before he goes. But Naruto doubted for a moment too long, enough to convince himself that it was too cold, too dark, and the Uchiha had left far from here anyway.

The speed he fled, Naruto can’t help but to think. “Really. Sorry.” He burritos himself in the sheets.

“Okay. Let’s pretend I knew exactly what you were talking about. Why was there nothing?” Jiraiya asks.

“How should I know?” Naruto asks a little too loud into the covers and he cringes. His dad begins to hum in thought, exaggeratedly responding to him but he’s not interested in any humoring right now. For an indefinite amount of time, really.

He’s been so stupid.

“I don’t know, okay. I was just really in the moment and too blind to notice what was going on. I thought maybe if I keep talking it would get better by the end like it always does. I’d figure it out somehow with enough time, and then boom – something. So I talked and I spilled everything I felt but that idea fucking backfired.”

He should’ve expected such. Usually that’s a common result for him, his plans never really going to plan. Especially when it comes to Sasuke. The teen brings out the most from him, things that he can’t predict nor control. They’ve always been like that, ever since they were younger.

He used to think that that was a good thing about them. Exciting. Something amazing.

This is embarrassing.

Naruto shuts his eyes, and he can feel his lashes brush against where he lays. The air contained is getting stale, overly warm and _wet_ and for some reason it still smells like him. “He was right in a way? But I’m not… I wasn’t trying to roleplay. I didn’t mean to hurt him – I mean, I did – but not in the way he must have been thinking, fuck, he was _right_.”

His breathing gets shorter, his words soft and lost. “I wanted him, but not to take advantage or something; no way. No.” Naruto shakes his head and the bed shakes.

Jiraiya stays silent.

“And now it’s over. It’s really over and I still-shit. I mean.” He tries to remind himself he has company. He sniffs, covering the truth in his voice up. Somewhat.

“Ughhh, Dad. Daaad.” When he rolls himself over, his hair flops in his eyes. Naruto peeks from between sheets to find Jiraiya scratching his head, a small smile and long, white hair brushing the leg sticking out of his burrito. The strands tickle.

“Yes; I think I’m following.”

“I fucked up. Again?”

“No, kid, whatever this is you didn’t.”

“You don’t even know the half of it, you shouldn’t blanket defend me,” Naruto says before he moans his way over. He keeps his eyes scrunched tight. “I did, and there’s nothing I can do about it too.” It’s dark in here where he hides and if it’s dark long enough maybe he’ll eventually fall asleep. Give himself a decent eight hours to pull it together and bag what’s left of his dignity, ball all that happened between them in the past _two months_ and stuff it in the back of his mind. Where it belongs.

Obviously. “Was this like this for you?” Naruto breathes and waits for an answer he knows is not coming. Silence that he agrees, that he’s _right_ , and he swallows thickly as if the lump in his throat will get any smaller. It’s painful to swallow around, scratchy rough like he’s caught the flu, and a little burning, burning behind his eyes.

“Because I coulda almost sworn…” He whispers this, a secret but if there’s anybody he’d want to tell unsurprisingly it’d be his dad. There’s some kind of fucked up comfort, a camaraderie of the rejects in the way they exist in silence and the wind whips loud but Naruto can hear his dad quietly breathing. Patiently hearing him out, no deserved ‘I told you so.’ But he does deserve this. He thinks. He’s confused. Sasuke, who was in tune with him even when upset, something powerful in the way he _did_ bend over, backtalk and Uchiha and pretty boy rivalry. It was something. Not entirely an act, not fully a roleplay. He wasn’t making this up, right? Naruto bites his lip. “That’s what I get for projecting, huh? Dammit.”

Jiraiya shrugs. “I’m sorry, Naruto,” he says and it doesn’t sound so annoying coming from him. Still, he doesn’t want to hear those words.

“I know.”

“I can’t say much that you don’t already know for yourself,” Jiraiya starts and he begins to pull his sheet over the stuck leg. Naruto wiggles his foot cold. “It sucks, but porn isn’t the solution, by the way.”

Hah. It’s what got him in this mess. If he never bothered to check from the beginning, maybe he wouldn’t be here. Maybe he wouldn’t feel like this. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have been wrong.

Was it still worth it? Naruto huffs humorlessly. “Thanks.”

Jiraiya laughs. “Can I say you upstaged me? Whatever it is that resulted, you did your best. You at least had some bravery and actually spoke up, kiddo. I never did.”

Naruto scoffs. “Bravery, or stupid. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling that brave anyway-” His dad slaps a hand onto his skin and he jumps. “Ow! What the hell?”

“Are you kidding me? What’s stupid is to not say a word for 38 _years_.” When the wind blows loudly in uncanny timing, the bushes outside his window beat hard against the glass. Jiraiya flicks him on the calf, and Naruto knows internally he has to actually face his dad. He doesn’t really want to because he doesn’t want to find any pity. He does so reluctantly and finds himself reflected against prescription glasses, tired, old eyes beneath it all. There is a raised white eyebrow challenging him, silently daring him to object.

He knows he’s being a little punk. “That doesn’t sound that long.”

“More than twice your age, brat.”

“Really?” he asks emptily.

“Yes, really. And it’s worse, I can tell you.” When Naruto begins to speak to prove him wrong but his dad shuts him down. “Not knowing, never knowing… it’s a lot worse. Maybe you’re hurt and sad and maybe somewhat pissed at him, whoever, and it feels like the end of the world but you don’t regret it, do you? However painful it is you won’t take back just how close you’ve gotten, hm? Well?”

“No,” he says begrudgingly.

Jiraiya pats him slowly. “I’m just saying, Naruto. I was scared to tell her and it never got any better. In fact, the more we aged the more it got worse. Can you believe it? I’m terrified of an old woman who gets shit-faced before breakfast.”

“Granny is kind of scary, though.”

He chuckles in response, and shakes his head. “You know... she almost lost a kidney once? Baileys to her cereal, didn’t bother to stop pouring.”

“Oh, shit.”

“We had to call the paramedics just in case. Shizune tried to hide the bowl from both her _and_ Tonton.”

Naruto blinks. His dad begins to spin the tale, brown eyes bright under fluorescent lighting. “And then she was hiccupping and giggling, and I was laughing my ass off into the phone because it was actually kind of funny to see her teeter… she makes the most bawdy drunk jokes like you wouldn’t believe, hah! I wish I could remember them,” Jiraiya says softly with a smile, his breathing rhythmic in the room. “She fell suddenly and I was still laughing, didn’t really notice. The ambulance took us all to the hospital; Tsunade to the ER. When I woke up they told me she’d be fine, cleaned her out before any potential alcohol poisoning.”

Jiraiya sighs loudly in reminiscence.

“It was then that I told myself I was going to do it. Because she was close, and I was close and she was still unconscious in the hospital bed, probably wouldn’t hear a word or remember a thing. I could tell her I loved her before she did die of alcohol poisoning, that crazy woman,” he laments and shakes his head.

Then his dad shrugs casually. “Ah, but I didn’t.”

Wait-what? Naruto’s confused. “Granny’s not dead,” he says aloud.

Dad nods slowly in agreement. “That’s right. Somehow, someway she’s not, even though at this rate she should be. Tsunade’s just getting older and I’m getting older, and you’re what, seventeen?”

He can already see where this is going. “Come on, Dad; no.”

The man gestures and the movement is enough to rattle the bed. “No, no, no, don’t get me mistaken. This is serious; I believe you, remember? I didn’t know it was a guy but I’ll take it.”

Naruto sighs resigned. “Okay. Why the story then?”

“Those are the right kind of questions I wanted to hear. Why the story? I mean you already went ahead with another scene after I warned you to wait-” “ _Pops._ ” “-and it’s not like I can actually say anything because I didn’t do what you did, no matter the circumstances.” Jiraiya announces proudly, and with a final pat to a clothed leg the decision is official. “In fact, I don’t have a reason. I just told you to tell you because it was kind of sad, but funny, but shitty in much the same way you must be feeling right now.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome,” he says and stands suddenly. The weight is displaced, Naruto’s body bounces even though he’s feeling heavier than ever. The lug doesn’t seem to ever leave, not the way his fingers braid in the sheets with something black and viscous that slowly aches somewhere deep in his chest and rises thick in his throat. It tastes shitty. His grip hurts.

He thinks he went wrong somewhere. But he doesn’t know where, he doesn’t know _when_ -

“Nah, I’m kidding, kid. Don’t beat yourself up with this.”

“You know, actually…” Naruto begins and the shittiness doesn’t recede but it doesn’t get worse either. It feels something awful between the temples, stinging him to his brain and making him think things he doesn’t want to re-watch. Fire eyes and long lashes and maybe something that wasn’t matching there to begin with at all. Was he imagining it? Is he crazy? Naruto doesn’t know anymore. He hates the feeling of doubt. “Maybe you were right. We are too young.”

Suddenly, Jiraiya snorts. The sound is gross, rude, animal-noise reminiscent of Tonton herself. Naruto would be pissed that his dad is all but cackling at him, but the gray is seeping into his body and he’s too exhausted to fight anymore. He lets him have this humor with a ringing ear, stuffy with the air pressure and not enough oxygen. He doesn’t care. Sasuke would be laughing at him too by now he imagines, for thinking crazy, stupid, out-of-the-park things like always.

“Naruto. Look at me.”

He groans.

“Hey, kid, keep turning; I can’t see your nose.”

He grumbles his face into the mattress. “Noo, I don’t wanna be happy now.”

“Okay, that’s perfectly fine, no dinner then?” Naruto buries his neck and he can hear his dad sigh exasperated. “All right, I’ll be talking to the back of your head. Is that okay with you?” He distinctly chooses not to respond but his dad continues. “So I didn’t do what you did. Since that’s the case I don’t know if you can believe me when I say this. I’m talking the talk but I didn’t walk the walk, do you understand?”

He nods if only to get this over with and maybe his dad could go _away_. He’s too tired to talk about this anymore.

“Naruto. I told that story not to say how inevitable and hard it is because you and I both know that well already.” The teen grunts and shifts his annoyance, and the mattress squeaks. “I told you that story because maybe… I don’t know what I’m talking about. That I truly don’t.”

He blinks his eyes open.

“You still like him,” Jiraiya states.

Suddenly, light. Yes. _Yes._ Fuck, yes; Naruto croaks, lost. “That’s my problem.”

He wanted him so _bad_.

He... wants him bad. This isn't some kind of game, and Naruto doesn't really know what he means when he says this, doesn't know how to articulate it. Naruto wishes it could be completely romantically, platonic even, something sweet. But then he'd be dead-ass lying. He wants him, he has to admit it seriously, come on, he wants to own him and he's not a bad guy, really, Naruto swears he's not. He's sure he's not. But the Uzumaki can't deny some small part of him that is already possessive, that's been... indignantly scorned by this. Projecting isn't even the half of it. It's presuming, it's assuming and then being so wrong that he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. He's ashamed. Embarrassed at the mere thought that Sasuke's been waiting to move on from him unto someone better. Ashamed that there is always someone better.

Isn't this for the best then?

Fuck, it pisses him off.

His dad makes a sympathetic noise in regret. “I’m sorry. It doesn’t get any better. Not even less-scarier, huh?” he asks in some kind of hope and Naruto sadly shakes his head.

No, it doesn’t. He doesn’t know how he’s going to manage school tomorrow, being in the same vicinity as him and somehow backed up light years away. Fuck it. He’ll figure some method of coping out and laugh with his friends. And they’ll go back to being rivals, or something, or whatever, he doesn’t know anymore. If he’s lucky, put this behind them and forget. Thank God, it’s senior year and he won’t have to deal with him for graduation. Or the next.

When the light switches off, blanketing the room in darkness, Naruto rolls on his back. The last thing he can hear is his dad telling him good night.


	16. Chapter 16

“You’re graduating this year.”

“Yes,” Sasuke says with annoyance, rolling his eyes. He scrubs down the crusted food off the dish pan, and when the bits refuse to come off easily he shoves the thing under a spray of hot water. His hands are pruny, his patience thin, and he’s stuck here washing dinner dishes with no escape from his brother.

Itachi obviously has planned this. “What are you planning on doing?”

“School.”

“Ah. Where?”

“Far.” Very far. Enough to get away from his inquisitive, nosy sibling, and Sasuke knows that the thread of the conversation isn’t as beneath his grasp as it seems. It’s leaving him, slipping between his fingers like the water because Itachi doesn’t offer to “help clean” without a reason. Itachi never initiates conversation for small talk. Sasuke is stuck having to wait for the hot water to do its work.

“I’ll miss you,” he says.

Goddammit.

“How are you? How was school?” he asks, knowing well that the emotional punch he’s gifted has left him wounded, weak, and pliable. Today it’s super effective, where it’s been days since he’s felt anything but numb; Sasuke turns as pink as his hands, and idly scratches the burnt parts with a nail, buying himself time thinking.

“Shut up,” he says weakly.

“Now Sasuke, that’s no way to treat your brother. I care about you. I’m only invested in your personal well-being as anyone else in my position.”

“You’re fishing.”

“I’m curious. I only want to ask after you.”

Hah. “That’s because you have nothing to go on.”

“So there’s something there?” His brother asks with high hope, or what counts for such coming from him. His voice is a touch uplifted with a face too close for comfort, and his eyes alight. “Process of elimination, Sasuke, tell me.”

Sasuke gets a little warning stab of fear at the mere thought of voicing what he’s thinking. Of making it real, giving it a name; no.

Bringing it back from the dead where it’s buried deep into the crevasses of his mind. He wants to forget. It's already covered under thick wet dirt that's damp, shrunken, and cemented in tight. It's dead. He’s hoping to have kept this so that no one will know or ever find out. He hopes will never be spoken of again because he made a promise not to think about it anymore, to never go back. When Sasuke goes to school every day he makes sure not to look cleanly to his right and never to crack in face: a small upturn of lips and closed-eyes and a whispered ‘me too’. Not that, not if he wants to remain sane and in control of his thoughts by grabbing a chunky hold of them by the neck like he does right now. He shakes his head off the _ridiculous_ thought of it and scrubs harshly.

“I want to go to a college _very_ far away,” and his brother’s smile goes soft for him. It’s a neat distraction but ugh, it’s so gross. Sasuke shivers internally and roughs harder. “Don’t you have stupid work to do?”

“I do,” he admits honestly, no trick involved that Sasuke stops and looks up confused. Itachi smiles small, the lines on his face curve, and with two soapy fingers he flicks him in the forehead.

“Ow, you got soap in my eye!” he bitches but actually that’s his fault, he reacted too soon and touched his hands to his face.

“Do you hate me?”

“Yes,” he says on rote. Instinct. Sasuke grabs the nearest kitchen towel and scrubs his skin with vehemence, mussing his hair and pinkening his cheeks. Dark locks flop onto his forehead, heavy and covering his eyes. He blinks up at his brother and meets a waiting face.

“What?” he asks with a pout.

“Showa Rakugo is on.” Two closed-eyes curve and wrinkle, because of him. “Let’s go watch it together.”

…

Only ten minutes into his favorite show it starts, Itachi knows him well and must’ve planned this too. But Sasuke could never say no to Rakugo. The humor, the stupid voices, the jokes are for old people but for some reason he can never get enough of it. He’d prefer to watch quietly and appreciate the classic style, but Itachi has him rooted and wants to “talk”. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Sasuke looks at him from his curl on the floor, blinking. He's deadpan in the slack face he gives him because seriously, now is not the time. “What the fuck?”

“Ever since we came back-”

He must be referring to _that_. A plural multi-person ‘we’, indicating family. And something he really doesn’t want to talk about right now. “Please, don’t. If you already know the answer why are you asking me?”

“I’m not trying to rub it in.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Not intentionally.” Itachi lowers the volume on the screen and Sasuke internally groans as he watches it drop. He pretends to focus intently on the moving lips of the artists. Of course his brother knows everything and knows that there’s no way he’s actually caught under attention so he pokes him in the back of his head too, until his nose bops against his knees with a bounce. Sasuke startles with a jolt; no, Sasuke’s been irritated for way too long, unsettled underneath his skin of twitchy fingers and eyes too awake and _hyper_ that makes him want to sprint miles, or fight – this playful push is the sparking ignition he’s been praying for. It smarts him somewhere tight in his belly and he slaps away at the hand behind him with a loud, painful smack. But the hurt face his brother gives still leaves him irritated, glaring.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Sasuke,” he warns.

“You win, okay? Just let me watch my tv.”

“This isn’t about winning or losing,” Itachi says idly. He hums and the satisfied sound he makes is annoying. It’s calming in its rumble where the length of his leg leans vibrates warm against his arm, but Sasuke hates what it doesn’t say, the silence it makes him want to fill – he _is_ winning. Every time. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Sasuke thinks that maybe if he remains silent long enough the conversation will die and stay dead forever. If he continues to sit here to watch the moving screen and at least pretend his interest, his brother will get the message. More than that, actually listen to the message.

Sasuke shifts a little.

“Five months is a little too long now not to be talking to me, don’t you think?”

He counters swiftly with attitude. “I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Itachi’s voice is overly warm with humor, dripping in amusement. Sasuke frowns and his brother flicks him at the childish comeback. When the thunk meets the back of his head – _again_ , he thinks darkly – Sasuke is pissed, he whips at empty air behind him. He finds nothing so he glares at his brother. Lack of options and convenience, pettiness and something bubbling before he even got here... Sasuke shoves hard on his brother’s leg.

“Stop!”

Itachi has the nerve to foot him back. “You’re a little too old for this, don’t you think?”

“Hypocrite.”

“It’s the truth.”

Sasuke glowers at him dangerously.

This is a declaration of war.

“Shut up, Itachi.” In the heat of the battle Sasuke figures he might as well take the opportunity for what it is. Reconquer his remote. There’s no reason he shouldn’t be able to have his volume, screw what his brother has to say. So he reaches up with a start and jumps for the thing. Miss, of course, his brother palms him away and raises his other hand high. “Extremely weak,” he bores.

“I hate you.”

“Infantile.”

Resisting against the limb that shoves him down Sasuke makes multiple swipes for his hand, like a kitten missing its toy. His mouth muffles against a hand. “Fuck you, you started it.”

His voice is suspiciously collected. “Oho, I didn’t realize you were feeling testy, maybe I should come back at a later time?”

“How about ‘never’?”

“How about you tell me what’s been bothering you?” Itachi manages to sneak a flick onto his forehead, sending him back from climbing the cushion.

“Ouch!” He growls and palms the red, throbbing spot. “You probably know already!”

“Of course, but I want you to say it.”

He doesn’t even deny it; not a single lick of modesty. Sasuke narrows his eyes. “And you won’t let me watch tv until I spill, am I right? You’re going to keep pestering me the longer I sit here, the longer you stalk- stop! It’s not – _fuckingf_ unny, leave me the fuck alone.”

The smack absorbs into sweatpants when Sasuke hits his brother with his fist. Once: a meaty, thick punch into fat and leg muscle but it’s all for naught. All sound and not enough violence, it only incriminates him when his mother happens to walk by. Sasuke shrinks under the curtains of his hair while his brother openly clutches his sides _laughing_ at him.

“Go die.”

“That’s not very nice, Sasuke.”

He twists sharply in the mouth, a sneer. “Then don’t stay here, no one’s making you.”

“Is that what you think?” Itachi flicks him again and the teen’s too tired to make a fuss about it. He lets it happen, knocking his head to the side brushing him off. Sasuke curls and glares at his bent knees and mismatched socks. One is bleached brown spots on black and the other is gray, and he hates feeling like this: angry with nothing to do about it, sparky alive with nowhere to direct it to. His brother won’t let him distract himself because Sasuke knows a fight would please him somewhere in the back of his mind… like entertainment toying with a puppy while fulfilling his proper “elderly brother duties”. What a weirdo. Precisely why he’s given up the protest and sits sullenly in spite; Sasuke’s going to stay quiet and hiding and miserable if it’s the last thing he has to do. “You think I make you?” he asks.

Silence.

“What have I done?”

Another poke.

Its five full minutes that Sasuke scratches the spot in circles. His elbow is on his knee and his head is perched. He looks away when he closes his eyes. The show plays mutely in the background. “You tell me to stay for dinner, to play at game night, to… join in the ‘family’, or whatever. I did. I did what you said,” he trails.

“You did.” Itachi agrees. He shuffles on the couch behind him before he’s sinking down next to him, one leg tucked and arm rested on his knee openly staring. It’s been a long time since they were this close... the younger hides a small gasp at the return of something warm, alive along his side. “But you’re distant, Sasuke. Still are.”

This, for some reason, sets him _off_.

“What more do you want from me? Huh? What have _I_ done?” he demands and whips to face his brother. Itachi blinks his surprise, but doesn’t otherwise flinch. Face patiently waiting, he’s in control of the thread and his eyes blank considerably, like he doesn’t really care either way. This is reviewed information playing exactly like he knows, correctly, predictably, and his younger brother flipping out on him is just one of the many directed routes in his mind that he’s already outlined; already dismissed.

(Something whispers... that it’s always him in the wrong, isn’t it? him being the problem – ‘ _fixed’_ , Sasuke thinks suddenly – and now look at him he’s losing his shit, it feels everybody wants more from him that he can’t give and _he can’t_ , so he loses. Bad. His eyes can’t tell if that’s disappointment etched on his brother’s face but his nails pinch into his arms all the same. The cage closes in because his body wasn’t enough, guilt eats at him for _not being enough_ , for not being more the one time Naruto asked him to be.)

Shit, shit, shit, _wait-_

“What do you mean, Sasuke?”

“What do I _mean?_ ” He voice rises in his tirade because it hurts. It really hurts. He didn’t want to fail, not on him. But Sasuke couldn’t compromise himself. No one believes him. More than the clenched creasing of his eyes, he’s pissed at what he’s been reduced to. A doubting, insecure _half_ , the senseless, yelling things of Kakashi’s stories and nothing like his brother who calmly looks on while he has to glare at mismatched socked feet… hide from his discerning eyes. Because Sasuke told Naruto off, Sasuke lost his one chance. He’s been made wrong. And now his mouth swells to bite at anyone that’d dare call him out because _fuck_ Naruto, and fuck Itachi for putting him on like this.

(He regrets, okay? Okay?)

Sasuke doesn’t remember not feeling this paranoid; this angry. He’s tired of being angry all the time.

Sasuke’s face falls at the thought where he really wants to _beatsomething_ , apply this energy somewhere but Itachi’s not Naruto and he never will be. His brother can’t help him in this. It stings when he can only sit there and stare as he waits for him to calm down – just like father – wait for his little brother’s temper tantrum to recede to level because he can’t let his hands get dirty; no. He’s the perfect Uchiha.

And Sasuke’s, well... Sasuke’s not.

At least, not like this. Not when he feels empty in waiting, twitchy and out of control and the hands slick to his thighs are shaking. Hair wild when his gut clenches in on itself tighter with the emptiness until it implodes. He knows. His skin feels clammy with cold sweat and a sick, shitty kind of sick because he knows exactly what he’s missing, what he needs and what he-

“‘Want’?” Itachi cuts.

“Sasuke, I want nothing from you. I can’t imagine where you got such an idea from but trust me, I don’t want anything if you’re not willing to share.”

Sasuke bites hard on his cheek on that. His face closes off because seeing the way his brother waits for him tickles at the back of his mind. Like memories blending, slowly fixing themselves in puzzle pieces. It’s something patient and uncomfortably familiar, blue eyes can be black in the dark if the pupils are blown enough.

At least, that’s what he remembers.

He retreats. “I don’t see what talking about this now will do anything.”

“It’ll make you less cranky.” Sasuke grunts.

“Oh, you thought I didn’t notice? You thought your big brother didn’t notice.”

“That’s gross.”

“It’s normal. And you’re obvious.”

“How?”

“You keep touching your necklace, Sasuke. Approximately about every twelve seconds.”

He’s never realized. His hands hurry to fold themselves across his legs and the link they make will stay, dammit. “That’s creepy, you know.”

Itachi nods, the asshole. “It is. I don’t know what you’re hoping Naruto will absorb from the telepathic messages you’ve been sending him but that’s not how things work. You need to talk.”

“I did ‘talk’,” Sasuke says in sardonic deadtone. Bored, if he’s lucky. His gaze flickers to the colorful screen and stays there, ignoring the way his brother watches him and the questions he must be asking with his eyes. Sasuke can’t answer anything now. He doesn’t really know what he’s done before it's gone and he told himself he wouldn’t talk about Naruto before he did. He’s been wrong. Sasuke exhales when he hugs his knees. He leans back against the leg of the couch until his head falls in the way he knows will leave a crick in his neck, but he doesn’t care, not if his brother will not say anything. “I told him to back the fuck off and mind his own business.”

Itachi smoothly takes his words in stride. “And how was that?”

Sasuke shoots up and snaps. “Why do you need to know everything? I’m not happy about it, you know.”

“Of course.”

“Maybe you could leave me alone for once and mind your own business too.”

“You’re right, maybe I could.”

“Fuck, okay!” Sasuke in a fit of fury grips his knuckles white, and when that isn’t enough he grabs at the necklace. Sasuke’s going to rip it off, this collar, he’s going to leave his neck free. He’s going to finish it. Itachi’s eyes follow where his hands are but he doesn’t get it, because his blank stare is empty and the silent wait of it all mocking. In Sasuke’s hands the warmth of the damn thing after he’s been holding it too much is searing, like a heavy, hot rock embedded deep in his hand. It's a little prickly behind his eyes. It makes him hesitate. The blue turns teal if you turn it in the light so, Naruto looked at him so lost it hurts, and-

-and his two choices are between a lonely pride or fear, a rock and a hard place to get himself to tear this thing away from his neck. But fuck, he could have be _done_. Uchiha Sasuke. Free to find someone else close but no one like Naruto, never that idiot. He doesn’t know where but college is a diverse place and by then he’d have learned how to play and to separate things where they are. Because a crush has no place here no matter how darkly honest he is - a bright-toothed smile and sky blue eyes, too nice when he’s _destroying_ him; Sasuke can’t even fucking do it.

Because he gave it to him. It’s his. In that is something that holds value. His hand struggles to move and the internal fight in limbo goes back and forth and back, pisses him rightly off until he wants to scream. Instead he makes an exasperated noise and lets it go, anticlimactically placing his clenched fists at his sides. Itachi watches him through it all calmly. But the teen hates when his brother goes quiet like this, thinking and piecing him together. Judging him. Sasuke hates himself more that he couldn’t even do it.

Imbuing power in an inanimate object and all, a trophy prize not to mention _Naruto’s not here_ ; it’s a fucking necklace for fuck’s sake.

“I see.”

“Shut-up.”

His brother insists. “No, I think I understand.”

“Stop trying to relate to me on some level, Itachi, it won’t work and I really don’t want to hear it,” he says bitterly.

“What would you like then? You don’t want to talk, you don’t want me to talk.”

“Can’t we just sit in silence?”

“My being quiet unnerves you.” Sasuke twists his mouth sharply. He wants to deny the accusation but honestly, his brother’s right like always. He purses his lips and gives a ‘tch’, turning his head neatly away. Itachi makes a noise that sounds like a sigh and it bothers him, the weight to the puff of air that spells just how much of a bother he’s being. He doesn’t show where his heart falls, sinking and dragging down the corners of his face; Sasuke didn’t want to be the one that’s always like this.

He doesn’t know how to stop.

“What can I do, hm? Please, Sasuke.” Itachi says and sounds earnest, like he truly wants to help.

Sasuke swallows to keep the lump at bay. He bites his cheek. Hard.

“I don’t understand what’s happened to you all this time. What’s changed. What’s wrong?”

And Sasuke didn’t want to be the one that’s always like this, but he is. He hates when his brother pulls that card, that he falls for it. Because it’s worse when he actually cares.

“It’s not you,” he says by way of comfort.

Itachi’s silent.

“It’s not, I just,” Sasuke starts with a crack in his voice. The words are hard to force out because it’s the truth and saying it aloud hurts even as it’s healing, racking the air from his lungs. He doesn’t never want to heal. Naruto used to call him 'emo'... and then Sasuke would scoff and proceed to beat the blood out of him, but the way he’s going about things recently makes him think that maybe he’s right. He’s been wrong. Either that or Sasuke’s the masochist, and emotionally he’s always going to screw himself over.

Sasuke reddens brightly, embarrassed at himself. “I don’t want to apologize,” he says as he turns his face away.

_I’m sorry._

“Thank you, Sasuke,” his brother says.

He relaxes.

“That’s very mature of you to admit.”

“Oh god. I fuckin hate you.” Sasuke rolls his eyes and Itachi smiles at him like the older brother he is. It's warm with affection and disgustingly sweet that he has to fight to keep his face neutral. His brother can see him struggle so he gives him a raised eyebrow, Sasuke tries not to look but he glances anyway. Dammit. Itachi hums, pleased. “Out of all people you are the last I want to tell this to.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

He shrugs.

“Because you were right. I am jealous.” Itachi clicks the volume up as if to help him keep going and pretend that he can’t hear his later words. Sasuke appreciates the gesture but he’s not a kid anymore, he’s not going to fall for it. “If the agency was still on, I wanted the chance to make our dad proud the only way I knew how. But you took any opportunity for me to do that.”

“Sasuke-”

“Yeah, I know what you’re going to say. He doesn’t care about that and loves me either way, thanks, I got that.”

Itachi gives him a pointed look. It’s filled with knowing, where he can see right through his act and doesn’t appreciate it; Sasuke smirks. “Don’t value this so casually, he truly does. Mother does. I do.”

Sasuke grunts noncommittally.

His brother hums with false innocence before he makes sure to dig his two fingers into his scalp. He shoves his face down and keep him from rising up for air. Sasuke squawks horribly, his fingers twitch unprepared and with weak hands he bats at him. His mouth opens for protest however his brother musses his hair; Sasuke splutters black strands from his mouth, blinking rapidly.

“Are you alright?”

“Fuck!”

When his brother bops him in the head with the remote like it’s a stick, the damn thing _hurts_ , and Sasuke growls. He snatches it and Itachi lets him have it, patting him condescendingly on the head before he stands. Sasuke glowers up at his brother even though the man is not even looking at him. Itachi whips out his phone like he’s achieved his quota for the day, the fucker.

“Itachi!” His brother looks down on him slowly and raises an eyebrow. A little unsure, Sasuke makes himself puff forward. He reminds him. “I’m not some appointment on your calendar.”

“Oh?”

“No,” He says with stronger confidence, steeling himself. He narrows his eyes up at his brother, and though glowering isn’t his intention really, he doesn’t know how else to ask.

Itachi’s going to leave, for him.

At the thought Sasuke grabs onto a stray pant leg, where the gray cloth is thick between his fingers and all he can look at, not if he wants to seriously embarrass himself. But actions speak louder than words he guesses, something that doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would to allow this. It’s relieving even as his heart thumps louder in his throat, freeing even as his hand tightens clammy. And he’s tired of being bitter for so long.

He’s tired of running. “There’s 12 minutes left,” he shrugs and lets the pant leg go. Sasuke distinctly doesn’t look at him.

“Yes.” He can hear Itachi _smile_.

Sasuke struggles in face. “Well? What the fuck are you standing there for?”

The cushion behind him squeezes a small amount of air when his brother’s weight melds. The noise of stage laughter clambers back to focus with generous clapping. They watch the flashing colors move on the screen together.

…

He can’t look him in the eyes. It’s obvious coming from someone like Naruto who has no sense of boundaries and the direct mentality to always stand too close to strangers, touch them, push them, put an arm over their shoulders when he laughs, and focus on them with two bright blues like he’s boring into their words. It’s never bothered him before. Sasuke can stare back and watch as the corners crinkle until blond lashes meet with only a sliver of blue showing in between. He can glare as he calls him some name and the intensity of the color would fade into something more familiar, easier to stand: a red-purple maybe that he can handle. Because by then Naruto would’ve said something back. Anything.

Today he doesn’t look. Not once even when Kiba waves for some mysterious reason, Naruto doesn’t join him. Sasuke raises an eyebrow and stares challengingly at completely nothing because Naruto is already in his seat facing Sakura. She notices he’s looking; she nudges Naruto towards himself and the idiot _laughs_. There, in front of him, _at him_ , not even looking behind to face his face. Maybe Sasuke’s becoming possessive. Maybe his staring is clingy or hyperaware but he can’t help himself but to think… it’s dismissing, the happy sound; it hurts to hear. Like he’s already moved on. Sasuke quietly glowers at the plastic chair before him, squeaky clean and annoyingly blue too, his eyebrows furrow because he doesn’t know how to proceed from this.

He’s losing time.

Wait. No. That’s a lie. He knows well what he has to do. Sasuke has to get up from his seat, smooth his pants down and try to keep his traitorous mouth shut. He has to crawl back on his knees, walk to him, stand there in front of him, look him straight in the eyes and concede to him in front of his friends. Easy. Apologize. Maybe ask him back...

Tell him.

The thought drags something terrible and wrenching from his chest, swiftly punching the air out of his stomach. For a hot second he can’t _breathe_. He swallows down thickly. Why does this personally hurt? This is nothing, he should think to himself, this is the right thing and yet his body isn’t moving. Naruto’s already said it, right? This should be nothing.

Sasuke closes his eyes to the sound of Naruto laughing.

…

Too bad its Thursday. It’s like the world is against him and the stars have aligned because he’s already halfway there and he doesn’t have any more excuse not to finish. This is what makes him walk to Naruto’s door, the only drive moving his feet and holding his head up high. Something like an unofficial challenge, where he’s rightfully indignant at being dismissed, though the taste of his own medicine is bitter.

Sasuke resolutely turns the knob and it clicks open.

Fuck.

A flurry of thoughts assault him where he looks, stabbing his brain and freezing his inner muscles. Naruto left the door unlocked but what the hell does that _mean_ , laughing at him at school, making this so easy. If Naruto’s expecting him and knows before he knows – _how_ – such a thought is terrifying to even consider. Fuck this, his legs itch to turn themselves around home. If he’s expecting, is he forgiving; Sasuke can only see an empty doorway, clean and telling of nothing.

Does it even matter?

No, it shouldn’t. At least, he thinks it shouldn’t. The Uchiha came here to find the door locked, knock a little to no answer. He came here to have the excuse to put it off for another day. To take that as a sign and find himself closure: then, he could sleep. Of course, Naruto never acts to what he expects, Sasuke doesn’t have a choice but to take a step into the hallway.

He finds him in the kitchen.

“Make yourself at home, why don’t you,” Naruto says as he’s making himself a sandwich out of all things. He’s casual, disinterested in the Uchiha’s appearance he assembles the food like any normal person. It must be an after school snack, something he too would have had if he could stomach any meal against his nerves. Sasuke stares as his fingers work because he can’t look him in the eye; he feels out of place like this, overly dressed under his backpack and school jacket next to Naruto’s jeans and shirt.

“You left the door open,” he replies.

“You came in.”

“Yeah.” Sasuke lowers his eyes and head. Uncharacteristically muted, his shoulders are down and subdued. He’s come too late and he’s been wrong. Naruto sure didn’t leave the door unlocked to forgive him.

Why did he do it then? He doesn’t yet know.

“You need to leave.”

At this Sasuke whips up only to find Naruto staring at him calmly and unblinking. His eyes are cold. He’s been looking the whole time, his face is a stone, waiting and breathing and mouth tersed shut. Sasuke’s chest hurts where his gut has cinched and he inhales a sharp, silent gasp. Because he’s expected as much, but hearing it in real time pains him more than he can admit.

He never wants to see Naruto look at him like this.

Naruto continues quietly. “Why do you look so surprised? Naa, you think you can come in here whenever you want… get what you want every time?” He deftly abandons his food and his eyes give a blue, icy stare that keeps Sasuke in his place when he walks to him slowly. Frozen paralysis, like small prey. “You think you can walk in my house as you are like that, Sasuke?”

His eyes widen. His breath catches when Naruto only brushes past him, the slight wind from his passing a chill to his side. Naruto… he smells heady of trapped sweat, dusty earthy like the plants he’s been growing. Sasuke only now notices the bottoms of his jeans and the length of his arms where they’ve been stained with dirt. He can’t speak.

Naruto, however, walks in the direction he’s come. He opens the door wide and it’s the height of winter, Sasuke can feel the windy cold up to where he stands. Just as cold as he is, unforgiving, and not the idiot he remembers. He didn’t think this’d hurt so much.

“Well? Do you need a fucking map? Get out.”

The words are freezing. “I…?”

“I’m not gonna ask you again.”

“Naruto, I don’t-”

“You don’t what? You think you can come in here and tell me what to do? _You know I like you_ , and you have the fucking nerve to still-” He closes in face immediately and his brows furrow inward as if to try to keep his composure together by the bare threads. When the words finally sink in Sasuke jolts, there’s a burst liquid hot inside his chest. His mouth opens to object but Naruto beats him to the punch.

“Get. Out.”

He blurts. “Mandarin.”

Naruto growls. “This isn’t a scene, bastard, this is my house and I’m asking you to leave.”

“Okay,” he says.

Naruto nods. He watches as Sasuke walks himself. It's slow, measured steps that weigh leaden heavy on his feet, near dragging him by the toe-nails. He’s reluctant and it sickens him, the bow to his head and the curtain of dark hair that falls in his eyes; by Naruto’s word this Uchiha’s slinking his way out. He’s already here and he doesn’t want to leave, _please_.

But he can’t, he can’t disobey.

The conflict makes him sluggish, creasing his lips thin and tight and barely under control. His eyes blink rapidly. Sasuke wants to tell him that he didn’t mean any of this. He only came to talk, not fight, not whatever he must be thinking. He wants to beg him for his own trial.

Naruto’s eyes go hard. “You’re kind of an asshole, Sasuke.”

_I know._

Right in front of his face, Naruto hammers the nail deep. “But I wouldn’t have expected this from you.”

“Can I speak?” His eyes flash. Already at the door and with nothing to lose, Sasuke reverts to his unfailing default. Even if it only proves Naruto right… he can see the tattoos on his face as they make him look animalistic in his fury, angry because of him. The words struggle off his tongue, cracking as they leave his mouth because he wanted to be _good_ for once, not like this. Not like himself. His lips snipe against his will. “Can I defend myself, or did you desperately want the last word?”

Naruto takes a dangerous step closer. “Oh, say something, please, we all want to hear it. The only thing that comes out of your mouth is hate, bitch.”

His chest hurts.

He tries, softly. “I don’t hate you.”

“No, you’re right, you don’t,” Naruto laughs at him, a different kind of Naruto that he’s never heard before. Darker, bitter, _wrong_ , twisting sharply at the mouth – he doesn’t smile. One that shrugs too casually. “You just get off on it, don’t you?”

Sasuke must be missing something here. There where Naruto speaks carefully and looks at him with his head tilted and face too close for comfort. He’s confused. He doesn’t know what it means to ask him this and he doesn’t know the right thing to say that won’t piss him off. He wants to defend himself, but too defensive is no good, too defensive is bad; no.

He would do right by him if he could.

“Why look so lost, huh? Is this some kind of joke to you? It gets you going every time I do this.”

“D-do what?”

Naruto glares until a sudden burst of wind blows. The door rattles violently and the wood slams shut. It scares him, the sound vibrating underneath his skin and trapping him with someone dangerous, someone angrier than he is.

This person stalks him backwards towards the door. Sasuke makes himself keep his chin high and eyes up even if it burns and goes a little wet. He doesn’t want to hear what comes next.

“Look at you,” he says, staring at his mouth. Naruto pants hot against his face, like the midday sun. His eyes are lidded and shot, dark blue. “Pay attention to you. Chase you. Work. You. That’s all you want from me, isn’t it?”

Sasuke silently shakes his head.

“Why are you here then?” Sasuke can’t speak. Naruto’s words go sandpaper rough, rasping against his skin. His disappointment is permeating.

“If you’re not going to tell me you might as well leave.”

His heart jumps, that’s why he says what he says. “If it wasn’t for you this wouldn’t need to happen.”

“Victim-blame much? That’s rich coming from you.”

“You calling yourself a victim?” He bites back bloody. He always does this. “Maybe you’re stung because I rejected you, and now you want to make me the bad guy.” Sasuke shoves him back when he gets too close. His hands hit against a hard chest but Naruto doesn’t fight him, he’s just _staring_. It pisses him off, so he taunts. “You’re going to spank me now for it, huh?”

“I think we’re both victims here,” Naruto says as he grabs his hand. His fingers twitch under his skin and Sasuke wants to yanks himself away, but there’s only the door at his back and Naruto’s hand grips him tightly.

“Fuck! That hurts!”

“I’m not going to spank you, fuck that.”

“Then what the fuck use are you? All bark and no bite, what are you yelling at me for?!”

“No one’s yelling at you, Sas. You’re the only one who’s yelling.”

Sasuke growls at the softening words. It’s patronizing him. He fights the hand and when his struggle gets him absolutely nowhere, he laughs. “You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

Naruto tenses visibly, and Sasuke, he’s cornered against the door, backed in his mind as he is. He’s vulnerable. “I’ll just go find someone else then.”

Blue eyes narrow dangerously. The hand cracks his knuckles for him, Sasuke gasps. “Is that a threat?” Naruto begins to breathe, harsh and violent against his skin, burning hot and wet in his eyes. He looks to the right as if to escape his breath, his stare, Sasuke blinks rapidly. “…are you fucking _threatening_ me?”

His mouth can’t speak.

“Look me in the eye when I’m talking to you.”

He looks.

He turns away quickly.

Naruto’s neck bends and follows. “Say that again, I dare you.”

Sasuke flinches suddenly. “Just-” Blue eyes outline him darkly and when he doesn’t finish his trailing thought, Naruto yanks him by the collar instead.

“Nah, man, keep talking. Finish what you gotta say, or learn when to _shut up_.”

His other hand sinks deep into his hair, cupping the curve of his skull. His fingers slowly pull until Sasuke’s neck is strained on display and his teeth grit harshly. Naruto’s breath is in his face. He makes their eyes lock.

Sasuke tries a half-smirk because he does find it funny on some level. Him. Them. This always works. Naruto feels better when he’s angry. “I didn’t want to put you out or something.”

“You think you’re funny,” Naruto smiles a thin, mockery of a smile, one side of his peach lips upturned. He chuckles airily and then he noses him breathing against the side of his face, Sasuke let him. He gravels in his ear. “I won’t let you control me.”

“Oh, really?” The Uchiha’s back straightens suddenly when something happens against his ear. It's searing sharp and quick that Sasuke brightens, he slaps a hand over his ear and his heart beats rapidly. Naruto grins.

“Really.”

His heart skips at the look. “What the hell?!”

“Don’t fuck with me, Sasuke.”

“I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Mm, yeah, it’s too bad I like your assholeish-ness.”

“You should give it up.” His eyelids lower and thin until only a sliver of the pupil is focused on a tan, dirty nose. Bright under a sheen of sweat and oil, it's rugged even as he watches it flare before him... it’s mesmerizing. His voice lowers. “Maybe I came here like this so that you’d give it up. Maybe I am using you, do you still like me now?”

Naruto mouths against him and Sasuke doesn’t look away. “Mm, you’re not very good at this, are you?” Sasuke takes in air like he's hungry and it tastes like fire, tingling at the surface of his skin and racing across like fingertips. He’s grazing with his teeth. Sasuke cracks open his mouth in a puff of air and Naruto doesn’t take the advantage, only looks. The ring of blue is thin and darkening quickly, half-masted and needle-focused. “And you know me. I don’t know how to give up.”

He believes him.

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“Only for you.”

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself." Sasuke twitches when Naruto grins bright and wide and annoying him. He lights like the sun. “False hope.”

“Yeah,” is all he says. Then he shakes his head to himself, blinking quickly. “Shit, yeah.”

Sasuke takes pity on him. He rolls his eyes like they’re still friendly and the moment has ended but they stopped being friendly for a long time. “Don’t be stupid. If you know what’s good for you, then just-”

_Don’t listen to me._

“Gosh, you’re so _confusing_.” Naruto shakes his head like he’s flabbergasted. Sasuke feels like he’s done something wrong, something right. “You say one thing but you're doing another, and I can’t tell if you’re trying to help me or hurt me, and why? Shit, why? Why are you here, Sasuke?”

“Hm?”

“No?”

Naruto breathes harshly. He’s silent. The heat beats against his hair and Sasuke shivers even though there’s no cold. Only wind that ruffles the wisps of his nape in tandem to Naruto’s chest moving, his ear that itches stinging little knives in his belly.

It seems like forever but Naruto finally speaks. “Fine. _Sasuke_.”

“I’m gonna make you talk and you’re gonna let me.”

…

He predicted right. Sasuke waits for him to come back to where he’s left him. Alone, in his room, and bored as all blue fuck. Well, not entirely bored. His mind is busy wheeling, thinking furiously because who leaves with a line like that. What is he going to do? It’s terrifying because he believes him, he wants to believe him and he wants to be free. Sasuke came to talk but he still hasn’t figured out how to do so; Naruto hasn’t misunderstood and he’s going to help.

Fuck, he’s going to _help_ , no, maybe not-

The door squeaks open and the announcement of Naruto’s arrival interrupts his thoughts. Uncanny good timing. He’s itching to run away again. Sasuke’s heart is drumming, static in his ears where he doesn’t turn around because Naruto asked this of him; Naruto hasn’t made him leave.

He already detests the seeping feeling of hope.

“You okay?” he asks casually and Sasuke nods when his mouth isn’t working. He stands straight facing where the bed meets wall, his eyes flitting over the whole orange room but no Naruto. Just extreme quiet and the smell of him, ramen and dirty laundry and the one lonely plant in the corner of his desk, tall and no longer flowering. He’s been waiting.

“You gonna work with me or what?” he says suddenly right behind him. Sasuke hitches. He doesn’t turn around.

“Well?”

“Yes.”

“Close your eyes.” He follows quickly and Naruto hums. There’s a moment of rustling before a shift slides before his closed lids, black and blocking any lingering light from radiating through his skin. It’s blinding him. Sasuke’s fingers twitch intermittently. He's unsettled in an instant but he knows Naruto already knows this.

“I know, Sasuke.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” he whispers.

“Testing something,” he says and Sasuke growls. Naruto placates him. “Take it off if you want. Doesn’t make no difference to me.”

…what?

He thinks he’s shrugging. Naruto comes closer to his ear, something hard against his back and insidious; he tells him. “It’s easier if you don’t look.”

Sasuke’s belly clenches.

“Strip.”

He blinks underneath the blindfold and then he resolutely brushes whatever this is off because this is what he’s asked for. He doesn’t need to think about this anymore. Thinking’s got him nowhere. It’s better if he trusts, maybe this is what Naruto wants of him, bending and pulling his shirt free, letting the cloth drop to the floor. Toeing his shoes off until the carpet is plush under his feet and cottony fibrous between his toes.

“Pants,” he says.

Sasuke nods small to himself. He doesn’t know if Naruto’s looking where his hands are fumbling and a little unsure, but he’s positive it’s just the blindfold and not how different this is. How much scarier, how quiet. Him and where his zipper sounds, the rustling of cloth and shimmying down, until his legs are freed bare and his skin is cold. Sasuke knows what Naruto wants of him. It doesn’t have to be this way, naked fear anticipation and waiting. This scene can end if he only says the words, but he won’t.

“Give me your belt,” he says and he does. The request unsettles him, however.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to beat my ass.”

Naruto ignores him. “Boxers, too.”

He’s blinded, not- “Non-negotiable, Sasuke. Or you can stand here and do nothing. Or, you can go find somebody else. Why did you come here again?”

His body freezes from the assault. “No? You don’t have anything to say do you? Well that’s fine, I think I get it, and yeah, I don’t care, fuck it, do what you want. I can easily talk for the both of us. But I want you where I want you when I say this because I’m tired of fighting you every step of the way. This shouldn’t be necessary and you know it, Sasuke. Especially every time. So I’m going to talk to you like this for the last time and you’re going to listen to me the way I want you to listen to me. The only way you know how to listen. No games. No more fucking around. We coulda just had a fucking conversation, but you only like to talk when you’re ordered to don’t you?”

His tone is final. “So take it all off, or don’t, you’re the only one here now that wants to make things difficult for yourself.”

His heart drops. Naruto proceeds to ignore him and his frozen silence and Sasuke can only drily swallow the nerves rising in him. He can’t say anything. It’s callous, it’s shocking; it makes him want to snap and gouge him with his nails, he hates him for putting this on him. He’s not trying to make things difficult on _purpose_. He can bet that Naruto’s not even watching him, cold as he’s playing it now, this stupid authoritative voice has come too late, fuck him.

He’s been _trying_ , goddammit.

Sasuke tenses in his muscles, stiff and pissed and affected, and it gets worse because he can hear Naruto behind him. His jeans ruffle and clink as they come off too.

“It’ll be easier,” he says as he unbuckles his pants.

Oh.

Sasuke’s lip is red where he’s bitten himself hard but it’s too bad his pride goes both ways. Something where this is nothing and he doesn’t want to prove himself weak, is Naruto even looking? What is he doing?

“Mm, there we go,” he hums and Sasuke wants to scoff but his eyes are scrunched tight and he can feel his body heating up. Pink all over, especially where he’s stiffening and there’s nothing covering him.

“Hands at your sides, Sasuke, legs open.”

“I’m not…” he says and his hips feel jutted, like he’s under dissection of a microscope. He can hear Naruto make a noise of interest, inspecting him, granting him the permission to continue.

He struggles to finish. “I don’t want to make things difficult.”

“Good. Grab your ankles for me.”

“W-what?”

“I said, bend over and grab your ankles.”

When he hesitates, Naruto asks him. “Confused?”

“No.”

“Then get to it.”

He still hasn’t reacted until a palm meets his right shoulder. Naruto pushes him down and keeps him from rising up.

Then he’s standing right behind him, a wall and yet not a hindrance all the same because he’s flush where he needs him. And _moving_. Sasuke’s blind and every touch is electric, Naruto proceeds to hug him from behind and bend over too. Thighs glued so that the weight is warm and heavy and confusing him, making him think too much.

He’s not an _animal_ , not like this, he’ll fall and that’d be too terrible-

“Fuck, Sasuke…” Naruto says and the sound of his name gets to him, long and rolling against the thick of his throat like he’s come home after a long day. Sasuke widens his stance awkwardly, he dutifully folds his fingers around his ankles. “You’re making this harder than it has to be.”

“F-fuck you.”

“Yeah. I wish. Shit, I wish you would.” He blows loudly behind him, Sasuke can feel it and that makes it _worse_. “I think I’d cum too quick because it’s you, but hey, I dreamed it. You wanna know? I dreamed you let me finger you before class but you got mad a little... because we’re in the boy's bathroom and it kinda hurts doesn’t it, it hurts to take four fingers up your ass like that.” Naruto’s arms tighten around him as he speaks, a solid vice grip choking him. Sasuke shakes his head desperately. “No? You didn’t want to know? You don’t think you can do it? Shh, shh, baby, shh, you’re a big boy, huh Sasuke, I know you can take it. You’re good at that. You feel so damn _good_ from the inside, fuck, I could take care of you.”

His mouth cracks open but he can’t breathe, can’t think, what is he saying to him?

“I wanna kiss you, baby. I wanna wet your cheeks, kiss your nose. I wanna watch your face cry when your body swallows my wrist. Maybe you’d beg me to stop... please, because it hurts too much and I know you want to keep quiet but you can't. Pitiful, isn't it? You just can't _stop_. Don't you need me? Mm, but you’re kind of a hardass and uptight as hell, fucking perfectionist, you don’t want me to see you cry. Because you want me to see you at your best. Hm, Sasuke, don’t you? You wanna be good for me, _don’t you_?”

“Naruto, _shut up_ -”

“You’re my favorite, Sasuke,” he says finally. Sasuke gasps loudly and shakes and his eyes under the blindfold scrunch tight. Naruto’s words blow hot and red against the nape of his neck. “You’re already my favorite. You got me. You don’t have to try so hard, hm? I can see you.”

With those four words, he stops breathing.

“Damn… But I was an idiot. I thought you wanted something different but you never wanted me to hurt you, did you? You don’t want me to play so strict. Nah, Sasuke, I can tell you like it sweet and I think I can get behind that.”

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up!_ “You… you know nothing about me, dumb-ass,” he finishes lamely.

Naruto slips off of him but he doesn’t straighten, shivering in his hold he waits for him like he’s supposed to. The telling sound of clinking and the zip of leather, Sasuke waits.

“Hey, well, I told you you can’t control me...” He says and Sasuke can hear him come to a distance behind him, but he didn’t think he’d be whipped raw standing. He didn’t think he’d be _fucked_ standing; just what is he doing?

As if to muddy up his thoughts further, Naruto squats, he’s sure of it, Sasuke can feel the unruliest of blond hairs tickle at his inner thigh, his hand that bats his legs open wider.

“Trying to piss me off, huh?” he mouths into his skin.

“‘s it working-owfuc _-_ ”

Naruto nips his thigh. Sharply. “To be honest, yeah. But I try not to take too far the words you say, I’m trying to get you.”

“Good for you.”

He hums warmly. The buckle instantly locks in place, keeping one hand tied to his leg – _again_ – and since when did he wrap it to begin with? Cinched around his wrist and ankle, the work is done tight. Naruto pats him condescendingly on the finished product. He chirps. “Next one.”

His body twitches all over involuntarily.

“You better not leave me behind, I swear to god-”

“Don’t be stupid, Sasuke. Keep your hands where I want them, touch your toes.” Naruto thumbs the crease of his thigh and it tickles him, it makes the weight in his stomach drop. “Don’t fall, nah?” he begins to laugh and shakes his head into his skin, while he binds him with his hands.

Dread pools like the blood rushing to his face, he’s flushed and blinking and it’s not because of the stretch.

“W-what are you doing?”

“I already said it. We’re gonna talk.”

His breathing comes out punched. “Hah, so you’re what, going to interrogate me? Torture me or something?”

“I’m not gonna do anything to you.”

“Boring.”

“Hey Sasuke,” Naruto says, and he shivers. The voice is in his face again, breath hot into his mouth and hands cupping his cheeks. Fingers slip themselves underneath his blindfold to wipe at the corners of his eyes. They trace his skin following somewhere, writing. “Why don’t you say my name.”

“...what?”

Naruto lowers his head by the hair, and Sasuke’s already unbalanced enough as it is. He has to curve his spine and arch his back, anything to keep himself from getting too dizzy. The picture he makes runs through his head… it’s _available_ , like a piece of furniture it’s embarrassing, and he can’t tell if it’s better to be on his hands and knees. He’s half glad there’s a blindfold to hide his eyes.

It’d be hard to look at him straight like this.

“Say my name, Sasuke. Or, I can take this off,” he yanks him by the necklace and thick hair bobs, he almost trips. “And you’ll be done with it. Don’t you wanna be done?” Naruto says like a promise.

Yes, yes, _please_.

His face is pained and his chest throbs.

“I can make you ‘done’,” he says to him slowly. “I can give you what you’re asking for… if you ask for it.” His knees bracket and brush his feet, Naruto must be kneeling in front of him. The picture they make, him bounded and standing; Naruto who’s looking up at him. He doesn’t know what to make of it. “Hm, Sasuke? What’s it going to be? Did you want me to save you?”

Yes. No. No, he doesn't- What does that even _mean_ , he's not one for something so abstract, and neither is Naruto. Naruto doesn't explain what he's saying. The words has his heart cinch in his chest with the power and intent behind it. God, he couldn't ask for anything more in the world.

Sasuke swallows thickly. “I mean you can really save yourself, you always try to tell me that. What I’m saying makes no sense. Unless that’s why you come here, that’s what you wanted from me.”

Yes, _no-_

“Did you want me to fix you?”

“No-”

“Then to hurt you? Did you want me to tie you down to the legs of my chair and whip you until you _bleed_? I can learn how to do that, Sasuke. I can make you scream,” Naruto’s smiling. He can feel his lips curl on his and it’s scaring him. “You say I know nothing about you and maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. I’ll stop assuming shit if you tell me.”

The idea of so much pain coming from the idiot is abhorrent, Naruto’s not that, no. “Don’t.”

His lips caress his and it tingles at his upper lip when he nibbles him. Spit and redness is his mouth, making him thirst for his taste. “‘Don’t what? Finish your sentences, Sasuke.”

“Don’t hurt me,” he says quickly and he swallows. Sasuke whispers because he doesn’t want to admit this. He doesn’t want him to know just how close he is. “I said I don’t hate you.”

The necklace tugs.

“ _Fuck_ , Sasuke, you’re breaking my heart, man. Just say my name; it’ll be easier.”

"No, it won’t, okay, I’ve said your name many times already and if it was any easier I think I’d fucking know it!”

Naruto laughs humorlessly. “You realize it too, don’t you? Being an Uchiha doesn’t _exist_ anymore. I don’t know why you’re fighting me or what the hell you’re even fighting for. Your dad’s not here and neither is your brother – nobody but me is here watching you.”

It cruelly reminds him. He’s naked, he’s bound, blind, and they’re alone. His skin prickles and he can’t even itch at it; Sasuke can hear the rustle as he shrugs bodily. “But, hey, your family’s a big part of you and I can respect that. Yeah, it’s probably my favorite part about you. But in here, with me, from now on you gotta make a choice. Them or me. I can’t fall for you and let you win, and I can’t let you have both.” He retreats taking his heat with him. The Uchiha’s face is flushed and cold. Naruto’s probably backed on his ass because his legs have probably fell asleep, the idiot, Sasuke can hear as his back meets the side of his bed. Sasuke craves suddenly, and his body finally makes itself known.

He wants to be there, his legs are shaking, his body is weary and he wants to _rest_.

“You gotta say my name, and then you can tell me what you want. Or don’t. You can keep your damn Uchiha pride to yourself.”

That’s all he has. Naruto’s asking him too much. If he doesn’t dress in the morning to go to school and make his grades, what else does he have for himself? Sasuke sneers to get himself back. “Is that jealousy I hear? Don’t tell me you’re actually hurt.”

“A little.” Naruto shifts his knees, he pokes him with his dirty garden boots like he’s beneath him, makes him widen his stance. Sasuke can’t see the dirt brushed on his feet, but he can feel it crumbling. “I wish you’d pick me. I ‘don’t hate’ you too.”

“Don’t you dare mock me.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry babe, you’re right. Take your time,” Sasuke can hear the humor in his voice and it pisses him off, he doesn’t mean a damn word. “Just don’t faint, keep them legs straight, maybe raise your head a little.”

“You’re the one tugging on your necklace!”

“And you’re the one here. Why are you here, Sasuke?”

The Uchiha doesn’t say anything. His blood’s rushing to his brain, but it isn’t helping him think. It isn’t helping him speak. So he says nothing.

Naruto sighs deeply.

“God… you’re such a fuckin coward.”

The Uzumaki calmly raises his boot and Sasuke blinks, but he can’t see anything so he doesn’t know what to expect. He’s waiting. Until the toe of a shoe taps him on the back leg, kicking him forward and bending him at the knees. His legs were already shaking; Sasuke drops.

He's too tired to fight back.

“Does this make it ‘easier’?” Naruto shoves his head that met his thigh, shoves his face in his- “You don’t believe me? Nah, Sasuke, did you want me to fuck you? Use you like this?” He demonstrates with a press of his hand and everything goes black.

And it smells. The stuffing of cloth surrounding his face is overwhelming, heady and salty wet. Shocked, Sasuke inhales a deep mouthful before the scent gets to him. When it reaches he gasps and violently flinches under his palm as he attempts to retract. But Naruto’s hand won’t let him. Naruto… he rocks into him with a low, desperate groan and something shifts inside, where his mouth cracks open and his eyes go closed, but there is something deeply wrong in doing this. He wants to be used, yes, anything, he wants to be good but not in this way, not when Naruto’s so mad.

When a cock peeks out from the slit of boxers, it rubs against his lips. It pulls back, teases him, and he follows it mindlessly.

“Well?”

His nails clench in his scalp and Sasuke’s eyes are burning. “Yeah… Naruto. It’s e-easier.”

He's _losing_.

“Good, ‘cuz I’m tired of waiting.” Sasuke’s eyes flash wide. “Now answer my question. Do you?”

He can’t describe the anguish he feels, hearing him say this. Hearing his visceral disappointment. Sasuke doesn’t want to be a waste of his time. And Naruto’s not a violent guy, he’s bright and warm and nothing like himself.

Sasuke thinks he’s in a position where he can’t say no, not if he doesn’t want to lose what this is.

“W-what?”

“Did you want me to fuck you? Is that why you keep coming here every week?” Naruto’s on a roll and he won’t slow, not in the way his fingers grip tighten in his hair and grind him down. His voice turns suspicious. “Did you want me to love you?”

The salt is making him teary in his eyes and he opens his mouth wider. Yes, he wants to beg, aren’t I your favorite? Why are you doing this?

But a funny feeling tingles down in the back of his mind and the pieces are fitting together. It isn’t a good thing to be the favorite. It’s turning dark. All the toys under the Christmas tree just for him, he can see himself in a different position with different words coming out of his mouth… moaning until he’s incomprehensible because they sure wouldn’t be ‘talking’. Littered and used and covered in too many things that _vibrate_ , he would have Naruto’s attention in spades... finally got what he’s asked for. Curled and arched as he is now to protect himself, crying, hurting, shaking with the pleasure.

Realizing this is wrecking him, the sight flitting in his eyes. Sasuke needs to watch what he’s asking for.

Naruto responds like he can hear his thoughts. “Mm, or do you like it when I fall for every trick of yours, hook, line and sinker, does that make you happy? Me, Naruto Uzumaki, resident class clown. You like to fool me? You like that you’re the only one I think of?”

“No, I swear.”

“Well, I don’t see it.” Sasuke’s pulled away from his crotch by the hair before he can even use the chance to prove himself. Naruto keeps his head raised and looks at him, knows where his tears have streaked and his knees come together to hide his length. It’s shameful being turned on by this because this isn’t what he wanted. He doesn’t want him to misunderstand.

“Sasuke. I get it. You’re scared. You’re excited.”

He gasps and shakes.

“I scare you... and maybe that’s why you’re here and not-here.”

“I’m just sorry that I hurt you, baby,” and the words are terrorizing him, how quick he can switch gears and play nice. Trick him, convince him; already, he believes. “And I’m sorry you don’t trust me with your fears.” It’s not about trust, he thinks, no one would be stupid enough to jump off a cliff. He wishes he could speak and end the scene, but it’s _hard_.

“Why?” Sasuke asks the important question he thinks he already knows the answer to. But he can’t help himself, he wants to hear it again and again. “Why me?”

“Are you crazy, how could I not? You knew I couldn’t turn you away at the door, you knew, you bastard.”

“I never came here to mess with you.”

“Then why did you, huh? Oh, nothing to say, of course. You’re giving when you want to be, and I hate that I’m honest when you’re not.”

Honest? He’s honest, he doesn’t have a choice.

“Well you’re you! You think everyone can be like you, that it’s so 'easy'. Well, it’s not, and I hate when you keep asking me the impossible!”

“Impossible? If you took your head out of your fine ass you’d know ‘impossible’. It’s not as hard as you over think it is. What the hell is wrong with you, do you have some bad past that no one fucking knows about?”

“I don’t!”

“Oh, great! Good for you! That’s fucking wonder-ful! Now you’re talking. Then you must think you’re all alone feeling this kind of way, you narcissistic, self-centered _bitch_. Writing me off since the start!”

He pulls him close by the hair until the skin of his face stretches painfully. Sasuke grits his teeth. Naruto doesn’t let him retort, the fucking cheater, he _bites him_ and pulls on his lips and it’s not cute, it’s not sexy, it fucking hurts. It stings an electric jump to his belly... like a little nip of punishment, a promise for something more. Something stronger. He lets his lips go. Not a kiss but not nothing all the same, Sasuke does a cursory check and slightly forgets what he was going to say.

“I’m here. I matter. I’m-” Naruto bites him again softer, longer, tugging his lip with enough distance as if that could override the kiss factor. He sucks and draws him in a little before he releases with a tiny, punishing snap… Sasuke exhales softly as he follows his heat. “I’m crazy about you. Sometimes not in a nice way,” he admits softly.

He can only swallow and nod.

The affirmative gesture must inspire him, his blindfold feels hot. “Sasuke… I want.” His body shivers and his toes deliciously curl.

God, he wants too. He’s so _empty_ inside, he's been waiting for so long.

It couldn't... hurt, right? 

Naruto continues to rasp and pant into his ear. “And you can’t go on forever being scared, you gotta face your fears.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“And? What do you want? Fuck what you think, _what do you want_?”

He wants, he wants…

“Naruto...”

“Yeah, fuck this,” he says and proceeds to rip his blindfold off. He flings it aside. Sasuke blinks rapidly when the low light rushes in and it’s dizzying, when Naruto shoves his back to the carpet, dark hair instantly splays around him like water. He shifts uncomfortably, but it only makes him obvious, feeding into his nerves. He has to look beside himself, anything but where he’s laid because he’s still stuck to his ankles, and every time he _yanks_ , he’s deftly reminded who put him there. Who can free him. Sasuke has to wait, he peeks at how his dick is flushed angry and then he falls his head back and groans. Naruto ignores him, the man hurries to unlatch where his hands link to his ankles, like a baby.

“Hurry.”

“Shut up. I can’t believe you,” he grumbles under his breath as he fumbles his fingers, rough and unforgiving even though Sasuke’s limbs had nearly fallen asleep. He spreads his legs wider and Naruto pinches his skin. “Stop moving and you can go home.”

H-home?

“Yeah, you heard me. I can’t do anything more for you that you don’t want to do for yourself.” He finishes unlocking him, and then he pushes the leather into his chest. “I hope you do find someone else.”

But he doesn’t want anyone else.

It’s a harrowing thought because it’s not like Naruto’s a Master. It’s not like they had sex. There is no other reason. It’s just contradiction and his pure kind of complexity… and the way he hurts beside him like this, wants just as much as he wants. Sasuke knows he’s not supposed to appeal to these negatives, to the fall of his hair and the shadow across his face but they made each other like this, and so they fell for each other like this. It isn’t the scene but them, him and Naruto, who glares at him with such intensity Sasuke can’t look away. He wants his attention but now that he has it he can’t stand him to look so angry. Anything but that.

Because this time is different. Permanent. Lasting. And for some reason the blue softens in his eyes... Sasuke’s hurting him and he still cares. He’s not actually angry? Naruto’s allowing this to be over, should he be so affected. He’s going easy on him for the last time.

Sasuke doesn’t want that for himself, he wants so much more.

“It’s selfish.” He turns away in embarrassment and it’s not his body this time, it’s his mind. He wants it all but telling is giving, is going to take everything he has away from him. Uchiha pride may not exist but it’s all he got, down to the last empty dregs.

He has to give to get but giving it up is going to make them _worse_.

Naruto, he thinks knows this, but they’re too young to care. “Yeah, you are. I never knew you could be such a little brat.”

“I’m sorry,” his hands wring themselves in the carpet and he shuts tight his eyes. “Don’t make me leave.”

Naruto’s silent.

“Talk to me,” he asks with desperation. “Tell me I’m not wrong.”

“And?”

“And I could tell you you’re not wrong. You’re not, I-” Sasuke tears the few fibers from the flooring, and Naruto grabs his hands before he could do something.

“Stop.”

“I love you. I _love_ you. Don’t hurt me. Do you understand? Don’t break me. I don't think I can-”

“Shh, Sasuke, wait-”

“That’s it, okay? That’s everything I have. It’s why I was here. I wanted to tell you but I was scared and I panicked. And I said a lot of things that I don’t mean, because I love you, I’ll say it a million times if I have to.”

“Hey, slow down. You don't have to." Naruto half-smiles softly down on him. Sasuke's heart makes a skip. "I didn't know this was it, but you don't have to force yourself. Ever. I’m not trying to make some ultimatum, or something. Yeah, it’s nice to hear it but I just wanted to see what you wanted... if you knew just what you were getting into.”

Sasuke blinks and feels small under his too-big grin.

"And I won't break you. Not too much. Not if I don't think you can handle it," he says knowingly.

Naruto gives him a big grin.

“Nah… skipping straight to the aftercare, huh?” he segues as he rolls over on top, long and sinuous and reminding him of the cold air against his bare skin. When his legs are open and Naruto moves his arms around himself, it feels right and needy, he thinks he’s already getting used to this. Pampered, precious, like a princess.

His toes curl.

“I love you.”

“Mmm, I like it when you say that, Sasuke.” Naruto pecks him under his eyes, cleaning away his dried tears. “You’re not the only one who’s selfish…”

He latches on to him.

“I want to have you. I didn’t know I wanted something like that until you were gone, until you took yourself away. And when you said someone else, I-” he struggles to keep his face neutral.

“I hated that you were trying to push me into a corner and it was _working_.”

“Naruto-”

“No, let me finish. It was working. I'm not interested in... sharing. I thought I was just an idiot to you and that you should have better; I thought you were tricking me. It didn’t matter if you were blindfolded, naked, or tied up because it felt like no matter what position you were I could fall so hard.”

“So this time I want you to be… mine, do you get me? Do you understand? A little more than just saying my name.”

The Uchiha slowly pieces things together.

“And I’m going to take this necklace off,” Sasuke flinches, and Naruto shakes his head. “Shh, I just want you to think about it first, huh, I’m not trying to force you to leave. You can get it back.”

He peels himself off with a slow smile and retreats back on his kneeling. Naruto watches him as he pulls off from the floor. Sasuke dresses himself with a deepening blush, heightening because he expected this to end a little differently… and Naruto definitely knows, can see his mind thinking it. His eyes are fuller with mirth, pleasant and content and teasing him, which Sasuke only lets with a twitch of his brow when he grins.

The teen suddenly stands, and the low droop of his boxers is distracting, along with the way he closes in on him even though he’s the one undressed. Naruto doesn’t let his grin fall, the fucking dork, it’s dopey and bright like the world, and a little leering.

“Nah, take care of yourself for me, huh? See you at school, bastard.”

His brows meet furrowed, tiny and confused. “I can walk myself out.”

“Yeah,” Naruto’s smile goes softly warm. Sasuke thinks it's his favorite. “Yes, you can.”

… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. My updating schedule = haha, what is that?
> 
> Hi! This is pretty much a wrap, you can expect the next and last chapter to be porn once I stop being a prude and shy and awkward like that. However.
> 
> Next chapter, I’m seriously thinking… that Sasuke call Naruto ‘Daddy’. As far as their officiating dynamic goes this is kinda what I see culminating... *shrugs small and helplessly with a shaky smile*
> 
> Er.
> 
> A little left-field I know, I swear, I never planned it in my outline and had I known I would’ve tagged it before even starting this fic. I would’ve warned you in a disclaimer or something. Basically, I apologize if I’ve wasted your time investing in this. I totally get that this is kinda a taboo subject so I’m going to explain myself a little if you’d like to hear, do read the comment replies below to get a little of what I'm thinking, I think they sum it up better than my last author's note.
> 
> Anyways. Thanks for reading, wow seriously, too kind, and waiting, so much waiting...
> 
> ...
> 
> edit 3/30/2017: I decided I should just make two chapters, with two different endings. So, disregard the author's note above unless you want to read DaddyNaruSasu once I figure out how to make this a series, but otherwise consider this Master/slave NaruSasu.
> 
> edit 5/31/2017: I lied. A bit of honesty here, the Master/slave version of this chapter sucks. It really does. I could elaborate on why I think so if any of you’d like to know, but I could see the faults and they were glaring. I knew it too and posted it anyway yesterday because I was too tired to find a way to salvage it (which would generally mean another few chapters of development, anything can still happen) and I’m a nervous wreck (LOL) and then I kinda kinkshamed myself in my own story.  
> No one asked me to I just… I don’t know. I doubted. I panicked. Sorry this may have turned out to be a clusterfuck and me going against my own word a lot. Hopefully you still read the next chapter?? But regardless, thanks for reading, this fandom is best:)  
> -hanareader


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, Jaye for being my beta for so long~  
> (this first part is mostly the same)  
> (title inspired from song by Ciara, "Dance Like We're Making Love")

How am I going to do this? Naruto thinks to himself, as he stuffs cold hands into his jeans pockets and shivers visibly. When his fingers refuse to warm he bounces his leg. His nose is numb and peaking pink at the tip, Naruto scruffs it noisily and Sakura elbows him hard for being crude.

But he’s not trying to be loud. He’s not. They’re in class but he can’t stop jittering, he can’t stop _thinking_ about him.

Uchiha Sasuke. Always his eyes lock onto him, and lecture or not, he can’t help himself. It’s addicting. It’s not as if the boy has gotten magically hotter overnight because that’s just stupid. Such an idea is ridiculously impossible and doesn’t make any sense, there’s no way. He’s just sitting there, minding his own business and with a firm hand taking diligent notes… the same Sasuke like before, currently ignoring him. And yet not somehow, no, Naruto knows he’ll never be the same again. They’ll never be the same again.

The boy’s larger in his eyes, brighter and somehow softer at the edges. With a certain curve to his cheeks and a sway to his hair, he’s… different, Naruto thinks. Sasuke’s somebody he now _knows_ , more than surface deep; he’s somebody he has a special history with. Like the back of his hand, he’s something familiar to his brain, a click slotted into his life in an instant, so simply, so easily. He’s something that makes perfect sense.

He’s his.

The thought stops. It’s dangerous to think it, but it keeps making a comeback, whirling in his mind like a song stuck in his head. He can’t forget the headiness of it. He’s high off of it. Sasuke is his, all his, down to the way he twirls the pencil in his hand and shifts straighter in his seat, everything – Sasuke is _his_.

Naruto wants to say it again and again, and man, he wants the whole world to know and remember it well. Simply two heavy words makes him think and has him breathe slower like he’s just woken up in the morning with the realization of it, like his dreams melded with reality, and now Naruto can’t stop looking at him. The floodgates are open because something about the two small words changes everything and yet nothing, is intense and deeply absorbing… This should be something he’s already used to.

But he’s never got to _have_ someone before.

Naruto’s eyes widen: it isn’t right to think this way. No one owns people. Like pets or something that’s been paid off, Sasuke’s not a house or a car. He’s a human being. But when Naruto looks at him there’s something changed yet familiar, that smells like the sharpness of his aftershave and tastes of his sweat. Something that he’s worked for. Something that he knows he owns. Sasuke’s his and no one else’s, he's claimed and branded and wearing him inside and out and all over in a way that can’t be undone. Maybe, in a way that could be forever. He’s his in all but name and Naruto gets the distinct feeling that they both know this. That it’s mutual. He thinks Sasuke’s thinking about him like that, dreaming about him behind those pretty eyes and hopes he’s just as occupied, just as obsessed. He doesn’t want to be the only one thinking it.

They’re on the same page, right?

Even if Sasuke doesn’t look it and is distinctly refusing to look at him because they’re sitting in class and he should otherwise ‘pay attention, idiot’ as he would say… Naruto can hear it unsaid. Like it’s screaming at him. The idea of it slowly gets to him, carefully piecing itself and it becomes right, normal, and just what Sasuke needs. He watches him from the sliver of his eyes and knows. Naruto will always do what Sasuke needs, even if he may not exactly agree.

But then again, he can thank him later.

…

Sasuke’s nervous.

Naruto can tell by the way he insults him like a seasoned sailor. He’s dropping the f-bomb left and right and it amuses him in the back of his mind, like he’s trying to play it cool so hard. Uchiha Sasuke, trying to be cool. There’s something hilarious about the thought and it makes him smile now that he knows he doesn’t really mean it. At least, not in the way he grips him tightly at the shoulders and pulls him closer as he speaks. Then again, Naruto’s kinda nervous too.

“Are you broken? Don’t know what to do when it’s not your right hand? Are you _stupid_?”

Fuck me.

Sasuke rolls wantonly under his body. “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last you longer, _Naruto_ ,” he taunts him.

Hurry.

“I did, don’t you remember? I think I got plenty fap material…” Naruto waits him out because he doesn’t like to do what people first expect. He wants to be a surprise. Trouble him a little. Even if that means waiting, but Sasuke’s not entirely wrong, he did kinda jack off before coming here.

He admits, it helps.

Naruto smiles brightly. “Maybe I just want to soak in your presence, is that too much of a crime?”

It’s easy to joke like this because he’s already his. Naruto could soak in his presence all he wants, take him in and keep him all to himself as much as he’d like, whenever, wherever. Sasuke has to wait for him to pull his dick out, or he can beg him on his knees and still have to wait. Wait until he’s ready for him, until he’s convinced himself because to be honest he’s never done it with a guy before. But Naruto thinks that’s a fact that’s neither here nor there.

For other reasons Sasuke’s different.

“The hell… Are you an idiot? If we’re not going to do anything then get the hell out of my room. Don’t just _be there_ like an idiot, do something.”

“Mm, like what?” Naruto begins to bend down to nibble under a jaw. He hovers close to his neck where he can feel a pulse speeding; he can feel it race under his tongue, in sync with his. Sasuke. His vision darkens along the edges and focuses on him just like he’s asking him to.

“You said? you said…” Sasuke swallows.

“I did. But let’s make it more interesting, yeah? You like games don’t you? Close your eyes.”

He does instantly.

“I don’t want to do anything too much, ya know. Let’s keep it… simple. This is just practice, practice, Sasuke, nothing more than practice. I’ll still fuck you if you want, but you gotta give me the benefit of the doubt, you hear? Don’t freak.” He says and the body under him tenses predictably. He thinks it’s a good sign but it still tickles him. Such a bird, always on the fly.

“I hate when you say that.” Sasuke opens his eyes blearily to glare at him. He’s not red but his face grumbles. Naruto kinda misses the look.

“Why?”

“Are you goading me? It’s like you already know.” The man drags him close by the length of his hair until it pinches smartly. Sasuke can see him wince a little but the little bastard doesn’t care. “I’m going through with what I started like I said. I’m not scared. I love you.”

Fuck, it still gets to him when he says that.

Sasuke smirks darkly. “You can give me your worst.”

Naruto _grins_.

“Thatta boy,” and Sasuke looks so smugly pleased with himself that he has to reward him with a kiss. Slow and steady wins the race, Naruto thinks as he looks on when the boy flutters his eyes shut and obediently drinks him down. His eyes follow the instant trance, Sasuke’s so beautiful when he’s relaxed.

It’s one of the many faces he’s been graced with. Naruto wants to make it happen every day and he wants to see them all, see all the rest Sasuke’s got to give-

But until then, his boy’s getting greedy. He’s grasping him closer in a way that makes Naruto’s lips curl against his. He's playing him rough and with unsaid desperation, uncharacteristically… messy. Sasuke’s eyes scrunch tight just like he asked him earlier, but Naruto can tell he’s still trying to take control where he can with other things. Smart bastard.

Too bad he’s really good at it. Naruto gasps for air. “A little thirsty, aren’t you?”

“So are you,” he says softly.

“Yeah, but I want-” more.

So much more. Everything. He likes him full, he likes him satisfied, he wants to spoil him rotten, but sometimes.

Sometimes Sasuke has to give a little.

“I want you to keep an open mind, huh?” Dark eyebrows scrunch a little, cutely, he has to admit. Naruto doesn’t know what he’s thinking with his eyes closed like that but Sasuke trusts him implicitly. He thinks he’s allowed to push it a little.

“We can make this a scene, if you want it to be. Do you understand? We can raise the stakes a little…” he goes back to his nibbling.

“What do you-?”

“That makes it easier on you doesn’t it? You don’t want to feel so nervous. Maybe you want something familiar – you don’t want to just sit there and _take it_.”

“I-”

He has to keep pushing. “Well?”

Sasuke visibly swallows.

“How?”

Heat instantly spikes in Naruto’s belly. “Mmm, how do you think? How do you want to go about this? You don’t want to fuck me…” his voice colors and Sasuke brightens.

“Don’t even try to sound sorry for yourself, idiot.”

“I’m not. Stingy.” He bites him as punishment.

Sasuke bares his neck wider like an offering.

Naruto feels deeply pleased. “I’m not trying to be. I’m not trying to be anything.” He says as he stares at him and guesses Sasuke can tell where his eyes are even if he shouldn’t know. He suspects the other boy’s well aware of where he’s going with this. Sasuke breathes weighted and loud against his skin, silently asking him to continue. And Naruto decides to give it to him. He deserves it. With a hand he shoves where he’s hard and rubs him once.

Sasuke stops, seizes and shudders.

He likes the feel of it in his hands, hot and hefty like it’s solid. Naruto can tell he’s good. He would have thought he’d have some hesitations rubbing off another man’s dick… but all he can notice is his cock’s thicker than his own, smooth and flushed dark red to the tip. Sasuke, who rolls in submissive pleasure under his hands, allowing him to rub him faster, faster, and yank him higher to completion.

He doesn’t feel awkward about this as much as he thinks he should.

Naruto squeezes and Sasuke dutifully groans. The sound inspires him to speed it up, just the way he’d like it too. He’s always been on par with him, whose body bucks to match his in the race. Sasuke’s needy, tight with desperation and panting his name, speaking to him now more than ever.

Naruto didn’t think he’d feel the same too, not like this.

“There’s something missing, isn’t there?” He kisses him swiftly, deeply and Sasuke’s voice hitches tiny in his throat like a soft, delicate hiccup. Naruto capitalizes on the inability to articulate, he wants to talk now, tell him everything what he’s thinking. Even if it may not be what Sasuke wants to hear.

He whispers. “Maybe I’m not the only one thinking it.”

Sasuke groans wounded in his throat.

“Hm? What are you thinking of?...” Naruto asks as he speeds his hand, Sasuke’s eyes flit under his eyelids and his brows scrunch in restraint. He’s trying and Naruto wants to see what he comes up with, when Naruto thumbs him roughly at the tip, dragging harshly at the foreskin.

Sasuke gasps.

“You want to take this outside?” he asks and Sasuke freezes momentarily, only to come alive in a flurry of motion, shaking his head. “No? You don’t want to wait? I don’t know why, I’ve always pegged you for an exhibitionist, though I figure you don’t really care whether people see.”

“Naruto…”

“Or you want to keep it standard, you don’t want anything. That’s okay. I like vanilla too, Sasuke.”

He bites his lip and turns his neck to the side, hiding his blush from him. Naruto feels vindicated.

“I’m not crazy, am I? I’m not stupid for imagining it.” Sasuke whines and keeps turning, burying his face into the sheets beneath him. Oh, he knows. Smart bastard as he is, he’s figured it out already and now he’s not the only one, now he’s going to make him work for it. Naruto… he thinks he wants to keep talking.

“You wanted this to be something different, didn’t you?”

Sasuke’s silent. He’s drooping in his hands, where his arousal isn’t as aroused as it should be, weeping and getting softer by the second. While Naruto feels so uptight. The boy is scared but he’s still flushed up to his neck, pulling him closer by the hair, not letting him go.

He loves him like this. He loves needing and wanting because Naruto needs and wants this from him, wants to give as much as he gets. Naruto’s face is shoved into the juncture of his neck, where it smells of bar soap and lotion, and all the good things in his world; coolness and sweet. Like a blossom he’s stolen from a neighbor’s yard, flowering only twice a year, it’s rare. Its scent is heightening. Sasuke shivers when he licks his skin down to a dusky nipple, taking the pebble into his mouth and sucking with his teeth. When he lets his other hand slip further down, distracted as he is he’s blinded and too busy thinking, allowing Naruto to forcefully dip two fingers into his hole.

He didn’t mean to move so fast.

Sasuke swears and sweats and reels like a burned man, grimacing in his face. Naruto would think that he’s in serious pain but his boy pants for oxygen and he’s flushed more than ever. His cock makes a comeback, thickening in his hands. Horny, he’s getting what they’ve both been waiting for, and Naruto feels too excited under his skin, he moves rougher than he can help himself.

Sasuke’s not so silent anymore.

“I already know you’re a kinky bastard, you might as well fucking admit it.”

“ _Master_ -”

“Mmm, I like it but do you?” Naruto runs him faster and spreads his knees. Sasuke accommodates like he’s supposed to, hand over his eyes as if he could hide his face from him, but Naruto won’t let him hide from any of this.

He needs to watch the light on his face and the dark parts under his eyes, the parts that flutter and cry so often. He needs to see him. Sasuke begs his name but it’s not enough, he thinks it’ll never be enough for Sasuke.

“You’re not some giggling date… and I’m not joking,” he says and runs a hand up to his tits, grinding a finger across a nipple. It feels so satisfying. They’re hard and bright in color, making Naruto twitch painfully. “I’m not saying this to feed my ego or some dumb shit,” he says for the record. Sasuke thins his lips tightly.

He’s still listening to him.

“I want you to call me ‘Daddy’, Sas. You think you can you do that for me?”

Maybe this is the wrong time to ask… steadily sinking three fingers into him, feeling him from the inside out. Sasuke feels like a gift, something that’s his and shakes and wrapped tightly in bright red.

His answer?

He makes a shameful whine of anguish between closed lips, like he’s already begging him. Sasuke’s mortified, Naruto’s unapologetically _not_ , and the Uchiha leaks in his hands, he begins to ride his fingers.

“So you were already thinking about it,” he speaks his suspicions aloud and his boy cries out.

He’s hit gold.

Naruto knows where to aim like he knows what to say next because Sasuke’s telling him everything, he doesn’t hide a single thing. No; he rocks bodily, desperately like he’s trying to forget it all, but the sex only makes it worse, this is what Naruto wants.

He doesn’t want him to forget himself. He doesn’t want it to be easy. He wants him to call him something that gets deep, because he knows Sasuke wants it too, because he wants to be the most precious person in his world. Like he is in his.

“Are you ashamed?” the words seem to spill out of his mouth.

Sasuke drags his name like gravel and Naruto makes a noise of disapproval. He presses in harshly. Sasuke hisses, Sasuke thrashes his hair with desperation, sweaty and slicked to his skin. He can’t look at him but _Sasuke_ is all Naruto can look at, wild and conflicted and absolutely beautiful. Perfect.

He’s perfect. He’s his.

Isn’t this more than enough?

Naruto removes his fingers and he wipes them on the shirt he’s stripped of, rolls on a condom so fast. He caps off the lube and pours it over his hand. But he takes his time stroking himself, his boy can probably hear his skin and the squelch of liquid, lube and latex and hot sweat but he wants to unnerve him a little, make him squirm. Naruto needs to demand his attention and claim his rightful presence, he doesn’t wish Sasuke to deny and invalidate everything they have. Everything they are, and could be.

“I was ashamed too for wanting to be sweet on you. Guys don’t really do that, do they?”

It doesn’t take long to line himself up, not long at all. Naruto decides he’ll play it quiet and wait for his boy to speak. Sasuke, he thinks, is always worth the wait.

“It turns out I’m not good at being all serious. So I’ll say it again – you know I love you – was that what you wanted to hear? It’s hard, but I like saying it. But you’re super smart, you know, you could always guess.”

His body’s breathing in sync with his, slow and weighted into the air. Naruto breaches him, past his over-wrought thoughts and the unfamiliar, where Sasuke pulls him in with shaking legs and inviting body, an intimate openness to the line of his mouth.

And his eyes blown wide open, black, so black, going unfocused on him.

It’s easy for Naruto to put off moving, when he’s busy meeting their lips and running his hand through dark hair. He grips him with death hands and inhales before he delves his tongue. Sasuke doesn’t know what do with himself, but that’s okay, Naruto intends to take care of everything, take care of everything about him. He’s been waiting for this. He sucks and moves his lips against somebody pliant, somebody freely telling, and the mere potential gets to him until Naruto can hear himself moan. Jerking once, Sasuke breaks away to get himself air.

“Fuck-!”

“I don’t want you to be ashamed anymore.”

“Then _help_ _me_.”

“You need to help yourself.”

Naruto begins moving his hips. It takes time, he’s never thought he was someone for going slow. No… he’s never even dreamt this, Sasuke tight under him, strained and corded along his muscles. He breathes heavy to absorb the novelty of it all, to pace himself and wait this out.

“The fuck am I going to call you that, go f-uck yourself.”

Naruto thrusts and thrust, and Sasuke… he hiccups.

He keeps talking to him, because that’s what he does best. Naruto tells him how cute he is, how beautiful, how he has no reason to be so embarrassed as his baby. How he’s sorry and kind of expected this but knew it was a matter of great importance, knew he needed it, didn’t he? He grips Sasuke’s leg higher, and tells him how _good_ he feels from the inside, how nice he is, how sweet of him to let him in, let him into his life.

And Sasuke’s nails draw red lines down his skin, making graves. He’s shaking.

“Shut… u _p_ …” Naruto can hear him swallow thickly.

His body is so _tight_. There’s a sweet burn of him that makes the blood rush behind his ears and into his eyes. Until all he can see is him, and he can’t keep his eyes off his face, another push and the heat rolls into his belly.

His body isn’t going to let him go.

It’s a new angle and Sasuke stiffens, he can’t help the noise that erupts. Not his name and not a title but something that calls to him all the same; Naruto’s mind alights to renew his motion between them. He knows the combination of his hand and the rest of him will drive Sasuke crazy. If he slows, and waits.

But it’s the tiny kisses that gets him spilling.

“Stop it… Stop looking at me like that…” he tastes all over Sasuke’s cheeks until the boy can’t look at him anymore, blushed neck and redden ears and eyes squeezed shut. But Naruto can’t stop. He’s been begging him, pushing this whole time.

“I can’t believe you’d- stop. Stop! You’re a liar, I bet your exes called you that bullshit, I’m not gonna fulfill some stupid porn fantasy. I’m not _them_ , I’m not.”

“You’re not,” he rasps against his ear.

Sasuke moans like he’s been waiting to hear that, and Naruto’s hips twist just right until he moans with him, God, he’s never been so hard in his life.

He’s never been so emotional. He wants to lather him and help him and he doesn’t want to see Sasuke cry, no, he doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. He wants to make him happy. But he’s never felt so powerful. The slow, sensuous rocking is getting to him too, it burns.

“Fuck you and your ego, would it make you feel better for me to say it?” Sasuke gasps loudly. Naruto swallows the air from his lungs. “You think you know so much about me, so much about what I _need_. Would it make you feel smarter?”

Guess just as well as he knows Sasuke, does Sasuke know him. He’s the kind of guy that’ll kick a man when he’s down. Just as much as he’s hurting him now, Sasuke will-

Well. He won’t go down easy.

“You wanna be first for once, deadlast?”

\--shit.

“-you’re not some innocent little thing, Sasuke.” Naruto reminds him. He drags himself out of his hole and grimaces when nails instantly sink into his arms and hair like chains. He rubs him up to loosen the grip, to get him to make better sounds and keep his damn thoughts to himself. Asshole’s getting it all wrong. “You can’t tell me you haven’t had sex before.”

_You’re no virgin._

He remembers this dude’s popular in school. Attractive. Could have lots of girlfriends – boyfriends, fuck. But Sasuke doesn’t ‘answer’. Naruto strokes him until the boy jumps in his hands, rocking the bed while groaning endlessly.

“The hell… here, Sas? Now? Why do we gotta fight? Why does it always have to be one step forward – two steps back with you?”

He’s not wrong. Ever since the start, it feels as if they’ve only been fighting more, arguing foul, getting nowhere. Finding themselves back where they started. Like this has made them worse. Naruto doesn’t know what to do about it. He doesn’t know that every time he thinks something is going right is precisely the moment he’s dead wrong, the moment that he’s messed up his going with Sasuke again. One step forward becomes five steps back and there isn’t any other way, Naruto doesn’t know of any other way to get close to him. To finally understand him.

(To finally have him, his mind informs.)

Naruto rocks gently, until only the head of his cock teases him, draws out and causing Sasuke to freeze. Damn, that felt good. He does it over again.

If he’s gotta be honest-

“Yeah… I wanna be first.” He can’t control his voice. The words come out of him so fast that he can’t stop, stop, stop. “I wanna be your first. No more… deadlast. I want you to remember today, when later on when you can’t sleep at night and your hand slowly finds itself down, I want you to close your eyes and whisper. Longer, taking the time feeling yourself out, until your wrist hurt and you can’t keep your hands from shaking or the word coming out of your lips, huh Sasuke? Can you even hear yourself? Don’t fucking forget it.”

He doesn’t respond, except for what Naruto thinks is a low moan of assent so he continues. It’s riveting, the words coming out of his mouth, the opportunity to whisper, to tell him… just how power-hungry he really is.

“ _Daddy_. It already gets you hot to hear it. To thinking it. You’re already three fingers in-” his boy jolts, and Naruto grins, “Yeah, no man handling you at your cock, you’re so busy with ass, keeping your other hand to cover your mouth – so no one can hear you, can they?” He plunges inside and the heat is flaming under his legs, shit, he’s not as patient as he wanted to be.

If he waits, if he slows, if he’s gentle, calm, patient and all the nice things in this world that he’s never really got used to being, because his hands are too big and he’s not good at this, because he’s not as smart as Sakura and he’s _clumsy_ – maybe he’ll be worth Sasuke’s time. Maybe he’ll be someone Sasuke could trust his everything to.

A ‘Daddy’? He must have been fucking kidding himself.

“Dammit, you need me like I need _you_ , okay?”

Sasuke laughs.

Fuck him… fu-ck… his body can’t stop moving and the other boy can’t stop laughing, he folds his legs wetly around him and laughs himself sick.

“You should get mad more often. You should hear yourself.” He coyly bites his lower lip.

“Sometimes I hate you.”

He opens his mouth to huff but a pleasured sigh escapes him, and Naruto can’t help it, he kisses him.

He puts as much as he can into it. As much strength, will, and earnest feeling that he can muster to admit, and Sasuke takes all he has and doesn’t give it back.

“I love you too.”

Naruto gets frustrated when he says that. Both poking fun at him and something else… it’s worse when he’s speaking the truth.

“You don’t believe me?”

“I-”

“Or maybe it’s not enough.”

Naruto’s silent.

He guesses he just has to keep trudging on.

Sasuke eyes begin to flutter. He makes soft noises that seem to punch out of him. They’re nothing like the Uchiha he knows, quiet, light, airy, “ah, ah, ah-” rising higher and they’re driving him _insane_.

He tells him he’s his everything.

Sasuke’s face is splotchy, beet red and shiny with sweat. Naruto can feel his hair stick to his skin, he doesn’t know how long he can keep going like this.

Until he throatily rolls his name and long legs tighten around him and it’s not helping, the way he can control him, call him closer.

“Don’t, I’m not-”

“Shit.” Naruto remembers to use his hands. He moves a fist, shakily, like it’s his first time because it’s stupid what he’s doing, trying to catch light, trying to be _dexterous_ when there’s a swell in his legs and a tickling pleasure quick down his spine. What the fuck is he doing? Sasuke doesn’t look like he minds so much. Despite his experimental fumbling, Sasuke's eyes are closed and his mouth is open and he shouldn’t be looking like that: so vulnerable for him.

Because somewhere he’s right. Because maybe Naruto’s not as altruistic as he makes himself out to be. He’s chasing that light for himself, he’s selfish, just once he wants to have it under him shaking and red, desperate and honest. Telling him all. He’s tired of being deadlast. He wants to be first. Naruto’s failing the grade and this isn’t the time to bring it up, he wants Sasuke to say it, _say it_ , make him say it before he loses his chance in hell.

He wants to have him finally, he has all the desire to possess and nowhere to place his hands. No more time.

Sasuke hisses and arches sharply, and now Naruto knows he’s hurting him, but his dick feels as if it’s on fire. His hand makes a tight fist and the grip is relentless.

“Ah!”

His lips are a dark red. Those eyes smirk at him before they half-mast in pleasure. “So fast,” he tells him playfully. He smiles.

Sometimes; Sasuke’s so beautiful he’s jealous.

Naruto keeps on tugging, keeps plugging away and Sasuke’s eyes never leave his face. They seem to know everything that he’s thinking, even the things he doesn’t say, doesn’t know how to say, the things he’s kind of ashamed to admit.

Does he know?

How much he loves him? How much he _hates_ him? Does he know how much Naruto want to tear him down, tear down everything he is? The same pride that’s a perfect mix of deep voice, tall and collected, Sasuke is admirable, god, he never wanted to say this, the man’s _cool_ – him, have him bent over and crying, begging please _D_ –

Will they ever stop being rivals?

He can’t answer the question hanging in the air between them and he figures he just has to go with the flow with it. Naruto can’t stand the discerning look and the fucking sounds he’s making, breathless little things that taunt airily into his ear. Puff like clouds.

He sounds like he’s smiling.

“This isn’t a fantasy,” Naruto manages to grunt out. Then he moans, dammit.

Isn’t it though? Sasuke hums in satisfaction, he widens as if to invite him inside.

And Naruto follows down even if it feels like he’s losing, he sinks him deeper into the mattress.

“This isn’t nothing to me.” At his words the body under him twitches suddenly, violently, and it’s all the opening he needs.

“Is that what you were thinking? That I’d _hit_ – and _run_?” Naruto punches out in tune with his thrusts. He’s been hungering to push him a little harder, to fulfill that need in himself, though he thinks he never needed a reason. To not hold back… ohh, it gets to him, Naruto curses when he feels something familiar growing, getting closer, faster, and his boy hitches his breath pitifully. He couldn’t ever imagine going back to his life before this; he doesn’t think he’ll be attracted to the same things again.

But Sasuke? Him and Sasuke has never changed.

He asks if he dreams. The body under him opens up so nicely, so sweet, with hot thighs wrapped around that egg him on. Don’t you dream? He can’t be the only one that wants this; it’s mutual. They both can see it. He thinks of a future where Sasuke is the perfect little baby and Naruto is someone good at what he’s doing, a good Daddy.

Good, good, but what does that _mean_ , isn’t Sasuke already so good?

“Whenever we’re alone... maybe some-time when we text. Fuck, _fuck_ baby, couldn’t you do that for me?”

He thinks he’s got him where it counts in a single push, that’s why his boy cries out. Naruto’s three seconds away from busting but he’s been patient for so long, he has to hold himself together.

And Sasuke too, he has to not be so… up-tight.

Naruto kisses him hard. That’s the only way to do it. Meshing his lips to his and forgoing breathing for the moment, he fully captures his mouth. He needs him to know.

His breathing’s been coming in harsh now.

“I was thinking about after.”

His boy shivers. Their rhythm picks speed, Naruto’s hips gladly pound without restraint. He can’t keep his head up anymore, looking at Sasuke when he’s soft and docile is _wrong_ , when he’s admitting things without his words, with only the powerful expressions of his face and body. When Naruto changes angles _there,_ Sasuke suddenly clenches around him and shouts. He dutifully aims for that one spot inside that has him cursing his name. That makes him... happy. Naruto knows he’s been thinking the same thing too.

(Then he has to focus... get them somewhere, then he has to slow and control. But the blood’s rushing in all the wrong places and his head feels fuzzy with his scent, intoxicated, they’re so close. He feels too charged to do anything but fall for his instincts, again and again that primeval motion, he feels so _hot_.)

Naruto closes his eyes and thrusts. “I was thinking about you. What would you look like…”

He thrashes and whines pleadingly.

Naruto speaks his name. He watches him, somebody he’s never got to see before. “God. I’m so done with dreaming.”

Sasuke freezes. He gives a full body shudder until he’s broke composure; he’s forgotten himself where they are, who he’s with, there’s nothing smug when his boy sounds like he’s ruining him.

Naruto curses when his hole suddenly constricts. The sudden release makes him shiver sweetly in relief, embarrassed, carnally gratified – he’s been waiting so long that the heat rushes as he fills, his belly hot when he claims. But then there’s something else he can’t name, something he didn’t expect, simply the magic of being able to see this.

Naruto cums, and he quickly peels off the latex.

Sasuke’s violently flushed red, and his eyes are still dilated.

“You can’t expect-!”

“No. I can’t,” Naruto tells him. Then he kisses him gently. He figures things take time, right? Relationships. Especially if this is the new, if this is how things’ll end up. Maybe he was rushing, being unrealistic. Letting his insecurities get ahead of himself. “You’re right, I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want.”

Sasuke reels and swallows in what he’s saying visibly, slowly, he looks like he’s actually serious in considering it.

Naruto waits.

He says, “I don’t want to make it real. It’s embarrassing,” and those black eyes falter themselves to the side.

_Oh man._

_You got_ nothing _to be embarrassed about._

Naruto smiles brightly. “You never had to do anything. Practice, remember?”

Preoccupied, Sasuke nods softly to himself.

“You’re okay, baby. You’re doing okay...” He tells him over again until they both find themselves asleep.

…

He’s too tired to move. His limbs are heavy and Naruto’s too tired to get up to lug his ass home. Sasuke hasn’t kicked him out yet, but he knows the man knows he’s awake, knows he’s capable of doing so. Still, he doesn’t push it. So sweet, Naruto grins.

“Mm, you don’t want me to leave before your parents get back.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Hey, honesty between us, right? Communication.”

Sasuke grumbles at him cutely to shut up.

Naruto does for a moment. Something about the way this is so easy, where they’re warm under his covers while the outside is cold, and he doesn’t have to go out there yet. Because he can stay in here, with his fingers tracing the cool, smooth skin of a back that’s almost hairless, so pale. And Sasuke let him.

“Do you know what you want to do?” he asks before he could think.

He didn’t mean to ask that. He’s one to normally hate the question. Just the peace of the moment, and the fact that it’s been rolling about in his mind for a long time now, constantly bugging him. Naruto himself is not one for planning or knowing what he’s going to do in the future even after his fifth year, so he personally hates to bring the situation of it up, even amongst his friends. But still, he’s curious. It’s Sasuke. Naruto knows so many interesting things about Sasuke, the way he likes to curl on his side, the way he enjoys being petted, and yet at the same time he knows so little.

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you going to college?”

“Yeah.”

“What is it? What do you want?”

Sasuke turns around to face him. His face is a stone and he doesn’t blink.

“Human Rights,” he says.

“Really?” Naruto blurts. He can’t help his surprise. “Seriously?”

Sasuke shrugs and curls over as if to offer his back to him, asking him silently to continue.

“It’s the only one that makes sense. I was going into Criminal Justice, but I think this one feels better.”

Naruto smiles at the tone of his voice.

Its minutes of silence without thought. Peace. His nails idly scratch and the rustling of the covers before Sasuke makes himself known again.

“You?” he asks.

Naruto breathes him in for a moment. He blinks at the back of his neck where there’s little, thin wisps of black hairs.

“Not me. Not this year,” he says and Sasuke hums.

Naruto feels nervous.

“I wasn’t asking that.”

“Huh?”

“You said ‘what do you want’. So? What do you want?”

Naruto blinks. He doesn’t know how to say this. His mind goes quiet at ease. “I never thought about it,” he says aloud, curiously.

“Aa.”

“Iruka said I can’t pass the grade.” Sasuke shifts.

And Naruto reels as if to adjust himself, his legs, keep them untangled, keep ‘em away but Sasuke doesn’t let their bodies separate. No; he holds on to his arm with a vice grip and grunts at him to ‘stop moving, idiot’.

Naruto kinda feels like an idiot.

“Think about it,” is all he says, skin flush to his, right before he falls back to sleep.

…

He kissed him. Naruto blearily awakes.

“If you had the chance, wouldn’t you take it? Get me back for all those times.” His voice is delicate and revealing.

 _I would,_ he seems to say.

Naruto lingers along his bruised lips with his eyes.

“Sasuke. What would you do if I said yes?”

…

He’s moving without his help, because he knows how to move, how to work himself, he knows his body well. He knows how to get himself off, yeah, take his time with it, what buttons to push so to speak. He doesn’t go easy on himself because he’s a man on a mission, he doesn’t think anymore and he doesn’t tease. Naruto drinks it all hungrily with his eyes and lets him go, sunset pink in his hands.

“Please-”

Sasuke’s not really ‘listening’. He shivers delightfully at his words while the slow, wounded noise in the back of his throat fractures in crescendo.

“Don’t… ohhh _shit_ , don’t bounce.”

His body’s sighing pleasurably and Naruto can barely keep his head straight. His back strains, muscles flexing as his fingers twitch along hot skin, not knowing what to do with him wild like this, do with themselves.

He can’t touch him, he can’t _keep him down_.

Sasuke’s making these tiny, little hitches every time his fingers brush his nipples, hot, reedy, weakened things that whine in need. Naruto’s hands run along his chest trying to grasp his shoulders, slow him, touch his all over and treasure him before he realizes. If Sasuke knew how he looked and sounded, he’d be embarrassed.

Yeah. Fucking ridiculous.

It’s a pure kind of rapture when he’s free in his element. His hair is heavy with moisture; his thighs, wet and slick. Naruto dumbly smiles. His hands settle on quivering sides until it warms under his touch, while the eager, energetic riding refuses to let up. Sasuke’s not second-thinking it, not looking around: his eyes fluttered shut he’s a genius at enjoying himself.

He looks so blissed into the moment that Naruto forgets he wasn’t supposed to say anything.

“You’re perfect.”

“No…” Sasuke gasps hard, before a painful sound escapes him. It’s unhappy, wrought out from the depths of him, he can’t stop himself from crying out when he bucks.

The blush on his face reddens; Naruto’s flushed and grinning.

“Perfect, perfect, perfect; you are not your brother.”

His voice strangles. The sound he makes curls in his belly and peals like it hurts. His frown is sharp but his mouth is open, and Naruto will never ever stop telling him this.

“Too bad, right? We have fun, don’t we?” Sasuke moans utterly _guilty_ , a loud noise wrought with pleasure that his spine draws tight and he sits straight with a start. There’s something powerful here, tiny in the cusp of his hands, when his body shivers with secret delight.

He definitely looks hot for it. The heat of his body pulses where they’re connected, sending signals with every movement he makes. Up. _Down_. Sometimes Naruto can’t even look at him, sometimes he needs his own hand over his head and overwhelmed fingers running through his hair, because his face is dripping sweat and he needs to keep his voice under some semblance of control, anything to keep him grounded. He needs to be cognizant, something, shit.

Isn’t it only one of two choices? He’s got Sasuke in the palm of his hand and he can get what he came for, or he can get more.

A flush slowly blooms across a chest until it colors up his neck, lightly grazing the soaked, black curls of his nape. Naruto feels so happy. Sasuke weakly bats at his chest, if he could even glare, he’s too red. He pushes a hot hand over his mouth, moaning, before he sinks himself on his cock.

Naruto licks his palm and Sasuke groans.

“Don’t…”

He hums when he takes his pinky into his mouth and Sasuke hiccups painfully as he watches.

The going is slow, when his boy forgoes his orgasm in favor of the picture he must make. It’s a delicate softness to his mouth and a dark flush to his cheeks when he looks on with eyes widening in the grand realization – Naruto’s blue gaze is intent.

Didn’t he know? He’d worship him.

Sasuke knows.

“I can’t,” he says loudly, suddenly loudly as if the words rushed out of him and burst from his lips. As if he couldn’t take back the pain broken in his voice. “I don’t know why I can’t I…”

Naruto gently removes his little finger. Sasuke watches him with scared eyes, caught and frozen. He slips his knuckles against his and intertwines their fingers, carefully, he thinks he’s been wanting to do this for a long time. It’s new. He cups their hand against his cheek, so he can feel him warm and go quiet. He turns his face into his palm and inhales deeply, Sasuke has already stopped moving.

“I’m not-” when Sasuke tries to pull away, Naruto tightens his grip and kisses soft skin.

“-perfect-” and he peppers him up to his wrist. Sasuke’s body shivers and squirms until he’s reminded himself where he sits with a bright flush.

Naruto doesn’t care.

He moves quickly until their limbs are raised high and his tongue searches in a dip of an elbow, his nose nuzzles into the crease of a shaking arm. Naruto’s focused, too busy to look at Sasuke’s face, shocked and horrified and pleasured and guilty, guilty, and he doesn’t care about the sheer opportunity, about anything but to make him-

-understand. Stop pulling away. Quit thinking. _Look_ at himself. Look.

Too much must unnerve him; Sasuke panics. “Say something!”

“Up,” Naruto orders.

Sasuke gives a soft whine, of confusion and realization, of loss and of mourning when he slowly pushes himself off his dick. He pants in anticipation. Sasuke’s head is heavy as he seats his ass perfectly where he’s supposed to, his back propped up with Naruto’s knees.

“Trying to hunt twin rabbits…”

Sasuke twitches bodily. His skin feels soft along his thighs, and he slows, occasionally, to scratch a nail at his knee. Naruto watches him all from below.

“I didn’t get anything.”

He’s already shaking his head.

“ _You_ didn’t get anything. I’m sorry, baby, were you confused? There’s always next time. We can play the other game, next time.”

Sasuke groans, and in it he hears something deep, calling to him.

“You trust in that, don’t you? That next time, I can mess you up. Next time, I can get you _back_. I can break you, make you confused, make you cry – I will hurt you. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

He keeps saying ‘next time’ and he doesn’t know if he believes it. Naruto’s never been so possessive before. He was anxious about Sasuke leaving to school and leaving him behind – is this him letting go?

He doesn’t want to let him go. The thought is terrifying. He doesn’t want to _want_ , to always think about him and what could be... No; that would drive him crazy. Watching him go and chasing his shadow, Naruto would say fuck that. He would say that that’s stupid and ridiculous and for other people because that sounds like it sucks, that sounds like losing. Fuck that.

He’d rather tie Sasuke down and collar him close. He doesn’t want to chase him forever.

If his boy walks, he’d follow him with his eyes, he thinks he’d still love him only this time, it’d _hurt_.

“I’m not a bad guy, Sasuke…”

_Don’t make me-_

“I couldn’t hear, what was that?”

_-wait. Mercy._

“Sasuke?”

_I want you to_

“Did you just-?”

_be happy._

“Say it again.”

_I want to see you_

“Louder.”

_fall_

“Say it.”

_-will you give me both?_

Sasuke looks like he’s going to run.

“Hey, hey, don’t do that-” The boy closes his eyes before he meshes their lips together. Naruto can watch dark lashes scrunch tight like he’s hiding from a scary movie. Or he’s trusting him.

“You’re not my… daddy,” he says softly into his lips.

Naruto can feel his stomach clench.

“Aa. What is it?”

“I’m not your baby – I’m not.” He sounds like he’s breaking. Blue eyes flit over his pained face, and where he’s fragile and pleading.

What can he say? He doesn’t know what he should be looking for.

“Okay.”

“I don’t know why it matters so much to you now.”

“It doesn’t.” He looks at him. “It shouldn’t,” Naruto falters.

“But it would make you happy?”

Sasuke asks with open face. He’s naked, he must be cold perched on his lap long after they had sex, nothing on but his interest in his well-being, his curiosity after him. God, he wants to make him happy. It’s a sobering thought. What was he, forgetting his job when his boy had to remind him where it’s at, taking care of _him_? What happened to Sasuke being worth the wait?

Naruto doesn’t want such a bittersweet win.

“Yeah, Sas. It would. Come on, get dressed.”

“…daddy?” Fuck, he tries in a way that reveals the initial gravel in his voice, the innocent question, the way the single word warps with disuse. Naruto can see it when Sasuke blushes bright pink, and looks at him with wide eyes and open mouth and everything in him screaming he never meant for that to come out.

“I mean-”

Naruto’s blushing too. “No; please! You can call me that. I mean. Um.”

It’s suddenly really awkward.

There’s an extra-awareness of how naked they are, when Sasuke can’t look him in the eye as he stares stiffly away from his face, and Naruto, who’s grinning so _dumbly_ he can’t even help himself. Awkward or _not_ , damn, he already wants him to-

Sasuke groans in annoyance. “Oh god, don’t look so pleased.”

“I’m not – how do you even know? You’re not even looking!”

He tells him plainly. “Your dick is hard. I can feel it bob against my ass.”

“Don’t say that,” Naruto whines.

“You’re right. I won’t.”

“Wait, no, I meant say it, I didn’t mean _don’t_ say it-”

Sasuke smartly rolls his eyes, the little bastard. He knew what he meant. His fingers make themselves familiar on his skin. They tap nervously and there’s something shy about the struggling frown in his brow, like he’s trying his best to stop himself from smiling. “Okay. Okay, Daddy.”

He adapts quickly to everything, the genius, while Naruto visibly falls behind.

“Fuck.”

Sasuke says slowly. “Naruto…”

“I know, too soon, don’t pay attention to me. It’s just habit-reflex, fuck-don’t _move-_ ” 

Sasuke scoffs, and Naruto kisses him because he can, because there’s something swelling in his heart that’s about to burst and consume him. Fondness, gratefulness, and wonder, at the fact that maybe this goes both ways. At heart, they hadn’t changed. They just never really got to do this before.

Naruto never knew what he was missing.

…

Later at school he tells him,

“Hey, want to “fight” again?” Naruto says jokingly, and Sasuke nearly laughs. Almost.

“Let me take you out, maybe?”

THE (REAL) END


End file.
